Doug Walker

Did You Know: This article was left partially vandalized for several years and nobody noticed.

That's how little people care about Doug nowadays.

Doug Walker (a.k.a The Nostalgia Critic, That Guy With The Glasses or simply That Guy) is co-founder of That Guy With The Glasses and a self-proclaimed actor, comedian, and filmmaker who became a minor lolcow due to his stunning incompetence at doing what he calls a career. While he is TGWTG's most popular contributor, his videos are no better than what you'd find on Youtube back in 2008 and isn't even the best TGWTG.com has to offer. In recent years Doug has been involved in several embarassing incidents, usually the result of him trying to move beyond entertaining 14-year-olds on an increasingly irrelevant website and failing miserably.

He is also said to produce the most annoying sound known to man.

Origins and Fallout with YouTube

Before co-founding TGWTG.com, Doug was either an illustrator or janitor who made a self-explanatory series of videos on Youtube called "5 Second Movies", allegedly based off of some in-joke he and his friends had about some movie. Hilarious. Eventually one of these videos was taken down due to a copyright claim, which Doug dealt with by deleting his Youtube videos and teaming up with Circuit City employee-turned entrepreneur Mike Michaud and a couple of other nobodies to make his own website.

Doug Walker, wondering where his hair went

Doug's crotch. We're almost sure there's a penis there somewhere.

The Nostalgia Critic

Critic's voice sample about you

The Nostalgia Critic became Doug's main routine after his fallout with Youtube. Originally, he reviewed films and television shows from or around his childhood (even if he never watched it himself), but nowadays he'll just review whatever he thinks people will like watching. His "reviews" would be more accurately described as synopses interlaced with occasional criticism and jokes that he spends way too much time on. The videos also last an average of 30 minutes, which is more than twice as long as they need to be. Because he is by far the most popular contributor on the site, Doug is tasked with promoting his co-contributors when they're not doing well; this is done by having them make an unwanted cameo appearance in his newest video where they waste even more of everyone's time. Also, enjoy the ads that he puts in the middle of his videos for extra Blip monies. That aforementioned "occasional criticism", by the way, is rendered completely useless by wildly inconsistent standards and minimal background research. It doesn't help that a lot of his criticism is thinly disguised humor with no regard for anything he's said prior. His obvious prioritization of comedy doesn't even make the videos more funny, since his best jokes are the ones he spends the least amount of time on, and you'd probably be able to get those same jokes in a 10-minute review by any of the 750 other "funny" critics out there.

All in all, The Nostalgia Critic is neither Nostalgic nor is it Criticism. It's just an unnecessarily long comedic routine that isn't really funny.

Other Routines

This is the greatest wiki he's ever seen in his life.

Doug has also performed a number of other routines. Most of them were thankfully one-offs but a few stuck around.

Ask That Guy - Doug wears a bathrobe and answers dumb questions from fans in the most offensive way he can think of. Despite being the name of both his website and pseudonym, This character is named That Guy With the Glasses, but is not related to the website or the name Doug occasionally uses for himself, meaning Doug is not very original with names.
Bum Reviews - Doug wears a Stan Marsh hat and pretends to be a homeless drug addict named Chester A. Bum, then bounces around giving a barely comprehensible synopsis of some movie he recently saw with a very brief statement at the time about whether he actually liked the movie or not. Still not actually reviewing.
Video Game Confessions - Doug dresses up as a bartender named Dominic and tells stories about various video game characters coming to his imaginary bar and doing embarrassing things while Doug draws rather bland pictures of them. Canon is usually disregarded completely.

Doug's Inner Circle

Bhargav Dronamraju dressed as a very bored Ma-ti

Most of the people under the TGWTG banner have content of their own (although nobody watches them). These guys, however, have somehow achieved notoriety on the site just by helping Doug make his videos.

Rob Walker

a.k.a. The Other Guy With the Glasses. Doug's older Brother. Helps Doug write the scrips for his videos and occasionally appears as a throwaway character for one of Doug's unnecessarily long jokes. Is more involved with the community than Doug, and appears to be equally as talented in other departments, raising the question of why he doesn't make his own damn videos.

