Abraham Lincoln

Abraham Lincoln (February 12, 1809 – April 15, 1865) was a scheming, conniving racist who may or may not have turned over a new leaf before he was pwned.

Abe Lincoln, deciding what he'll do if sending all the Jews Black People to Madagascar South America doesn't work out.

Abe Lincoln, deciding who to rape.

Abe Lincoln, White Powa!

Although Honest Abe was a Republican, and the KKK were all Democrats, he had a lot in common with his white clad brethren.

	“	"I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in anyway the social and political equality of the white and black races – that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race. I say upon this occasion I do not perceive that because the white man is to have the superior position the negro should be denied everything.	„
	— Abe Lincoln at his most eloquent.

Abe Lincoln had lots of great plans for Black People. Besides not freeing them by dragging his feet on abolishing slavery, he also wanted to deport them to other countries such as South America, Africa, and even considered giving the British their very own free labour force.

This great plan - try to deport all the people you don't like to, say, MADAGASCAR, and if that doesn't work think of something else - was later recycled by this beloved political leader.

Death of teh president

BOOM! HEADSHOT BITCH!!!!!!!!!

Sadly, Abraham Lincoln was assassinated on April 14, 1865. Actor John Wilkes Booth shot and killed Lincoln while he was watching a shitty play. James Holmes would later do the same thing, but he presumably forgot the president was not there. Booth also had a bunch of followers try to kill the next people in line to the throne as president. Unfortunately, they failed to make these additional bonus lulz. Booth chose a shitty little handgun on purpose so the president would die slowly and painfully. Then he jumped onto the stage and screamed "SIC SEMPER TYRANNIS!" and ran away like a pussy. Sadly, he was shot dead before he had a chance to defend himself in court. Sound familiar?

Lincoln's ghost photoshop

There have been various "occurrences" of Lincoln's ghost, but the one involving Lincoln's wife is the most hilarious.

After death his already nutty wife Mary Todd Lincoln became half insane and became a "spiritualist" in an attempted to recontact his dead rotting husband. She then went to spirit photographer William H. Mumler to get a supernatural photo. Mumler then 'shopped Abraham Lincoln into the background with his hand on her sholder for lulz. She was glad to think that she had reconnect with her lost husband, but that didn't stop her from continuing to be a paranoid narcissist.[1]

Defending Abraham Lincoln

Great minds think alike.

Naturally, any great leader has rough spots. We've all contemplated asserting the dominance of our own race over that of others before deporting them to the arse ends of the earth so we can build a glorious future. With this in mind, we should all consider that Abe Lincoln did some great things. Sure, he mostly took credit for things other people did and he opposed at the time, but that's what leadership is all about.

Abraham Lincoln was a vampire hunter who took pride in killing the fans of Twilight. Ever know what happened to Edward Cullen? NO? Thank you Abraham Lincoln for doing the world a favor.

Sadly Abraham Lincoln was murdered by Jack the Ripper for being caught masturbating to the soundtrack of Grease

Trolling Abe Lincoln Fans

• Incorrectly recite things that he said.
• Accurately recite the racist things that he said.
• Inform them that JFK had the greatest presidential assassination of all time.

That's pretty much it.

External links

• Ever wondered why butthurt liberal Americans and Canadians hate the Daily Mail? This is why.

Abraham Lincoln is part of a series on The History of The Lulz

[Shut UpSing Me The Song Of My People] In Chronological Order 399BC: First recorded troll-banning 0AD: Knock knock! Who's there? It's Jesus, LOL 571: Birth of Muhahahahahammed 600: Blood orgies 1077: Invention of the meme archive 1100: DEUS VULT! 1337: Start of the Hundred Years War 1492: The Americas are culturally enriched 1573: Tycho doesn't invent the funny webcomic 1605: Guy Fawkes invents terrorism. 1789: The beret is mightier than the crown 1801: Invention of the Triforce 1850: World's first OH EXPLOITABLE image 1865: End of the Nigger Market 1877: Trolling world record broken 1888: First successful mixing of hookers and lulz 1914: World War 1 1927: Teh f1rst sk00l sh00ting 1939: World War 2 1944: The Lollercaust doesn't happen 1945: "Nag? Naga? Well... it's nagonna be there tomorrow that's fore sure." - Harry S Truman 1948: Best Korea is founded (along with Good Korea) 1955: America gets BTFO 1960: Awesomeness of swords discovered 1963: CIA did JFK 1987: First televised An Hero 1993: World Wide Web becomes available, Waco 1999: Counter Strike played IRL 2000: End of teh world due to computer errors. 2001: Bush, Saudis, and Jews do WTC 2004: ED founded 2005: Katrina and 7/7 2007: Cho Seung-Hui becomes the King of School Shooters 2011: Utoya Island Swimming School is opened 2013: ISIS founded 2015: Paris Attacks 2016: Donald Trump is elected president of the United States. (For the lulz.) 2017: Country music is back 2019: First livestreamed kebab removal