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Occupy Wall Street: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 21:38, 20 February 2013
Occupy Wall Street is the latest of a string of newfags publicly breaking Rules 1 & 2 and soaking in as much attention as they can by leeching off the Project Chanology protests that stopped being amusing years ago. Because this was an opportunity to both scream retarded, unfunny memes at the top of their lungs while acting like they were doing something of real social significance, the protest attracted flocks and flocks of would-be Che Guevaras to the streets in order to like, bring down the man, man. Ironically, while these same libtarded faggots have shot numerous loads while congratulating themselves on their superiority to the Tea Party, they now spend their time prancing around waving misspelled signs and venting incoherent angst at institutions they don't understand. This makes them indistinguishable from the rednecks they disdain.
Y U NO PAY MONEY, WALL STREET?!
As unemployment in Freedomland rises to hilarious extremes, filthy, pseudo-intellectual college hipsters concluded that the reason their liberal arts degrees weren't netting them $70,000+ salaried jobs straight out of the state university was because of the zionist one world government and their cronyism bleeding the country dry and oppressing the world, and now was the time to, like, throw off the chains of oppression, man!
And clearly, the most sensible way to accomplish this was to make protest posters out of those totally socially relevant image macros they made on Memebase. And the youth of the nation did just that! Filling their iPods with all their favorite Rise Against songs and picking up shiny new Guy Fawkes masks from the Hot Topic, Operation Occupy Wall Street began!
A common claim they make is that they are in the oppressed 99% of income earners, but the cut off between the top 1% of income earners and the rest is currently at about $593,000. a year. That's right, the oppressed 99% includes millions of six figure salary earners, many of which happen to be the wall street bankers they're protesting. So given they are demanding the top 1% to spread their wealth more to benefit the 99%, many of which are financially secure,and less than 1% of the US population is homeless [1], they are essentially arguing for the super rich to make the rich richer over helping the truly poor and desperate. How's that for a go at logic? Like hippie leftards and memefags would understand it anyway.
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— A 57-year-old blogger makes more sense than most of her compatriots. | ||
Jews Did Wall Street
Some of them get it.
Fag Vs. Jew; round 1 Previous Video | Next Video |
The "One Demand"
The point of the rally, as insisted by counter-culture activists AdBusters, was to draw Wall Street's New York's THE GODDAMN POTUS's attention and to give Dear Leader the American Public's One Demand. Then came the unfortunate consequence of not knowing what they actually wanted to say to him. One original idea was the demand to "an end to corporate person-hood," but it was decided that everyone would be too stupid too even understand what that meant and thus not good enough. Then they just decided to post a list of shit they wanted and have that entire list be one big symbolic demand. Then it was just decided that they would just all get together after the fact and figure the whole "point of the protest" afterward when the fun ran out.
It's assumed that OWS's "get a bunch of memefags from the internet and have them all agree on a topic through a vigorous but respectful dialog" idea will end in a unified and rational voice.
The Mainstream Media Ignores Occupy Wall Street (By Giving It Constant Coverage)
Those participating say one of the more enraging results of the protests have been the media's total and deliberate blackout of the demonstration, keeping the sheeple in the dark and attempting to hide the truth from them as they sit and grow fat. This lack of attention, they insist, is an attempt to undermine their memes and chants.
Unless you count that whole multi-billion dollar news corporation that gives them daily and glowing coverage;
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BUT THAT DOESN'T COUNT! So remember, revolutionaries; politically motivated outrage sponsored by billion dollar corporations presenting themselves as spontaneous and grassroots movements are complete bullshit. Unless, you know, them checks are coming your way...
The Crackdown
As mass gatherings of unwashed, erratic commies tend to go, handfuls of dissidents tend to get a little too heated and usually get bitchslapped by the corrupt hand of Johnny Law. While protesters claim this is proof positive of an unlawful regime trying to silence revolution with Mubarak-like disregard for human rights and dignity, the rest of us know a gold fashion curbstomp is the usual fate of the memefag, and that the officers are actually the true and honest Anon; sick and tired of all this moralfag bullshit and are handling shit like a boss.
Like a boss. Previous Video | Next Video |
UPDATE: Jon Stewart is now endorsing a number of "parodies" of the crackdowns. [2]
SECOND UPDATE: Tony Baloney loses 10 vacation days. How severe!
"The Plan"
After the rousing success of the Wall Street protests, the would-be Anonymous decided to take The Plan to a global stage! The end result was What Is The Plan, concluding that the only logical progression from not knowing what to demand from the U.S. Government is to make vague, empty demands at the world at large. It is the expectations of the group that getting their asses kicked in every country across the globe will command respect and admiration from memefags worldwide and bring about a momentous wave of change.
Grab that V mask and chnage the world, brah! Previous Video | Next Video |
"Bank Transfer Day"
Irate that they, the self-identified "99%," possess only 1% of America's wealth, protesters have decided to stick it to the bankers and plutocrats by withdrawing their collective $12 in savings from banks on November 5, 2011. This logic shows the power of a shitty liberal arts degree, since by their own calculations the protesters will only be affecting 1% of banks' balances and will be directing their adolescent anger at retail banks, not investment banks. (Not that an unemployed Wesleyan graduate would know the difference).
Dissent Made Easy!
