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[[Image:Dancing cats.gif|frame|wat]]
<center><youtube>qpl5mOAXNl4</youtube></center>
A '''cat''' is a small, ornamental, [[furry]] automaton often used to provide you with [[Dying alone|love and companionship]] when you fuck up your [[no life|shit life]]. The [[childfree|substitute child]] for lonely spinsters and [[fag|fags]], a cat is a household pet that people like to photograph and [[post]] in [[community|communities]], and the [[fact|official animal of the Internet]]. [[Jameth]] has [[Poko Ono|two]] [[Porsche|cats]] that he [[nobody cares|very much loves to photograph]].
[[Image:Blackshatecats.gif|thumb|200px|'''Cat''': ''n''. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. -[[The Devil's Dictionary|Ambroce Bierce]]]]
[[File:Add_Cats.jpg|200px|thumb|left|Insert at your nearest river]]
'''Cats''' are [[furry]] ornaments signs of someone who fucks up in life and will [[dying alone|die alone]]. The [[childfree|child-substitute]] for lonely homos and dykes, said [[Jameth|fags]] like to photograph and [[post]] in [[community|communities]]. And because all internet users are antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied, pussies that overreact to everything, '''cats''' became the official animal of the internet.
<center>__TOC__</center>


==Lore==
==Dangers==
Cats were worshiped by [[Old|ancient]] [[Egypt]]ian cultures, which isn't so great considering that they [[dumb|weren't very smart]]. They inspired the naming of the sixth planet Caturn, the Greek city of Cathens, and a day in our weekly calendar is [[Caturday|devoted entirely to them]].
Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black '''cat''' crossed your path. However, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a [[Nigger|black '''man''']] crosses your path, as cats are completely useless.


[[Image:Blackshatecats.gif|frame|FACT: All niggers hate cats. If you see these Niggers give them a good hard kick in the nuts for ED]]
Because their claws and teeth are just for show, '''cats'''' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk. Pointing it at their target will cause most people to [[DO NOT WANT|weird out]]; ''most'', not [[furries|all]]. Once they turn away, the '''cat''' will be free to further his [[sleep|diabolical deeds]], the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn pics onto their hard drives] and eating their owners.
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|thumb|left|220px|Keep out of reach of children]]
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|right|220px|[[hardcore|Montecore]] (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church_of_Fudge|Schwester]].]]
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]]: Her penchant for [[Carlos Sousa Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin]]


==Internets relevance==
==[[City glitter|"Killing" Cats for Fun and Profit''']]==
<blockquote>''When John Atanasoff and Clifford Berry developed the first digital computing machine at Iowa State University in 1937, little did they know that their invention would become an integral part of a sophisticated worldwide cat picture distribution system.''<br/>
As City Glitter has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your cat has been set on fire and ask them to donate money to your [[PayPal]] to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true.  This is a good idea because:
:&mdash; [http://iowahawk.typepad.com/ Iowahawk], 12 March 2004</blockquote>
*it raises [[money]]
 
*it raises [[lulz]]
The cat is the official animal of the internet lol. [[I Can Has Cheezburger?|Macros]] are generated, blogs are blogged, and many, many photographs are taken of cats. It is generally accepted that cats are the only thing /b/tards have any love for in their lives, because they remind them of their antisocial, furry-loving selves.  It is well documented that a cat is the only thing a /b/tard won't [[rape]], except for [[a cat is fine too|one particularly lonely one]]. Cats haven't ever been unlike rental furniture, the main difference being that one day they will die horribly in front of you and leave you alone forever, [[Lonely|just like everyone else.]]
*it creates [[internet drama]]
 
*as long as you claim later [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html it's all a social experiment], it's okay
==Are good for... ?==
[[Image:UnDrowned Cat1.gif|frame|[[Justice]]]]
[[image:Cat Hat.jpg|thumb|They also make excellent [[TF2|hats]]]]
Unlike large dogs, cats are useless for [[sex]].  A domestic cat's [[vagina|junk]] is too small for even the smallest [[Asian]] person's penis.  And a large cat can attack you like Siegfried and Roy's tiger.  However when a cat hisses at you, it is telling you it wants to give you a blow job which can be quite pleasurable [[Lie|because their tongue feels even better than a vagina.]] Interestingly, [http://www.<!--Stupid spam filter-->livenudecats.com talking about sex with cats] is quite distasteful to lovers.
 
