MetaFilter

THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM.

AACCCKKK, SO UGLY

Metafilter is a "group blog" site that was originally started as a "best of the web" compendium, but is now a site where the posts fit a predictable pattern - of cuntiness and precummery. Like Reddit, it continues to be popular with a small subculture despite being primitive, badly dated, awkward to use, and unable to handle embedded images or videos. Easy to see why people prefer to fight with Facebook; at least FB isn't a dorks-only leftover from the 1990s. While an occasional post is interesting, their luserbase's need to post pedantic arguments about trivial shit is the primary reason for the site's continued festering.

"History" lol

It was written in crappy ColdFusion (a retarded 90s invention that let anyone who could make a "home page" pretend to program) in 1999 by Matt Haughey, who used to do some stupid shit at Blogspot. Blogspot was sold to Google and Haughey, an ugly and extremely smug nerd with a big head and bad teeth and an extremely sad case of strabismus, suddenly became an "online celebrity". He created the site as a place where other people could create content for him while he rimmed blogosphere A-listers and talked about his two passions: professional wrestling and auto-erotic asphyxiation. He will often PM members of the site to boast about how good he is at watching television. Does he have an insufferable blog full of bitchery about petty trivia? Hells yeah!

By 2004 MeFi was so swamped with traffic he had to hire co-moderators. Who were also close "friends", meaning people who sucked his nutsack with extra aggression. And they started running it TOW style: deleting any post they didn't like, for any reason, and tossing people out for "disruption", a term whose meaning changed from case to case. It is, in short, run by pathologically dishonest power-trippers and complete assholes.

The Iron Vagoo eats sliced penis (vegan!)

The first moderator was "Jessamyn West", a librarian from hippyland Vermont. Despite being a very obscure nobody outside of her little world, she's justly proud of her smarmy and completely positive Wikipedia biography, because she wrote it herself, with the assistance of some of her Metafucker assrimmers. And she just loves MeFi, because being a sysop, the denizens suck on her red-hot magic porthole with great vehemence and sloppy depth. The daily rimjob seems to put her dour East Coast iron-cunted lesbian personality into another plane of self-abuse. Not to mention her vanity website, full of useless blathering by her "professional colleagues" about the wonderful world of libraries (something which she and the rest of the Web are slowly putting out of business).

The second mod was Josh "Cortex" Millard, a basement-dwelling hipster from that holy land of assholery, Portland. He enjoys getting pegged and several videos exist online of him indulging in this fetish, despite him removing the copies he unwisely uploaded years ago.

Screenshot of a video Josh uploaded of himself getting pegged. Josh deleted the original, but alas, someone copied it and it exists online now in perpetuity.

Josh is even uglier, hairier and more insecure than Haughey. He makes horrible embarrassing "folkie" music, and posts it online so that MeFucks can rave about what a "musical genius" he is. (Jessamyn still breast feeds Cortex with her pendulous, saggy tits, and it is that sweet, sweet milk that gives Cortex his modly powers.) He's also got the inevitable shitty blog where he talks about comic books, Star Trek, and assorted infantile obsessions. And his "fans" kiss his swollen ring of hemorrhoids there, of course. [1] The buttplug recently got his own Wikipedia bio, despite being an utter waste of vacuum. Created by longtime Metahitler user Samuel "Jahaza" Howard, and edited for his protection by Jessamyn, of course!

Haughey hired other moderators, but we won't mention them because they are complete nobodies. He has since managed to get a job, ironically as a content creator at lame-assed "enterprise collaboration" outfit Slack. It is a web IRC system that charges a lot of money for "secure access".

“	I’m an insufferable asshole	„
—Matt Haughey

“	It may sound silly, but Slack is the first company I’ve worked at where everyone is incredible at every level of the company. I’ve never much butted heads with anyone or ever thought I didn’t want to work with someone on something. During holidays, we’d had a few long breaks and I honestly missed my coworkers like I missed family.	„
—he kisses asses at Slack just as hard as he can

Mefi mod Eyebrows McGee (Laura Petelle), also known as "the hot one"

And that's only the sysops. Metafilter's luserbase was originally very random and included people from all walks of life, and posts were extremely varied. But in 2005, in a pathetic attempt to keep "sockpuppets" who might "cause trouble" off their golden pristine server, they started demanding a $5 payment in return for a new user account. And kicking out people who posted links they didn't think were "of sufficient quality", as defined by their own vague and flaky, PC, leftywefty-Ivy-League-snobbish personal "rules". So the luserbase quickly boiled down to a gang of their friends, acquaintances, camp followers, and people willing to kiss the ample asses of Haughey, Millard and West (which is probably not her real name anyway). These persons are remarkably predictable in their cocksucking and shiteating habits. The site now has a blog where they can pat themselves on the back for their "wonderful compendium of knowledge", without having to acknowledge how petty, unimportant and outdated much of their database is.

