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{{offended}}
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<br>
{{Spoiler|PARENTS HAVE BABIES! NOBEL PRIZE PLEASE}}
{{goodnews|Scientists have found a way to condense this page into a [[Timeline of evolution]]!}}


[[File:Tiktaalik evolution.jpg|350px|thumb|left]]


[[Image:Evolution.jpg|thumb|center|600px|How evolution REALLY happened.]]
'''Evolution''' (also known as '''The Theory of Natural Selection''' or the '''survival of the fittest''') is why women don't have special muscles to close their vaginas. Simply put, think of Nature as one big [[Internet]]: an anarchic competitive hellhole where life changes all the time so that the [[Aryan|best, strongest]] and [[Troll|smartest]] in the environment will survive and reproduce furthermore into the gene pool. The [[Faggot|weak]] on the other hand, [[Eugenics|die off or get eaten]]. Evolution was proposed in the 18th century by Charles Darwin when he discovered the [[Nigger]], the Genetic "Missing Link" between Humans and apes. It explains why, even if the Negroid species outcompeted their simian relatives in the native jungles of Africa, [[Slavery|they were absolutely destroyed when the Human Race arrived]].


{{quote|Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, Monkey, YOU!| [[Eddie Izzard]]}}
[[Image:Evolution_-_Natural_Selection.jpg|thumb|400px|[[Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger]]]]


'''Evilution''' is a theory to make people buy jew shots and be scared of the Jew flu. Evolution comes in two [[Britfag|flavours]](according to Tards): the observable phenomenon responsible for turning wolves into poodles and lions into [[lolcats]], and the <s>as-of-yet unobserved but still [[truth|PROVEN!!!11]] concept</s> that we all originally came from [[niggers|a common ancestor of apes]], who all originally came from rats, who all originally came from fish, who all originally came from [[brb soup|soup]], <s>which originally came from [[nothing]] </s> <s> LOL JK That's abiogenecism</s> proteins interacting under intense heat and pressure and other such [[Shit|shit]] that [[noone|no-one]] cares about. Thanks to the the [[Intelligent|atheists']] unceasing desire to convince the [[Americunts|dull-witted masses]] of the latter form, said masses reject the former, making their quest even harder and thus resulting in epic irony and [[butthurt]] for the [[Richard Dawkins|atheists]] who believe soup theory to be the key to killing [[Pedophilia|Christianity]] and religion in general by proving we are all [[TheAmazingAtheist|hairy, stupid, stinking monkeys who trust in the wisdom of our zombie wizard king]].
[[Nazi|Fascists]] like [[Hitler]], [[atheist]]s like [[Richard Dawkins]], and [[Objectivist|Fascist Atheists]] like [[Nietzsche]] and /[[pol/]] absolutely love evolution because first, it was proof that you don't need a [[God]] to create complex life on Earth, and second, it justified and made Natural Law the [[Holocaust|eradication of retards, niggers, faggots, and the incompetent from the face of the Earth]]. However, it is the same scientific theory that both sides of the political spectrum (the [[Creationist|Religious Right]] and left-leaning [[SJW]]s) absolutely despise and try to deny never existed, the Right because it meant that their Bible was all wrong, and the left because it meant that pwning niggers is a-OK.
 
In response to the [[Bible]]-trolling by basement-dwelling atheists everywhere, [[retard|fundamentalist]] Christians wage an epic war against them wherever they may lurk, trying to prove they are NOT hairy, stupid, stinking monkeys. The ensuing battles between the Alliance and the Horde nearly always result in epic fail and bad science all around, go on for [[at least 100]] pages, and have caused the deaths of [[over 9000]] [[Wikipedia]] accounts.  


===And How to Kill off the Lesser Members of Your Species===
===And How to Kill off the Lesser Members of Your Species===


[[File:Evomurder.gif|center]]
[[Image:Evomurder.gif|link=|center]]


Evolutionists are all sadistic murderers. We know this for a fact because evolution says that nature intentionally <s>kills off the lesser members of a species for the benefit of the stronger members</s> Oh wait! That's natural selection!. Thus evolutionists must help this process along, just as believers in [[bullshit|heliocentrism]] must help the planet revolve around the sun. Evolution is directly responsible for the following:
Evolutionists are all [[Nazi]] white supremacists. We know this for a fact because evolution says that nature intentionally kills off [[Niggers|the lesser members of a species]] for the benefit of [[Aryan|the stronger members]]. Thus evolutionists must help this process along, just as believers in [[bullshit|heliocentrism]] must help the planet revolve around the sun. Evolution is directly responsible for the following:


====The [[Holocaust]]====
====The [[Holocaust]]====
Line 23: Line 21:
[[Image:Social darwinism on ED Forums.png|thumb|An example of natural selection at work.]]
[[Image:Social darwinism on ED Forums.png|thumb|An example of natural selection at work.]]