Bhargav Dronamraju

a.k.a. M. Night Shyamalan. Doug's special effects guy. It should be noted that many of Doug's less popular co-contributors had significantly better special effects before Doug started collecting money for his glorious return, so the Walker brothers aren't alone in being lazy. Bhargav is arguably better known for playing the Ma-Ti character in videos made by Doug and for whatever reason several other reviewers, where he repeats that old joke about heart being a dumb power that you've heard a million times.

Running Gags


	ALERT: THESE ARE FORCED MEMES
	Doug Walker's Running Gags will be posted by the same unfunny newfag until you like it.

Doug reuses his jokes. A lot. Whether this is the product of unoriginality or Doug wrongfully assuming that he is a walking meme factory isn't entirely clear, but using these jokes are a surefire way to entertain Doug's fans... and nobody else:

"Of Course!" - One of Doug's oldest and most well known running gags. Doug shows a clip of M. Bison from the Street Fighter movie saying "Of course!" whenever he reviews a movie where the villain seeks world domination. Very frequently used by other TGWTG.com contributors as well as youtubers who wish they could post videos there.
Big Lipped Alligator Moment - A term Doug coined to describe out-of-place scenes that have nothing to do with the rest of the movie. The name comes from a scene in All Dogs go to Heaven but strangely was first used in a review of Ferngully. People on TvTropes LOVE to use this term, by the way. This jokes also tends to be used by ThatGuyWithTheGlasses wannabes.
Doug's Gun - A prop that Doug used in his review of Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue! that inexplicably became part of the Nostalgia Critic's image. Even Doug himself isn't really sure how this happened. It's appearances are usually accompanied by lots of screaming and bad special effects.
Santa Christ - Christian meme combining. Rob Walker wears a Santa hat and beard and puts a blanket on his shoulders and does... Santa things. Doug made him up for one of his Christmas episodes and continued using him afterward, but the character never contributed to anything, making him completely pointless.
"I Was Frozen Today!" - A quote from Christopher Lloyd in some Hulk Hogan movie that Doug took a liking to. Has no other point, Doug just thought it was funny.
Chuck Norris Revival - Doug reviewed a movie that starred Chuck Norris and used Chuck Norris jokes as source material, either unaware or uncaring of the years of work that people put into killing this awful meme. Thankfully the revival did not spread outside TGWTG.com and TvTropes.
Frying The Coke - Another term coined by Doug, used when someone makes something that's allegedly so dumb it's awesome. While more forced than the Big Lipped Alligator moment, it's much less popular.
Bat Credit Card - A trigger word for the Nostalgia Critic, inspired by a scene from Batman and Robin where Batman uses a special credit card with a Batman logo on it to purchase something. Even Doug himself hates this joke, but his fans won't let him forget.
Burger King Elephant - An idea that he came up with in the Nickcoms episode he reviewed "You Can't Do That On Televison" where in the show whenever someone said "I Don't Know" they'd get slimed. Then he complained about it not making sense and then stated a running gag of whenever he says "Elephant" The Burger King shows up.
"You Know, For Kids!" - This gag comes from whenever Doug watches something intended for children and something scary, violent, or sexual comes up he says this phrase. This is one that many ThatGuyWithTheGlasses wannabes also use.

There are many other jokes that get reused constantly, but most of them aren't even recognizable to anyone who doesn't have a shrine of Doug Walker hidden somewhere.

Feud with the Angry Video Game Nerd

Less than a month after uploading his first Nostalgia Critic video, Doug made claims that he was being harassed by the Angry Video Game Nerd's fanbase, already infamous for antagonizing young upstarts such as Chris Bores, Armake21, and like 1/3 of the people in this article. He responded by demanding that The Nerd himself tell his fans to stand down, warning that there would be trouble if the harassment continued.

...There's just one thing. By 2008, the time Doug's first AVGN rant came out, most of the AVGN's fanbase tolerated AVGN clones like Doug and most of them probably didn't even know who Doug was. In all likelihood, Doug and/or Mike Michaud saw the opportunity to gain publicity by staging a feud with the AVGN and just made up an excuse to get James Rolfe's attention.

Amusingly, James initially responded by doing exactly what the Nostalgia Critic demanded, and Doug had to make a second video of himself making even more things up or else the plan would've fallen flat on its face. Luckily for the TGWTG crew, James caught on afterward and was willing to partake in their little viral stunt. This led to several crossover videos of things such as Doug and James fighting to the death, Doug, James and a bunch of other nobodies fighting to the death, and Doug and James reviewing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles video. The stunt worked and Doug won the hearts of the very people he claimed were harassing him less than a year earlier.