There are rumors that cats are conspiring to take over the world. This is [[a bit sus]]. Their main plan of attack is showing people, other animals and inanimate objects their anus. A cat's anus looks like an asterisk, but you already knew that.  By doing this, they [[DO NOT WANT|weird out]] most normal people, animals and inanimate objects (except [[furries]]), causing them to turn away so they are free to further their [[sleep|own nefarious goals]], the greatest of which is eating unwatched meals of food.  Their plan of attack may also include tripping people up by winding between their legs, irreversible damage to furniture, hanging out on stairs and [[diaperfur|peeing on carpets]]. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by [http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/08/07/man_blames_cat/ downloading thousands of kiddie porn pics onto their hard drives].
 
[[Image:ED-LJVulv-DDoS-OOPS.jpg|thumb|Those pesky cats..]]In September of 2006, an obese [http://theorangecat.livejournal.com orange cat] (not to be confused with [[Garfield]]) exploited a vulnerability in [[LiveJournal]]'s video subsystem to redirect people attempting to load [[pro-ana|LiveJournal eating disorder communities]] to pictures of the [[Donut Girl]]. Every time they loaded the page. Invite a bunch of [[16 year old girl|drama whores]] to ED, some of them probably even want to take a look around. Oops.... The cat then proceeded to [http://theorangecat.livejournal.com/1992.html attempt to invite people] to [[lulzcon]].


==Scientology==
Note: There are a variety of options for raising [[money]] on [[LiveJournal]] by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.
[[Image:Heilhitlercat.gif|frame|Like Scientologists, Cats are known to be organized [[anti-semite]]s]]
[[Scientologist]]s are rumored to despise cats, and have accused them of being in cahoots with the [[batshit insane|Marcab Confederacy]].  [[Rorschach]]'s cat, [[Mudkips]], was poisoned shortly after he (Carasov) was identified on a [[CO$]] video.  Naturally the cat, a stray whom Carasov fed, was a mortal threat to Scientologists everywhere and was also most likely a [[lolwut|suppressive feline]], therefore it was immediately designated fair game and was terminated by [[Tom Cruise]].  Cruise failed to destroy or even affect the cat using his OTVIII [[mind control]] powers, proving yet again that the cat itself was a deadly conundrum for CO$ followers everywhere, so he instead resorted to poisoning Mudkips by adding ammonia to the food that Carasov was leaving out for him - no, [[srsly]].  These events were documented in the forthcoming Mission: Impossible-IV which, like its predecessors, was a box office smash.


==Excerpts From a Cat's Diary==
{{cs|Excerpts From a Cat's Diary|Excerpts From a Cat's Diary|
[[File:YourCatIsTryingToKillYou.jpg|thumb|300px|Your cat is trying to kill you.]]
[[File:YourCatIsTryingToKillYou.jpg|thumb|300px|Your cat is trying to kill you.]]
The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly [[WBC|Topeka, KS]], following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile [[weeaboo]], deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent [[jenkem]] diet. Only a fascist, democratic, rebel, [[Jewish]], or God-fearing soul would dare write such a blasphemous and obvious fabrication, as all cats are inherently powerful, and any attempt to submerge a holy Cat in liquid would necessarily be followed by swift, dishonorable evisceration of all parties involved. LONGCAT IS ALL. ALL FOR LONGCAT.
The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly [[WBC|Topeka, KS]], following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile [[weeaboo]], deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent [[jenkem]] diet. Only a fascist, democratic, rebel, [[Jewish]], or God-fearing soul would dare write such a blasphemous and obvious fabrication, as all cats are inherently powerful, and any attempt to submerge a holy Cat in liquid would necessarily be followed by swift, dishonorable evisceration of all parties involved. LONGCAT IS ALL. ALL FOR LONGCAT.
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*DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "[[Furshampoo|shampoo]]." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
*DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "[[Furshampoo|shampoo]]." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
*DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
*DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "[[beer]]". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
*DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than [[happy]] to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...
*DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The [[retard|dog]] is routinely released and seems more than [[happy]] to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...|0}}
<br clear="all" />
 
