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Intelligence
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Warning! "Intelligence" can make you do stupid things like delete fucking everything. |
Intelligence is an IRL power/strength or whatever you MMORPGfags refer to it as like good looks, rich parents, artistic talents, manipulation skills, physical stamina, and willingness to be a doormat. It classifies people into their place in society; nerds, scientists, academics, and Basement-dwellers. Whereas the others' main ability is to squeeze out babies, the intelligent should feel blessed: they get to do ALL of the work and let the dumbshit human race take credit for all of their advancements.
The concept of intelligence relies on being able to feel superior to the person next to you by knowing more than they do. Usually it's because your rich parents could afford to send you to a school that teaches Latin & Classical Studies and then haul you off to some Ivy college full of fellow Jews. Other times it's from being able to hack and program like a pro but only after spending hours in your bedroom crying because the mean jocks beat you up and you're willing to wait 15 years just to fuck their hot girlfriend. Other times it's because one suffers from white guilt and somehow gets a superiority complex by dissing America and wanting to be European or Canadian.
Some people think you can get really intelligent simply by rolling three sixes with a set of three six sided dice. However, contrary to popular opinion that this can be repeated for evar, as soon as you get any intelligence at all you realise how fucking stupid that idea was. You then go back to your starting point of Completely Fucktarded and create a MySpace.
How to find intelligence
For those seriously searching for intelligence in the universe, follow this simple plan:
- Code a LJ Intelligence Scanning Bot. Once you have found your intelligent victim, go and eat their brain. This will give you all their intelligence, but you will also shit bricks.
- It is super sekrit knowledge that there are large deposits of intelligence ore underneath Atlantis.
- All your intelligence are belong to The Man. Divide by zero!!, every The Man lives in America.
- If all else fails, lower your standards of intelligence. If it's just "reaction to stimulus" or something simple like that, a tadpole is pretty smart.
- Go to a Mensa meeting - everyone there has an IQ over 140.
- Look anywhere on the internet. Everyone and their mother on the internet has an IQ of 140 or higher. If in doubt, your best bet is to look on sites such as Plenty of Fish, Livejournal, MySpace, or Gaia. These sites are just teeming with intellect.
If all else fails, visit Facepunch studios and make everything you type grammatically correct. They believe that this is the sole indicator of intelligence.
Human Intelligence
So far, humans seem to be the only animals smart enough to build something as complex as a computer, and stupid enough to waste it on shit like this. The top tier of humanity consists of scientists and academics who develop the world's technology in hope that one day the Human race evolves into supreme beings only speculated of in sci-fi who have gained knowledge to solve the meaning and mystery of the universe. Instead, these poor permavirgins will be stripped of their life's work so people like Steve Jobs can exploit and market their inventions to the consumer market, thus advancing their status on the human tier of superiority while the nerds die alone playing WOW. Computers which were envisioned to connect the world, share information, and do our work for us instead are used by 16 year old girls to attention whore and dumb fucks who think their computers are STILL not big enough and their iPhones STILL NOT BIG ENOUGH.
Taking a stroll around the internet, will display the tragedy that is "human intelligence". The most widely visited sites are for girls willingly posing like sex dolls in hopes of finding a boyfriend to gold dig off of, search engines so we don't have to go to the library, and a video site we use to watch cats farting instead of old classical movies that express the depth of emotions and beauty. People post on forums to gain status they can't earn IRL and leech advice because they're too lazy to Google that shit. The most googled questions are about getting laid and buying weed.
Before you shoot yourself and become an hero upon realization of the existential despair and depression that forms from looking upon the cesspool of filth, remind yourself the true satisfying meaning of life: for the lulz
Nietzsche tells us to enjoy the passions and find our superman within. So therefore one should eat to live, rise above the standards and become one's ideal, precede the bang the shit out of your boss's wife, then buy over 9000 jailbait, have a orgy, steal money from everyone, live to tell the story, and then write a novel about it similar to Marquis de Sade.
