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Fundamentalist

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I've told you twice, we're married in the eyes of God, and that makes you my bitch.
Christianhillbilly has a special relationship with God.
Atheism leads to Civil War.
This fundie never evolved from the primate stage.
Will teach their children after death

Fundamentalists (AKA fundies and fgts more accurately Fundamental Baptists) are closeted homosexual hardcore believers of their religion, which they believe is the only religion in the world that can accurately explain the truth about the history of the universe. The average fundamentalist—whether Christian, Muslim, Lord of the Rings fanboy, Star Wars fanboy, goth fangirl, Atheist, or furry—spends most of his or her time on the Internet engaged in intellectual debate with other fundamentalists over subjects such as whether Jesus, Muhammad, or maybe even the Insane Clown Posse wanted their followers to kill all the Jews, Arabs, fags, etc. True fundamentalists write slashfic based on favorite characters from their holy books, and constantly perform acts of kindness due to their beliefs. FundieMENTALists do not believe in science as they believe it is a trick of Satan to mislead them. Fundies also do not waste their money on medicine and would rather pray in order to cure their cancer. In Latin, "fundament" means ass, ergo, all fundamentalists enjoy buttsecks.

There are fundamentalists in every religion...

Christianity

Note: Christian fundamentalists are identifiable by their large, incestuous families. The husbands refer to their wives as "Mrs. [their surname]". Fundamentalist wives—assuming that they have not had their tongues cut out—usually refer to their husbands as "my Master", and are seen as baby-machines, as these crazy-ass fundies say that all birth control is wrong.

Christian fundamentalism is based upon the "five fundamentals" of the Christian Faith. But the average fucktard is too stupid to consult Google before labeling someone a fundamentalist. This induces butthurt among Christian fundamentalists akin to Star Wars fundamentalists who get butthurt after being confused with Star Trek fundamentalists. The average fucktard is identifiable by their inability to explain what fundamentalism is, why the person or group in question is fundamentalist, and what the fuck believing in a list of basic Christian doctrines has to do with being a self-righteous, judgemental fuckwit. Not all Christians are prejudice if you look into the Same God Scandal.

Communities

People on the Internets

IRL

Lord of the Rings

LotR fundamentalists believe that every single word of the trilogy is flawless, there are no plot holes, and J. R. R. Tolkien is the greatest wordsmith in human history.

They react violently to questions such as, "Why didn't the giant eagles just fly the ring to Mount Doom?"

Scientology

Islam

Atheism

Internets

Trolling fundamentlists

  • Tell them their religion is complete bullshit.
  • Tell them to experiment with other religions.
  • Ask their opinions on other religions.
  • Send them The Ethereal Gazette: Issue Five if they're racist. Then steal their memes and do an expose using their own media.
  • Grab An Eye In Shadows of them as that also trolls the staff of AE too, they hate truth as much as they do.
  • As they receive The Ethereal Gazette: Issue Five send them to The Babylon Bee and Christian Nightmares, run when you combine the three.
  • Find the article Feeding the Dogs and ask rhetorical questions inviting the IFB to write actual subject matter engaging the said blog entry, King James Only Examined.
  • Invoke The Babylon Bee and use 2 Kings 18:27 from their own translation. Ask them if they drink their pastor's piss for communion.
  • Jackass Jesus no really. A Christian actually found it quite funny.
  • Mention that their religion might not be true.
  • Ask them to troll other religion, then show them how their religion is just the same as the trolled one.
  • Here's for epic lulz. Become friends with a fundamentalist. Find another fundamentalist (same beliefs do not count). Copy that person's name. Tell the fundy you became friends with about this person. After that, watch the lulz from the two morons.
  • Start any conversation with them about anything, and watch them troll themselves.
  • Tag Stuff Fundies Like and see what happens.
  • Also, Poe's law states it is almost impossible to tell the difference between a fundie and a parody of a fundie. This makes it easy to pretend to be a fundie and troll the fuck out of everyone.

Remember: you can't spell "Fundamentalist" without "amen", "fun", "fund", "a", "mental" or "a list". Also, you can't be a fundamentalist if you're not an ass.

Related Links

File:Drink the Kool-Aid.png
Do a bing of King James Only Examined and tag IndependentBaptist.com with this graphic. Then fuck with Eric Hovind via his facebook.com page.
Fundamentalist
is part of a series on
Christianity
Blessed by God [-+]
Beliefs, Events, Traditions and Other Drama [-+]
Pissing Off the Almighty [-+]
Heathens [-+]
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