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Motorcycle
Do you ever wish that you were a torture technician but find that a little thing called the Geneva Convention stands in your way? Do you see Guantanamo Bay closing and wish that you hadn't been a lazy fuck and joined the military? Too proud to live in a shithole like Turkey or Egypt where torture is still legal? Well, there's always the motorcycle. It's completely useless as a vehicle. You either have to eat bugs as you go or else wear a helmet and look like you never comb your hair. You can't carry anything you buy with it like even the smallest car can. And you're quite likely to get seriously injured from it. Hospitals in fact lovingly refer to these literal cock rockets as "donor-cycles", due to the fact that accidents involving them pretty well always result in a dead rider with ripe young organs ready for the taking (provided they aren't splattered all over the pavement in 38 different directions).
The only actual use of these things is for your vehicle to sound like weed-whacker while being 50 decibels louder than a .44 handgun, which after you've lived next to a neighbor who "repairs" motorcycles all day, sounds like a tiny firecracker going off in comparison. Motorcycles never have any mufflers ever and every single person that rides one will alter the tailpipe so it's as loud as possible. This of course doesn't keep them safe from accidents because the low frequency sound is non-directional so it sounds to other drivers like it's coming from all around them. Every single person who owns a motorcycle is guaranteed to spend at least an hour warming it up in the morning and will spend 100% of their free time revving it. Every motorcycle repairman who does his repairs in a residential neighborhood instead of a real shop will repair the mobile torture device not by changing parts, tuning things, or any realistic work but by simply revving it nonstop until this action magically fixes it.
Ultimately riding a motorcycle, like ass crack diving with ten-year old Filipino boys, is not without its risks, lol...
How did this accident happen, you ask? Motorcyclists ride illegally between two lanes of traffic and try to run people off the road with their bikes as if they were giant trucks, and then when they get in accidents which they caused, they have the nerve to go around saying, "Cars are always trying to hit motorcylcles!"
Another typical way they ride around is after first warming up their bike for an hour, then sitting in it revving it for several more hours, then when all their neighbors are all tortured, they like to ride through residential areas at all hours of the night and day. Drivers will roll up their windows or stick a finger in one of their ears from how loud it is, and motorcycles will see this and then harass these drivers acting like were oblivious to the fact that a motorcycle which everyone can hear 10 miles away was nearby. This is done purely with hand gestures and beating on the car since no conversation can be heard over the sound of the motorcycle.
Women of course love motorcyclists because there's nothing women love more than a man with intelligence. Those helmets aren't protecting anything valuable.
Ride Nude
Motorcycles are DANGEROUS mmmkay? As such, in order to ensure maximum safety you should always ride with an incredibly hot naked chick straddling your butt side, preferably flailing her arms all about in order to attract as much attention as possible.
Akira Bike
The most collectively renown motorcycle known for sheer bad-assery is the one featured in the Japanese fapime movie "Akira". For years animu fan boys and motorcycle squids alike pined for this proverbial cock rocket wet dream to become a reality. Eventually enterprising entrepreneurial engineers made this a reality and first started producing near replicas of the bike, much to the collective load blowing of tweenage muppet fucks the world over. But it didn't stop there. Once they realized the sheer marketing potential to people with pokey penises looking to overcompensate they soon began ripping off aspects of the base design and incorporating them into nearly every new bike that's made.
Gallery
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Doing anything with a motorcycle automatically makes it 300% more badass. -
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Radial Bike -
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Made from watch parts. -
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Pissing off motorcycles... generally not a good idea. -
Video
Mainstream Media Cycles
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Monowheels
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See Also
- Bike - Pedal-powered, safer alternative
- Car - Enclosed, four-wheeled alternative
- Jonathan Kendrick Lewis - Fake motorcycle rider & an hero.
- Scooter - Fat-powered, homosexual alternative
