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Revision as of 20:28, 31 October 2011

Georg Wilhelm Freidrich Hegel was a German nerd who learned Latin at age three and went on to invent the Triforce and codify the laws of why people on the internet (and, indeed, IRL) are such bandwagon-jumping, backstabbing pricks.

Apart from getting you laid by philosophy co-eds, a quick and dirty familiarity with Hegel can be extremely useful for helping a troll trying to maintain distance from a situation and predict which way the pack will jump next.

Fucking Hegelian Existentialism, How Does It Work?

Hegel theorised that every generation was different to the last because every social phenomenon eventually produces a backlash. The backlash in turn produces massive internal drama, everyone acts like cocks for decades, and by the time everyone's sick of arguing the people involved have moved on / grown up / changed their opinions so much that a new generation has been produced entirely.

Put in its most concise form: Thesis generates antithesis, the clash of the two generates synthesis, and by the time the dust has settled this synthesis is the new thesis - then repeat. The swinging 60s were a reaction against the boring 50s, and in the clash of newfags and oldfags that followed we ended up with the 70s. GG, idiots. GG.

Why This Is Important To The Internet

A good analogy here is the research into Alzheimers that has recently got a lot of press for being funded by master lulzsmith and magic-sword-from-space-wielding fucking KNIGHT Sir Terry Pratchett.

Alzheimers is a disease that manifests over a whole lifetime, but because mayflies only live for a day or two, studying them is a lot quicker a way of charting the cellular degeneration caused by the disease.

In exactly the same way, the social systems which Hegel predicted as turning around over the course of generations in his time can be observed today in a matter of weeks or days thanks to internet users being the attention span equivalent of mayflies.

Considering the following example:

  1. Harry Potter becomes huge. Everyone is really happy.
  2. Over time, the sequels hit. Suddenly, Hermione is more interested in Ron than Harry, Harry isn't interested in Luna Lovegood and we've got shipping wars left, right and centre.
  3. Forums erupt into drama. Splinter groups, splinter forums and splinter websites form. Thesis and antithesis war against each other.
  4. Twilight comes out. Everyone decides that Edward is way hotter than Draco, and the disparate sides synthesise to form the new thesis.

...and everything is OK again. That is... UNTIL THE EDWARD VS JACOB WARS START!

TL;DR is that the internet is a ballet of a zillion Hegelian microcosms. There, ED taught you something today. Now go and get laid at an incredibly gay college party.

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Hegel

is part of a series on

The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People]

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