Adolf Hitler

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Adolf Hitler (April 20, 1889 - April 30, 1945) was an African Jew who ironically ~~tried to wipe out his racial brethren~~ was blamed for a mass die off of jews in europe, due to their eating too much jewgold in the form of a cock and choking. He was one of the 20th Century's most misunderstood political revisionists. Many see him as a overweight, perverted, sexually deprived, gay, racist, homophobic, high functioning Autistic. Others see him as humanity's last hope to cleanse the world of the biggest problem on the planet.What's so exciting about that? During his holiday in Germany, Hitler had a party (complete with fully catered bar-b-cue), with somewhere around six million Jews EXACTLY SIX MILLION AND NOT ONE LESS!!, called the Lolocaust More lies from juden, he was a sensitive hero who tried to save the undeserving jews from the racist germans that he, a Austrian, loved so much. He also helped invent the Volkswagen and still holds the high score in IRL Risk. He broke new strategic ground with his Blitzkrieg tactics, which effectively meant that he was in your nation, killing your j00z.

On the other hand, Hitler was also a sensitive man. When he was younger, Hitler went to art school. He was a vegetarian, a non-smoker, a coprophiliac and also had a mustache. On the downside, he dropped out of art school, slept until three in the afternoon every day, and threw temper tantrums if you tried to wake him up.

Contrary to popular belief, Hitler was not killed by Aldo The Apache and his band of jews, who brutalized the peaceful Germans for the promise of jewgolds in return for each clitoris removed from german schoolgirls.

Rise to Power

Since 1945, Hitler has made approx. 900 trillion Canadian dollars by licensing his looks for use in tasteful merchandise, most of which sells in England.

Adolf began his ascent to power in Germany with an ideologically sound framework:

Anyone who expressed views contrary to his and his party's was invited over to Adolph's semi-detached bungalow for a lively debate over a schnapps or two. Adolf was an excellent hypnotist and utilized this skill to subtly change his adversaries ideas and opinions.
If that did not work, he would:
- kill them
- eat their brains
- skull-fuck their now empty head.

This modus operandi was usually effective in quelling dissent.

Adolf blamed the ills of the Fatherland on the unclean Juden, amongst others. As the Jews have rarely been persecuted throughout history, this was something a little new to them. However Uncle Adolph was also a devout humanitarian, and tried to give them new living accomidations in special places like dachau were they could be jews in saftey from the racist fucks in germany, who are racist fucks to this day.

Adolf and his National Socilist or Nazi party celebrated their huge landslide win in the nations elections with a massive street party known as Krystallnacht. Jewish shopkeepers and business owners were the main invitees. They were a little disappointed when they did not receive the beautiful crystals and jewel-encrusted dredels as promised in the invitations, and Uncle Adolph was doubly disapointed because the crude hun bastards that made up the population of Germany smashed up a lot of jewish shops, causing the german insurance industry to shit itself because desptie all of their flaws that Hitler ignored, the jews had the sense to protect their jewgolds thru insurence. People in Hitler's homeland of Austria LOLd at the wascally Germans getting drunk and rioting.

After the Germans went batshit and begain behaving badly towards their nations bankers and shopkeepers, Uncle Adolph realized that the Germans needed to quit being lazy basement dwellers and then invited the Jews, en-masse, on an all expenses paid train journey to the picturesque nether regions of Germany, Poland and a few other countries to live sepratley. The Jews, always quick to sniff out a bargain, widely accepted this invitation and were promptly and efficiently transported to these holiday-camps. Those who showed some reluctance were gently persuaded by Hitler's assistants with reminders of how uncivilized the bulk of Germany was.

Some of the Jews complained about the converted Pullman rail coaches which were used in this relocation program, now known as The Final Solution. It was labeled 'The Final Solution' as the Jew's were grossly overworked in their shops and businesses. The 'Solution' to this OH&S issue was to grant them the free transport and accommodation in the German countryside.