Mr. [[Hitler]] tried to maintain the purity of his beloved race by trying to [[pwn|exterminate]] the [[Jews]], [[niggers]], [[faggots]] and [[gypsies]] who were contaminating his country. As well as sampling deep-fried kike, Hitler also used a much older and more friendly method of ensuring these undesirables could not breed:
Mr. [[Hitler]]{{Jew}} (catholic) tried to maintain the purity of his beloved race by trying to [[pwn|exterminate]] the [[Jews]], [[niggers]], [[faggots]] and [[gypsies]] who were contaminating his country. As well as sampling deep-fried kike, Hitler also used a much older and more friendly method of ensuring these undesirables could not breed:


====[[Eugenics]]====
====[[Eugenics]]====


{{squote|It has now become a serious necessity to better the breed of the human race. The average citizen is too [[retarded|base]] for the everyday work of modern civilization.|Sir Francis Galton, Charles Darwin's cousin.}}
<table><tr><td>[[Image:Eugenics-Fitter-Families-Contest-Winners-Topeka-Kansas.jpg|thumb|200px|left|Where [[you]] need to go.]]</td>


{{squote|If nature does not wish that weaker individuals should mate with the stronger, she wishes even less that [[rednecks|a superior race]] should intermingle with [[Jews|an inferior one]]; because in such cases all her efforts, throughout hundreds of thousands of years, to establish an evolutionarily higher stage of being, may thus be [[pwnt|rendered futile]].|[[Hitler]], expressing evolutionist sentiment in ''[[Mein Kampf]]''.}}
<td>{{squote|It has now become a serious necessity to better the breed of the human race. The average citizen is too [[retarded|base]] for the everyday work of modern civilization.|Sir Francis Galton, Charles Darwin's cousin.}}


Sadly, Hitler couldn´t finish the fucking job and now the [[Jews]] rule world. Thank you very much Adolf.
{{squote|If nature does not wish that weaker individuals should mate with the stronger, she wishes even less that [[rednecks|a superior race]] should intermingle with [[Jews|an inferior one]]; because in such cases all her efforts, throughout hundreds of thousands of years, to establish an evolutionarily higher stage of being, may thus be [[pwnt|rendered futile]].|[[Hitler]], expressing evolutionist sentiment in ''[[Mein Kampf]]''.}}</td></tr></table>


Eugenics, basically, is cutting off a person's balls, or ovaries, because they are too stupid to breed. However noble this may sound, for some odd reason the vast majority of people who believe in evolution don't like it. [[Hypocrite|Hypocrites]].
Sadly, Hitler couldn't finish the fucking job and now the [[Jews]] rule world. Thank you very much Adolf.
 
Eugenics, basically, is cutting off a person's balls, or ovaries, because they are too stupid to breed. However noble this may sound, for some odd reason the vast majority of people who believe in evolution don't like it. [[Hypocrite|Hypocrites]].<br>
For all the arguments against it, all it usually takes is one 30 minute viewing of such golden [[jewtube]] celebrities like [[Chris Chan]], [[pewdiepie]] and/or [[littlekuriboh]] to get even the most ardent proponent against eugenics to reverse their stance and to start writing congress demanding an immediate reinstatment of  such policies.


====The [[Darwin Awards]]====
====The [[Darwin Awards]]====


Instead of [[violence|killing]] other lesser lifeforms, some especially inferior humans helpfully exterminate themselves. This has led to a set of awards named after [[Charles Darwin]][http://www.darwinawards.com/].
Instead of [[violence|killing]] other lesser lifeforms, some especially inferior humans helpfully exterminate themselves. This has led to a set of awards named after Charles Darwin.[http://www.darwinawards.com/]


====Niggers and Evolution====
====Niggers and Evolution====


[[Niggers]] were the result of a government plan to cross-breed a [[human]] and a big gorilla. It was thought that the niggers could work for humans and yet be intelligent enough to take orders from them and like them enough to even have sex with them. Unfortunately niggers ended up having a disease called [[AIDS]] and demanding equal rights.
[[Niggers]] are the missing link between man and ape. The could imitate human behaviour, but were still too stupid to create their own civilization. Niggers cannot invent, construct structures, cook, solve puzzles, comprehend mathematics, and so forth, because they lack the prefrontal cortex which only evolved in [[White|modern Humans]].  
However, we got to keep in mind that, apparently, we evolved from african niggers. It means that everyone who isn't a nigger is on a higher biological step than the latter.