It is rumored that more recently Doug and Michaud fruitlessly attempted to stage a similar feud with RedLetterMedia.

Doug the Filmmaker

It's most apparent that Doug doesn't know what the fuck he's doing when he attempts to record something more ambitious than just him sitting in front of a white wall. While his videos with James Rolfe at least looked decent thanks to Rolfe, Doug was left on his own for his two year anniversary special "Kickassia" and everything that followed. You can read about Kickassia and the other anniversary films here, but make no mistake that Doug played a key role in these movies turning out the way they did. Doug is so clueless as far as filmmaking is concerned, even with the decently sized budgets he usually has, that even some of his co-contributors have commented on it.

Kickassia Reaction

Kickassia was first posted on TGWTG.com around the same time that the site had hit the peak of its popularity. Since then, the site has been in a gradual decline with traffic stagnating and several of the site's more noteworthy contributors, such as Brad Jones and Angry Joe, becoming increasingly reliant on either their own sites or Youtube. Kickassia did succeed at one thing, however: Doug had gotten the attention of a curious internet, stunned by how a man could be so blind of his own incompetence as both an actor and a filmmaker, and it would not be the last time he'd make himself a fool in front of everyone.

Doug vs. Trolling and Criticism

While he's long been accused of censoring negative comments on his videos, Doug's history with trolling has been somewhat uneventful in comparison to Spoony, a similarly popular reviewer who was also posting videos for TGWTG.com at the time. For whatever reason, he did feel the need to lash out at his trolls and critics a couple of times, sounding about as butthurt as Spoony usually does.

Douchey McNitpick

What would have otherwise been another boring Nostalgia Critic "Top 11" list became a seemingly unprovoked display of butthurt on Doug's part when Douchey McNitpick, an unflattering troll caricature he created for the episode, popped up to help the Nostalgia Critic admit 11 "f*ck ups" that were made in past reviews. Douchey's "trolling" consisted of him telling the Nostalgia Critic he did something wrong with some lame insult tacked on at the end. This would imply that Doug considers moderately harsh criticism, something that's practically unavoidable on the internet, to be trolling, strongly suggesting that he's either much more sensitive than he lets on, or just doesn't give a fuck about what other people think.

Doug vs. Encyclopedia Dramatica

Doug lashed out at "trolls" again in his "A Troll in Central Park" review, a review which, as you might expect, had heavy emphasis on the "troll" part. Encyclopedia Dramatica in particular was briefly mentioned in this review, causing commenters to giggle like schoolgirls because they're all even more sensitive than Doug and think ED is literally worse than Hitler.

	“	Something that amuses me about the TGWTG page - the immense amount of butthurt over a joke in A Troll In Central Park. The joke was included in a gigantic wall of text that was on the screen for maybe a second, yet they're whining like babies. I always have to laugh at how defensive people on ED get over jabs at ED. It's surprising how fragile the feelings are on a site that's like 90% goatse.	„
	—Rebochan, jizzing himself over ED's original three sentence response to Doug's callout.

"The Room" Review

Doug's plan to hide from the evils of copyright law on blip worked for quite some time, but eventually the man came to ruin Doug's day once more. This time it was Doug's review of The Room, which he was forced to pull down after receiving threats of a lawsuit from John from theroommovie.com. In retaliation, Doug posted a video titled "The Tommy Wiseau Show", where he attempts to humiliate John and Actor/Director Tommy Wiseau, but unsurprisingly comes off as extremely butthurt instead. Nevertheless, fans were eager to help Doug get his review back and defended it by claiming it was protected by fair use. However, it's never really specified how. The obvious argument is that it's a review, but as previously stated Doug's videos are useless as reviews. It could be argued that it counts as parody, but you would really need to stretch the definition of parody as his reviews contain a spoiler-filled synopsis and most of his jokes don't really parody anything.

Doug's fanboys harassed John by sending him hate mail, calling him a retard for not agreeing with the idea that Doug's review was protected by fair use, and calling Tommy Wiseau a hack for making a bad movie. In response the email link on theroommovie.com was taken down. That's it. While Doug did eventually get permission to put the video back up, it was in no way thanks to these wonderful people. The only thing they accomplished was proving that Doug's fans were as bad as the imaginary AVGN fanboys that attacked Doug back in 2008.

