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Michael Jackson
, or Wacko Jacko was a 50-year-old (if not dead, would've been a 67-year old) Albino manchild and alleged pedofag from the northwestern part of Indiana that is literally almost near Chicago who found fame and fortune as a homosexual pederast and so became a poster boy for NAMBLA. He could also sing and dance like an organ grinder's monkey. Born as a small black boy into a large family of singing and dancing chimps, he eventually struck out on his own to turn into a white tranny version of Diana Ross, travel around the world luring young boys, monkeys and Elephant Men to slumber parties at his very own castle, Neverland, and to prove once and for all that when the big hand touches the little hand, it's time to get the fuck right outta there!
On June 25th, 2009 Wacko Jacko was playing doctor with his personal aesthetician after a hard day rehearsing for an upcoming tour and after nagging the shit out of the poor IRL doctor about not being able to sleep, keeled over from an overdose of the hospital-grade elephant tranquilliser Diprivan (or "milk" to Jacko). Yes, that's right, great justice finally had its day as Jackson was put down by the Grim Ræper for being the damn dirty ape he is via lethal injection. Jackson's highly polished exo-skeleton will be stuffed with robotics and placed on display at Disney's Hall of Presidents.
Long rumoured to be the leading cause of ejaculations in underage bans, it wasn't until 2003 that the long arm of the law touched Jacko inappropriately when one of his many victims' mothers revealed lurid description of Jacko's wedding tackle after he ran out of hush money. Despite being legally a white woman, Captain EO played the race card like OJ in his/her 2003 pedophilia trial.
Amongst the train wreckage of a life full of batshit crazy behaviour, he leaves a legacy that includes being the author of W's controversial No Child's Behind Left plan and saving humanity from the Beatles voluminous catalogue of songs (after outbidding Paul McCartney for the publishing rights) by preventing iTunes from offering said drek to the public.
Always a controversial figure, he will nonetheless be fondly remembered for the infamous "wardrobe malfunction" on live TV at Super Bowl XXXVIII on February 1, 2004 in which he exposed his penis to Justin Timberlake during the half-time show
He is survived by Bubbles the chimp, the Elephant Man's remains, several children called Blanket, a surrogate babymamma, Macauley Culkin, Stephen Spielberg, a mountain of debt, and the joke:
Q: What do Michael Jackson and KMart have in common? A. Little boys' pants half off!
He will be missed by children everywhere for so many will never know the sweet caress of Michael Jackson's gloved hand.
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Did You Know....
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- ...It's Faggot Month. Don't you feel better about coming out of the Closet?
- ...On May 3, 2026 a group of Christian Dwarves did a Speedrun on the $cientology L.A. headquarters looking for Tom Cruise?
- ...On May 8, 1945 the Western Allied Forces defeated the Nazis and made the good part of Germany their Bitch?
- ...that live streamer Johnny Somali couldn't keep his big-lipped mouth shut and may be looking at more time because he thought he was the World's Smartest Nigger and appealed a sweetheart Prison sentence?
- ...that some stupid bitch got paid $6 Million Dollars because she claimed that she's addicted to and was traumatized by Instagram and Facebook?
- ... that boomer lawmakers are trying to ruin the internet with KOSA and other "bad internet bills" in the USA? You should tell them what you think, at badinternetbills.com!
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-Sincerely not Jacob "Aediot" Stellmach
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