Since the birth rate in Europe [[Fail|has gone way down]], while the [[Truth|arab immigrants multiply like bunnies,]] this means that Europe will be sand nigger country in [[Over 9000|a few years]].
In recent years, [[liberals|a massive infection]] caused by [[Jews|parasitic alien brainwashing]] led to an unnatural phenomenon of reversing the process of Evolution itself: by [[Rape|making niggers reproduce with Humans]]. However, doing so will ensure that the Human Race will die off from [[AIDS|inherent nigger diseases]]. Since the birth rate in Europe [[Fail|has gone way down]], while the [[Truth|arab and nigger immigrants multiply like bunnies]], this means that Europe will be sand nigger country in [[Over 9000|a few years]], all for the benefit of said [[Jews|alien parasites]].
<hr style="visibility: hidden;" />
[[Image:Evolution_-_Did_Not_Evolve.jpg|thumb|right|An unusual case of an unevolved black person living in a [[America|semi-evolved country]]]]
[[Image:Unevolved nigger.jpg|thumb|right]]
<center>'''A she-boon chimps out over evolution'''</center>
<center><youtube>PdUwdtvQS4E</youtube></center>
<center>{{quote|How does evolution kill black people?|Jonatha Carr|A [[redundant|stupid nigger]]}}</center>


==Evolution Across the World==
==Famous Evolutionists==


<center><gallery>
Image:Evovovo.jpg|A brief history of evolution variables from country to country.
Image:Looter to man.jpg|[[niggers|It should be noted however that not all humans evolved beyond apes.]]
Image:Notevolve.jpg|An unusual case of an unevolved black person living in a [[America|semi-evolved country]].
Image:Wentwrong.JPG|Unlike [[niggers]], [[white people]] did evolve. But not for long.
Image:EvolutionPA 800x326.jpg|Humans will [[apparently]] split into [[LOL WUT|two different species]] through evolution.
Image:Evolution.gif|Evolution of the True Master Race
Image:Monkey Children.jpg| Evolution in American Southwest. Notice the woman's missing finger[s].</gallery></center>
==Famous Evolutionists==
===Charles Darwin===
===Charles Darwin===


Charles Darwin contributed to the theory of evolution after examining his black person slave, Harpo, on his secret cotton plantation one day in Sussex England and determined that there was no possible way that he wasn’t a descendant of the bastard love child of Curious George and Alvin the Gorilla. However, due to growing racial sensitivities in Europe and abroad, Darwin decided to hide this fact and lied claiming some bullshit about how he had discovered transitional changes within a species after examining the penises of dodo birds on some Pacific island that no one gives a fuck about. Apparently, one bird on the right palm tree had a foot long penis while the one on the left had a two inch penis when fully erect.  
Charles Darwin contributed to the theory of evolution after examining his black person slave, Harpo, on his secret cotton plantation one day in Sussex England and determined that there was no possible way that he wasn't a descendant of the bastard love child of Curious George and Alvin the Gorilla. However, due to growing racial sensitivities in Europe and abroad, Darwin decided to hide this fact and lied claiming some bullshit about how he had discovered transitional changes within a species after examining the penises of dodo birds on some Pacific island that no one gives a fuck about. Apparently, one bird on the right palm tree had a foot long penis while the one on the left had a two inch penis when fully erect.