<b>TL;DR?</b>
<center>
<youtube>qpl5mOAXNl4</youtube>
</center>
 
==Ancient Folklore==
[[Image:Nazicat.jpg|thumb|200px|Nazicat]][[Image:Jewcat.jpg‎ |thumb|200px|Jewcat at bay]]
Cats have been associated with a variety of superstitions for [[over 9000|over 9,000 years]], and [[some argue]] that this is due to them having a [[it is a mystery|mysterious]] nature, while others maintain that it is simply because all cats are badass motherfuckers with special powers and [[shit]].
 
Cats are often even associated with the ancient [[asian]] [http://garfieldlostintranslation.blogspot.com art of zen].
 
Indeed, there have been several very influential cats revealed on the [[Internets]], including [[Longcat]] and [[Ceiling_Cat|Ceiling Cat]]. Others, such as [[Serious_Cat|Serious Cat]] or [[BIKECAT]] are merely henchmen with less significant abilities.
 
Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path. However, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a [[Nigger|black]] ''man'' crosses your path, and subsequently you will die.
 
==Ship Cats==
It is a long standing tradition to get a cat when going away to sea. There are multiple reasons for this.
*They [[pwn]] mice
*They are [[lulz|lulzy]]
*They stop the crew from going batshit insane
*They keep everyone happy
:*Objections to the continual [[Gay|sodomy]] on board can be answered with, 'Hell! at least we are not swiving the CAT!!!'
:*(Later, the speaker will swive the cat.)
*They are [[AWESOME]]
*They can play the piano, like [[Keyboard Cat]].
 
=="Killing" Cats for Fun and Profit==
 
{{Squote|CAT, n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. |Ambroce Bierce|The Devils Dictionary|color=silver|size=360%|textSize=85%|textColor=red|textSize=200%|sourceColor=green|sourceSize=100%}}  
 
<center><youtube>KCPA__l-pWc</youtube></center>
 
You can also pretend to people you know on [[LiveJournal]] that your [[Citty Glitter|cat has been set on fire]] and ask them to donate money to your [[PayPal]] to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true.  This is a good idea because:
*it raises [[money]]
*it raises [[lulz]]
*it creates [[Internet drama]]
*as long as you claim later [http://www.livejournal.com/users/city_glitter/847289.html it's all a social experiment] then it's okay, right?
 
NB: There are a variety of options for raising [[money]] on [[LiveJournal]] by saying your [[pussy]] is on fire.
 
You can make money on [[Facebook]] by pretending to kill your neighbor's cat then waiting for reward money for your name and outing yourself!
 
<s>It is illegal to kill cats on [[Caturday]].</s> It's always illegal to kill cats.
 
Fun Fact: /b/tards are jaded husks of human beings, able to crack jokes at everything from 9/11 to Rodney King, [[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser|but will go apeshit if you harm a cat]]. I guess when you're at your computer with nothing but a [[Rootbrian|2 hour break]] your only friends are your [[IRC|IRC channel]] and your diabetic cat. Top scientists are still speculating why this occurs, but leading studies usually point out they're [[Internet Tough Guy|basically full of shit]], considering the typical Btard mocks [[PETA]] mercilessly.
 
