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Smackjeeves
Smackjeeves is an online comic community infested by pre-teen yaoi-obsessed closeted-dykes and spritefags who are only capable of recoloring sprites. Almost everything you find here is the same regurgitated boy-love story with the formula "uke that looks like a girl + angst x seme that looks like a girl + no plot= KAWAII", or sprite based author comics revolving around 11 year old fags who couldn't use MS Paint to save their life. Most of the authors here think if they work hard enough, they'll some day get published by some popular comic industry in Japan, but fail to realize if they were to walk into any sort of organization, they would leave it with their opus shoved up their asshole. Also, the Smackjeeves servers go down more times than a hooker on a Christmas eve.
Types of Smackjeevers
The Mangakas
These pretentious ego-filled whales are the shits that are killing the internet slowly. Every manga you will come across will be about androgynous males, encouraging rape and suddenly turning gay. It isn't all that surprising since these "mangakas" are primarily made up of 16-year old girls, and we all know that women in general lack logic. Unfortunately, with the fanbase being made up of weeaboos and faggotry, any animu story about two shemales fucking will guarantee them a spot on the Hot List or the Most Popular page, thus shooting their ego points to over 9000.
This leads us to the queens of Smackjeeves. Being constantly coddled and ass-patted had spoiled them rotten, turning them into the ugliest of the elitists. When they aren't updating their comics, they would talk shit about the very fans that made them popular in the first place with other popular Smackjeevers; which they probably deserve for letting shallow egocentrics get their minds over their heads. They even talk shit about eachother. Normally about how the other can't draw or write stories.
The Spriters
Spriters are probably the most annoying faggots you can come across in the cesspool that is Smackjeeves. These kids create unfunny comics with shitty recolored sonic sprites because they can't even draw a straight line. Likewise, they are among the easiest to troll, because they get butthurt over anything. Since their feelings get hurt so easily, they write shitty edits to this page about the meanie who colored their Sonic sprite with the same color they used, hoping their fag-tier drama would make someone lul. Despite the fact that they're infringing on copyright laws, the admins are too lazy to clean up the crap that takes up at least 50% of the website. These comics need to be killed with fire and their authors harassed 24/7.
No one gives a shit about them or their drama, but for some reason they feel they are important enough to stay on this page. Any edits made by a spritefag should be reverted immediately. Srsly. We are not your personal army you faggots. They should be grateful we at least acknowledge their existence.
The Smackjeeves Dramu
Yamete! Oshiri Ga Itai!
Somewhere along the line, the "populars", mainly Devdasi, a bondage-obsessed tubby with poor hygiene, Kizzy, who types and reasons like a preschooler, Buttercup_Samurai, queen of cliches, and Resalan, who draws the same generic fem-boys over and over again, decided they still weren't getting enough attention on the website, to make up for the real world.
So, they started a "kewl kidz klub" called Yamete! Oshiri Ga Itai! Or in English, "Stop! My Ass Hurts!" Oh, excuse me. Members of this organization are offended when it is deemed club. They consider it a happy collaboration among friends, but it just conveniently has all the artists from the first page in it.
Basically, they get together, turn themselves into oversexed twinks, and draw themselves fucking each other and being cute, because that's totally what friends do! There's just one thing you need to remember about Yamete! Don't call them. They'll call you.
The Aftermath
Somewhere along the lines, a problem arose, which they somehow never predicted because they lack hindsight: EVERYONE wanted to join. And soon, notes were flooding their inboxes, and all the comments were fan's grievances of rejection. I mean WOE IS THEM. IT'S SO DIFFICULT BEING POPULAR, THEY JUST COULDN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. Which resulted in an extremely huge page of bellyaching, which accompanied a YouTube audio recording of total fail, voiced by a satanic chipmunk version of one of the members, (which has now been confirmed to be Kizzy) acting snotty and spewing out shit, as usual. You can listen to the whine-fest here.
Most comments in response to their collected bitching were more asspats, to which they nodded to and smiled from behind their computer screens. It wasn't until LadyBow had the fucking nerve to point out their faggotry that their true colors were revealed.
—Kizzy, lying to one of her fans | ||
After an accusation that they might be oblivious and elitist, they responded with extreme defense and carried on a lengthy fight on another page. Another user named TheFlapper showed up in defense of LadyBow's claims, but to them it only looked like the two were up to no good, and causing trouble in the neighborhood. Meanwhile, a little brown-noser tried to defend them, but was completely overlooked, because she was supplying them with the same bullshit they knew and loved, instead of questioning their "authority".