Here's a few of the letters that were sent to John:

	“	Oh hi, John from The Room Movie Dot Com. How are you doing? Probably angry because of all the hate-mail you're getting. I have the solution! Your movie would make much more money if the review was still up, because in the end of it, the Nostalgia Critic tells the viewers to actually watch the movie! You'd get much more people at the screenings that way. I highly recommend that you allow the Nostalgia Critic to keep his review, or you will pay.. You will pay.	„
	—His mouth probably hurts from sucking cock too hard

	“	I think your parents were either inbred or you got dropped on your head as an infant to not only act in (horribly I might add), direct and write such an atrocious movie as "The Room", but to claim copyright infringement on a satirical review. Not only was the review funny, it is also protected by the same laws that you claimed it violated. The only reason it got deleted was because the administrators of the site probably didn't know enough about copyright law. Now that I think of it I should probably have you sued for bodily damage (I almost needed eye surgery) and mental anguish due to watching "The Room". You sir, are a total and utter fuck-up and the internet will always prevail. That I can guarantee you.	„
	—Clinically retarded from watching The Room. It shows.

	“	"Oh, hi! John from the room movie dot com. How's it going? Probably not that great right now because of all the angry emails about the Nostalgia Critic's review of "the room" being taken down because you guys claimed copyright infringement. Well, I'm here to help! Firstly, you should know that he (the Nostalgia Critic) does not need to ask for your permission, nor does he need to pay you any sort of fees, because he reviewed your movie. It's covered under fair use, which I quote here: "Copyright Disclaimer Under Section 107 of the Copyright Act 1976, allowance is made for "fair use" for purposes such as criticism, comment, news reporting, teaching, scholarship, and research. Fair use is a use permitted by copyright statute that might otherwise be infringing. Non-profit, educational or personal use tips the balance in favor of fair use." This means that he does not need any legal or moral clearance from you in order to review "The Room." Now, to resolve all of this hate mail I'm sure you're getting, you are truly better off not lodging any copyright claims against him, because, if this were to go to court, you would most surely loose any legal battle, not to mention money. But that aside, letting him keep the review up is actually good business for YOU! Yes, it is! For, you see, he actually tells people to go watch the movie! This is what you would call a free advertisement! Now, you can do what you want, but the Nostalgia Critic is most likely going to dispute your copyright claims, in which case you will loose, according to the "fair use" clause I provided you above.	„
	— How cute, the fantard thinks it's a lawyer!

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Oh hai Encyclopedia Dramatica. As you can see, I'm totally not butthurt. This is why I make Tommy Wiseau Show!

So how did Doug get to put his review back up on TGWTG.com, then? Well a couple of fatasses recorded themselves asking a clearly indifferent Tommy Wiseau if Doug could post the video, and Tommy said yes before forgetting they ever existed. Mission accomplished.

Doug Quits His Job

In 2009, after Doug started making $53,000 off of his shows on ThatGuyWithTheGlasses, on top of making the site $11,000 in donations, he decided that being a household name and Grade-A celebrity meant that he could make possibly the stupidest decision in his life: quit his day job as an illustrator. Because having a steady source of income in an uncertain economy is overrated, right? He may realize what a stupid decision he made when his site inevitably fails and goes under, since it has become a bloated and unwatchable mess, teeming with talentless hacks and pathetic manchildren.

Common sense dictates that one approach a career change in some manner commensurate with the job security of the target career, and no one would rate Internet Celebrity as a particularly secure job. No, in fact, most people would tend to view it as easily the riskiest fucking job prospect imaginable; consequently, most people would take careful measures to ensure their old job remains a viable fallback. Well, most people don't share Doug's sense of USI, which motivates him to treat the whole affair as though he had just sold Facebook, strutting about his soon-to-be-former workplace with camera-weilding Rob in tow, as Doug imagines himself putting it to the man, but actually manages only to annoy and insult his former coworkers.

Doug Walker: even fucking obnoxious in real life.

Of course, it's not like he can ever get a real job again, since he burnt as many bridges as he could while quitting. No sane employer will hire somebody with a video like this haunting them. Let's hope that his current job as being an unfunny hack lasts!

January: Shitty Gimmick Month

This man used to be employed as a fucking artist.

