User:Jelq/Sandbox

The Bombing of the Volunteers
	Part of 2022 Russian invasion of Ukraine
	; Yavoriv military base, host to the Reddit Volunteers, post-bombing.
Date	March 13, 2022
Location	Yavoriv, Ukraine and Starichi, Ukraine
Result	Epic russian win, Reddit Foreign Legion retired, a lot of upvotes and Reddit Gold has been awarded, lulz, Reddit survivors flee to Poland.
Belligerents
Russia ;	Ukraine ; Reddit
Commanders and leaders
Vladimir Putin ;	Vladimir Zelensky ✡ ; u/spindokto
Units involved
30 missiles ;	1000 volunteers
Casualties and losses
30 missiles ;	100+ deaths ; a handful of casualties

LE REDDIT ARMY HAS ARRIVED!!!

As the Russian army continues to push (although molested) through Ukraine at a relatively slow pace reminiscent of the average EDiot showing his penis down a glass bottle people inevitably start noticing. Among these informed, upstanding citizens are those who are not content with the relatively meager support their country provides to Ukraine (the fact that the entire point of not intervening is to not get raped by nukes went over their heads) and would like to be a hero while saving the poor ukrainians from evil Putler. While this kind of foreign aid would be welcome and genuinely helpful if it came from well trained soldiers (with their own equipment) prepared to wage relatively hopeless war against overwhelming odds it's no surprise that the ones actually "answering this call" are none other than the bottom rung of society itself - terminally online redditors.

The motivation behind this movement is pretty much the same as with the likes of Kony2012 - the premise is so black-and-white for these civillian westerners that the thought of being a hero by helping the Ukrainians last a second longer is irresistible to those as starved of attention as the average redditor. It comes as no surprise then that most if not all are hillariously out of shape, chronically ill or deformed, psychologically unstable and completely unwilling to be the expendable and low maintenance ATGM operator/truck driver/whatever other boring logistics job there is that the Ukrainian army actually needs instead of being a "low drag high speed oper8or."

It should come off as no surprise that the meeting and organising place for these people would end up being Reddit, more specifically the VolunteersForUkraine subreddit. This echo chamber of constant gung ho war romanticism (and also a handy way for the reddit admins to filter out the most retarded redditors by banning everyone who joined) is already 43 thousand retards strong and growing - however do note that the amount of people wanting to actually fight decreased significantly after the larper legion's first encounter with the 3M-54 Kalibr cruise missile. As the average redditor would say however - correlation does not imply causation, so it is entirely plausible that the reduction in new recruits is a pure coincidence and not the fact that pampered, privileged westerners are cowards.

Either way the fact that mouth-breathing neckbeards weened off on Marvel movies are willingly throwing themselves (now less so) into the meatgrinder for an already lost war is an epic act of natural selection and will surely further the human race - we therefore encourage anyone who considered "helping" Ukraine in this way before or after reading this article to proceed with their idea. Better yet - once the war ends, feel free to stay. It is after all how the old saying goes: "better them than us."

Hotbed of pro-Ukie sperging

As a community based around supporting the "current thing" it is no wonder that VolunteersForUkraine is actually a massive astroturf psyop conducted by none other than the USA. Together with /k/ and NonCredibleDefense it forms the trifecta of cancerous ukrainian military jackoff zones - expect any and all ukrainian "victories" to be updooted to high hell while the russian ones are downdooted and shunned. VolunteersForUkraine also loves to spread propaganda manufactured by ukraine, such as the "ghost of kiev", horribly inflated russian casualty numbers and the correspondingly downplayed ukrainian losses. You should also expect everything to be redditified - everything and anything will be (literally) turned into modern "deities" for the "atheist" redditors and otherwise glorified superhero marvel style.

Divide by four and still get a propaganda number
Multiply by two and get a conservative estimate of hohol losses
Captain Ukraine
Ghost of Kiev
Proof that the supposed atheism of redditors is about as real as the ghost of kiev

Russia strikes back

REALITY CHECK

This was the ~~straw that broke the camel's back~~ the first actual casualty sustained by the larpers. Naturally every single one of them including vets fled to poland and never came back. It seems that fighting an actual war instead of a paid vacation with some COIN duties (nevermind lol you could always call an airstrike from one of the obese drone operators) is radically different and in an actual war nobody fucking cares about airlifting every single obese cripple that managed to get stuck behind enemy lines/took a bullet and is now bleeding out, and in actual war most commanders treat you as an expendable (though not disposable) resource.

(PROTIP: this is the difference between COIN wargames that the US likes to play and actual wars)