The Jews were perceived by many in Europe at that time as having questionable personal hygiene. Therefore upon arrival they were greeted humbly and courteously by their hosts. They were ushered in to large bathhouses and enjoyed a relaxing shower/bath and optional massage. Great thought went into this initial welcome at the Camps. The shortage of essential-oils in wartime presented the German hosts with a problem. How were they to set the mood without these all-important olfactory adjuncts? The Germans, never ones to let a technical challenge get in the way of progress solved this with a marvelous new synthetically-derived compound known as Zyklon-B. In another technical-first, this compound was piped through to the bathhouses which cut down on waste and provided all with the same enhanced experience. It was noticed by some of the attendants that occasionally a jewish guest would suffer an allergic reaction to the Zyklon-B. This would involve visual and auditory hallucinations, quite often terrifyingly reminiscent of actually dieing. The German master chemists would hear nothing of this; they set about slightly refining the process so all their guests had an equally positive experience. They did not want to present the illusion of favoritism. After this small hiccup the Camps were soon operating at near capacity and very efficiently, which delighted Adolph and his mates.

Now Adolf began his presidency with the best of intentions. As we know now, they went a little astray; he failed to personally supervise this most attractive R&R opportunity for his Jewish compatriots.

His trusted lieutenants and aides bungled the end stages of The Final Solution and a great many Jews regretfully did not make it to "paradise" and were deprived of that long-promised and well-earned holiday. That's what Hitler gets for letting fucking Germans do shit, as they fuck everything up

Consequently the Jews have never forgiven Germany for their being too fucking incompetent to follow Uncle Adolph's directions.

On unrelated news, this guy is the cause of 33% of the world's problems, jews cause 33% as well, so this guy is the solution for 33% of the worlds problems! in case you were wondering, the other 33% of the worlds problems come from spics, however word is that Arizona is working to solve them.

World War II

And he would've gotten away with it too if it wasn't for those meddling Russians!

In 1939, Hitler told the leader of Poland to give him anal sex and to face him during rape. Poland gave Hitler the finger and told him to go fuck himself, so Hitler decided to kick Poland's ass. After a few days of fighting, Hitler realized Germany couldn't beat Poland alone, and Russia joined in, because Stalin was a useless dirty dick sniffer who didn't have the vagina to start a troll himself, but was always willing to kill his own guys and join in and try to take credit for someone else's raid.

After Poland didn't surrender, Hitler, like the bitch he was, went on to completely take out Denmark, Norway, Holland, and Belgium all in a couple of weeks. Earlier, in free time and for fun and profit, he decided to liberate Austria and to cancel the Czechs, too. Finally, Hitler pwned France as the French just rolled over and took it in the ass. After France was subjugated, he sent Rudolf Hess to try to make peace with England. In England Hess was anally raped, causing Hitler to try to bomb England to surrender and invade Russia for the lulz, but this was unsuccessful. As the English are fucking insane and the Russians live in a freezing shithole, the irony is that Hitler could have took England, as the British Army had raped by the Germans in France, however Hitler sufferd trolls remores and neglected to follow through.

Hitler's Final Act of Heroism

Would Hitler fucking pwn that Jew, you ask? You bet your two-inch dick he would!

In 1944 the Allied troops invaded and pwned the Germans in France then they pressed forward toward Germany and in 1945 the Soviets surrounded Berlin and were looking to zerg rush on the Reichstag. Things were not looking good for our Hitler. Legend has it that Hitler decided that he'd rather die married than die gay. So he married his cousin (Eva Braun) and then committed suicide like the little emo bitch he was. In reality, being the angst-ridden man-child that he was, he killed himself ten days after his birthday because some of his friends didn't show up at his party at the YMCA. It also may have helped that the Russians were about one block away from where he was hiding, and they were hankerin' for a Hitler lynching. Unfortunately, he turned to an heroism before they could get to him.