“	My FAVORITE part was that half the year we had half an hour of local news, and half the year we had an hour and a half of local news, to fill the varying gap between daytime TV and primetime TV. An hour and a half of small-town local news is AMAZING. There is literally nothing too small for a five-minute segment and no young reporter too amateurish and no school concert too unmelodious. Ducks nesting in a highway median, a week long series about ducklings and love! A park has a new gazebo, let's spend EIGHT MINUTES touring a gazebo, which is functionally turning in a circle while vamping for eight minutes! Oooh, flowers, let's talk to the guy at this random house with pretty flowers! Let's fill ten minutes with an on-site cooking segment tangentially related to some health news! It was brilliant. I was always so sad when it switched back to a standard half-hour and cruised through a standard local news menu of local government, crime, weather, and high school sports. Boo! I want ducklings!	„
—Eyebrows tries for sarcasm/irony and just ends up looking like an idiot--they upvote her anyway

Some of their favorite neuroses and trigger words are described below.

ME MAKE NOISE NOW, ME MAKE POOPY NOW

time for joy and laughter

Posts about media

Such posts are made by someone who likes a band, TV show or movie. Everyone on the site who dislikes the subject will then go on and on (and on and on) about how much it sucks. [2][3]

Golden shower example: the user called "hippybear", who is as gay as a rainbow horsecock and cannot shut up about 1980s dance music. [4][5]

Their Talk section got a "Posts About Metafilter" sub-section in 2006, which they really loved because it helps to validate their pathetic excuse for a "community". Unfortunate, isn't it, that actual mentions of MeFi elsewhere online are actually kind of scarce?

“	I am still frankly grumpy about the switch away from broadsheet newspaper (with its backward-6 hierarchy and editorial ranking of stories but where I retain the power to instantly decide how much time and attention each story gets, unlike radio or video, plus people talking is so much slower than me reading) to an RSS reader because while I retain control over the length of my attention to each story, I have to spend so fucking much time scanning headlines to decide what to read because a reverse timeline is not an editorial hierarchy, it's just a stupid stream. There is no fuckin' way I'm getting my news from video. I can barely stand to get my news from the radio and then only when I'm in the car and can't be reading. I'm not going to sit with my eyes AND ears captive to someone else's idea of how long a story should take. Also by far the most irritating internet news video trend (after autoplay) is those 90-second to 3-minute videos that PAN ACROSS STILL PICTURES with some bouncy music in the background while popping phrases up on the screen to explain some damn thing that could have been done with five pictures and a paragraph of text and FUCK YOU NEWS WORD VIDEO GUY. posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:02 PM on July 11 [149 favorites]	„
—--of course they upvoted it, she's a mod and her ass must be kissed

Political Posts

Metafilter contains many political posts, largely from Rolling Stone and Vanity Fair, and people then express a full range of political opinions about the articles that range from Extreme Pussy Liberal to Shrieking Communist. But sad self-defeating dorkery always overrides political issues.

Say anything about Trump--anything--and stand well back as the fountain of SJW whingery explodes. [6][7][8][9][10][11] Not much about actually changing the political landscape, very little about organizing or participating. Just mountains of petty complaints about The Awful Donald and about how Hillary "kinda wasn't all that bad" and how Bernie Sanders is a fucking god hero. Who failed badly yo.

“	I'm beginning to suspect that maybe lulz are overrated. posted by Atom Eyes at 10:25 AM on February 17 [47 favorites]	„
—[12]

And for vague political reasons, despite being big cartoon fans, they intensely despise Dilbert creator Scott Adams. [13][14] And of course, the mods eventually started deleting anything to do with Adams, partly because he'd been sockpuppeting on their precious site. [15] (archive)[16] Guess he's too "libertarian" for them. Takes a clitoris to know one.