==Sometime, Kitty Kill U==
[[Image:Satan_Cat.jpg|thumb|left|220px|This is [http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1046684/Meet-Yoda-cat-FOUR-ears.html Yoda] the Satan Cat in a stare-off with the [[Ceiling Cat]] over our very [[pokemans|souls]].]]
[[Image:Siegfried roy tiger.jpg|thumb|right|220px|[[hardcore|Montecore]] (center) took [[OM NOM NOM NOM|umbrage]] at two [[Nazi|German]] [[furry|buttbuddies]]' making flamboyant coats from his [[Church_of_Fudge|Schwester]].]]
[[Image:Tatiana emoticon.jpg|thumb|center|220px|[[Tatiana]], RIP. Her penchant for [[Carlos_Sousa_Jr|SOUSAge]] was to be her ruin.<br>''Who's laughing now, chulo?'']]


==Galleries==
==Galleries==
{{cg|Namecats|namecatsgallery|center|<gallery>Image:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
{{cg|[[Memes]]|Cat memes gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Longcat.jpg|[[Longcat]]
Image:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
Image:Limecat2.jpg|[[Limecat]]
Image:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
Image:Arguecat.PNG|[[This is why we can't have nice things|Arguecat]]
Image:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
Image:SeriousCat_nocaption.jpg|[[Serious Cat]]
Image:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Trashcat.jpg|Trashcat
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
File:Bincat.JPG|[[Bincat]]
Image:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
Image:Speedycat.gif|[[Speedycat]]
Image:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
Image:Tacgnol.jpg|[[Tacgnol]]
Image:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
Image:Kitler.jpg|[[Kitler]]
Image:Nazicat.jpg|[[Nazicat]]
Image:Nazicat.jpg|[[Kitler|Nazicat]]
Image:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
Image:Jewcat.jpg|[[User:Zionistacat|Zionistacat]]
Image:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
Image:Happycat.jpg|[[NEDM|Happycat]]
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Image:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
Image:BIKECAT.jpg|[[BIKECAT]]
Image:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
Image:FishingcatFTW.jpg|[[Fishing Cat]]
Image:Ceilingcat.jpg|[[Ceiling cat]]
Image:FactCat.png|Factcat
Image:FactCat.png|Factcat
Image:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
Image:Wikipedia cat.jpg|[[TOW]] cat has replaced Fact cat.
Image:Arguecat.PNG|[[Arguecat]]
Image:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
Image:Tankcat.jpg|Tankcat
Image:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
Image:Monorail cat.jpg|Monorailcat
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Image:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
Image:Keyboard_cat.jpg|[[Keyboard Cat]]
Image:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
Image:Grammar_nazi_cat.jpg|[[Grammar Nazi]] Cat
Image:Garfield_fgsfds.jpg|[[Garfield]]
Image:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
Image:Party cat.gif|[[Party Cat]]
Image:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]
Image:1285096582633.jpg|[[Stare cat]]
</gallery>}}
{{clear}}
<br>


