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Job

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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As well as being another word for boring, a Job is something that unemployed people and students don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a robot could do better, a human is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are Mexican, as paying a Mexican is purely optional. All job managers are fat, bald, miserable, white boomer men because millennials don't or "can't" work, and the highest level to which a wagecuck can aspire in a company is to that of Secretary, HR drone, or diversity specialist.

How to Get a Job


A typical resume on YouTube

Ask Mommy or Daddy to get you connections. If that doesn't help, open up those "want-ads" your pop talks about (or alternatively, a new browser window) and start circling interesting ads. After an hour, pick up a phone and start calling around, making appointments for interviews. Eventually, you will find some paid task to occupy your attention for 8 hours every day!

NEET life is BEST life

"Mmm.... Smell that wagecuck? That's the smell of the delectable lasagne I made in my abundance of free time. I even had time to watch hours of the Food Network to expand my extraordinary knowledge of culinary arts.

Haha, I tell ya wagie, NEET life is the best life. My life is amazing, I feel so - oh? What's that wagie? You need to go in at 8 am and only have a few hours of sleep left? Ahh, my sincerest apologies wagie, for I know such tedium of schedule as you do. Well, toodaloo, slaves! Only a few hours left! Enjoy your last hours of rest! I have an entire day ahead of me. And remember, another day, another dollar!"

This is your life on the job

How to Avoid having to get a Job

The fact that you're reading this means that you don't want to get a job. Very well lazy-ass, here's your choices:

  • Fake to have Asperger's Syndrome: Don't know what Asperger's is? Don't worry, nobody does; it's not a real disease.
  • Join the Army. You'll be worked like a mule for a couple of months but all U.S. soldiers do after training is sit on their two-story houses in a suburb leeching tax-payers' money.
  • If you're a woman, get pregnant. You'll be amazed how much welfare money you can get you for your little brats.

Regions In Which Jobs Do Not Exist as a Concept

File:Working is racist.jpg

Some Advantages of Having a Job

  • You get some money - After the Government takes its cut for taxes.
  • You might meet people you can have sex with - Take special care to avoid coworkers and professional contacts, as this may lead to a sexual harassment lolsuit.
  • Free coffee, if you work as a pilot, at a hotel or a Starbucks.
  • See that pen over there? Take it.
  • No seriously, take it. There's a shitload of them in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary.
  • Here, have a company car too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW!
  • Get promoted to Senior VP of Sales and make more money than God
  • Some people will cruelly call you 'a loser' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a luser with a job', with all the humiliation-guzzling sqiLlz that implies.
  • You get to be a wageslave and go an hero
  • You see why capitalism fails and needs to go
  • You can get a soy beard

And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so boss has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company insurance plan might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and false-teeth supplies!

Some Disadvantages of Having a Job

  • Less time to play on the internets, unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself
  • Too much IRL drama, from coworkers and friends who don't see you often enough
  • More opportunity for your head to explode; workplace tension is among the worst
  • Most jobs don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and during breaks mandated by law.
  • Drug testing is mandatory; potheads/Niggers need not apply.
  • Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for editing ED while on the clock.
  • Security escorting you out of the building by your collar
  • Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired
  • Going back to finding a new job

There are many different kind of jobs. It's important to pick the right one that suits your personality.

Some Different Jobs You Might Choose

If you apply yourself correctly you could rise through the ranks of the corporate ladder to become a productive member of society.

Not Jobs

Retirement

Ending one's work life is known as retirement. In the United States of America, this usually entails a lard-induced heart attack for men and pregnancy for women. Feminazis have attempted to redefine household chores as work ("housework"), but since the advent of post-modern irony they have since returned to the kitchen and put the tea on. For men however, retirement comes in the form of putting a bullet in your head.

Dear Employers

Because this parody of Eminem's song Stan is tl;dr, you can find the rest of the song here. Written by former admin, Al Gore, who got frustrated that he wasn't having any sex so he later decided to shoot up a school in anger because entry level jobs are for mexicans.

Dear Employers, I wrote you but still ain't callin'

I left my address, my email, and my phone number at the bottom

I sent two CVs back in autumn, you must not-a got 'em

There probably was a problem with my Gmail or somethin'

Sometimes I misspell email addresses when I type 'em

But anyways, fuck it, what's been up man, are you hiring?

My girlfriend's pregnant too, I'm bout to be a father

If I have a daughter, guess what I'm a call her?

I'm a name her Jobbie.


The Economy fucking sucks.

You won't make any money in your life time as a Wagecuck

Overall, the median lifetime earnings for all workers are $1.7 million ($3.4 million in one of the "good" degrees/trades), which is just under $42,000 per year ($20 per hour), 3/10 of this money will likely go to a home and the rest will go to other expensives leaving you with little to no savings. At most as long as you don't have student loans, you make around $700,000 dollars within 40 years. That is BAD!!! Reminder that the US debt clock can increase at a way faster rate than any savings account. However, living the NEET life and eating chicken tendies all day is far more productive in the long run. Over a 40-year career, those who didn't earn a high school diploma or GED are expected to bring in less than $1 million, which translates into slightly more than $24,000 a year ($11.70 per hour), but it doesn't matter because you can just get an RV and eat chicken tendies using that money and live off the government never fearing the HR department ever again. You will own nothing anyways so get used to it. Your better off working 10 years in a trade or food service and then retiring with SSI benefits than going to college to become a wagecuck.

Most people in hollywood are laughing their asses off at the suckers born every minute who actually believe in pro-capitalist garbage because one hollywood contract is worth 40 years of capitalist exploitation. You can't get rich from selling your soul to finance, becoming a lobbyist, or a politician let alone change the system because the system is designed in a way where you either become a cog in the machine or you don't become a cog.

Gallery

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    A typical man at work
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    A typical woman at work
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    Job hunt
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    Ash Ketchup can get a job and so can you.
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    Working in advertising or for an e-company
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    The Archbishop of Canterbury calls for women to be forbidden to have jobs outside the kitchen as part of a multicultural society
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    Not shown: same overworked code-monkey walking into the office the next morning with an uzi and killing seven others before offing himself

See Also

 
Job
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]
 
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