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If you however are super impatient, email Tabs directly at [email protected] with your preferred username and associated email address AND ONLY TO REGISTER.Stone Age: Difference between revisions
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Latest revision as of 04:52, 19 November 2022
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Were you thinking of Africa? |
The Stone Age was the prehistoric period between 3.4 million years ago to about 2,200 B.C. It was a brutal fuckfest of all sorts of lulzy events of which we have no written account since those fuckers back then had no pencils, no paper and no written languages.
General Overview
The Earth was an untamed wilderness, filled with fierce animals like the mighty mammoth, saber toothed cats, and possums the size of a fucking minivan. Humans were rare and had to fight for survival against diseases, parasites, hostile wildlife, asteroids, volcanic explosions, climate shifts and ancient aliens. There were numerous other hominids like the neanderthals (Homo Nigger), but mankind managed to murder the shit out of them 25,000 years ago. This was the first genocide to pay off; imagine if we had those fuckers around today. They would demand their own parking spaces, live in neanderthal ghettos and listen to neanderthal-pop. Thank god they are all dead. Eventually through genocidal conquest, we became the last homos standing which, in this case, is a good thing.
Nature
Big ugly, horny and hungry. If you think being raped is bad, imagine being raped, brutally ripped to shreds, AND eaten afterward.
Dinosaurs
Do the math you fucking imbecile, the flintstones are not a documentary.
Toxodon
Some Sort of Gerbil-Horse, killed by us.
Wooly Rhinoceros
The furry, gay Version of our regular Rhino, also killed by us.
Culture
Culture was everything humans did back then that was not part of their firmware, but something they came up with to entertain guests at a dinner party, or shit they carved out of bones to decorate their filthy caves with.
Language
Scientists have come to the conclusion that our ancestors used less than 2000 words which were resembling grunts, screams and clicking noises in addition to hand signs and gestures. If you want to know how that would have sounded and looked like, listen to ebonics or arabian. Or watch videos of severely autistic children on YouTube.
Art
Rad shit that was not possible without strong herbs, for coloring the paintings and lighting up the neurons of the artist. Mainly depictions of Animals and fat bitches with soggy tits and fat pussies, some scientists argue that this was the beauty standard of those days. Others think it was just like today, and the Stone Age artist community consisted entirely of furfag perverts with sick fetishes.
Religion
Religion was less organized than today but it was taken damn serious. Human sacrifices were not too common but already a thing, just like sacral cannibalism. The objects of worship were animal spirits or ancestral spirits. TL;DR: Bears and your Mom were God. It is believed that religion was a natural byproduct of intelligence, ironically. Similar to how only few animal species collectively mourn (such as Elephants) due to having advanced intelligence levels in comparison to other species, humanity was several magnitudes more advanced than any other life form the world has seen. Evidently, that caused these foul beasts to develop religiosity and spirituality.
Activities
The two most sought after occupations back in the Stone Age were Hunter and Gatherer, and sometimes a combination of both. Remember, these were simpler times and people were able to find fulfillment by bashing in the Skulls of large mammals, or by collecting fruits and vegetables. The later was, of course, a job dominated by women since it is less physically demanding and leaves a lot of time for chatting and plotting.
Sex
Scientists think that early man was not able to understand the connection between conception and birth, a theory which makes our ancestors look damn stupid- of course, easily within comparison to the average internet user. The upside to this was of course that no one was forced to become a father so you could abandon your kid.
Perks
- No money and no Social classes, no cops. This was more or less an anarchocommunist's paradise.
- Sex was not regulated. Everything was okay, even rape, pedophilia and zoophilia. People just had to try not to end up on the business end of a dick.
- No School
- Not having to go to work at 6AM
- No worries over retirement plans; life usually ended by age 30.
- No taxes
- No beaners stealing your goddamn job