Sexism

Oh shit. There's so much toxic MF squealing about sexists and anti-sexists and transgenderism and dick-holding. It can't all be listed. People post comments, other people scream "BIGOTBIGOTBIGOT", Haughey and friends show up to deliberately stir the pot. As usual there's very little talk of taking action, because that would be work, and they would have to leave their basements and take chances. Metafilter has degraded into a gang of twitchy pseudo-leftist cowards moaning about the horrible, horrible world. These threads on the main site have a strange tendency to get shorter, the more butthurt people get, and then the fallout can be found on the MetaTalk subsection. If you want to see screaming, multithousand post threads on MetaTalk, this is an easy way to generate them.

• Don't bring up Rebecca Watson unless you're looking for real lulz. The whinery spreads to MetaTalk too.
• Same for Chelsea Manning. [17]
• Don't bring up Gamergate or anything related. Anita Sarkeesian, Zoe Quinn and Brianna Wu are ongoing really sore cocks. [18][19][20]
• Anything to do with "men's rights" or "women's rights" or "misogyny" or "misandry" inevitably leads to gigantic threads full of butthurt snivelling, esp. on MetaTalk. [21][22][23][24] It's not a new phenomenon either, we found a 2008 thread about misandry that was Lulz Central.
• Don't even mention peeing standing up. [25][26]

“	It's not a double-standard because there are no men who are being murdered by women because they're men, while there are thousands of women murdered every week by men for being women. There is absolutely no comparison and anyone who doesn't see this is deluded.	„
—--yes it happens, but "thousands every week"? Naaah....

• Then there was this hambeast who blogged about her tacky "personal style", which was enough to set off a new round of wimmens-whinging-about-being-ugly and "male gaze"ism .

“	The thing about this article is that she's saying you have to try on a lot of stuff to find what looks good on you personally. But at the end of the day this stuff looks good on her. Because she's pretty. Pretty clothes make pretty person look more pretty. In the grand scheme of things you do have to have a certain look to pull this off, and the message is "I'm so pretty I can wear whatever I want and make it look good" Some of us aren't so lucky. If you don't have the right kind of face it makes you (me) look deranged and confused, not cute. This "personal style" that she's talking about being so revolutionary is in every store right now and if it doesn't work for you (me) then you're (I'm) SOL. It's very frustrating.	„

Deleting threads

New threads are posted directly to the front page....unless one of their mods or a friend complains that it might be sexist somehow. The thread remains online but can't be found with any search engine. For instance: two guys write a hoax article and get it published in an academic journal, it ends up on MF and BLAMMO

“	This post was deleted for the following reason: flamebaity "gender studies suck, amirite" prank designed to needle feminists and (they hope) cause a big internet kerfuffle? eh, let's not. -- taz	„

And let's talk about the Evergreen College shutdown of 2017...or rather let's not, because MeFi won't tolerate any mention of it.

“	This post was deleted for the following reason: On reflection, let's wait a bit on this for more solid information and analysis so that we're not just "Everyone Take Sides; Now, Ready, Set, Fight!" in the heat of the moment, and can hopefully have a more interesting and thoughtful discussion -- taz	„

That's "MeFi Code" for "STFU AND GO AWAY BECAUSE WE THINK YOU'RE A FASCISTCISWHITEMALEGAZER AND WE TOTALLY LIED ABOUT FREE SPEECH".

And of course, DIAF if you mention Emma Sulkowicz:

“	This post was deleted for the following reason: This is fairly thin to support a post, and will probably just lead to re-arguing the original situation. -- Eyebrows McGee	„

Metafilter Feminism 101

• All men are rapists.
• All accusations are true.
• Believe the accuser.
• No women lie.
• No women rape.
• Due process is sexist.
• No evidence is needed to substantiate an allegation.
• Killallmen.
• Yesallmen.
• LOL fedoras.

Being offended

Divabat, one of the easiest to offend SJWs. She likes to talk about how the happiest days of her life were when she escaped the Sri Lankan slum to come to San Francisco. Unfortunately, she was forced to go home because her pits smelled too bad even for the hygienically challenged Bay area genderqueer community.

Metafilter dedicates a lot of time to finding new ways for liberals to be offended. Metafilter has become a site where someone makes a post, say, on black and white photography and then someone will object as 'black and white' is discriminatory toward people who do not fit into a binary distinction between black and white. A successful thread will then be taken to Metatalk where comments that are deemed offensive can be highlighted and people can be offended that they too were not offended or that they were offended by the person who took offense. Someone has actually posted 'I feel unsafe in this thread' regarding discussion of some topic.

