Animaljail

When a person has no friends, they learn to cope with that fact and come up with ways to maintain the illusion of friendship to the rest of the world. They mail themselves birthday cards, set their phones to ring in public places so they can pretend to answer and hold long conversations with their boyfriends who live in Canada, and so on. So what do you do when you have no friends on the intarwebs either? Why, create sock puppet accounts, of course!

Animaljail's first kiss-ass sock puppet.

Animaljail's second kiss-ass sock puppet.

Your Wendy O. Koopa-esque lips fail to impress, as they are surrounded by MOUTH ACNE.

Aj's hubby "Pig", on his lunch break at the dwarf mines.

Faves her own pictures with two different socks.

"What a beautiful face!" said animaljail.

The key to creating a sock puppet account that will worship and adore you like the friends you never had is not to give the game away by making it totally obvious that you own the account. Sadly, this technique has been largely shat upon by a DevArt tartlet named animaljail, whose powerword was discovered by Kableguy as being Jacki 'Jax' Bradley. Holy shit, what a white trash name. She also lives in the hell-hole that is Tasmania, Australia, so it's really no surprise she has nothing better to do.

Animaljail is a highly special person who, through no fault of her own, is a major hamfaced beast, and whose humongous tits cause her lots of pain (see Teh Dramas) and cause us lots of lulz. In spite of this, she takes over nine thousand pictures of herself, hits >grayscale in photoshop and posts them to DevArt in the catch-all wasteland of talentless camwhores that is the >Photography>People and Portraits>Self-Portraits sub-category.

While her pictures are probably no worse than the trillions of other fat chick emos in DA, what she does after she posts them is a bit different. Invariably after posting, animaljail's two bestest BFFs and fans, LivingDeadGirl-aj and GodsBitch, show up and fave every new pic of hers. Why do they do this? Because they are ALSO animaljail!

What is strange is how retardedly BAD animaljail is at the fine art of sockpuppetry. Screencapped at right for your pleasure, both sock accounts are so obviously hers as to make you wonder if this is some kind of bizarre reverse-trolling technique. In one, she uses the same damn email name as her main account. In the other, she puts the initials of her main account in the sock's name. And on every account there is an overwhelming chunk of "Comment blocked by owner" messages in the comments section, signifying that those who bravely waded into the fail and fat of her account to say UR DOIN IT WRONG were silenced immediately.

You cannot block the comments of Anon, animalbait. And Anon wishes to say that you are indeed doing it wrong.

Story of a Girl (?)

One day animaljail wrote a story about a six year old girl getting raped, supposedly as sort of an auto-biographical piece. It was a horrible story, not because of the subject, but because it was god awfully written.

Sidakri, a fellow tartlet who foolishly wanted to help, came by and gave an honest and in-depth critique that would have been very helpful to anyone smarter than an ass tick. Animaljail instead had this to say:

“

You are without a word of a lie the most horrid person I have met since these foul creatures.

Since you are such a fucking brilliant person why dont you take this story and turn iot into something better. go on fucking do it.

you must not have read the artists comment or otherwise you would know how much of and arse you have been.

I take it that you are no expert on these matters as you took what i see as next to no tact on what you said.

I put this to paper as what I can remember. I was by far mor adult at that age than I should ever have been. you do not know me as a person so do not dare tell me what a child of that age knows and what they dont.

I never expect you to understand. I only hope that you never do

„

—animaljail, saying BAWWWWW to crits

Teh Dramas

Loads of bad and dramatic things have occurred in animaljail's life. She's had at least 100 miscarriages, her mom is a druggie who is too stupid to not keep getting beat up by her ex, she was super raped as a child and noone understands her! So all you asshats who are total haterz can go to hell!

	“	It's like I constantly ach. I damaged my back a while ago and there is a constant pain in my back. Neither of my knees have never been all that good and they both ach a fair bit when ever I do anything, I have a “condition” where my rib cage is really long. I’m not sure what that really means but anyway because of this clashing with my height when I walk my rib cage and hips clash, can you imagine the pain? And all that is just the physical and now being pregnant means that from time to time the pain is amplified. Other than that I have a few mental and emotional problems that don’t help. And being kicked out of home at 16 has never helped…	„
	—animaljail, OH HOW I ACH

She also has no power and no curtains, but she DOES have Pokemons!

	“	I have nothing covering the windows just yet but I’m sure I can get that fixed soon enough… I also have no power. I am tols that I will have power on Monday.. well thanks to my sister who sent me $100 today for my birthday that isn’t for another 2 months, I got Pokemon Pearl today.	„
	—animaljail, Fuck curtains, I have Pokemons!

YEAH, I LOST THE FUCKING BABY AGAIN

Possibly the lulziest part of her entire account is the July 13th 2007 journal entry, wherein she offhandedly mentions that she had a miscarriage, and apparently not the first one either. Anon is conflicted on how to take this... is it a case of being an attention whore? If so, she would have maybe said more about it than that, in order to reap in the sweet, sweet sympathy. But if it's true, then OMG. Just, holy shit.

Oddly enough, her journal entries about doing new "photoshoots" for her gallery and playing Pokemon Pearl are far lengthier than the literal one-liner her latest miscarriage received:

	“	Yeah I lost the fucking baby again... fuck this shit I'm gonna go find someone to cut my fucking insides out.	„
	—animaljail, going to find someone to cut her fucking insides out

Quotes

	“	I have totally had it. I'm not going to bother with helping people anymore. I'm sick of shit like this going on... since almost no one I know can tell the fucking truth fuckem'!	„
	—animaljail, going batshit crazy

	“	gee thanks... funny... your the only person to have really said anything to me... and I was heaps of people	„
	—animaljail, admitting to her heaps of sock puppets

	“	Because I don't like to take advantage of friends you can either buy me a drink at coven on the 7th or give me and extra $5 for putting it all together.	„
	—animaljail, not-surprisingly belonging to a coven (the 'Coven' she's referring to is a shitty goth nightclub where a bunch of similarly special individuals gather to wear eyeliner and jiggle their fat rolls to godawful industrial music.

“

Right so whats been swinging in my burb these days?

Well My mother was bashed by her ex-boyfriend. Gee who didn't see that coming? He managed to brake 6 bones in her lower back. The day she go out of hospital I let he say at my house. She really didn't have anywhere to go and I didn’t want her going back to her house at least for the first night just in case that dead shit tried something...

So what else… Well J has been kind enough to lend me his gamecube for a bit so I have something to do at home other than pokemon. I have been wanting to play a bit of lego starwars II so it is all working out well.

„

—animaljail, Hai guise, mom's broke and i got a new gamecube! fucking win!