In the end, they proceeded to delete said antagonist's pwnage and left behind self-righteous diatribes for the Smackjeeves staff to evaluate after reporting the offenders for "trolling". However, the staff realized they were elitist cuntrags in denial, and promptly left the scene to spend their time productively.
The Kyo Saga
It started over 9000 years ago, back when Smackjeeves was not completely full of dick obsessed girls. Kyo was one of the few senior members who seemed to be appalled by the cancerous influx of yaoi and furfags. He then proceeded to begin a campaign of trolling against the teenage girls; which he received a four week ban for.
This is when things turned ugly. Kyo began to fill his time by going over to the rival comic host Drunk Duck and entered their admin account through an XSS exploit on the site. He defaced the site writing newsposts praising other webcomic hosts, including smackjeeves and put images reading "Kyo haxx0r'd your soup" all over the site. Repercussions from Smackjeeves were swift after a thread was made in the forums, some praised him and some denounced him. Cutething, the local bitch, decided to release propaganda through her fascist newspaper Smack Talk, the permaban hammer was dropped, and Kyo was expelled from the forums. But this was not the end of Kyo's story, he continued to host his comic on Smackjeeves. About a year later, another senior member, Gibson Twist threatened to leave if Kyo wasn't banned from the actual site as well, because he was so outraged over the defacement of Drunk Duck that happened almost a year ago. The Smackjeeves admin permabanned Kyo from the website entire website, because he did not want to lose Gibson Twist's "awesome" comic (The truth about which you can read in this Bad Webcomic Wiki Review).
Antares
Antares was a very popular artist, despite her shortcomings. She seemed talented, but in fact STOLE character designs. Please refer to the below for details:
First, we see a character that seems to have identity problems named Hearts. HE is your stereotypical transvestite with pink hair that Antares was pretty proud of. Seeing as how she worked OH SO HARD on making his FABULOUS design -- Oh! But wait! He looks a bit familiar.
That's right folks, this hack seems to have had insperation. Like all stereotypical otaku, she copied a better design, as we see from this picture on the right. All she seemed to do was give this girl a haircut and a beating with the fugly stick. And thanks to her kawaii desu animu style, she's now a transvestite named Hearts. Antares thought no one would notice her little secret. Seeing as how this pictures isn’t one you would normally come across, the arrogant cunt probably thought that no one would EVER find out.
Look at those colors. I guess she thought that by making the reds darker would make the dress a completely new outfit. Even the eye color is almost identical. Naaah! She totally came up with it herself!!1!1
Since his name IS Hearts, she figured that his eyes would represent that color, which is really unoriginal itself. Also, making the cross-bands in front thinner does not make the design yours. And look at those frills on the bottom of that dress. But it's not transparent! Therefore, it is IMMEDIATELY ORIGINAL, GUIZE -- Oh? What’s this? Black gloves? Oh! That TOTALLY makes him look as different and unrecognizable as Sailor Moon WITHOUT her tiara.
Antares Retreats
Antares has fled the scene. As a very active and popular artist on Smackjeeves, she has deleted her deviantART gallery and the comics that most gave her name and undeserved glory are unable to be viewed. She has this to say:
—Antares, excusing her frantic clean-up of the evidence. Or maybe she's finally stepping up from being a sack of crap. | ||
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Wow, so THAT'S where Count Spades came from. SO ORIGINAL GUIZE! -
Didn't even bother to change the color pallet! -
FACEPALM. -
She's just blooming with original ideas.
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It's a little different, but I'm still suspicious. -
Like a fountain of originality.
Vervain and Zombie Eve
Vervain and Zombie Eveare most known for their works of "We Will Draw Near", a fantasy genre comic which is currently hosted in Smackjeeves. However, this comic has several similarities to the popular works of Takayabashi Tomo and illustrator Matsumoto Temari, "Kyou Kara Maou!" manga.
Previous Quote | Next Quote | |||||
The Denial
Zombie Eve describe it as "surprising and remarkably amusing" in one of her recent respond to a user who left a comment in the fantasy genre manga profile page.
The user who left a comment used a guest username as "Apple", who maybe a friend to either Vervain or Zombie Eve, or maybe a user of Smackjeeves itself - gave a warning to both authors that they should be careful; for someone is writing an article about them.
Zombie Eve responded to the guest user that the comparison made about their works(We Will Draw Near) and Kyou Kara Mao doesn't matter to them but, the concern by guess user Apple is noted.