Post something genuinely disturbing, or something about sex (a subject most of them know nothing about), and they will whine like snot-covered little babies.

When not sniveling on Metafilter the membership's favorite pastimes include bulimia and self-harm, but any mention of these things will be instantly deleted unless the same sentence blames them on low-melanin penises.

Any statement about how being gay, obese, homicidal, suicidal, happy, sad is good or otherwise will sometimes trigger a cascade of butthurt offense. It is, however, perfectly acceptable to state how sodomizing any Republican to death would be a good idea. Examples: [27][28] Plus that time Haughey had the bright idea to photoshop dildos onto photos of GOP politicians and everyone commended him for his 'cleverness'. [29] Don't forget Haughey bragging that he lost weight by thinking about Donald Trump!

And don't ya even think of posting YT videos parodying popular cartoons and videogames, or MeFi's Own will tantrum at ya. Plus, if there's a problem, you'll get a lot of bitchy sniping and "who's the bigger racist here" wankery.

Old Memes And "Nerd Heroes"

Old memes from 4chan are posted on Metafilter when they have become tame, therefore useless. Dork subjects like the George Lucas Crap Factory or comic books are always popular. And Calvin and Hobbes cartoonist Bill Watterson gives them a collective ladyboner. [30][31][32][33][34]

Never, ever, ever criticize Steve Jobs on Metafilter. [35][36][37]

And when a person who was famous for writing horrible nerdy books or making nerdy music or being on nerdy TV shows dies, the MetaFuckers throw the most pathetic fits of pseudo-sadness you've ever seen. [38][39][40][41]

Extra-special mention to the thread in 2008 when the suicide of pretentious-hipster-hero writer David Foster Wallace was reported. If you had fans like that, you'd hang yourself too.

BONUS! No one could ever call Elie Wiesel a pussy. When it comes to Hebrews, he was the bad-assiest. But when he died, the MeFucks (very few of whom are Jews, and none of whom are badass) pussied out real good.

Extra lols for Christmas 2016 when two of their biggest idols died. The Carrie Fisher thread was enormous. But the George Michael thread was also enormous and yet was removed from the front page the next day. For no apparent reason.

And let's not forget the turdblossoms generated when someone they hate dies. Consider the Roger Ailes thread for reference purposes. Replete with heavily upvoted pathetic nerd jokes:

	“	I'm guessing it involved Princess Leia and a chain.	„
	—posted by Rust Moranis at 9:56 AM on May 18 [127 favorites]

Plus, all you need to have the hottest thread in weeks is to announce a female Doctor Who.....fucking nerds.....

Vegetarianism

Arguing about vegetarianism and veganism. Metafilter has a number of vegans, who like vegans everywhere somehow believe that the world wants to hear about what they eat. On MeFag the vegans come up in many vegetarian threads and state calm, reasonable things like 'eating meat kills children'. Productive discussion ensues (lol). [42][43]

Fatness

And despite all that veganism, whenever talk gets around to awesome new junk foods, they go all googoo and slobberish. Thus we conclude the average Metafilterite is over 250 pounds and lies about being on a "socially conscious diet". [44][45]

Pseudointellectualism

It's a big word, and they're big swollen foreskins who suck it well. Bring up the notorious "Monty Hall problem", and they will cheerfully stick their collective well-educated feet in their mouths for days. And you can't accuse them of being "too intellectual", because there's a powerful undercurrent of spiritual crackpottery just under the surface. [46][47][48] All that uglyass Monty Hall shit didn't teach them anything. When the "Sleeping Beauty rebus" was brought up in 2015, they started arguing again. [49]

And if you really wanna see a serious display of dorks on the internet bullshittery, talk about the bonkers and prob. unprovable idea that we all live in a computer simulation. Schmucks like Elon Musk and Ray Kurzweil believe in it so people who should know better also "discuss it seriously". DO IT, stand back, and enjoy the lake of turds boiling over.

Autism, you say? They will deny having any, but they do a shit job of hiding it. Let's say, some MFer autist decides to post a long, rambling essay about autists loving the Minecraft game. The result is this extra-special 2017 thread. Consider the first thread about Minecraft from 2009, it's a textbook display of ADHD/OCD/ASD alphabet soup. More Minecraft jabbery occurred in 2010 (epic!)[50][51][52], in 2011[53][54][55], in 2012, in 2013, in 2014, etcetc. And in each case it triggered a long thread of autistic whinging and rambling. They can claim they "aren't gamers" but they play something.