The New Year is very good at bringing out the very worst of the Nostalgia Critic, for every January Doug devotes an entire month to something specific and completely fucks the whole thing up less than halfway through. In 2009 he declared January to be "Nickelodeon Month". What you may not realize is that although the Nostalgia Critic's cutoff date is 2000, he stopped watching cartoons somewhere in the early-mid 90s, which means he's devoted an entire month to talking about a tiny fraction of Nickelodeon's 20+ year history. He did have the courtesy to do some research on a few of Nick's mid 90s shows like Hey Arnold and Kenan & Kel, and by research we mean he watched a single episode on youtube and just made assumptions about what the other episodes were like. For the self proclaimed voice of manchildren everywhere, Doug certainly doesn't pay much attention to what happens to the things he grows up with, does he?

One year later, he declared January to be Schwarzenegger month. If you're not aware, Doug has a strange obsession with trashing every movie The Governator has ever appeared in and saying he's the worst actor in history, so he basically devoted an entire month to something he already talks about all the fucking time. In his attempts to find the perfect example of how Arnold is an untalented hack, he instead ended up showing how bad Doug himself is at being witty when he doesn't have the opportunity to use his running gags and drawn out jokes by reviewing Junior, a movie so uneventful that Doug had to devote a large portion of the review to pretending to vomit for 5 minutes and later doing a completely unrelated dream sequence in which he sings about how boring the movie is. It is easily the worst Nostalgia Critic review Doug's ever made, being one of the few to actually receive a negative reaction from fans. He then compared the people who disliked the review to Hitler in a Downfall parody. He also reviewed Conan the Barbarian that month, probably the most recognizable movie he's reviewed in 2010. One wonders when he'll finally be pushed to the point where he reviews Terminator out of desperation and triggers the mother of all backlashes.

January of 2011 was dedicated to sequels starting with The Neverending Story III. Since he has long since stopped giving a fuck, the reviews are, of course, terrible. Keep it up, Doug!

Doug Walker's Voice

If there's one thing about Doug that makes him stand out from other internet reviewers, it's his voice. Doug's voice can best be described as being similar to what the Angry German Kid would sound like if he were passing a kidney stone while being castrated. The eardrum-shattering noise that comes out of Doug's mouth is so horrifyingly unpleasant that some believe he has the most unbearable voice on the internet. Doug, on the other hand, can't seem to get enough of hearing himself. About one and a half minutes into every Nostalgia Critic review he starts talking in ALL CAPS and stays that way for the remainder of the video. He's also been compared to Seth MacFarlane for his tendency to break out into song at inappropriate times.

	“	It's much funnier when he sounds whiny and pathetic...	„
	—Doug Walker, making us all deaf for his own amusement.

All the shouting Doug does isn't just unpleasant to hear, it's hurting him too. Doug's screaming has caused him to throw out his voice three times in less than two years since he started reviewing shitty movies. He's had to do several reviews completely mute, with the help of things like captions, signs, and Microsoft Sam (because it's not like he can just wait to get better, right?) Like Spoony or Sean Fausz and their expanding waistlines, Doug hasn't taken his declining health as a possible reason to change his lifestyle, he always comes back shouting as if his throat had never been better. Massive lulz are expected on the day that Doug does permanent damage to his throat and finally realizes that screaming at the top of his lungs for more than 30 minutes straight every week may not have been the best idea.

Doug Fails Miserably at Let's Play

On Tuesday, September 6th, Doug Walker posted a video titled "Let's Play Bart's Nightmare". It went like this. If you feel your senses struggling to self-terminate, that's good. It means you're a human being with a shred of taste. The video received the lowest possible rating on thatguywiththeglasses.com, which is to say a 3.5 out of 5.
It wasn't long before Retsupurae got their hands on it and bravely decided to watch the entire video and record their reactions.

http://blip.tv/slowbeef/retsupurae-vs-the-nostalgia-critic-5535142

As expected, their honest commentary on exactly what makes Doug terrible and unfunny was met by anger and outrage by Nostalgia Critic's drooling mongoloid fanbase.

The backlash eventually became so great that Doug "apologized" by making a review of some shitty movie based on some shitty book or something. This could have been acceptable as an "apology" by TGWTG fans if Doug had not again labelled his critics as whiny retards. Whether Doug had refused to admit his fuckups as a result of a slip of well-hidden cutzpah or just blatant stupidity is unsure, but the former is highly unlikely.