Several hours later, author Vervain edited the respond of Zombie Eve to Apple, and replacing it with;
—Vervain, defending co-author Zombie Eve | ||
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Claude(left) and Wolfram
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Claude and Wolfram in manga pages
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A screen shot from a recent post by an Ameba blogger in www.ameba.jp
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Comparison made into an interesting reading material
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Character from Kyou Kara Mao(right) and We Will Draw Near both holding a mop
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Fans of Kyou Kara Mao began to question about this similar scene from both mangas
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A screen shot of guest user Apple leaving a warning to author(s) of We Will Draw Near, while Vervain responded several hours later.
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2nd respond made by author Zombie Eve
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3rd respond which was recently edited by Vervain
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4th respond which replaced 3rd respond from Zombie Eve
Spriter-Related Shit No One Cares About
Admins want to PERMABAN ALL SPRITERS
Smackjeeves has been planning genocide on everyone who creates or likes sprite comics. Also, they seem to have convinced every shit comic/manga artist to hate on spriters. And rightfully so, seeing as how all spriters are pitiful, greasy, egoistic n00bs with zero talent. Yes, even less talent than those god awful buttsexing faggots.
It started with some eight-year-old Sonic spriter posted the crappiest comic series you could possibly imagine called Sonic Vs Nazo or some shit. A bunch of spriters started to flame the comic after giving over 9000 posts of constructive criticism that the author refused to listen to and got INSTANTLY BANNED! The well-loved SJ admin, Cutething, began banning random spriters and using flaming as an excuse to ban.
So now the other admin... "Admin" (that's his username) posted in the news that if any spriter steps out of line, he will start a spritercaust and will ban all the spriters in a massive fit of power-abusing rage! Then a thread started in general discussion as the administrators try to convince everyone who thinks they're wrong that they're 'complete dumbasses' and their kiss-ass faggot-loving mangaka's back them up by using fail memes and calling all spriters 12 year olds.
Of course, this turned out to be an empty threat, seeing how shitty sprite comics are still alive. This proves once again that spriters get worked up over nothing.
Smackjeeve's Most Noted Masterpieces
Pika-seme-Chu
The most pointless and disturbing comic ever, by Yassa. She came up with the brilliant idea that she should RUIN EVERYONE'S CHILDHOOD and BUTTRAPE POKEMON by turning select creatures into hot Herbal Essence-haired twinks that immediately try to bed Ash and Misty. And the authoress' reasoning for their transformations was that they got horny enough when they were touching their owner's crotches. Actually, a made-up Pokemon accurately named "Horny" is the one with this magical ability. Anyway, Ash decides to turn his Pikachu human, and for some unknown reason thinks that Pikachu will turn into a hot chick even though he knows that his Pikachu is male. Honestly, wouldn't it be more likely that he'd turn into a fat metrosexual? But no, he's tall, muscular, and has hair silkier than Tyra Banks'.
Do you fantasize about your pets becoming humans so you can have sex with them? If you do, please consider this option.
Unfortunately, most Smackejeevers seem to love this work of perversion.
—Pikachu, being a slut | ||
One thing is for sure, this comic needs moar mudkips.
Puppy Love
What do you get when you put yaoi, anthros, and pseudo-Japanese names together? Yet ANOTHER cliché BL manga, written by Kumi Pumi. The story starts off with black person dreaming about his best friend, Makoi, humping a pillow [Yes a PILLOW. Nothing else is there.] and then he begins to jack off on some censored porn, which he found boring. So in order to find more entertainment, he turned to a picture of his best friend in his swimming trunks and jacked off to him instead. Then after going to a karaoke bar and singing "happy" songs together, blah blah blah, the two best friends are left alone. And yes, black person does rape him. Despite chasing Kanoe out of the room, traumatized about being raped by his best friend, he secretly liked it. That was when he suddenly realized he was gay.
However, due to the amazing population of stupidity that SmackJeeves cultivates, this comic shot up to the front page of the most popular comics with over 1000 fans. Though the fans say they faved it for the amazing artwork, we all know they did it for fun. This comic even suggests incest.
—Kanoe's sister commenting on her own brother. Yes, that's a perfectly normal thing to say | ||
You can tell Kumi Pumi is a lonely person, like the majority of SmackJeevers, you should drop by and say hi.
Rebel Prince
An older comic on this site, it managed to jump up the the second most popular after "Puppy Love", thus it deserves to be mentioned. It is (poorly) written and drawn by -BBH-, another member of the "collaboration".
