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Archaeology
Archaeology, AKA "Legalised grave-robbing", is clawing through the dustbin of history, or, alternatively, the most fun you can have with your pants on. [1] Archaeology guarantees you a job after University. [2]. The most commonly used tools in archaeology are the trowel and dynamite. Archaeology has been the preserve of the retired, liberal children, and those not good enough to study history.
Great archaeologists
L Ron Hubbard
The Nazi government
The US Army in Baghdad
Angelina Jolie
Bill and Ted
The Wayback Machine
Relic Hunter
Great archaeological discoveries
Several bits of wood on Mount Ararat prove the existence of Noah's Ark
The Kensington Stones prove that Minnesota was invented by the Vikings
The Maine Penny proves that Maine was invented by the Vikings
The pyramids on dollar bills proves a link between Atlantis and the Illuminati
The gold tablets of Mormon
Tutankhamun comes back to life to find Patricia Velasquez
Jerusalem
Jerusalem has always been completely Jewish and archaeology has proved it. Palestinian buildings (technical term "grave fill") have been cleared away to show that there is only one archaeological level in Jerusalem, namely that of the Kingdom of David and the 1st Millennium BC [3]. So there.
Rome
Mussolini tore away all of Rome's bogus medieval history to show the only archaeology that matters. The Roman Empire. The 12th Century Commune of Rome, opposing the temporal power of the higher nobles was, well, communist and therefore deleted for disobedience of TOS. Mussolini was the first IRL Forum Moderator.
Egypt
Zahi Hawass [4], Secretary General of the Egyptian Supreme Council of Antiquities and all round attention whore, proving that he better learn his stupid history: Sargon of Akkad never did anything to the Jews because they fucking didn't exist at that time (~ 2,340 BCE).
Mecca
The Black Stone in the Kaaba at Mecca has been identified as;
- a statue of a Moon God [5] - Christian propaganda
- a Hindu temple [6] - Hindu propaganda
- the Earth Goddess [7] - hippy propaganda
- a vulva [8]
- a penis [9]
- a meteorite [10]
Surely all this could be sorted out by a good dose of archaeology? It would be unfortunate if the millions of pilgrims on Hajj (busy being ripped off by Saudi hotel owners and shop-keepers) were merely kissing a giant black penis.
Luckily in Saudi Arabia
so that's that [11]. Besides, think of the tourism.
Wikipedia
There are many archaeological levels in Wikipedia. Dig down far enough and you'll find (a) the origins of Encyclopedia Dramatica, (b) antique articles about the Wikipedia Militia and (c) Rachel Marsden
Drama!
A combination of EPIC fixed IP sock puppetry and industry standard tracking service has produced copious pathetic Fail of such a high score it boarders on anti-lulz. The lack of ordinary skillz displayed by the admin and users of this ineffectual shite-pipe mirrors the current high standards in professional archaeology today.
Britfag website BAJR a clearing house for UK archaeologists was successfully trolled last thursday by a heroic whistle blower who broke libel user policy online while regaling a story how corrupt consultant Duncan Hawkins was foiled attempting to circumnavigate planning regulations on a very important excavation and how much lulz was had IRL
Numi-drama
The following is only funny because it is unfairly directed against Americans. An impartial and not remotely hysterical US coin dealer writes;
/b/ at Pompeii
Archaeology at the University of Bath
Archaeology as Science
The economics of antiquities
In the good old days before law and order, "locals" used to sell antiquities to whichever rich bloke wandered past. Then the Victorians decided that foreigners were not to be trusted with antiquities, and stole them all to put in the British Museum for white people to look at. Now we're giving antiquities back [13], and so the status quo is restored. Antiquity goes to shit country, shit country has change of government, antiquity is looted and then sold to some rich bloke. Perfectomundo. (The alternative is the Taliban who just blow antiquities up [14], allah akbar.)
How not to troll Archaeologists
Don't ask them these questions as it flatters them into thinking they are sexy;
- Are you afraid of snakes?
- Which designer makes the best fedoras?
- How many traps have you triggered?
- How many Nazis have you killed in your line of work?
- Can I have fries with that?