Eco-doom

As with all sites that flop in the left wing direction, all technology except for the internet and Apple electronics is described as making the world worse. [56] Al Gore is celebrated as a great wise man. [57][58] And don't ask them about automobiles because they have loads of 'opinions' about cars despite not knowing nuffink about that mechanical stuff. They spent the last 20-30 years praying in front of their digital thrones so an oil change is a mystery. [59]

Would you buy a used website from these assholes?

They hate ED

Some of them, anyway. In case you missed it. Other than occasional links to ED articles about some specific subject, MF had exactly two--TWO--threads about Encyclopedia Dramatica itself. In all of MF's long history, only two mentions. That would be the 2010 thread about idiotic Australia attempting to block ED for running "hate speech". And the 2011 thread about Girlvinyl shutting it down (fail, baby). Such threads include loving commentary such as the items quoth below. Thus it seems a number of MeFites hate ED and would evidently like to see it gone from the web. One must wonder what they think of ED's resurgence. (A few people have tried to start a new MF thread about this, and found themselves banned forever by Haughey.)

• Australia:

	“	Encyclopedia Dramatica sucks. A lot. But the question of censorship should never be left up to questions of merit. Censoring this amplifies a stupid-ass webpage way more than allowing it would have. Just let it the fuck be, and be smarter and funnier if you have to refute it for any reason. Smarter and funnier than ED is the lowest of thresholds as is anyway.	„

	“	People who frequent ED are the worst kind of trolls - and by that I mean they just aren't very good at it. It's where trolls go after they first feel that rush of adrenaline one gets when you make another person on the internet really angry, but before they figure out that shit like "it's over 9000" isn't actually funny.	„

	“	ED also stands for erectile dysfunction. That's when you have difficulty getting a boner.	„

• OHI shutdown:

	“	Good fucking riddance.	„

	“	And nothing of value was lost Truer words were never spoken.	„

	“	I for one will miss the ejaculations of contempt, homophobia, misogyny, antisemitism, general abusiveness, bullying, entry level trolling, and links to internet shock sites that passed for comedy on this site. Because where else are you going to find such wit? It just doesn't exist anywhere else on the web!	„

Suicide

Poor Cheerwine. She would probably be alive today if she hadn't listened to the fucking freaks on Metafilter who are like a crowd yelling "jump" as a distraught person stands on a ledge twenty stories up.

Mefites have an extremely short life-expectancy, due to the prevalence of suicide among the misfit userbase there. This creates lulz. There are regular obit threads on Metatalk for Mefites who have offed themselves (known, in ED-land, as "becoming an hero"). In a long enough timespan, every Mefite will eventually self-pwn.

One unfortunate, not lulzy suicide was committed by Cheerwine, a victim of Mefi's boundless support of transgender people despite the fact that, once they "transition," they will be seen as misfit freaks by everyone they meet for the rest of their lives. Cheerwine was asking how she could get through TSA's draconian screening procedures with the gigantic flaccid dildo she had stuffed in her underwear in a feeble attempt to appear male (this is known as "packing" your pantaloons). One week later, after an awkward incident involving the "packer" being mistaken for a plastic explosive, Cheerwine had self-pwned. Thanks, Mefi!

But how dare you actually post an item to the front page about actual suicide! Especially when it involves high school kids and trigger words! If you do that, the scary-looking Eyebrows lady will nuke it instantly! Because trigger words!

Ask Metafilter

Ask consists largely of questions about whether it is wise to leave your partner as you have seen them fornicating with two furries, six dwarves, a large dog, or an ax murderer. Also a great place to ask for new names for your cat. In spite of their endless claims of having a "great resource" of "knowledge", it's actually nothing more than Another Online Forum Full of Little Rectum-Biters. Ask about editing Wikidickpedia, and you'll get advice from "Dhartung", one of the Jessamyn buddies who helped "protect" her TOW article for years, rewrote Haughey's biography, and offered his opinions on COI editing of TOW back in 2006. Try looking at their top discussions of all time to see what narcissistic dull pantysniffers they really are. Plus as usual, sexytime is a scary, scary subject. [60] "Ask" also serves as a dumping ground for people who talk about things they don't want to see on the main forum.