Eager to smash the state, but haven't a fucking clue what you're actually mad at or what plan of action of alleviate your angst? Fret not, young martyr! Pre-made protest pamphlets are just a click away, courtesy of Whatis-ThePlan.org!
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RE-VO-FUCKING-LOO-SHUN! -
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Take one, and rebel at your earliest convenience!
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This'll draw em in, really hook their attention -
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Rebel against visibility! -
NONE OF US ARE AS CRUEL AS ALL OF US! So join our campaign of love and respect today!
#invadewallstreet
Taking place on another IRC server, #invadewallsteet is exactly what happens when children get together to plan a raid. On October 10, 2011, after minutes of planning, the OMG EPIC LULZ plan was launched--consisting of a LOIC attack on the NYSE. Anyone with any background in computers will immediately realize that a certain datacenter is hosted at NYSE, you know, one of the three largest data centers in the US and has terabytes of bandwidth. Anyone with two or more brain cells to rub together will realize this is not going to work. After managing to slow down the servers for around 30 seconds (until techies gave the NYSE more bandwidth) and getting all their IPs logged for the partyvan, the children moved on to their back up plan: annoying phone calls. Turns out that the NYSE has only one person working at the help desk: Chris. Chris was not happy about all of the prepubescent kids calling him and sprouting memespeak, and expressed that to the callers:
—-Chris, after getting dozens of annoying phone calls on a Monday afternoon | ||
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Calls were made after the fact to get Chris on IRC, but to no avail. After the fail DDoS, the network sysops told the children to gtfo the network, and mass kicked the channel. Butthurt mibbits continue to enter the channel at this time, wondering where "teh raid is". Other amusing events are that a single (1) LOIC tried to connect to the network 10-12 times before getting its IP address g-lined and the original planner of the raid "Quit Anonymous forever" and left the channel in a butthurt rage. He announced his resignation multiple times on his Facebook. His 'friends' greatly supported him in quitting. This just goes to show that the whole movement is now just a tight nit group of butthurt children.
Reactions from Wall Street
Even enlightened liberal newspapers have noticed that contrary to the protesters' aspirations of sticking it to the man, Wall Street regards Occupy Wall Street with a mix of pity, contempt and lulz. The New York Times devoted an entire article to this phenomenon, observing that "Wall Street types . . . see the protesters as an entertaining sideshow, little more than flash mobs of slackers, seeking to lock arms with Kanye West or get a whiff of the antiestablishment politics that defined their parents’ generation." In other words, even if their only intention had been to troll and rile Wall Street, the protesters would have failed, probably because bankers are too busy getting rich to give a fuck about your EFG mask.
—New York City's billionaire financier mayor, not giving a fuck. | ||
—Goldman Sachs, musing about substituting one form of faggotry for another. | ||
—1% Stockbroker and his nigger co-worker | ||
So cash ! (literally)
Hey the 99%,
My name is the 1%, and I hate every single one of you. All of you are poor, lazy, no-lifes who spend every second of their day complaining how the corporations keep you down. You are everything bad in the world. Honestly, have any of you ever taken a shower? I mean, I guess it's fun whining and complaining because of you made the wrong choices in life, but you all take to a whole new level. This is even worse than buying shares when they’re high.
Don't be a stranger. Just hit me with your best shot. I'm pretty much perfect. I am a CEO of a multinational conglomerate, and a multi-millionaire. What jobs have you held, other than working as a barista? I almost pay no taxes, and have a high yielding diverse stock folder (the DOW just rallied 300 points; Shit was SO cash). You are all candy-asss who should go home and get a job. Thanks for listening.
Pic Related: It's me and my bitches.
How YOU Can Help The Cause!
By doing literally anything else besides dressing like an idiot and shouting memes like you're a middle schooler that has just found Newgrounds.
Gallery
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GRANNY! Nooooo! -
A revolution is born. -
Take this, facists! -
Just like el Che!
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We look so hardcore right now. -
Attention whore? Nah, nah, I'm making a serious statement here… -
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Get it?! Shoes! Like the Arabs… because it's like… American Spring… like they did and… -
Filthy Dumb Newfag Scum -
"Hey officer, y u ma-NOT THE FUCKING FACE RAGAGAGARRRRRGH!!!!!!" -
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We stand behind you in revolution! -
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Related Articles
- IRL
- Weev - A former ED sysop and professional hacker who participated in this event.
- Paul "Fetch" Carnes - Stole funds from Occupy Boston.
- Raid
- John Pike - Fatass Cop at UC Davis who used pepper spray on protestors like it was fucking Miracle-Grow.
External Links
- Bank Executives On 15th Floor Gambling On Which Occupy Wall Street Protester Will Be Arrested Next Lulzy Onion article
- Official Shite
- Hippy stomping in streaming video
- Accurate article on it
- Because no revolution is complete without the official Twitter feed!
- Where the one percent respond
- Bonus! Occupy Wall Street Jokes
- Their new forum.
- 4chon's /occupy/ board.
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Occupy Wall Street is part of a series on Visit the Anonymous Portal for complete coverage. |
| Featured article October 2, 2011 & October 3, 2011 | ||
| Preceded by Corky |
Occupy Wall Street and James Cordone
Double Feature! |
Succeeded by Liz Shaw |