After his new book, “Origin of Species” totally [[pwned]] biblical creation and became accepted by virtually everyone, <STRIKE>revised Greek Naturalism</STRIKE> Darwin’s new theory of human origins made Charles Darwin one of the richest and most illustrious men in the world while Harpo received little to no credit for his master’s discovery leaving him irate and pushy, thus coining the phrase “Harpo know sumpn you don’ know!”
After his new book, "Origin of Species" totally [[pwned]] biblical creation and became accepted by virtually everyone. Darwin's new theory of human origins made Charles Darwin one of the richest and most illustrious men in the world while Harpo received little to no credit for his master's discovery leaving him irate and pushy, thus coining the phrase "Harpo know sumpn you don' know!"
In later years, Harpo also became a central figure for failed fiction authors who wrote novels based upon the life of Harpo such as “Harpo ‘n’da white woman” and “Memoirs of Harpo while hangin’ from da ole’ oak tree one Sunday evenin’ after rapin’ ‘n’ killin’ dat white woman and throwin’ her body in da dumpsta”. These books were highly unsuccessful compared to the much more popular latter works like “Harpo goes to town”, “Harpo in Space” and “Harpo don’t know nuttin’ bout buthin’ no babies”. Twentieth Century Fox contemplated buying the rights to “Harpo in Space” and turning it into a major motion picture but decided against it at the last minute and came up with some extremely gay shit called “Planet Of The Apes” instead starring [[Moses]] and that [[yuppie]], faggot from New Kids On The Block.
In later years, Harpo also became a central figure for failed fiction authors who wrote novels based upon the life of Harpo such as "Harpo 'n'da white woman" and "Memoirs of Harpo while hangin' from da ole' oak tree one Sunday evenin' after rapin' 'n' killin' dat white woman and throwin' her body in da dumpsta". These books were highly unsuccessful compared to the much more popular latter works like "Harpo goes to town", "Harpo in Space" and "Harpo don't know nuttin' bout buthin' no babies". Twentieth Century Fox contemplated buying the rights to "Harpo in Space" and turning it into a major motion picture but decided against it at the last minute and came up with some extremely gay shit called "Planet Of The Apes" instead starring [[Moses]] and that [[yuppie]], faggot from New Kids On The Block.


{{squote|The main perpetrator of this monkey lie is Charles Darwin. He claims to have developed this "theory" after studying "finches" on the Galapagos "Islands," but I can guess why he really came up with it. He was on the Galapagos Islands for spring break, got smashed, woke up in bed next to a monkey, and then had to come up with a theory that made it all okay.|[[Stephen Colbert]] on Charles Darwin.}}


{{squote|The main perpetrator of this monkey lie is Charles Darwin. He claims to have developed this “theory” after studying “finches” on the Galapagos “Islands,” but I can guess why he really came up with it. He was on the Galapagos Islands for spring break, got smashed, woke up in bed next to a monkey, and then had to come up with a theory that made it all okay.|[[Stephen Colbert]] on Charles Darwin.}}
===[[Richard Dawkins]]===


===[[Richard Dawkins]]===
Noted [[troll]] of [[religion|Godfags]] Richard Dawkins uses the theory of evolution to prove [[atheist|God does not exist]] and that anyone who thinks so is a monkey who should be sterilized. He's also an advocate for [[animal rights]], though obviously this does not include the right not to be castrated. Dawkins is noted as having sex with a bald transvestite teacher from a town known as south park.
Noted [[troll]] of [[religion|Godfags]] Richard Dawkins uses the theory of evolution to prove [[atheist|God does not exist]] and that anyone who thinks so is a monkey who should be sterilized. He's also an advocate for [[animal rights]], though obviously this does not include the right not to be castrated. Dawkins is noted as having sex with a bald transvestite teacher from a town known as south park.


===Stanley Miller===
===Stanley Miller===
[[Last Thursday]], Stanley Miller created [[piss]] out of soup and electricity, compelling every evolutionist around the world to simultaneously [[jizz]] their [[unwarranted self-importance|superior]] laboratory coats. After forcing their pet monkeys to lick their coats clean, they issued a public announcement that the creation of urine is infallible proof that a living, metabolizing cell arose from the aforementioned prehistoric [[chowder]].
 
[[Last Thursday]], Stanley Miller created [[piss]] out of soup and electricity, compelling every evolutionist around the world to simultaneously [[jizz]] their [[unwarranted self-importance|superior]] laboratory coats. After forcing their pet monkeys to lick their coats clean, they issued a public announcement that the creation of urine is infallible proof that a living, metabolizing cell arose from the aforementioned prehistoric chowder.


==The Future of Evolution==
==The Future of Evolution==
[[Image:Ape_using_tool.jpg|thumb|right|Hi, Uncle Dave!]]


{{Main|Biofurs}}
[[Image:Jimmylution.jpg|thumb|right|[[That Really Rustled My Jimmies|Jimmylution]]]]


The next step in the evolution process for man is androgyny, as represented by Marilyn Manson. [[Some argue|Most agree]] that this is fucked up, however most evolutionists have the desire to evolve into such a form, as they are [[sick fuck]]s who want to suck themselves off and fondle their own breasts.
The next step in the evolution process for man is androgyny, as represented by Marilyn Manson. [[Some argue|Most agree]] that this is fucked up, however most evolutionists have the desire to evolve into such a form, as they are [[sick fuck]]s who want to suck themselves off and fondle their own breasts. The concept of de-evolution states that mankind is devolving into violent, brain-eating apes. This concept more specifically states that we are devolving into [[LJ Users]] and shitty [[Linux]] groupware suites.


