Inception
HOLY SHIT
THE TOP DOES FALL, THANKS MICHAEL CAINE!!!1
Inception is a shitty, over-scored, three hour movie from violently mediocre Dark Knight director, Christopher Nolan. Our favorite actor ever Leonardo DiCaprio plays a 1337 dream burglar/professional mindfucker who must penetrate six layers of dreams-within-dreams-within-dreams-within-dreams, battle a personal army of subconscious mind-policing Ninjas, and plant an idea in the head of a corporate power broker. In return Leonardo gets to see his spoiled children in Amerikkka and his name taken off the No Fly List (read: generic pastiche of Philip K. Dick characters).
It is also a source of many unsolicited presentations about its "complexity", from sub-literates and tweens. The main fan base consists of confused teenagers who see it several times so they can tell you, "you know, it makes sense, you aren't really MEANT to 'get it'". 4chan is currently collectively brick shitting and I CAME-ing. Christopher Nolan said the idea for this movie came to him while watching The Matrix and thought, hm, this would be great if it didn't have all these niggers in it. The other inspiration Nolan had was an animated japanese movie called Paprika which is about dreams-within-dreams-within-dreams-within-dreams. If you ever thought Nolan actually had imagination, go figure.
Watching Inception
Watching Inception is considered to be a srs mindfuck and not for those with a tenuous grasp on reality. It is actually designed more for people with a tenuous grasp of basic concentration, so they can mistakenly label it "intricate", and feel a false sense of sophistication. The faggots that fawn over Inception are the same faggots the fawned of the Matrix.
At one point, you're watching 5, OR MAYBE 6!!!, movies-within-movies, none of which are worth watching to begin with. All of them lift plots from such lofty material as Tom Clancy paperbacks. You must see this several times, if only to prove to Hollywood that we are a truly failed species, automatically impressed by loud wonky noises and simple linear narratives.
More than anything, though, you get an overwhelming urge to fantasize that the experience of watching it is the real dream (or tormented napmare), and that you will eventually wake up in the theater to realize that you had dozed off during the far superior 'Shutter Island', and hadn't just seen this self important, vapid pile of shit, and the audience around you gasping out of surprise and excitement, isn't ACTUALLY that easy or simple minded, and science fiction has not been adopted by the studio system as window dressing for trite action movies with obnoxious music. Sadly, all that we see or seem, is not a dream within a dream, and this movie does, unfortunately, exist, and is generating shitloads for the studios, who will make more banal, manipulative actioners with grossly inflated senses of depth, based on severely dumbed down William Gibson concepts.
Secret Ending
At the end of the credits there is a final scene that clarifies the otherwise ambiguous false ending. It is revealed that the whole film is just the dreams of Christopher Nolan's pet dog, Buster. He wakes up panting in his dog house, just to find his bone next to him. Plus the top is still spinning. Make sure you stay through the credits for the sneaky shot at the end that hints at the truth. The generally accepted belief is that the movie is over no one cares, and what's for dinner?
The Truth About Inception
The truth is, the film is actually quite a trite hackneyed mess. Very seldom does a film simultaneously drag on endlessly AND fail to establish itself remotely, but this is one of those examples. Even at 15 hours long, the characters are all presented one dimensionally, and a mature audience will surely be under the impression that they are merely transitional details for the set pieces and action sequences. To properly establish the characters, you would need an even longer film, but of course any sane, lucid person would never wish to see it a second longer than it already is. The characters are dropped in Michael Bay style, all with a role and expertise outlined by one of the leader characters, and all with their own stock personalities which predictably serve to act as a crutch for the writing whenever it is convenient for them to progress a scene.
One might argue (if one is a moron), against this reality, that the film is brilliant, I missed the boat, and that it's not about characters, even though all interviews with cast and Nolan insist it is meant to really focus on them.
Then the question becomes:
What is the film REALLY about?
Is it about exploring the science fiction premise?
Is it about existentialism?
Is it about metaphysics?
None of those, clearly. It's actually about the broadest piece of pseudo sci-fi, quasi-intellectual, populace pap to redefine low standards for American film culture in decades. The premise is worn and unimaginative, which the fans would know if they were able to read, or watched, and remembered, movies more than ten years old. The basic dream level, subconscious life of the mind concept is rich and has great traditions in literature, for probably as long as literature has existed. In film, the idea has rarely been explored in an intelligent way, and Inception is no exception. It offers about as much insight and invention to the concept as the Matrix offered respect to the original writer, from whom the screenplay was stolen. Inception is as status quo as the Obama administration. The idea of these witless sub-literates attempting to apply any kind of philosophical system or theory to it, about which they know absolutely nothing, is embarrassing.
Some additional truth includes the ridiculous overuse of manipulative music to raise tension in one of the billion absurd and awkward expository scenes. If you don't have an interesting or compelling film, the easiest way to smokescreen it is with the score.
Meme ready, shallow, and appealing to the intellectual vanity of an anti-intellectual culture, Inception is a CLASSIC.
Parallels to Dante's Divine Comedy (As big a stretch as you thought)
The film also follows the same path as Dante's first part to the "Divine Comedy", Inferno did.
- The 9th level is called "Betrayal", exactly what Cobb did to his wife.
- The 8th level is called "Fraud", when Cobb's wife believes that whole world is fake.
- The 7th level is called "Violence", when Cobb's wife an heroed.
- The 6th level is called "Heresy", remember when Cobb told everyone else "don't do this!" but did it anyways?
- The 5th level is called "Wrath", random people with assault rifles trying to kill you at every turn
- The 4th level is called "Avarice", which is why the hotels so damn snarky.
- The 3rd level is called "Gluttony", its that rich advisor dick's fortress
- The 2nd level is called "Lust", Cobb can't get over his dead piece of ass can he?
- The 1st level is called "Limbo", exactly what it says on the tin.
- Purgatory! - So that means Cobb did make it out! But wait, Purgatory sucks dick!
However, on no level does any of this translate into decent filmmaking, or anything but masturbation for an over addled commercial director of utter pablum.
Fuck Inception
It's more fun to be in a store, even better an office building, and when the Beach Boys Good Vibrations comes on the radio to start running around and screaming "TECH SUPPORT!!!"
Trolling Inception fanboys
- Go to any forum which has a topic about this film and complain about how bad it was.
- State that Scott Pilgrim vs the World is the best film made that year.
- Say that you did not like Ellen Page, Leonardo DiCaprio, or their performances.
- Say that Vanilla Sky is a much better movie and Tom Cruise is 10 times the actor Leo wishes he could be.
- When they call you a fanboy say you first saw the movie Abres Los Ojos cuz your bilingual and cool like that and you only called it Vanilla Sky because you knew they wouldn't know what you were talking about if you called it by its proper Spanish Title or refrenced its original Spanish actors. Quickly run to Wikipedia to note the differences between both movies Because most people have yet to see one and can't be made to see both. Just know that Penelope Cruz is in both of them.
- Claim that Inception simultaneously rips off Terry Gilliam's Brazil, an old Tim Robbins movie named Jacob's Ladder, an even older 80s movie called Dreamscape and parts of Harry Potter. For the final cut, tell them it even rips off A Nightmare on Elm Street: The Dream Warriors.
- Ask "If you're really dreaming WHY CAN I DO THIS" and 404 their proxies.
- Suggest Christopher Nolan is a member of The Illuminati.
- Ask them, "If they're in a dream, how come the can only think up guns and not Gundam style mechas?"
- Say that Avatar is better.
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Inception is part of a series on Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article August 10, 2010 | ||
| Preceded by Operation Earl Grey |
Inception | Succeeded by Operation SyPhyllis |