Eventually the monstrous Russians descended on the rest of Berlin like a big smelly wall of rape and surprised every surviving man, woman, child, occasional retard covered in shit within a 50 mile radius. Seriously. In retaliation for his faggotry, Stalin made Hitler's skull into a jizz bowl. This is officially recognized as the high point in German history. Hitler is now being raped by jews in hell, as everybody knows, jews don't die.

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Successors

Hitler-wanna-bes are as widespread as AIDS. The most notable ones include:

Heil Honey, I'm Home!

~~Charlie Chaplin~~ Adolf Hitler was also an actor.

Hitler was an avid clubber and a total pimp.

Around the year 1990 a couple of pre-internets trolls decided to create the greatest lulzfest ever seen at the time, a television show called Heil Honey, I'm Home!, which depicted the lives of Hitler and his bitch Eva in a 50's style sitcom, with the two of them living next door to a Jew family, bringing in one of the lulziest situations evar as we all know what Hitler did to those poor fags. Sadly the show was canceled after the first episode when the Jews from the BBC network realized it was about Hitler in a good way and pulled it, never to see the light of day again, a minor revenge attempt at Hitler that failed miserably due to the future power of the internet. Another reason it was canceled was because the Jews didn't understand history and didn't realize that it was somewhat fact-based, though the only things that Jews think happened were that the world was created by Cthulhu and Hitler was apparently the devil.

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Hitler and The Internets

Recently there has been a new unprecedented Internet obsession with Hitler. In the quest for trying to be different, 90's bred bipolar forums users turn to other subcultures to try and stand out. There are many Internet identities that claim to be the new Hitler, even though Satan would never bestow such an honor on some basement dweller. Neo-Nazis have also gained Internet access and have begun trying to lure these forlorn angst-ridden teens into a world of viking metal and saluting photos of dead guys.

Hitler is also one of the most talked about people on internet forums and message boards. No matter what the subject is, there is no doubt that Hitler's name will come up eventually in conversation OTI. It is also customary on the internet to post Hitler's likeness repeatedly as a sign of friendship and respect. In short, the internets <3 Hitler.

Hitler on JewTube

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FRESH FUHRER OF BEL-AIR

IN BRAUNAU AUSTRIA BORN AND RAISED

VIENNA WAS WHERE I SPENT MOST OF MY DAYS

CHILLIN' OUT, MAXING, RELAXING ALL COOL

AND THINKING OF WAYS TO ANNIHILATE THE JEWS

WHEN A COUPLE OF KIKES

WHO WERE UP TO NO GOOD

STARTED RAISING LOANS IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD

I SET UP ONE LITTLE CAMP AND RUSSIA GOT SCARED

THEY SAID "IF YOU INVADE POLAND CAN WE AT LEAST SHARE?"

I WHISTLED FOR MY CAR AND WHEN IT CAME NEAR

THE LICENSE PLATE SAID "FUHRER" AND EVA BRAUN WAS IN THE REAR

IN GERMANY FUCKING YOUR OWN COUSIN WAS RARE

BUT I THOUGHT "NAH FORGET IT," YO HOME TO BERLIN!

I CAUGHT MILLIONS OF JEWS, ABOUT 7 OR 8

AND I YELLED TO HYMIES "YO HOLMES, SMELL YA LATER"

I SHIPPED EM TO CAMPS, WHEN THEY WERE FINALLY THERE,

I TOOK EM ALL OUT, WITH SOME GAS IN THE AIR.

It's My Nazi Party and I'll Cry If I Want To

Was Hitler gay?

Hitler's only daughter has led a quiet life since the war ended.

Nobody knows where my Adolph has gone

Eva left the same time

Why was he holding her hand

When he's supposed to be mine

It's my Nazi party, and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Playin' my records, keep dancin' all night

Leave me alone for a while

'Till Adolph's dancin' with me

I've got no reason to smile

It's my Nazi party, and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Eva and Adolph just walked through the door

Like a queen with her king

Oh what a birthday surprise

Eva's wearin' his ring

It's my Nazi party, and I'll cry if I want to

Cry if I want to, cry if I want to

You would cry too if it happened to you

Kesha meets the Nazi Party

What you have heard is true....why don't you?