The concept of de-evolution states that mankind is devolving into violent, brain-eating apes. <strike>Another</strike> This concept more specifically states that we are devolving into [[LJ Users]] and shitty [[Linux]] groupware suites.
==[[South Park]] Explains Evolution==


==<strike>The Pope</strike> [[South Park]] Explains Evolution==
<youtube>BL9S-TUikfg</youtube>  


"In the beginning we were all fish... okay... swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live.
"In the beginning we were all fish... okay... swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live.
Line 89: Line 85:
So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its... mutant fish hands... and it had... butt-sex with a squirrel or something, and made this retard frog-squirrel, and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog, and then this monkey-fish-frog had butt-sex with that monkey; that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you. So there you go.
So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its... mutant fish hands... and it had... butt-sex with a squirrel or something, and made this retard frog-squirrel, and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog, and then this monkey-fish-frog had butt-sex with that monkey; that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you. So there you go.


... You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt-sex with a fish-squirrel. Congratulations!"
...You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt-sex with a fish-squirrel. Congratulations!"


==Techniques For Promoting Evolution [[OL]]==
==Evolution Proven Wrong by a Creatard==


[[Image:Bushape.gif|thumb|Former President George Ape Bush]]
[[Image:Nowayicamefromanape.jpg|thumb|right|[[Christian|There's no way I came from an ape, d00d]].]]
<center>'''Evolution proven wrong in 2.5 minutes'''</center>
<center><youtube>tSp2SNWQGt4</youtube></center>


[[Image:Nowayicamefromanape.jpg|thumb|[[Christian|There's no way I came from an ape, d00d.]]]]
==Videos of Idiot Atheist on Evolution==


[[File:Missing link.jpg|thumb|Where's your god now, scientists? [[atheism|Oh wait]].]]
[[Image:Liberalism evolution.jpg|thumb|center|bbbut muh missing link]]
<center>{{fv|evolution|background-color: red;|font-weight: bold;
|<center><youtube>ANfvjNob3Qo</youtube></center>
|<center><youtube>V_6GbWTHfc0</youtube></center>
|<center><youtube>f5kckGxwJr4</youtube></center>
|<center><youtube>62ygAxygrlU</youtube></center>
|<center><youtube>Hi8hWtQw1X0</youtube></center>}}</center>
 