Ask Metafilter’s Human Relations tag is dominated by “anonymous” questions from confused souls asking, for example, whether they should be troubled that their husband wants to engage in wife-swapping or their therapist has recommended that they join a vegan sex cult. In all cases expect the recommendation to be more therapy. When the questions aren't from invisible lesbians and insufferable sad sacks whining about how much they, as middle-class Americans, have it worse than starving African AIDS baby rape victims, they're from equally insufferable Nice Guys who want to know how best to get away with date raep. Any known woman caught asking a question about her relationship will rightfully be called a slut over and over, until her post is deleted by Jessamyn, who can't stand the thought that her centipede-infected vagina isn't the only one on MetaFilter.

AskMetafilter also serves as an official support group for high-testosterone, lantern-jawed feminist women who recoil in horror at the thought of reproducing with their husbands, who complain about their husbands not serving as adequate emotional tampons, and those live with husbands who are allergic to work, completely ineffectual, and addicted to video games.

Nothing screams "autistic pedants" louder than a thread about whether pizza is a sandwich or not. It appears that MeFuck's "golden age" peaked in 2008 and they've been sagging ever since. Like your mom's penis.

A totally real and genuine Ask MeFi thread:

	“	Dear Metafilter, I am a 20 year old lesbian who has just moved to a new town, and I'm too young for the bar scene. How should I meet other gay women? -anonymous Dear anonymous, Sometimes relationships can go seriously wrong. What if the other woman is not really gay? You definitely need to lawyer up. -ParisianSnowflake Dear anonymous, I'm a straight guy, but I'm sure I can answer your question. You see, blah blah blah friendzone blah blah ladder theory blah blah George Sodini was right blah blah blah. -AwsumDood39 Dear anonymous, Have you considered therapy? -SelfSatisfiedAndIntellectuallyLazy Dear anonymous, You need to find Jesus! -Konolia	„

MetaTalk

Of course they have a place to "unwind". Where they actually generate abuse and lulz against each other. In the wake of particularly traumatic front page posts, huge swaths of comments on the sub-section MetaTalk are devoted to working out just how offended people are. One recent enormous MetaTalk thread, for example, devolved into a tedious and arcane discussion of how offended feminist theorists should be if transsexuals show up at women’s rights meetings. Afterwards most of the participants logged off MetaFilter and headed over to /b/ to fap to delicious lolis, all the while congratulating themselves for being smarter than your average /b/tards.

MeFites are famous for lauding themselves for "pulling together as a community". “Oh my God you guys are so amazing,” someone will post after a death results in a chain of “.” symbols, and then the mod will post it to the front page. Everyone will be amazed by themselves for honoring the dead person with a mass of astute punctuation marks, demonstrating the good sense of being on Metafilter instead of 4chan.

For numerous hot stinking examples, consult the "Sexism" list given above. Or look at their "Etiquette/Policy" section, where threads with hundreds of name-calling posts are almost a daily occurrence. Complaints about the moderators are also routine, and always followed with smug personal attacks. [61][62][63] Being quoted in "mainstream news media" makes for hardened clits. [64]

In 2011 the constipated neebs gave themselves a stroke over how they busted up a white-slavery ring. Of course, like most of their good deeds, it exists only in their retarded imaginations. (The blog post by "Miconian" that blew the whistle was disappeared, along with the rest of his blog. Probably because Haughey and company threatened him. Luckily it's still on archive.org.)

Not to mention the 2012 suicide hoax. User "holdkris99" had an account created for his "wife", who proceeded to bullshit at much length that he'd killed himself. Even Haughey fell for it.

“	I'm so sorry mrs holdkris99. His name seemed really familiar and I searched my email and realized I emailed with him the day before (possibly just hours before) his death, when he asked me to edit his last Willie Nelson post which sounded like an obit until we trimmed the first sentence to make it a proper new album announcement. He sounds like an amazing person that went through a lot and I have fond memories of the things he posted here. He will be missed.	„
—--idiot

Eventually Cortex realized they'd been trolled:

“	I'm closing this up; it turns out that this death announcement was bullshit and Marc is very much alive. There is a new Metatalk post here.	„
—--Cortex finally showing some brain tissue, lol

Metafilter user Conspire's face, seen here, exhibits the classic symptoms of acute onset of Asian butthurt