"Rebel Prince" is essentially the theme that Kumi Pumi ripped off to make Puppy Love. The story is of Bo, a midget sheep who meets a cat named "AK", which stands for "Apple Kitten" (Yes, the names are all like this ) when he gets hit by a car/adopted by Bo's owner. Now, here comes the weird part, in scenes where humans aren't present, the animals are drawn as HOT FAGGOT BISHIES WITH ANIMAL EARS. Speaking of faggotry, everyone in this story seems to be gay from the start. In that sense, it's a little different than some of other BL comics on Smackjeeves. The fact that while most have too much forced conflict, this story has little to none.
Anyway, things really heat up, when Ike the raccoon shows up to be the only source of conflict in the story so far. He, too, loves Bo, and is jealous of the intruder, AK. This doesn't amount to much, Ike eventually seems to disappear from the story.
And things heat up again when Bo discovers that AK is *GASP* a prostitute. But that doesn't amount to much, either, because he quickly forgives him and they go on to have buttsex. Who would have predicted THAT?
After the sex, Bo does the typical bitch thing and talks about his life story.
It might also be interesting to note that Bo has a pretty much IDENTICAL personality to Kumi Pumi's Makoi, that AK and Kanoe are both supposed to be seme cats. I know there isn't a lot of originality when you're writing about gay furry "love", but come on, Kumi Pumi should use what little brain she has to fart out something less derivative.
— -BBH- Finally realizing what everyone else has already noticed. | ||
— -BBH-, wishful thinking. | ||
Vampire Valchrist
Vampire Valchrist is a lovely, beautiful, deep story about a douchey emo kid with no personality who is uprooted from his life as a rich-girl-fucking orphan by some stranger in a cape that bursts through their bedroom window. This stranger turns out to be a "vampire", with a meal plan so sloppily thrown together a boy scout with happy meal binoculars could track him down. Despite everything else on his agenda being reckless and ludicrous, he succumbs to negotiation when the soon-to-be-fag intervenes. Then he pulls out a deus ex machina "vampire contract" which binds the kid to him as a permanant blood and fuck source. But oh no, he doesn't become a terrified-for-his-life, physically and emotionally drained basketcase now that his life has an expiration date. He's not even much bothered by the fact that some vampire guy he met last thursday is fucking him up the recently-virgin butthole every night in some fancy joint at the end of the block that probably sticks out like Edward Scissorhands' castle. He's more curious about pointless shit like whether or not this new predator will show up in the mirror, or if he has any family around. (Which he does. Some cliche sister that has enough common sense to see his chosen path is pathetic.)
While eating Cocoa Puffs in a modern looking kitchen, the kid explains how his parents disappeared, not just from the story, but also from the author's train of thought since it was too complicated an idea to work out for her fuckfest. BL doesn't need a plot, remember? Parents? Pffff. They just get in the way. Seriously, where the fuck do all the parents go?
Once he realizes his blood and prostate are being used up, he concocts the shittiest excuse ever for his group of fellow gay/emo friends: that he is dying of a malignant brain tumor, but will try to come to school despite symptoms of narcolepsy and tuberculosis.
And you guessed it. He just SUDDENLY becomes gay as springtime for this vampire, who, like many of the author's characters, looks like somebody in his immediate family.
The Forums
The Faggots- er, I mean Regulars
Admins and Mods
The creator of Smackjeeves, and is seen on the site once every full moon, adding weight to the rumour he is in fact a werehuman.
An Irish redhead who uses his position to touch children. Also you wouldn't want him on a jury.
Under the delusion he's Batman. Fucking grow up. Also Gay and racist.
Just look at the username. Need I say more?
The Rest
Is the highest poster, which means he has no life outside of Smackjeeves. He's posting on the forums and making shitty comics when he's not fapping over hentai.
Replaced Cutething as the local bitch. Also likes Gay robot Porn.
Your typical jock with a fetish for noses.
Your typical emo with a fetish for goreporn. Hang on, I'm starting to see a trend here...
HEY YOU GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYS WES GOT MOAR DRAMALLAMA NAOW!?
The Smackjeeves Team Leaving
In Early 2009, the Smackjeeves forums saw the back of Enkida and Cutething (with some of the users gaining erections watching them go), and being the mindless drones that they are the rest of the administrators and mods followed suit. The reason for this was that Admin told them to gtfo of the forums, and that he was going to do things HIS way. The forums quickly resembled complete anarchy and in a panicked attempt to fix everything he rebooted the forums and told everyone to stfu and move on.