==Techniques For Promoting Evolution [[OL]]==


'''Present A United Front'''
'''Present A United Front'''
Line 103: Line 109:
** Response: "It seems that you seem to be in need of a second [[asshole]] yourself, since you're so entirely full of [[shit]]. please allow me to rip you a new one (as you so eloquently put it). it is short-sighted, sorry excuses for (amateur?) [[scientist]]s like yourself that make evolution such easy prey for the [[creationist]]s."
** Response: "It seems that you seem to be in need of a second [[asshole]] yourself, since you're so entirely full of [[shit]]. please allow me to rip you a new one (as you so eloquently put it). it is short-sighted, sorry excuses for (amateur?) [[scientist]]s like yourself that make evolution such easy prey for the [[creationist]]s."
'''Apply Diplomacy'''
'''Apply Diplomacy'''
*[http://forums.titansgo.net/viewtopic.php?t=1962 "TitansGo.net - "I have trouble believing in this theory..."]
*[http://web.archive.org/web/2/forums.titansgo.net/viewtopic.php?t=1962 "TitansGo.net - "I have trouble believing in this theory..."]
**"Yes, social Darwinism is based off of Darwin's theory, but if you're for social Darwinism, you're a [[moron]]. Using [[Hitler]] as an example doesn't prove anything other than the fact that he was a big [[douchebag]]."
**"Yes, social Darwinism is based off of Darwin's theory, but if you're for social Darwinism, you're a [[moron]]. Using [[Hitler]] as an example doesn't prove anything other than the fact that he was a big [[douchebag]]."
'''Use Logic'''
'''Use Logic'''
*[http://www.usenet.com/newsgroups/sci.bio.herp/msg00088.html Sci Thread Archive from Usenet.com]
*<s>[http://www.usenet.com/newsgroups/sci.bio.herp/msg00088.html Sci Thread Archive from Usenet.com]</s>
**"Soroty? What's a sotory, you illiterate fuck? What are eys? I'll tell you what they are - yet another in an endless blather of excuses from the [[asswipe]] who claimed there were colossal holes in the Theory of Evolution."
**"Soroty? What's a sotory, you illiterate fuck? What are eys? I'll tell you what they are - yet another in an endless blather of excuses from the [[asswipe]] who claimed there were colossal holes in the Theory of Evolution."
'''Tactfully Renounce Creationism'''
'''Tactfully Renounce Creationism'''
*[http://lofi.forum.physorg.com/The-science-curriculum-and-Why-teach-evolution_2618.html The science curriculum -- Why teach evolution?]
*[http://archive.fo/rLuOm The science curriculum &mdash; Why teach evolution?]
**"Are you [[fuck]]ing calling me a fucking creationist??? I am deeply insulted to be thought of as such a low life piece of shit motherfucker who doesn't reason, and believes all the shit the churches tell them! I [[hate]] the sons of [[bitch]]es who stop at nothing to destroy [[science]] just so they can stay in the [[Before the internets|dark ages]]! You [[motherfucker]]!"
**"Are you [[fuck]]ing calling me a fucking creationist??? I am deeply insulted to be thought of as such a low life piece of shit motherfucker who doesn't reason, and believes all the shit the churches tell them! I [[hate]] the sons of [[bitch]]es who stop at nothing to destroy [[science]] just so they can stay in the [[Before the internets|dark ages]]! You [[motherfucker]]!"
==Gallery==
{{cg||splicin|center|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Evovovo.jpg|A brief history of evolution variables from country to country.
Image:Looter to man.jpg|[[niggers|It should be noted however that not all humans evolved beyond apes]].
Image:Wentwrong.JPG|Unlike [[niggers]], [[white people]] did evolve. But not for long.
Image:EvolutionPA 800x326.jpg|Humans will [[apparently]] split into [[LOL WUT|two different species]] through evolution.
Image:Evolution_-_American_Evolution.jpg|American evolution.
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
Image:Evolution.jpg|How evolution REALLY happened
Image:Missing link.jpg|Where's your god now, scientists? [[atheism|Oh wait]].
Image:Evolution_-_Garbage_Cycle.jpg
Image:Evolution_&_Yolo_-_Go_Back_We_Fucked_Up.jpg
Image:Evolution man woman.jpg
Image:Evolution.gif|Evolution of the True Master Race
Image:Evolution_-_Drunk.jpg
Image:Evolution_-_LOL_Cats.jpg|The Revolution Is Coming
Image:Evolution_-_No_Evidence.jpg|You just can't "fix" stupid.
Image:Bushape.gif|Former President George Ape Bush
File:DSC00361.JPG
</gallery>
|}}


==Evolution Gone Wrong==
==Evolution Gone Wrong==
[[Image:Furry evolution.jpg|thumb|360px|right|Evolution into a furfag.]]


*[[Religion]]
*[[Religion]]
Line 124: Line 155:
*[[Richard Dawkins]]
*[[Richard Dawkins]]
*[[TheAmazingAtheist]]
*[[TheAmazingAtheist]]
*[[Bronies]]
*[[Pekka-Eric Auvinen]]
*[[Thunderf00t]]
*[[Thunderf00t]]
*[[Juliana Wetmore]]
*[[Juliana Wetmore]]
Line 132: Line 165:
*[[Bestiality]]
*[[Bestiality]]
*[[4chan]]
*[[4chan]]
*[[Furry|Furries]]
*[[The Spoony Experiment|Noah Antwiler]]
*[[The Spoony Experiment|Noah Antwiler]]
*[[You]]


==External Links==
==External Links==
*[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-207079/Evolution-banned-US-schools.html Evolution '''banned''' in US schools]  
*[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-207079/Evolution-banned-US-schools.html Evolution '''Banned''' in US schools]  
 


===See Also===
===See Also===
Line 145: Line 177:
{{atheism}}
{{atheism}}
{{truth}}
{{truth}}
{{Retarded Edit Wars}}
{{Timeline|Featured article September 18, [[2005]]|[[Punk]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Zabasearch]]}}
{{Timeline|Featured article September 18, [[2005]]|[[Punk]]|[[{{PAGENAME}}]]|[[Zabasearch]]}}
[[Category: Events]]
[[Category: Events]]
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]
[[Category: Drama-generating techniques]]

Latest revision as of 04:42, 27 December 2024

Offended?