{{cg|Classic Macros|classicmacrosgallery|center|<gallery>Image:Relevant.jpg|Indeed
{{cg|Newfag shit|Newfag Cat gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Brushing the cat.gif|Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
Image:Dancing cats.gif|Isn't it sad what people do in their spare time these days?
Image:Willitblend cat.jpg|[[Will it blend?|Nutritious and delicious!]]
File:Surrender cat.jpg
File:Cat Machine Gun.gif
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Imlink.jpg|He's Link.
Image:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
Image:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Image:Kittyaww.jpg|[[^_^]]
Image:Cat Hat.jpg|Warning: Doing this will result with your IQ dropping ten points
Image:Bird and a cat daw.gif
Image:Suprise buttsecks cat.jpg
Image:Relevant.jpg|Indeed
Image:Jesus Christ it's a lion Get In The Car!.jpg|[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!|Get in the car!]]
Image:Jesus Christ it's a lion Get In The Car!.jpg|[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!|Get in the car!]]
Image:IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES CAT.jpg|[[IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES?]]
Image:IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES CAT.jpg|[[IS IT CAN BE HUGS TIEM NOW PLEES?]]
Image:Pokemans.jpg|He has [[Mudkip]] on his team.</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Pokemans.jpg|He has [[Mudkip]] on his team.
Image:Cat Moar Internets.jpg|Infant cats feed on [[internets]].  Only by providing internets can a cat-owner raise it to be worthy of [[Caturday]].
Image:Cat Moar Internets.jpg|Infant cats feed on [[internets]].  Only by providing internets can a cat-owner raise it to be worthy of [[Caturday]].
Image:Zombiecat.jpg|Zombie Cat
Image:Zombiecat.jpg|Zombie Cat
Image:Suprise buttsecks cat.jpg|[[Rape|Oops!]]
Image:I Has A Flavour Cat.jpg|As certified by [[AZN]]s
Image:I Has A Flavour Cat.jpg|As certified by [[AZN]]s
Image:Wtfdoocat.jpg|Whoopdefuckingdoocat [[DO NOT WANT|DOES NOT CARE]]
Image:Wtfdoocat.jpg|Whoopdefuckingdoocat [[DO NOT WANT|DOES NOT CARE]]
Image:Willitblend cat.jpg|[[Will it blend?|Nutritious and delicious!]]
Image:Burrito.jpg|Buritocat
Image:Burrito.jpg|Buritocat
Image:Coke_cat.jpg|[[cocaine|Deviatedseptum]]cat wants to party hard.
Image:Coke_cat.jpg|[[cocaine|Deviatedseptum]]cat wants to party hard.
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Image:QUESTIONCAT.JPG|QuestionCat
Image:QUESTIONCAT.JPG|QuestionCat
Image:Chikin cat.jpg|He's a chikin
Image:Chikin cat.jpg|He's a chikin
Image:Imlink.jpg|He's Link.
Image:Linkcat girl.jpg|Also Link
Image:Whathasbeenseen.jpg|[[Pain series|Painseries]]cat is not amused
Image:Whathasbeenseen.jpg|[[Pain series|Painseries]]cat is not amused
Image:Doyouhasaflavorcat.jpg|Flavor testing tiem plees.
Image:Doyouhasaflavorcat.jpg|Flavor testing tiem plees.
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Image:Whore.png|Pimpcat takes no shit from his [[your mom|bitches]]
Image:Whore.png|Pimpcat takes no shit from his [[your mom|bitches]]
Image:Nyooom.JPG|Nyooom cat
Image:Nyooom.JPG|Nyooom cat
Image:I lol'd.jpg|OMG funnay.  Now put your cock away, fgt</gallery>}}
Image:I lol'd.jpg|OMG funnay.  Now put your cock away, fgt
 