Moar Ragequitting
Not even a year after the old Smackjeeves team had left, the users Mr Aids and Pyroman also decided to ragequit to see if it would get them any more attention, the whores. However, no one gave a shit. Mr Aids ended up sneaking back to the forums, most likely to sodomize everyone and give them...well, you know.
—Mr Aids lying in his egotistical 'Goodbye' thread. | ||
The user Granmastern also ended up ragequitting, but went one step further and deleted his account. He also snuck back to the forums, but with a new account. Mind you, his username didn't get any better.
HOW TO MAKE A POPULAR SMACKJEEVES COMIC
If you can't draw shit for your life, but you want to get popular, here's a quick way to ADD TO THE CANCER. (Guaranteed to keep you on the hot list for a good few weeks.)
- It's gotta be animu.
- Yaoi, shounen-ai, BL; all that shit. Don't bother with yuri or shoujo-ai, they never get popular.
- If it's emo/gothic/incest/furry, you'll get double the fans. And don't forget the obligatory angst.
- Don't forget to make a banner showing off your characters raping each other.
- IT'S OKAY IF ALL YOUR CHARACTERS LOOK THE SAME.
- Men HAVE to be Über feminine, or cross dress. Bonus points if they get mistaken for girls.
- Plot is unnecessary, it gets in the way of the buttsex that all the 15 year old girls are schlicking to.
- If you insist on having a Plot, it should be a boy coming to a new city (in Japan, preferably Tokyo) and having initial trouble finding friends, until he meets his lover. Then everything is ok and you can proceed to draw nothing but softcore gay pornography.
- Re-make "Alice in Wonderland", even though you probably don't know who Lewis Carroll is and have only seen the Disney movie.
- Have the title of your comic end in the word "syndrome". Or look like poorly translated English.
- Since half the population of Smackjeeves like to pretend their life is so horrible and cut themselves nightly to sleep, if they can cut through all the fat, gore and blood will also garner attention. BECAUSE THEY CAN CONNECT.
- Cover your pages in tones. Lots and lots of grey tones. Your mistakes will be covered up.
- Add KAWAII neko ears to your characters. Srsly.
- Females don't exist in your manga. If they do, they're faghags (commonly in the form of an older sister) who cheer from the sidelines, or there to cause drama by creating a love triangle.
- Heterosexuality doesn't exist in your manga.
- Use smileys in the speech bubbles. Because that totally doesn't defy the point of comics.
Above all else, your popular webmanga should have lots of penis, semen, and sex. Simply follow this formula and the Smack Jeeves community will laud it.
Fillers
If the artist is feeling particularly lazy and isn't able to supply the masses with a new page of her comic, but feels the great need to get her enormous zit covered ass kissed in the mean time, she posts "fillers", which are usually oekaki drawings of her characters involved in sadomasochism.
Deep writing is DEEP
Most artists on this website have the delusion that if enough angst is added, it'll be a good story. They have to make sure the "Uke" (guy that gets buttsecksed) is grieving over the loss of his parents in a fatal car crash or was once raped by his next-door neighbor.
The Seme (guy who dishes buttsex) walks around with a cigarette in his mouth (one wonders why none of them have emphysema yet) and has no problems of his own. Sometimes, and only sometimes, the seme's a bearable character, but the question still stands as to WHY in their right mind they fell in love with a personality-less ambiguously gendered gary-stu who gets on everybody's fucking nerves.
Gallery of Faggotry
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To be popular, all your characters must look the same. -
Penis? -
Every uke in the history of the world.
See Also
External Links
- A hilarious review of this article.
- The Forums
- The most stereotypical Smackjeeves comic
- The most popular comic on smackjeeves
- Most mature man on Smack Jeeves, make sure you ask how his mom's doing.
- Biggest Smack Jeeves Fag
- A user with over 15 million posts
- MrJonesSoda's super secret account
- A butthurt faggot who will write a rap song about you if you kick him out of a sprite comic.[1]
- A moral fag who thinks that everyone must follow his rules on spriting or be baleeted.
- A Green knuckles recolor that can only say the words "Kuuuush Mane" in a coherent sentence. He is by far the best user on smackjeeves, EVAR.
- The Biggest Furfag on the site. His comic has by the far the most coherent story of any comic ever. To get him butthurt, just reject his author application..
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