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Job: Difference between revisions
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As well as being another word for [[boring]], a '''job''' is something that [[Niggers|unemployed people]] and [[student]]s don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a [[robot]] could do better, a [[human]] is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are [[Mexican]], as paying a Mexican is [[PROTIP|purely optional]]. Why don't [[Niggers|blacks]] like [[blowjobs]]? It's a job. | As well as being another word for [[boring]], a '''job''' is something that [[Niggers|unemployed people]] and [[student]]s don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a [[robot]] could do better, a [[human]] is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are [[Mexican]], as paying a Mexican is [[PROTIP|purely optional]]. Why don't [[Niggers|blacks]] like [[blowjobs]]? It's a job. | ||
== How to Get a Job == | == How to Get a Job == | ||
[[Image:Ashmaid.png|thumb|[[Pokémon|Ash Ketchup]] can get a job and [[lie|so can you]].]] | [[Image:Ashmaid.png|thumb|[[Pokémon|Ash Ketchup]] can get a job and [[lie|so can you]].]] | ||
Ask [[Mom]]my or [[Dad]]dy to get you connections. If that doesn't help, open up those "[[Old media|want-ads]]" your pop talks about (or alternatively, [[Craigslist|a new browser window]]) and start circling interesting [[ads]]. After an hour, pick up a phone and start calling around, making appointments for interviews. Eventually, you will find some paid task to occupy your [[attention]] for 8 hours every day! | |||
If that doesn't help, open up those "[[Old media|want-ads]]" your pop talks about (or alternatively, [[Craigslist|a new browser window]]) and start circling interesting [[ads]]. After an hour, | |||
== Some Advantages of Having a Job == | == Some Advantages of Having a Job == | ||
| Line 39: | Line 34: | ||
==Some Different Jobs You Might Choose== | ==Some Different Jobs You Might Choose== | ||
* [[Airplane|Airline Pilot]] | * [[Airplane|Airline Pilot]] | ||
* [[ED Sysop]] | * [[ED Sysop]] | ||
| Line 46: | Line 39: | ||
* [[Hal Turner|Website Administrator]] | * [[Hal Turner|Website Administrator]] | ||
* [[IKEA|Furniture Placement Specialist]] | * [[IKEA|Furniture Placement Specialist]] | ||
* | * [[McDonald's|Nutritional Sciences Expert]] | ||
* [[Billoon45|Sanitation Technician]] | * [[Billoon45|Sanitation Technician]] | ||
* [[Artist]] | * [[Artist]] | ||
Revision as of 09:03, 27 December 2012
As well as being another word for boring, a job is something that unemployed people and students don't have. Jobs are, by definition, paid labor. Anything a robot could do better, a human is already doing and getting paid to -- unless they are Mexican, as paying a Mexican is purely optional. Why don't blacks like blowjobs? It's a job.
How to Get a Job
Ask Mommy or Daddy to get you connections. If that doesn't help, open up those "want-ads" your pop talks about (or alternatively, a new browser window) and start circling interesting ads. After an hour, pick up a phone and start calling around, making appointments for interviews. Eventually, you will find some paid task to occupy your attention for 8 hours every day!
Some Advantages of Having a Job
- You get some money - After the Government takes its cut for taxes.
- You might meet people you can have sex with - Take special care to avoid coworkers and professional contacts, as this may lead to a sexual harassment lolsuit.
- Free coffee, if you work as a pilot, at a hotel or a Starbucks.
- See that pen over there? Take it.
- No seriously, take it. There's a shitload of them in the supply closet. Go load your bag up with as much as you want. Paper is always complimentary.
- Here, have a company car too. Sure it's just a Taurus, but in a few years it could be a BMW!
- Get promoted to Senior VP of Sales and make more money than God
- Some people will cruelly call you 'a loser' just should you not have a job; getting a job will prove that you are, rather, 'a luser with a job', with all the humiliation-guzzling sqiLlz that implies.
And remember, after your teeth have been knocked in and the hundredth or so boss has had his way with your asshole, you won't feel a thing---and the company insurance plan might pay for as much as 30% of your ostomy and false-teeth supplies!
Some Disadvantages of Having a Job
- Less time toplay on the internets, unless you work in an office and have a computer to yourself
- Too much IRL drama, from coworkers and friends who don't see you often enough
- More opportunity for your head to explode; workplace tension is among the worst
- Most jobs don't offer paid time off, vacation or holiday breaks; will expect you to work "overtime" and during breaks mandated by law
- Drug testing is mandatory; potheads/Niggers need not apply
- Having to clean your desk out once you get fired for looking at ED while working
- Security escorting you out of the building by your collar
- Being thrown into a parking lot after being fired
- Going back to finding a new job
Some Different Jobs You Might Choose
- Airline Pilot
- ED Sysop
- Habbo Hotel Moderator
- Website Administrator
- Furniture Placement Specialist
- Nutritional Sciences Expert
- Sanitation Technician
- Artist
- Performing Artist
- Geek Squad
- Wannabe Artist
- Politician
- Customer Services
- Protection of Merchandise
- Therapeudic Supply
- Insurance Collecter
- Visionary
- Veterinarian
- Preschool Teacher
- Yoga Instructor
- Sammich Artist
- Professional Expert
- Eco-Terrorist
- Video game developer
If you apply yourself correctly you could rise through the ranks of the corporate ladder to become a productive member of society.
People Who Clearly Made Bad* Job Choices
*(for everyone else in existence beside them---THEY did AWWWWRIGHT)