Image:Catmouse.jpg|delicious
{{cg|Computer Cats|computercatpicsgallery|center|<gallery>Image:Catmouse.jpg|delicious
Image:Tech support cat.jpg|[[Microsoft]] certified
Image:Tech support cat.jpg|[[Microsoft]] certified
Image:Cat-like typing.jpg|Spam machine!
Image:Cat-like typing.jpg|Spam machine!
Image:Maccat.jpg|[[Mac]]Cat is pwning Windows</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Maccat.jpg|[[Mac]]Cat is pwning Windows
Image:Pervert_cat2.jpg|Just Watching... meaoooo
Image:Pervert_cat2.jpg|Just Watching... meaoooo
Image:Wait ill fix it.jpg|It'll cost you, though
Image:Wait ill fix it.jpg|It'll cost you, though
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Image:Woops.jpg|Eh, still better than AOL tech support.
Image:Woops.jpg|Eh, still better than AOL tech support.
Image:Anykeycat.jpg|Lol, n00b
Image:Anykeycat.jpg|Lol, n00b
Image:Why.jpg|What a disappointment you became
Image:COMINT_cat.jpg|miauu..2U understand?
Image:Internet sensibilities cat.JPG|This cat suffers from a [[victim complex]]. Take pity on the kitty.
Image:Internet sensibilities cat.JPG|This cat suffers from a [[victim complex]]. Take pity on the kitty.
Image:Don't copy that floppy.jpg|Piracy is bad
Image:Don't copy that floppy.jpg|Piracy is bad
Image:Grass_cat.gif
‎Image:Futurecats2.jpg
</gallery>}}
{{cg|Other Cats|roflcatzgallery|center|<gallery>
Image:Brushing the cat.gif|Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
Image:Kittyaww.jpg|[[^_^]]
Image:My Spider.jpg|[[Gentlemen]]
Image:My Spider.jpg|[[Gentlemen]]
Image:Pwned_cat1.jpg|Felis Erectus.</gallery>|<gallery>
Image:Pwned_cat1.jpg|Felis Erectus.
Image:Bat country.jpg|[[Hunter S. Thompson|Huntercat]] knows the score.
Image:Bat country.jpg|[[Hunter S. Thompson|Huntercat]] knows the score.
Image:Bird and a cat daw.gif|D'AWWWWWWW
File:Kittens Kill Superman.jpg
Image:Abortion cat.jpg|Better not tell the [[fundie]]s
Image:Rawrcat.jpg|[[Lion|JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION!  GET IN THE CAR!]]
Image:A most educated kitten.jpg|Fourth Year Theoretical Physics Degree Cat
Image:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
Image:gaysaudicat.jpg|Fucking ghey saudi cats.
Image:Komachan_Speedy_Long_Cat_.jpg|New [[Animu]] [[Speedycat|Speedy]][[Longcat|Long]][[Cats|Cat]]
Image:Komachan_Speedy_Long_Cat_.jpg|New [[Animu]] [[Speedycat|Speedy]][[Longcat|Long]][[Cats|Cat]]
Line 360: Line 312:
Image:IRAprettycloud.jpg|
Image:IRAprettycloud.jpg|
Image:That's nice.jpg
Image:That's nice.jpg
Image:Linkcat sleepy.jpg|zzzzzzzzzzzzz
Image:Catclog.jpg|Call a Plumper!
Image:Catclog.jpg|Call a Plumper!
Image:Desu cat.jpg|[[DESU]]!
Image:Desu cat.jpg|[[DESU]]!
Line 374: Line 325:
Image:Invisible deep throat.png|[[Invisible]] deep throat
Image:Invisible deep throat.png|[[Invisible]] deep throat
Image:SawsidgeNOMNOM.jpg|delishuss sawsidge
Image:SawsidgeNOMNOM.jpg|delishuss sawsidge
Image:Abortion cat.jpg|Better not tell the [[fundie]]s
Image:Rawrcat.jpg|[[Lion|JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION!  GET IN THE CAR!]]
Image:A most educated kitten.jpg|Fourth Year Theoretical Physics Degree Cat
File:CatGoingWuuut.gif
File:CatGoingWuuut.gif
File:Domestic house cat.jpg|[[Shit Bricks|A domestic house cat]].
File:Domestic house cat.jpg|A domestic house cat
Image:Cat_killer.jpg‎|Sometimes gets mad
Image:Cat_killer.jpg‎|Sometimes gets mad
File:Baseball Kitten.jpg|They also make excellent projectiles
File:Baseball Kitten.jpg|They also make excellent projectiles
File:Surrender cat.jpg|Don't fuck with cats...
Image:COMINT_cat.jpg|miauu..2U understand?
File:Cat Machine Gun.gif|or else you ''will'' regret it.
Image:Grass_cat.gif
File:Kittens Kill Superman.jpg
‎Image:Futurecats2.jpg
</gallery>}}{{clear}}
File:Thawing Cat.jpg|Cats hate water for a reason
</gallery>}}
{{clear}}
<br>