In 2016, a handful of high-strung faggy Asian SJWs got butthurt over the existence of something called Rage Yoga in the basement of a bar in Canada, and were outraged that not every MeFite agreed that "Rage Yoga" was an evil example of "cultural appropriation." This led to a festival of butthurt whining and nastiness from the Asian crybully Mefites and their limp-wristed white enablers. Small-dicked Oriental Mefites like Errant, Conspire (who is an epic whinger), and 23Skidoo flew into rage about this adoption of colored people's culture, perhaps not appreciating the irony of Asians, who basically are only good at copying shit that other people invent, being pissed about their culture being ripped off. Metafilter mods, defending against the accusation that they had not tried hard enough to find a person of color during their last moderator hiring (when they hired a white soccer mom and attorney), claimed that they had a binder full of people of color but that the binder got lost in Jessamyn's armpit hair and the moderator team was "stretched too thin" to conduct an expedition into that jungle to retrieve the binder.

In the course of the debate about Metafilter's lack of moderator diversity, it was mistakenly claimed that Metafilter lacks a transgender mod. This is not true, Metafilter has a CAFAB moderator that is transgender. Its name is Jeremy. (June 2016 update: Metafilter added a new sexually confused he/she transfag as a tech person, an Austrian transgender named "frimble", a username that stands for "free, nimble rim jobs" that frimble is known for.)

Metafilter Advice: In the Case of Muslim Terrorist Attacks, Choose to be Gay!

One of Metafilter's saddest, loneliest pre-suicidal faggots, Fizz, likes to remind everyone when there is a raghead terrorist attack that you should always choose to be gay. Do not hate, do not vote for Trump, do not exclude swarthy people with stone-aged religious beliefs from your country. Instead, join Fizz in being gay and getting your anus stretched to about yay big. Here is Fizz's standard copyfagsta:

	“	Reminder: 1. Choose not to hate. 2. Choose not to make baseless assumptions. 3. Choose not to be online. 4. Love. 5. Think. If you find this kind of news overwhelming, distressing, and traumatic. Consider signing out of your social media/news-feeds. In a few days the news will settle and more truthful and reliable information will be out. And emotions will also not be at as high a level. Stay safe. I hate that I've posted this exact same comment several times within the past few years. Too many times. Fuck. posted by Fizz at 4:11 PM on July 14 [62 faggots liked this]	„

The faggiest comment ever posted anywhere on Metafilter

One of Metafilter's freakiest, shriekiest faggots is a socially awkward female troll named Frowner, who showed up in 2010 and has repeatedly waxed suicidally in comment after shrill comment about her dismal existence as a secretary, rueing the opportunities she never seized due to her poor self-esteem arising out of her freakish gender presentation and trailer park origins. And the MeFools upvote her ravings again and again. She knows the way to "trigger" them correctly, with displays of self-loathing.

She posted what is surely the faggiest comment ever seen anywhere, on any Metafilter site, perhaps even in the entire history of the internet (which is quite an accomplishment since the internet is no stranger to the word-dribblings of damaged freaks). Here is what she said:

	“	finding a tumblr-literate therapist was a huge piece of luck for me	„

Said comment came up when Frowner was recounting her Tumblr-induced self-loathing as a white person. If you, as a Metafilter member, do not publicly engage in public, ritual self-flagellation on account of your whiteness, you will be summarily shunned from Metafilter. Also note that Frowner has removed all her user info as of 2016. Like all great Internet asswipes, she seeks to tear down other people while remaining anonymous and untouchable.

“	I mean, half of my family is from a pretty redneck area, and before that from Appalachia, and they'd all gnaw off a forearm before voting for Trump, so it gets me down a little bit to have all this blanket "no sympathy for people from distressed areas". posted by Frowner at 5:10 AM on March 20 [60 favorites]	„
—--[65]

“	It also reminds me that as the economy polarizes, more and more of the people who set the broader cultural tone will be rich people who can afford to do whatever one does to become a bearded "affinity marketer"; the tone of the culture will be more and more geared at rich people; and what used to be the outward signs of bohemia will/do no longer signal particularly progressive politics. I mean, back in the day, if you wore goofy clothes and grew your own herbs, it was because you were a hippie and you were plugged in to a certain political worldview. Now it's just that the elites have done their usual strip-mining of the nicer parts of the poor kind of counterculture - better food, avoiding sweatshop crap if you can afford to do so - and made it their thing, a gentrification of cultural habits. posted by Frowner at 7:31 AM on May 2, 2013 [63 favorites]	„
—--[66]

Extremely Lulzy Threads

The awesomest ones tend to appear on MetaTalk because putting the shit on the front page would be bad. Also note that the Talk threads invariably attract snide putdowns from Haughey, West or Cortex. Narcissistic fuckheads always must have the last word. Despite claiming publicly to be a place to express open opinions, Metafilter's various subsections are actually places for hatred, abuse and personal attacks.