Ladies and gents, we give you; the brill comments concerning the worst 'Let's Play' ever made:

	“	I like the part where he swore and screamed. Contextless profanity is a cornerstone of decent comedy. Truly this man is a witty comedic genius.	„
	—Are you daring to question the Critic's genius with sarcasm? STONE HIM

	“	This was brutally unfunny and boring.	„
	—STONE HIM TOO

	“	I love how so many people are saying that this video isn't that bad, and yet the person who uploaded this disabled the ratings system.	„
	—Criticism? What's that?

	“	'People like to see me get tortured' - So before you bitch about this, remember this, it was YOU lol'd the first time and video game reviews was on demand since then. Basically, YOU asked for this and now you bitch about it. So yeah think about that.	„
	— Yeah! It's all OUR fault Doug made a horrible Let's Pla- wait.

	“	People need to get a life if they take this too seriously. Honestly. Go outside and get some fresh air. It's immature, unreasonable, stupid, idiotic, dimwitted, etc to lash out and troll and saying he's a terrible person aghagjahgjhag are really low. Seriously. I don't get it. He made a bad video. You have every right to like it or not, but there's a difference between disliking and trolling. Everyone takes these things way too seriously when they shouldn't. If you do, get a life. That's all..	„
	—Also don't like it don't watch it yada yada.

	“	"Stop complaining and don't watch if you don't like it u sad people." Um... The Nostalgia Critic gets paid to watch movies that he doesn't like and then complain about them. He even goes looking for shitty movies. So why can't NC fans complain about a video they were expecting to be good?	„
	—Surprisingly, the fanboys didn't respond to this gem.

	“	I really dont see why people dont like this, this was the funniest thing I ever seen. I was literally ROTFL.	„
	—Now where's that pesky brain of mine I keep losing over and over?

	“	Not. A big. Fucking. DEAL. I mean, Doug's made mediocre videos before, he's allowed to have an off week, on account of his frequent genius.	„
	—Too bad this is his day job dipshit, so he's automatically obliged to put some effort in his videos with his non-existent frequent genius.

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The end of the Nostalgia Critic and other lulz

Recently, Doug attempted to ditch his character the Nostalgia Critic and try new things. However, his fans, being insecure, whiny fucks who hate the idea of changing a regular, comforting formula, threw a collective bitch-fit, "causing" Doug's new crap to flop. Though, to be fair, that crap deserved to flop anyways. Butthurt, Doug gave in to demands and returned to the show that was making him the most money, his material now shittier and pointless cameo-littered than ever. Of course, the fans love it.

Recognizing a good opportunity when he saw one, and probably offended that his other projects failed so hard, Doug decided to do an AVGN and set up a fundraiser where fanboys could donate moneyz to his ~~retirement fund~~ show for shitty, worthless "prizes." Fortunately for him, his fans were moronic enough to believe that someone who earns over $1,000,000 a year off needed their help to buy recording equipment, so the donations came flying in. They wanted to upgrade to an SDI workflow, which would help achieve a better quality, faster. This would be all well and good, if they used a platform that supported the higher bitrate from SDI. Something Blip.TV doesn't do. On a more lulzy note, although Doug managed to reach his goal of $50,000, he was hoping to get at least $1,000,000, but "only" ended up getting just under $90,000. This may seem like a lot, but when you consider that the Angry Video Game Nerd made over $325,000, you can't help but chuckle a little. How's that "rivalry" working out now, Doug?

	“	We think we're pretty awesome -- but that's only because our fans are awesome!	„
	—Now let us show our gratitude by charging you $500 for a 30-minute Skype call!

So, what do you get for donating your hard-earned money to this wonderful young man, you might ask? Well, just feast your eyes on this!

$5: ~~Forgot International Shipping~~ Fuck-all: If you ordered something that requires shipping costs but were too busy fapping to an NC episode to remember to pay the shipping, you can do so separately here. Aw, that's so nice~

$10: ~~Thank You!~~ Fuck-all, again: A crappy video Doug made ~~collectively for everyone who was stupid enough to give him $10.00~~ especially for you. You also get to be on a list no one will ever read.

$25: Autographed Photo: An autographed photo of Doug, as well as Rob, Malcom and Rachel. No, seriously, who are those other people? Regardless, you can get the same thing for much cheaper here.

$50: Behind the Scenes Access!: No, you don't actually get to go behind the scenes and watch the show being made. They just email you links to it, which you can then share on Pirate Bay for the win.