==See Also==
==See Also==
[[File:Thawing Cat.jpg|thumb|cats hate water for a reason...]]
[[image:Cool4Cats.png|250px|right]]
*[[A cat is fine too]]
*[[A cat is fine too]]
*[[Amber Baird]]
*[[Amber Baird]]
Line 399: Line 350:
*[[Caturday]]
*[[Caturday]]
*[[Crusadercat]]
*[[Crusadercat]]
*[[Inception Cat]]
*[[Invisible]]
*[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!]]
*[[JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!]]
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[Kenny Glenn The Animal Abuser]]
*[[Kittens]]
*[[LaraTheDarkAngel]]
*[[LaraTheDarkAngel]]
*[[Meow Wars]]
*[[Meow Wars]]
Line 411: Line 359:
*[[Sea Kittens]]
*[[Sea Kittens]]
*[[Sean Lynde]]
*[[Sean Lynde]]
*[[TrashCat]]
*[[Tyler Weinman]]
*[[Tyler Weinman]]
*[[Urlesque]]
*[[Urlesque]]
*[[Wang Jeu]]
*[[Wang Jeu]]
*[[Zippocat]]


==External Links==
==External Links==
*[http://www.acc.umu.se/~zqad/cats/index.html?flow=yes Many cats, oh yes.]
[http://newsok.com/fla.-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads/article/3391170?custom_click=rss/ Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
*[http://www.catster.com Catster: a place for scratching furniture.]
*[http://infinitecat.com The Infinite Cat Project.]
*[http://www.themoggy.com/solos1.htm The Sleeping Cat Olympics]
*[http://kittenwar.com Kittenwar!]
*[http://bbqcats.mine.nu OMGWTFBBQCATS?]
*[http://www.stuffonmycat.com Stuff + Cats = Awesome]
*[http://www.kibo.com/exegesis/panty_cat.shtml Panty Cat: <i>"I don't understand why a cat sniffing panties is funny... it just is."</i>]
*[http://erroraccessdenied.com/funnyanimals Moar catz]
*[http://www.nobeliefs.com/cat.htm NoBeliefs]
*[http://www.thecuteproject.com Some semi-decent ones without the lols that will some day make it to the galleries above]
*[http://www.randomkittengenerator.com You can literally waste hours of your life here.]
*[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WMGFni8bX8 There is a community of cats called Catland]
*[http://www.lolcatbible.com/index.php?title=Leviticus_18#22 lolcatbible.com ... Recently discovered texts show cats may have written the bible]
 
===News===
*[http://newsok.com/fla.-man-blames-cat-paws-for-child-porn-downloads/article/3391170?custom_click=rss/ Man blames his cat for CP downloads.]
*[http://news.yahoo.com/s/livescience/20090713/sc_livescience/catsdocontrolhumansstudyfinds New study finds that cats are taking over the world]
 
===LiveJournal===
*[http://community.livejournal.com/brutal_honesty/2803162.html Cruelty involving cats will offend even borderline trolls.  OSCAR: NEVAR FORGET]
*[http://community.livejournal.com/ljgenie/464803.html "help me or kitty gets it"]
*[http://community.livejournal.com/glamur_koshki/ Just Cats.]


{{cat}}
{{cat}}

Revision as of 22:38, 11 July 2012

Cat: n. A soft, indestructible automaton provided by nature to be kicked when things go wrong in the domestic circle. -Ambroce Bierce
Insert at your nearest river

Cats are furry ornaments signs of someone who fucks up in life and will die alone. The child-substitute for lonely homos and dykes, said fags like to photograph and post in communities. And because all internet users are antisocial, egocentric, never-satisfied, pussies that overreact to everything, cats became the official animal of the internet.

Dangers

Until recently, it was believed to be bad luck if a black cat crossed your path. However, recent research has consistently shown that it is only bad luck if a black man crosses your path, as cats are completely useless.

