Economy

"Problem, paupers?"

Different types of economic systems

Trust me your money, I am an economist

The economy is what organizes all of mankind's productive forces to combine their efforts and produce vital stuff like porn movies or mobile phones with at least 100 ring tones. As such it is, by definition, the sum of all serious business.

The principle is essentially this:

1. X prints $10
2. X loans $100 to Y
3. X demands $110 from Y
4. Y asks for $10 to pay the interest
5. X loans $10 to Y to pay the interest
6. X demands $11 from Y
7. Y asks for $1 to pay the interest
8. X loans $1 to Y to pay the interest
9. X demands $1.10 from Y

...and so on. This system will continue forever with no problems whatsoever.

According to movie director Oliver Stone one of the main factors that makes the economy function is human greed. He therefore decided to make a movie about the immoral nature of capitalism, which ironically drove many young people to become capitalists.

It is theorized that the Economy was invented by extra terrestrial aliens, Flying Spaghetti monsters, and Zeus.

Historians generally agree that the development of the economy can be divided into three phases: the Old Economy, the New Economy, and the Camwhore Economy. Cutting edge thinkers believe we should bathe in hemp oil because soapy water causes cancer.

	“	Slowly starving requires a degree of emotional involvement that is part of the original contract, and in its absence she is sacrificially cheap and should be shivved, left in a gutter. The problem for me is, 95% of the time she knows exactly what my associates want. Yet I am determined to strangle her to death if she doesn't emaciate for me, simply to avoid an anti-climax in our work. I desire so strongly to feel her hyperdefined ribs crush in my vice-grip.	„
	—Jew (2008).

	“	Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms, greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge has marked the upward surge of mankind".	„
	—Gordon Gecko in Wall Street.

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The Old Economy

The feudal system.

In the days before the Internets, the economy was based on what is known as the "Feudal (more like futile, amirite?) System." In this system, the King and Queen owned all the land, which they then parceled out to the nobles in return for their fealty. Everyone else were serfs or smurfs or something and didn't get jack.

In the days of old economy, this looked like a good idea.

Free Markets Under the Old Economy

How the Old Economy worked.

During this period, some thinkers, such as Adam Smith and Ayn Rand, argued in favor of a "free market," because a free market is, liek, a market, and — it's free! That does sound good, yes, but, unfortunately, it turns out that this doesn't mean "free" as in "not costing anything." Nor, apparently, does it mean "free" as in "freedom." Rather, it means "free" in some other complicated sense nobody really understands.

In any case, no free market was ever created during this period, because all markets were under the secret control of the Jews.

The New Economy

How the New Economy worked.

The Internets were invented by freedom-hater Al Gore and were controlled, in their early days, by the Defense Department — a well-known nest of secret anti-American subversives.[1] Commercial use was therefore strictly prohibited (and in fact the ".com" suffix originally stood, not for "commercial," but for "communist"). All of that changed, however, one fine day in 1994, when the courageous "Green Card Lawyers," Darth Canter and Dartha Siegel, sent out their pathbreaking spam to the assembled nerds of Usenet. This resulted in great rejoicing, as well as in the birth of the New Economy.

Free Markets Under the New Economy

OMG secret Jewish Internets. Moreover: lol, Gopher.

Under the New Economy markets were no longer controlled by the Jews, but rather by a mysterious force known as the Invisible Hand. This led some to conclude that truly free markets were now possible for the first time. The main believers in this theory were the so-called "day traders," who hoped to MAKE MONEY FAST by buying shares in ridiculous, no-future, loss-making dot-com ventures such as LiveJournal and Apple. In the end, unsurprisingly, the inside elite kept all the money and the "day traders" were left with jack.

The Economist Magazine

Only the highest of highbrow humor over there at the Economist.

This international magazine served as an inspiration to Canter and Siegel, and to the New Economy as a whole, due to its convincing argument that problems such as hunger, war, disease, and AN UNCLAIMED SUM OF $10,000,000 (TEN MILLION U.S. DOLLARS) LEFT IN SECRET ACCOUNTS BY THE LATE PRESIDENT, GENERAL SANI ABACHA could be eliminated at a single stroke if only the barriers to world trade were brought down. Nowadays, however, the Economist is known for loving open source software and hating teh Microsoft and teh SCO. This, of course, is a blatant contradiction.