If you have been offended by "Evolution",
please click here and slowly scroll down to the bottom of the page.
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT PARENTS HAVE BABIES! NOBEL PRIZE PLEASE!!!1

Evolution (also known as The Theory of Natural Selection or the survival of the fittest) is why women don't have special muscles to close their vaginas. Simply put, think of Nature as one big Internet: an anarchic competitive hellhole where life changes all the time so that the best, strongest and smartest in the environment will survive and reproduce furthermore into the gene pool. The weak on the other hand, die off or get eaten. Evolution was proposed in the 18th century by Charles Darwin when he discovered the Nigger, the Genetic "Missing Link" between Humans and apes. It explains why, even if the Negroid species outcompeted their simian relatives in the native jungles of Africa, they were absolutely destroyed when the Human Race arrived.

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger

Fascists like Hitler, atheists like Richard Dawkins, and Fascist Atheists like Nietzsche and /pol/ absolutely love evolution because first, it was proof that you don't need a God to create complex life on Earth, and second, it justified and made Natural Law the eradication of retards, niggers, faggots, and the incompetent from the face of the Earth. However, it is the same scientific theory that both sides of the political spectrum (the Religious Right and left-leaning SJWs) absolutely despise and try to deny never existed, the Right because it meant that their Bible was all wrong, and the left because it meant that pwning niggers is a-OK.

And How to Kill off the Lesser Members of Your Species

Evolutionists are all Nazi white supremacists. We know this for a fact because evolution says that nature intentionally kills off the lesser members of a species for the benefit of the stronger members. Thus evolutionists must help this process along, just as believers in heliocentrism must help the planet revolve around the sun. Evolution is directly responsible for the following:

The Holocaust

Oh, I say!

‎

An example of natural selection at work.

Mr. Hitler✡ (catholic) tried to maintain the purity of his beloved race by trying to exterminate the Jews, niggers, faggots and gypsies who were contaminating his country. As well as sampling deep-fried kike, Hitler also used a much older and more friendly method of ensuring these undesirables could not breed:

Eugenics

Where you need to go.
 
“ 		 
It has now become a serious necessity to better the breed of the human race. The average citizen is too base for the everyday work of modern civilization.
  		„
 

—Sir Francis Galton, Charles Darwin's cousin.

 
“ 		 
If nature does not wish that weaker individuals should mate with the stronger, she wishes even less that a superior race should intermingle with an inferior one; because in such cases all her efforts, throughout hundreds of thousands of years, to establish an evolutionarily higher stage of being, may thus be rendered futile.
  		„
 

—Hitler, expressing evolutionist sentiment in Mein Kampf.

Sadly, Hitler couldn't finish the fucking job and now the Jews rule world. Thank you very much Adolf.

Eugenics, basically, is cutting off a person's balls, or ovaries, because they are too stupid to breed. However noble this may sound, for some odd reason the vast majority of people who believe in evolution don't like it. Hypocrites.
For all the arguments against it, all it usually takes is one 30 minute viewing of such golden jewtube celebrities like Chris Chan, pewdiepie and/or littlekuriboh to get even the most ardent proponent against eugenics to reverse their stance and to start writing congress demanding an immediate reinstatment of such policies.

The Darwin Awards

Instead of killing other lesser lifeforms, some especially inferior humans helpfully exterminate themselves. This has led to a set of awards named after Charles Darwin.[1]

Niggers and Evolution

Niggers are the missing link between man and ape. The could imitate human behaviour, but were still too stupid to create their own civilization. Niggers cannot invent, construct structures, cook, solve puzzles, comprehend mathematics, and so forth, because they lack the prefrontal cortex which only evolved in modern Humans.

In recent years, a massive infection caused by parasitic alien brainwashing led to an unnatural phenomenon of reversing the process of Evolution itself: by making niggers reproduce with Humans. However, doing so will ensure that the Human Race will die off from inherent nigger diseases. Since the birth rate in Europe has gone way down, while the arab and nigger immigrants multiply like bunnies, this means that Europe will be sand nigger country in a few years, all for the benefit of said alien parasites.

An unusual case of an unevolved black person living in a semi-evolved country
A she-boon chimps out over evolution
   
“ 		 
How does evolution kill black people?
  		„
  		 

—Jonatha Carr, A stupid nigger

Famous Evolutionists

Charles Darwin

Charles Darwin contributed to the theory of evolution after examining his black person slave, Harpo, on his secret cotton plantation one day in Sussex England and determined that there was no possible way that he wasn't a descendant of the bastard love child of Curious George and Alvin the Gorilla. However, due to growing racial sensitivities in Europe and abroad, Darwin decided to hide this fact and lied claiming some bullshit about how he had discovered transitional changes within a species after examining the penises of dodo birds on some Pacific island that no one gives a fuck about. Apparently, one bird on the right palm tree had a foot long penis while the one on the left had a two inch penis when fully erect.