Because their claws and teeth are just for show, cats' main weapon of attack is their anus, which looks like an asterisk. Pointing it at their target will cause most people to weird out; most, not all. Once they turn away, the cat will be free to further his diabolical deeds, the greatest of which are eating unwatched leftovers and causing irreversible damage to furniture. Recently, their tactics have evolved to include getting people arrested by downloading thousands of kiddie porn pics onto their hard drives and eating their owners.

Keep out of reach of children
Montecore (center) took umbrage at two German buttbuddies' making flamboyant coats from his Schwester.
Tatiana: Her penchant for SOUSAge was to be her ruin

"Killing" Cats for Fun and Profit

As City Glitter has proven to us, cats are not entirely useless. You can pretend to people you know on LiveJournal that your cat has been set on fire and ask them to donate money to your PayPal to pay the vet's bill, even when this isn't true. This is a good idea because:

Note: There are a variety of options for raising money on LiveJournal by saying your pussy is on fire.

[-+]Excerpts From a Cat's Diary


Your cat is trying to kill you.

The following journal was recovered from a safehouse in the Republic of Catagonia (formerly Topeka, KS, following a brief clash with occupying rebel forces on the fourth of May, 2038. The information contained herein is to be used strictly as (fictional) satire, written by an overweight, micropenile weeaboo, deep in the hazy convulsions of a permanent jenkem diet. Only a fascist, democratic, rebel, Jewish, or God-fearing soul would dare write such a blasphemous and obvious fabrication, as all cats are inherently powerful, and any attempt to submerge a holy Cat in liquid would necessarily be followed by swift, dishonorable evisceration of all parties involved. LONGCAT IS ALL. ALL FOR LONGCAT.

  • DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
  • DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on their pillow.
  • DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was...Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
  • DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid? My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
  • DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer". More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
  • DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured, alas. But... HAH! it is only a matter of time...

Galleries


  • Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
    Aw yeah, bitch. Rub that shit in there nice and fast.
  • Isn't it sad what people do in their spare time these days?
    Isn't it sad what people do in their spare time these days?
  • Nutritious and delicious!
    Nutritious and delicious!
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


See Also

Man blames his cat for CP downloads.

Cat is part of a series on Internet Cats

A Cat Is Fine Too • Almost-Chan • Arguecat • Arrow Cats • Basement Cat • Berry And Friends • Bikecat • Bincat • Binkers • Bonsai Kitten • Bukkake Milk • Burger • Business Cat • Cat in Microwave • Cat on a keyboard in space • Catnarok • Caturday • Ceiling Cat • Chase 'No Face' • Colonel Meow • Covercat • Dangerous Kitten • Death Cat • Dodge Cat • Drillcat • Emo Cat • Fishing Cat • FLOATERCAT • Frinkle • Garfield • Grumpy Cat • Happycat • Hipster Kitty • If it fits I sits • Inception Cat • Jarcat • Jewcat • JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR! • Keyboard Cat • Kitler • Lasercat • Lenincat • Lil Bub • Limecat • Lioncash • Longcat • Maru • Monorail Cat • Mutant Cats • Nyan Cat • Octocat • Orvillecopter • Peter • Poko Ono • Pusheen • Scuba • Secret Kitty Club • Serious Cat • Shironeko • Shocked and Appalled Cat • Shortcat • Shotacat • Silencer Cat • Spaghetti Cat • Speedycat • Stalking Cat • Standing Cat • Starecat • Stalking Cat • Stubbs the mayorcat • Tacgnol • That Fucking Cat • Trollcats • Tubcat • Tulip • Weathercat • Wisdom Cat • YOUR CAT • Zippocat

Featured article October 24, 2006
Preceded by
Jake Brahm 		Cat Succeeded by
Wigger
Featured article August 7, 2009
Preceded by
The Real Chris Chan‎ 		Cat Succeeded by
Bug Chasers‎
Retrieved from "https://edramatica.com/index.php?title=Cat&oldid=324175"