• Something something Christian "There are enough people pretending to be Christian that I hardly think one more is going to hurt anything."
• Overmoderation? "Hi there, mods. Yes, you. Mathowie, jessamyn and cortex. Please stop closing MeTa threads so early and so often. I think you're forgetting the "community" part."
• From 2009, someone brings up the 1989 massacre at École Polytechnique in Montreal, and it degenerates into sexist namecalling. From both sides.
• The above led to this which has something to do with this.
• "I really wish people could post comments as anonymous sometimes. Because by percentages alone, YOU KNOW that there are people reading this thread who are, indeed, serial flashers or public masterbators. There HAVE to be. You know, I can take a bit of sexism, but this is really overboard." Original thread deleted by Haughey, because.
• "A post about how women experience street harassment has been deleted."
• More MRA/feminist japing
• From 2007: "please erase this MeFi user from my brain" which led to the deletion of the front-page thread and the eventual bannination of the user. As usual.

Examples Of Cortex Having His Ample Ass Kissed

(note: he's deleted all these early sound files, prob. because they're embarrassing, but if you must hear the 2010 album, DL it here and DON'T PAY FOR IT)

He's an expert on asses

• HE CUMS AGAIN
• Yes, tell him to stop being himself
• you're one to complain about spamming
• worst cover of "California Dreamin" evar
• Woody rolls in his grave
• a track off his utterly forgettable and forgotten 2010 album
• another track off his utterly forgettable 2010 album
• ditto
• his attempt to suck up to his suckups on MeFi
• let's be glad she never heard this cover
• ANOTHER track from his shit 2010 album
• more of the same
• too awful to listen to--a "parody of the Portal end song"

“	WAIT HOLD THE FUCKIN' PHONE, THIS IS A DIFFERENT OWEN WILSON WOWSABER VIDEO, THIS ONE'S EVEN BETTER posted by cortex at 1:53 PM on July 20 [17 favorites] I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU'VE BEEN INTERNET, BUT YOU'RE BACK posted by cortex at 1:54 PM on July 20 [13 favorites]	„
—--fuck you, asshole

Butthurt videos

|

WAAAHHHH MY IPHONE IS BROKEN WAAAHHH

Jessamyn and Cortex mumble at each other pointlessly

If you don't hate Jessamyn yet you will after watching this

More Jessamyn blubbering about MeFi's tenth anniversary in 2009

Haughey pontificates at 2012 XOXO just before their Alexa rank craters

Previous Video | Next Video

External links

• http://www.metafilter.com/
• You don't have to worry about MetaFucker for much longer. Their Alexa rank has been dropping like a rock for the past several years, and Haughey recently resigned as Glorious Dear Leader. Of course, he blamed Metafilter's decline on a "change in Google's algorithm". They had to lay off workers, too. Yes, that's correct, MeFi was just another Google AdWords moneymaking scheme, posing as a "free and open community". No fun anymore, maaan. Of course Haughey went on MetaTalk and tried to smooth it all over with his usual half-assed dick snorkley nonsense.
• "Metafilter’s downfall is the perfect metaphor for the way we Internet now", gasp! You mean things aren't wonderful in MeFlop Land?
• There's a subreddit on Reddit about Metafilter. Cleverly made to look like Metafilter's front page....moderated by Jessamyn and Cortex....and almost dead. A few posts per month.
• The same day this article ran as AOTN, this post appeared on MetaTalk. And was dismissed and attacked. The top-voted comment: "As exemplified by restless_nomad's incredibly patient comment in this thread, given the tone of the post and personal insult directed at her, I will once again go on record as saying I think the moderators on Metafilter are not only some of the best moderators anywhere, but some of the best, most patent people on the face of the planet. Most of the rest of us would probably have just told you to cram it." "posted by bondcliff at 8:42 AM on August 28, 2015 [266 favorites] "
• One of their most popular users, "The Whelk", writes awful fan fiction about TV shows.

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