$100: Limited DVD & T-Shirt: You get a limited edition (as in, one of only 750) DVD and T-shirt. For bonus points, wear the T-shirt in public and tell people how much you paid for it. They'll all be super-jealous, really! For some reason, only just under 150 people bothered to buy this, which makes one wonder what happened to the rest.

$200: Voicemail Greeting: Within reason, Doug will record you your very own voice mail greeting or small video. When your friends call you and get said voice mail, they'll think you're BFFs with the man himself... until you confess that you paid $200 to get it.

$250: Sketch by Doug: You thought the commissions on Deviant Art could be expensive? If you feel like paying $250 for a medicore sketch that you could get from someone else for $10, then this perk is for you!

$450: Site Linkage: Your site or blog will be linked with the big guys ~~forever~~ for a whole two months! Just imagine how impressed everyone will be when you tell them you spent almost $500 to get plugged for two months! People will be flocking to your shitty Geocities site for years to come!

$500: Skype Call with Doug and Rob: Pay $500 to talk to Doug and his brither you don't care about of for a whole thirty minutes! Slightly less of a rip off than the "meet & greet" sessions at conventions, but not by much. But don't worry! Once you've paid them to talk to you for that half hour, they'll be so impressed by your charming wit and ~~kiss-assery~~ constructive insight, they'll want to become best friends with you for real! Just make sure you're properly funded, and you can ~~pretend to~~ be best friends with them every weekend! After all, it's not like you'll have anything else to do on those days.

For everyone else, keep an eye out on Youtube for "my call with Doug Walker" videos, and act accordingly when you find some.

$750: Screen Your Show: Doug and Rob will watch your shitty rip-off of the Nostalgia Critic on Skype, pretend to like it and give you tips.

$1,250: Super Promotion!: Doug will promote your shitty show at the end of one of his Nostalgia Critic episodes. Keep in mind that just about everyone who watches will know how much you paid to get this promotion, and those who aren't laughing at your stupidity will completely ignore the plug. Money well spent, right?

$1,500: Tour our Studio: Tour Doug's studio and get a bunch of shitty DVDs out of the deal. You'll have to arrange your own travel costs and lodging, but it's all worth it when you get to be a part of the greatest show ever made!

$2,000: Watch Doug film the NC: Watch Doug film his fast-declining magnum opus. Squeal with glee as you get to watch him ~~pile on outtakes~~ HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS, the Nostalgia Critic show only has one take, yell at his extras and get drunk onset to help him cope with the growing depression of being a washed up internet celebrity. Oh, and like before, you'll have to pay your own way there. Be sure to cash in those extra Welfare checks soon!

$3,500: Lunch with Us!: Spend $3,500 to have lunch with Doug, Rob, and some other losers (if requested). Granted, there are probably restaurants in Lombard that charge that much, but if you think Doug will be spending your money on having a good time with you, think again. Likely as not, you'll get a quick, cheap "treat" from him in a local McDonald's, then abandoned as Doug and his real friends laugh at your naivety. Also, again, you'll have to pay your own way there and back, which, when combined with the $3,500 Doug wants for his time, will probably add up to the price of a decent car or a down-payment on a flat. But why waste ~~your~~ the government's money on stupid stuff like that when you can waste it on this instead?

$6,500: Be in a NC episode!: Be in an episode of the Nostalgia Critic, for the very reasonable price of $6,500 (and also tour the studio and eat a cheap lunch). When people see you in the episode, wonder who you are and google your name, only to find out you're not important enough to be in a NC episode, they'll soon realize you paid thousands of dollars for the cameo (then again, considering the stupidity of the majority of the viewers on TGWTG, you might be in the clear). But those who do figure it out will be really impressed and jealous, and knowing you bought your way to recognition will give people nothing but respect and admiration for your work! You'll be the talk of their town for the next decade! Like before, you have to pay for your own travel costs and lodging in edition to everything else, but hell, if you're willing to flush this much money down the toilet, a few thousand more shouldn't be a big deal.

Gallery

He Married It, So You Don't Have to
Check out that six-pack
Doug, sporting his pedo-face
We all do
We love you too, Doug.
Shadbase speaking the truth.

Doug Walker

Contents

Origins and Fallout with YouTube

The Nostalgia Critic

Other Routines