Wake up in the morning feelin' like der Fuhrer

Write Mein Kampf, tell Germany I'm gonna make race purer

Before I leave, fuck my niece. With Eva Braun, too

Cause when I leave for Mein Reich, I'm gonna kill a jew

I'm talkin'

Takin' of all their clothes clothes

Gassin' them till they choke choke

Throwin' them in some stoves stoves

Goose steppin'

Right into all of your cities

Spreadin' the Nazi Party

Tryin' to take over your countrryyyyy

Don't stop, make em drop!

Nazi's blow your cities up!

Tonight, they gonna fight

Till you give into the Reich!

Obligatory comparison to male genitalia

Hitler was kind of a dick.

Adolf Hitler Fun Facts

Hitler wasn't even German. He was ~~Australian~~ ~~Austrian~~ ~~Mexican~~ A Troll, just like another famous murderer.

Hitler served in the German army in WWI, and got pwned with mustard gas and spent months in a hospital.

He was a vegetarian. Not out of principles but because he had horrible IBS and gastritis and his stomach couldn't handle meat (though his colon and lower intestine seemed to handle it just fine). He also had terrible breath and smelled bad.

Hitler was also known for being a beast in the bedroom, as reported by his officers and generals. It was recorded he had sex with over 3,452 different women during his rule.

His dog was named "Blondi". Quiz your history teacher on that one!

Hitler counted his jews using computers supplied by IBM.

He actually wanted to become an artist.
He had a pee fetish. No, srsly.
He painted houses before he became emo.

Hitler was an asspie.

He was addicted to meth and had syphilis, just like every other white supremacist.

Hitler was the undisputed World Yo-yo Champion from 1939-1945.

If Hitler had lived out his dream of becoming an artist, he would now have over 9,000 more pageviews than Snapesnogger.

Hitler decided to start a little war just for the lulz.

Hitler's doctor gave him medicine made from chopped cow balls and the shit of Bulgarian peasants-- on a daily basis. (It's been proven by science and the internetz.)

"O Hail Hitler, You are the sun and the moon." - Sam Olsson

Uwe Boll is said to be part of the Adolf Hitler family tree.

Hitler hated nature. And trees. And babies. And he had one testicle bitten off by a goat. And he was one quarter- no, half jewish. And he was secretly gay. And a drug addict. And had every sexually transmitted disease ever known! And he kicked puppies. And glued pennies to the sidewalk. And he'd laugh and laugh as old women would walk slowly across the street, refusing to help them.

And he uh..uh..had bad breath! And he....didn't flush! And he...uh...well..anything else that's bad!

The Downfall meme

"Downfall" was a 2004 German-language movie depicting the final days of Hitler during World War II while the Russians were inflicting mass amounts of pwnage on their way to capturing Berlin.

Since real Internet power users don't understand German moonspeak, the climactic scene of Hitler totally losing his shizz with enemy tanks parked a mile away from his secret headquarters and no reserves left was naturally ripe for ~~reinterpretation~~ more nuanced translations. Of course most of them are crap based on sports teams nobody cares about.

The best thing about the meme, of course, is triggering outraged choruses of ZOMG HITLER IS NEVAR FUNNY from the usual suspects.

On April 21, 2010 Jewtube began removing all such videos, because they can't take the lulz. Here's how Hitler reacted to the removal.

Invoke Hitler and Instantly Win Any Argument. 88!

JUST IN: HITLER = AIDS!

As seen here, Hitler has rough, steamy sex with woman. However, he is trying to purposely give her AIDS! Oh, you rascal! Much lulz ensues as Germany is flooded with butthurt, as they are all holocaust deniers.