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Henry Kissinger
Henry Kissmyassenger✡ is a sly international criminal who gained recognition as part of the comedy act Kiss my Dick, along with Richard Nixon during the 1970s, and later as Gerald Ford's scheming collaborator. Currently he's on the lam. Any attempts to subdue Kissinger will be met with swift Justice from his Magic Murder Bag.
A Central European Jew, Kissinger made it to Washington bringing along a lot of Jewish resentment. He served the man and by extent the mongrel populace of diverse continents through his righteous implementing of anticommunism and upholding of traditional American values and liberties.
Background
Kissinger was born a Jew, which automatically makes him a money-obsessed Christ-killer. When he was a little boy, his parents fled their native Germany, fleeing the wrath of the German people who elected Hitler to set the record straight with Germany's No. 1 problem. Little Henry is therefore said to have escaped the "Holocaust", but since it never really happened, that point is moot. The fact that he was born into a tribe of hook-nosed goblins has been a great source of shame to Henry throughout all his life, so he always tried to hide his Jewiness and prove that he's a good little yid, even though the blood of the devil runs through his veins. For example, he told President Nixon that Jews are self-serving bastards, said he wouldn't mind if Soviet Jews were put in gas chambers, tried to stop Soviet Jews from escaping their allegedly antisemtic government, and tried to end military aid to Israel during the 1973 war so the IDF would "bleed a little." To add a final touch, he married a pure white virgin rather than a Jewess, and he has never set foot inside a synagogue in his life.
Unsurprisingly, these actions only give the average person more contempt for Kissinger. Not only is he an evil little kike secretly bent on profit and world domination, he stoops so low he doesn't even have loyalty to his own people (most Jews still maintain fierce loyalty to the tribe, even while conspiring against everyone else). He'll do anything to get on top, even sell out his own people. He has no loyalty or love for anyone. The only thing he cares about is money and power. He's what they called a "Court Jew" in Medieval times. One feels for the innocent girl he stole from an unsuspecting white family. Unsurprisingly, he can't stop with her; once a Jew gets a taste of pure Christian virginity, he can't help but go after and bone all the white girls he can. As well as selling out his own people and carrying out the US government's criminal agenda, he was also on a mission to stick his penis in every pure Christian woman he could get his grubby little Jew hands on, though he sets strict standards for his dates (see section below).
Kissinger is a graduate of the City College of New York. While his public persona was that of the stereotypical bored Jew, he began to participate in a number of comedy albums and B-movies. The knowledge of show business gave him the necessary skills to treat people like whores--which eventually would be of great use in his political and diplomatic careers.
During the 70s, Kissinger rose to national prominence as Nixon's National Security Adviser, a position from where he began to cultivate his voracious sexual appetite. In short time, the bastard amassed moar and moar power by collecting sex films featuring large amounts of compromising and potentially dangerous information on many important and famous people, including Alexander Haig, David Rockefeller, Rev. Jerry Falwell, Liza Minnelli, and future first lady Rosalyn Carter. Allegedly, the jewel of this collection was a 16mm hardcore short film from around 1947, featuring a young George H. W. Bush in unnatural acts with a turkey.
An extensive investigation of Kissinger's files by the FBI in 2005 showed that he maintains the tapes, and still polishes his candlestick frequently with them.
Foreground
At the height of his popularity, Kissinger was even considered sexy, earning him the nickname "Ass Hungry."
After the Watergate scandal, he managed to come out clean of that shithole, continuing in power as the good Jew he was. His sex habits changed a bit; after he left the government, he declared to the press that he "would not date women who don't use moistened tissue on visits to the toilet, as they are not completely clean." He insisted that potential female suitors must not rely solely on toilet tissues in the bathroom, even advising to "make the switch to [the recently introduced] baby wipes if they don't already use them." He told the Washington Post, "If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go inside a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."
—Henry Kissinger, on 60 minutes. | ||
Kissinger also became known as much for his crusades for the Jew World Dominance, and other political causes as he was for buttsecks. He further demonstrated a violent reputation for his public outbursts and antics. In 1971, he was arrested for assault and battery against his then mistress, the porn actress Kathy Hilton. Kissinger was sentenced to two months in jail and later, to four months in drug treatment for repeatedly failing drug tests while on probation.
For his love and devotion in toppling governments, starting genocide, and killing infidels, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1973, which also happened to be the day that irony died.
Pwnage record
Kissinger also has been notable as the brain behind the pwnage of a number of international and local personalities:
- Salvador Allende, Chilean president
- Aldo Moro, Italian prime minister
- Ali Bhutto, Pakistani president
- Richard Nixon
- People from Cambodia, Vietnam, India, Cyprus, Turkey, Egypt, Pakistan, Rhodesia, Indonesia, and from Argentina, Uruguay, and Chile through Operation Condor
- Eventually, you
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