The Economist is also known for publishing, each week, an editorial cartoon which is not only extremely well drawn but also bafflingly, mind-bogglingly unfunny.

Condi Rice in some hawt voraphile action.

The Camwhore Economy

The New Economy ended sometime in 2000 when it was suddenly discovered that, whereas Old Economy businesses were all built out of "bricks and mortar," the New Economy had been using a more flexible building material. This was known as the "dot com bust."

How the Camwhore Economy works.

Sounds good to me.

The immediate result of this was that thousands of workers in Silicon Valley and San Francisco suddenly found themselves laid off from their cushy, all-casual-dress, skateboard-around-the-office, unlimited-free-Nacho-Cheese-flavored-Doritos ® jobs. But the entrepreneurial spirit soon reasserted itself and rebuilt yet another New Economy on the ashes of the old.

Given the nature of its architects, it is only natural that the mainstay of this New New Economy (if you will) was getting 16 year old girls to show their boobs OL.

On a happier note, however: despite the unfortunate success of the Camwhore Economy, furries still get fired.

Free Markets Under the Camwhore Economy

Besides the Camwhores themselves (and of course the pornography industry), the main bastion of free market capitalism in today's world is eBay. Despite the continued opposition of Bill Gates, RMS, and Joseph Stalin, eBay has succeeded in bringing the benefits of international free trade to us all.

Economics as a Drama-Generating Technique

Reasoned discussion of economic issues on Usenet.

It will all end in tears.

Get your own stack.

This is just too obvious, and also too easy, like taking candy from a baby. But try, for example, accusing someone of committing the "Lump of Labor" fallacy, or some gay shit like that (and don't forget to also flame his spelling). Or try telling a bunch of hysterical fucktards that they should like Wal-Mart because it creates jobs.[2] If you come across a math type then one can ask for a mathematical proof of the viability of the fractional reserve system under dynamic conditions. When one needs to end an argument and return his broker's margin call, one need simply post high-resolution pictures of gold, guns, or ammo and pawn any economic argument.

The best thing about economics is that, even though it's supposedly a "science", it's mostly just making shit up and finding evidence that agrees with the shit you made up, so you can always use it to support your point of view. Make sure to tell anyone who disputes you to "read an economics textbook some time", because you know they won't and they won't be able to prove that you haven't either.

Drama-Generation as an Economic System

Despite the attempts of many to turn the internets into a tool for capitalism, it's true economy has always remained loyal to ideals of the Dramacratic Trolligarchy, revolving around the import of services in the form of drama and export of goods in the form of original content, utilizing lulz as a standardized currency.

When one considers that the internets export much less than they import (due largely to the fact that most imported drama comes in the form of unwitting donations), it is easy to see why this economic system continues to endure, as the netizenry end up much richer for the arrangement.

Economists

Moar info: Economist.

People who study the economy, stupid. See attached.

See Also

• Hugh Jidette
• Bernie Madoff
• The credit crunch
• Supply and demand
• Market regulation
• Executive compensation
• Restraint of trade
• Austrian economics
• Keynesian economics
• Voodoo economics
• Asset price inflation
• Tax policy
• Public Choice Theory
• Mixed Market
• Consumption Function
• Peter Schiff
• Rape dollars
• Jews
• ERepublik
• Economist
• Zimbabwe

External Links

Try the one-step econofitness program at home today!
N.b., may have side-effects

• The surefire way to get out of debt - DON'T BUY STUFF YOU CANNOT AFFORD
• H4x0r Economist.
• An important technical discussion on econometrics.
• A different viewpoint from the Economist.
• An explanation of basic economic principles by Hassan "Acetone" Mikal.
• An explanation of basic economic principles from YTMND.
• How to get a FICO score that's over 800 and WELL UNDER 9000
• You will die of hunger, but click here to earn the money to pay for your gold coffin

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