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Alex Jones: Difference between revisions

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{{quote|Great job Elitemexicanhacker12 !|[[anonymous]]}}
{{quote|Great job Elitemexicanhacker12 !|[[anonymous]]}}
==Parking Lot Story==
A source of lulz for the last three years, the '''Alex Jones' Parking Lot Story''' is infamous amongst Jones' cult followers, independent free-press, and Alex's detractors, alike.
While the reality of the story is up for debate, it is not unreasonable to assume that Alex - [[Singing_Shark|a loudmouth fuck who picks fights with relative strangers]] - started the fight, and then lost it, accordingly. (An example of his reasoning skills can be heard daily on his radio program, [[ad_hominem|where he debates]] with callers who disagree.)
The story goes: Alex and company, including his father, Bob, were having dinner at some restaurant. At another table was a RL troll named [[trollface|Steve]]. Alex recognized the man's voice (as Steve routinely called various radio shows in the Austin area to prank them; favouring Alex's show.) Approaching the man, Alex began to curse at and threaten Steve. Alex, acting big, stated he was going to whip the troll's ass. Steve stepped up and double dawg dared him to step outside...
At first, Alex wavered. But, having a huge ego and a tough guy image to keep up, (and realizing that even if he lost the fight, he could always lie later-on,) Alex went outside to confront Steve.
In the parking lot, Alex was hesitant to fight, but Steve kept at him.
In true nigger fashion, Alex threatened to pull his piece on Steve, who RL trolled Alex even more by calling him a "pussy;" stating, to the extent, that "only pussies bring a gun to a fist-fight, you jarhead pussy."
Alex, according to eye-witness reports, ran to his truck, fumbling for his gun, which he apparently slipped into some pocket. Then, with a hand in that pocket, advanced on Steve - who, after a few steps backwards, triple-dawg dared Alex to, "shoot me already, you jarhead bitch." Then popped Alex in the face, dropping him like a faggot.
Alex cried for dad, ordering one of his dinner guests to, "[[forced_meme|Get Bob!!]]"
While Alex's cohort ran indoors to fetch daddy, Alex got back up and [[AIDS|spat blood in Steve's face]]. Steve reacted accordingly, and punched Alex again, dropping him.
[[tldr|Long story short]]: Before fleeing the restaurant parking lot, Alex told Steve that he had [[facepalm|powerful relatives in the FBI]], and reported to them Steve's [now defunct] bookstore as a terrorist front, and [[brad Dayley|Steve, as a pedo, with large cache of CP]]
.
The fed, in true Illuminati fashion, found Steve not guilty of anything.
Alex, remembering his revelation at dinner the night before, went on-air and claimed that he was jumped by 4-5 knife-wielding assailants (despite not receiving even one cut during his heroic struggle.) They hated freedom, loved to oppresses patriots, and wanted him dead. But, Alex told, he valiantly fought them off with only his bare fists, because he wasn't going to lay down - he wasn't afraid!
To this day, Alex fights to have this story [[Final_solution|removed from the Internets forever]].


==Alex Jones & #SandyLootCrew Trolls==
==Alex Jones & #SandyLootCrew Trolls==

Revision as of 22:18, 6 September 2018

BREAKING NEWS!!
Alex Jones likes chicks with dicks