After his new book, "Origin of Species" totally pwned biblical creation and became accepted by virtually everyone. Darwin's new theory of human origins made Charles Darwin one of the richest and most illustrious men in the world while Harpo received little to no credit for his master's discovery leaving him irate and pushy, thus coining the phrase "Harpo know sumpn you don' know!" In later years, Harpo also became a central figure for failed fiction authors who wrote novels based upon the life of Harpo such as "Harpo 'n'da white woman" and "Memoirs of Harpo while hangin' from da ole' oak tree one Sunday evenin' after rapin' 'n' killin' dat white woman and throwin' her body in da dumpsta". These books were highly unsuccessful compared to the much more popular latter works like "Harpo goes to town", "Harpo in Space" and "Harpo don't know nuttin' bout buthin' no babies". Twentieth Century Fox contemplated buying the rights to "Harpo in Space" and turning it into a major motion picture but decided against it at the last minute and came up with some extremely gay shit called "Planet Of The Apes" instead starring Moses and that yuppie, faggot from New Kids On The Block.

 
“ 		 
The main perpetrator of this monkey lie is Charles Darwin. He claims to have developed this "theory" after studying "finches" on the Galapagos "Islands," but I can guess why he really came up with it. He was on the Galapagos Islands for spring break, got smashed, woke up in bed next to a monkey, and then had to come up with a theory that made it all okay.
  		„
 

—Stephen Colbert on Charles Darwin.

Richard Dawkins

Noted troll of Godfags Richard Dawkins uses the theory of evolution to prove God does not exist and that anyone who thinks so is a monkey who should be sterilized. He's also an advocate for animal rights, though obviously this does not include the right not to be castrated. Dawkins is noted as having sex with a bald transvestite teacher from a town known as south park.

Stanley Miller

Last Thursday, Stanley Miller created piss out of soup and electricity, compelling every evolutionist around the world to simultaneously jizz their superior laboratory coats. After forcing their pet monkeys to lick their coats clean, they issued a public announcement that the creation of urine is infallible proof that a living, metabolizing cell arose from the aforementioned prehistoric chowder.

The Future of Evolution

Jimmylution

The next step in the evolution process for man is androgyny, as represented by Marilyn Manson. Most agree that this is fucked up, however most evolutionists have the desire to evolve into such a form, as they are sick fucks who want to suck themselves off and fondle their own breasts. The concept of de-evolution states that mankind is devolving into violent, brain-eating apes. This concept more specifically states that we are devolving into LJ Users and shitty Linux groupware suites.

South Park Explains Evolution

"In the beginning we were all fish... okay... swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live.

So retard fish goes on to make more retard babies, and then one day a retard baby fish crawled out of the ocean with its... mutant fish hands... and it had... butt-sex with a squirrel or something, and made this retard frog-squirrel, and then that had a retard baby which was a monkey-fish-frog, and then this monkey-fish-frog had butt-sex with that monkey; that monkey had a mutant retard baby that screwed another monkey and that made you. So there you go.

...You're the retarded offspring of five monkeys having butt-sex with a fish-squirrel. Congratulations!"

Evolution Proven Wrong by a Creatard

There's no way I came from an ape, d00d.
Evolution proven wrong in 2.5 minutes

Videos of Idiot Atheist on Evolution

bbbut muh missing link

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Techniques For Promoting Evolution OL

Present A United Front

Apply Diplomacy

Use Logic

  • Sci Thread Archive from Usenet.com
    • "Soroty? What's a sotory, you illiterate fuck? What are eys? I'll tell you what they are - yet another in an endless blather of excuses from the asswipe who claimed there were colossal holes in the Theory of Evolution."

Tactfully Renounce Creationism

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • How evolution REALLY happened
    How evolution REALLY happened
  • Where's your god now, scientists? Oh wait.
    Where's your god now, scientists? Oh wait.
  • Evolution of the True Master Race
    Evolution of the True Master Race
  • The Revolution Is Coming
    The Revolution Is Coming
  • You just can't "fix" stupid.
    You just can't "fix" stupid.
  • Former President George Ape Bush
    Former President George Ape Bush

Evolution Gone Wrong

Evolution into a furfag.

See Also

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Featured article September 18, 2005
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