"Multiple Intelligence" Bullshit
"Multiple intelligence" is a concept coined by politically correct naive concerned adults (the same ones who buy into the new age and liberal bullcrap) to excuse why some people are idiots. If someone scored a 90 on a IQ test, they aren't dumb (yes, they are) they just have a different type of intelligence than the stereotypical image.
It was originally conceived to help the system sort out what place everyone will be for the rest of their lives, but instead is used by politically correct upper middle class yuppies to masturbate about how liberated and intelligent they are for knowing so much about what their child likes to do in their free time.
Proper Usage:
—Proper Usage | ||
Improper Usage:
—Improper Usage | ||
Dumbass Usage:
—Dumbass Usage | ||
The Intelligences:
- Spatial: means you are good with visualizing and art. Great to have if you plan on drawing hentai, furryporn, sparkledogs, yaoi, anime, and going to art school
- Linguistic: means you are good with expressing yourself with words. Great to have if you plan on crying moar on livejournal, being emo and writing poetry about love, and fanfics
- Logical Mathematical: means you are good with logic and math (DUH). Great to have if you wish to become 1337 h4x0r, permavirgin, or engineer
- Bodily-kinesthetic: some lame ass excuse for sport loving meat heads to be counted as intelligent
- Musical: 90% of your classmates will score this because they love to play shitty cover songs of Linkin Park and Nirvana
- Interpersonal: good at attention whoring
- Intrapersonal: good at BAWWWWWING
- Naturalistic: beastiality
How 2 b smartz
- Unwarranted Self Importance
- Fake confidence and claim to hate the unintelligent persons of the human race
- Unwarranted Self Importance
- Claim your favorite films are some old sci-fi shit
- Unwarranted Self Importance
- Be a rebel and claim school is for conformists while choosing to go to college just so you can finally meet fellow nerds like yourself
A Simple chart of Human Intelligence
IQ Over 9000:
- Well Cultured Anonymous
- Asspie male azns and Indians
- Mensa members and MIT attendees
- Asspie male Jews (Example: Mark Zuckerberg)
IQ Top 20%: (SORRY GUYS, YOU DO NOT, REPEAT DO NOT, HAVE 140 IQ LIKE YOU CLAIM AND PRETEND TO)
- People with a college degree
- Politically passionate white lesbians
- White asspie "libertarians" who is still a virgin
- Batshit insane people OCD about their career, desperately scared of failure, turning to philosophy for meaning after being made fun of in high school
- Asian-Americans who parents force to become doctors or else they get disowned
- White atheists who used to be Christians and refuse to acknowledge "God" can still exist, just not with the Christian definition
- Dumbshits who think Inception is a mindfuck movie, Fight Club a "philosophical" book, and "metal" an intelligent genre
- Hipsters who are trying too hard who instead of having careers, ride their trust fund and use their english & memory skills to argue on the internet on which obscure album by a band you never heard of was the most creative and innovative
IQ Average 50%:
- You
- White people (because white people made the IQ test)
- People who can find Waldo
- People who think Video Games count as achievements
- Newfags who think LOIC is 1337
- High schoolers
IQ Bottom 25%:
- Niggers
- Mexicans
- Guidos
- 16 year old girls
- Blondes
- Chavs
- People who use Myspace
- Twilight fans
- Newfags who don't know shit about anarchism but think V for vendetta explains it all
Websites by "Intellect"
Excuses for science/maths majors to jack off their e-penis in their free time
Basement dwellers who take internet discussion too seriously
Hipsters & artfags who take pretentiousness to a whole new level
The Average person has an account on each of these websites
- b
- Myspace
- Funnyjunk
- Knowyourmeme
- DeviantART
- Fanfic.net
- Livejournal
- imvu
Fallacies of the Intelligent
People who are intelligent have a tendency to over-analyze things, meaning that they look for hidden meaning in things that are shallow, obvious, and incredibly stupid, when in reality there is none. The following are some examples taken from YouTube...
—cyriak | ||
—8BitWalugi | ||