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Article of the Now

The Columbine High School Massacre (Still a better love story than Twilight) was basically the funniest thing that has ever happened in any high school evar. On April 20th, 1999, in Littleton, Colorado, American an heroes Eric David Harris and Dylan Bennet Klebold✡ got over a dozen frags IRL at their local high school after attempting to simulate Doom in the real world. Originally, they planned on blowing up their schools' cafeteria during lunchtime, but their propane bombs failed and they ended up rushing into the school, killing people left and right before turning their guns on themselves and becoming an heroes. Their total kill count was 13, an unimpressive score given how they were using sub-machine guns in the pistol round, and were elevated to "WORST PEOPLE OF 1999" posthumously, for the most violent school shooting spree in American history shortly after Bill Clinton authorized the massacre of thousands of Serbian children.

They held this title for nearly a decade before a gook killed over thirty people at Virginia Tech in 2007, although Eric and Dylan still hold the high score for high school shooting- in America, that is they were later overtaken by Nikolas Jacob Cruz on February 14, 2018. German residents Tim Kretschmer and Robert Steinhauser racked up fifteen and sixteen frags, respectively, at their local schools.

In the weeks, months, and years following their killing spree, massive witchhunts were held as trolls, goths, musicians (Marilyn Manson, Eminem), movies (Natural Born Killers, The Matrix), television shows, and anyone not amongst the exclusive ranks of The beautiful people were rounded up and taken to concentration camps as the need to scapegoat anyone for the crimes led to America being whipped up into a frenzy of anti-lulz, and retardation in the biggest moral panic in decades, of the same category of the future 9/11 attacks. Instead of waging a war of terror against innocent sand niggers, Americunts made the lives of teenagers even worse by destroying the lives of any weird or unconventional kids, for dozens of years to come.

Despite happening well over a generation ago, the Columbine High School Massacre still continues to inspire thousands upon thousands of columbine copycats and fangirls to this very day. Like they stated in their manifesto, Eric and Dylan continue to inspire paranoia, fear, copycats, and more terror upon the world, 18+ years after they died. Columbine also has a permanent effect on American culture, if not global culture in general; just try wearing a trench coat to school and see how that plays out for you.


What have I missed?
 		Columbine
2 days ago 		Street Fighter 2
4 days ago 		Boston Marathon Bombing
6 days ago

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Sooner will a camel pass through a needle's eye than a great man be 'discovered' by an election

 
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—The Birthday Boy Himself - Adolf Hitler

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