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Allah
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of the Prophet (ﷺ)? We are here to help! Please click here! |
Allah is the sand-language word for God, and almost universally refers to the God of Raep and Terrorism worshipped in Islam. Technically speaking, there is no difference in saying "God" and "Allah", and some Arab Christian use the word to describe Normal God. In reality however, Allah is very different from God, as God is generally displeased by terrorism. Allah's "religion" is properly referred to as I Slam Beer or simply 'Islam' (Arabic for submission/rape). Its adherents are called "Muslims" (or sand heroes). The central tenet of Islam is that there are no other gods (e.g., Jesus, Raptor Jesus, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Cthulhu, Mudkips, Etc.) except for Allah and that Muhammad was his prophet. Allah inspires his fanboys around the world to become heroes in his holy name, but only if it involves killing a shitload of other people in the process. Fewer fictional characters have more devoted followers than Allah. When Muslims mention Allah, they must say Subhanahu wa taʿala - abbreviated as SAW - each time (the phrase means "May he be praised and exalted"). The punishment for failing to do this is death.
(See Islam for more)
History
Way before the internets, Muhammad, a towelhead living in the city of Makkah in what is now Saudi Arabia, began to receive IMs from Allah, who was using the screenname "Jibril." The messages were mostly requests to cyber and a/s/l, but Mohammad saw the potential for epic trolling and lulz, so he compiled them into a gigantic Microsoft word document called qur'an.doc. Muhammad distributed it to his Myspace top 10(including Tom) who posted it to a bulletin, causing innumerable flame wars. Eventually, Jihad was declared upon Mr.Jesus. The purpose of which was to spread the word of Allah by any means necessary to the rest of the world.
Interesting Facts
- Allah is the central focus of terrorism.
- Allah promises 72 virgins (most likely traps) if you become an hero for him (Read the Qu'ran for handy bomb making tips, and ways to becoming an hero). Most male suicide bombers get 72 virgins BUT THEY ARE ALL MALE VIRGINS.
- Allah planned 9/11, and then blamed a mentally retarded American Jew named Osama Bin Laden who couldn't tell a bomb from his own left testicle.
- Although forbids the depiction of Mohammad in art, he is commonly depicted in much of the Danish press as an elderly man with a beard, towels wrapped around his head, and a bomb jacket strapped to him.
- In a dream, Mohammad was told by Allah to inform the people that in his honor they shall serve Allah-Carte in all cafeterias in the holy land.
- On 3rd May 2006, Allah became an officially certified pagan moon god.
- Every time Wimpy Kid says bismillah, Allah will go to the Wimpy Kid and bang the Wimpy Kid in the butt.
- Allah works in a black cubicle in Mecca, except for Friday, on Friday he answers prayers and customer complanits.
- Allah is a cousin of Nurgle, and the Brother of Horus.
Friends of Allah
- Osama
- Joe Momma
- Barack Obama
- Musa
- Isa
- Mohammad
- Mohammad Ali
- Mohammad Ali Jinnah
- Mohammad Atta
- Lynndie England
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- Malcolm X
- Saddam Hussein
- Jerry Seinfeld
- Daler Mehndi
Things Allah Hates
- Denmark
- Israel
- Muhammad Cartoons
- Homosexuals
- Atheists
- Pagans
- Satanists
- The Great Satan
- The Little Satan
- Salmon Rushdie
- You
- Pigs
- Nazi
- Hitler
Things Done in the Name of Allah
Things Done by Jews
- 9/11
- Lollercaust(Gave Us Good Lulz)
See Also
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Allah is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |