Animu

	“	Anime is a prime example of why two nukes wasn't enough	„
	—New Hampshire Democrat State Representative Nick Levasseur, [1]

Animu (sometimes called anime and Japanimation) is Japan's poor excuse for a genre of cartoons. Animu's true purpose is to erode the minds of innocent Americunt children, 16 year old girls, and basement dwellers so that Americunts will eventually only know the words "KAWAII" and "DESU", leading to America to fully submit to Japan. Animu's secondary purpose is to be corrupted into hentai, which will be censored anyways, so who really gives a fuck? BTW, in IRL, call it a "cartoon". People say anime so it doesnt ruin their teenage self esteem, what little is left. People still cling to the genre even though it's been a fact that Anime is Dead in North America.

History

File:Lolicon2343.jpg

Even though she is 13, she can take an 8 inch cock easily. and that's AWW-RIGHTTT!

Animu was created by talentless Japanese artists as a clue to how fucked up Japanese men's minds in Japan. This is due to the Americunts during World War II dropping atomic bombs on them. The first animu was technically The Story of the Concierge Mukuzo Imokawa created in 1917, but the film Hakujaden, created in 1958 (by assholes), is widely regarded as the first "modern" example of animu. In the 1980s and 1990s, animu began to become popular in America.

Now, thanks to the Interbutts, legions of kiddie-diddling male mouth-breathers walk the malls and school corridors of America, looking from beneath sweat-soaked cat ears to make your sweet little Suzie or Billy part of their sickening 2-D sexual scenario. And it's even worse in Japan, where animu has mutated into the nightmare of moe, in which grown men now pine for tiny girls with no tits the way their dads used to fap to Ursula Andress or Raquel Welch.

The "Artform"

Animu is often praised for its artistry and the high quality of the animation, even though in reality, the animation is crap, the low frame rate makes the movement choppy, meaning the animators are too lazy to draw any plausible movement, so the character stays still for 20 minutes while the mouth opens and closes. Animu is often bagged for its incredibly convoluted and constantly repeated story lines (erroneously called "plots"), its high amount of violence, sex (including tentacle rape, their favorite kind), foreign values like animal rights, sportsmanship, self-respect and filial duty, and its tendency to cause epileptic attacks in small children. Animu plots are often far-fetched, contrived and repetitive, quickly becoming boring and the "humour" quickly becoming unfunny to anyone who is not a brainwashed otaku with a negative IQ.

Animu males are usually very skinny and effeminate with uber-fighting skills and silly whining galore, or are very muscular and ugly. Japs seem to think they are the toughest street gangstas in the world, dontchaknow. A significant trend is that the more unique a character is, the longer they will survive, save for a few exceptions (e.g. Bad guys that aren't skinny, Bad guys that aren't oozing smugliness); generic foot-soldiers should at least put a large scar across their cheek in order to survive even a few episodes.

Animu females are usually busty, firm-bodied, white, over-emotional and have eardrum-shattering high-pitched pre-adolescent voices because Japs whack off to the voices of little girls. Or the girls have a "deep voice", what would be a normal adult female speaking voice outside of Japan, and have a dark, mysterious past which create anti-lulz. Chicks in ~~anime~~ hentai can't take fellatio without breaking their weak jaws and possibly blowing their small noses apart. They will coo eagerly for real Americunt man meat, in contrast to the almost nonexistent bishie penises that girls IRL prefer to yours.

People of significant skin tone and prominent labial characteristics rarely exist in animu, and when they do, they usually look like something out of a banned Bugs Bunny cartoon from the 1950's. White Otakus excuse this by claiming that "Japan is an isolated island with no knowledge of the outside world", which is total bullshit; Japan has uber-technology (just look at their giant humanoid robots) and most Japs have more access to teh Internets than Americans do. IRL, Japs are a very racist people but still love everything Western, especially after their defeat in World War II. For some reason, in animu they seem to be obsessed with France. Fortunately, as displayed later, Germany is retaking its positions.

More recent animus are even gayer and have characters with bug-eyes that literally take up more than half of their face, hair that is bright and colorful enough to give someone a fucking headache, a nose that's impossible to see without a microscope, and girls that orgasm every 10 seconds for no fucking reason whatsoever. Of course, in typical animu, everyone can jump at least 100 feet in the air and punch through solid concrete-reinforced steel or swing a sword hard enough to create a tornado like Japs wish they could do in real life. Despite claims that Anime people are white, the small jaw and lack of a real brow indicate that they are Japanese people without squinty eyes.

They also refuse to call Japanese cartoons "cartoons" because this is an English word, and they have forgotten how to use it because of brain-damaging, seizure-inducing cartoons and eating those sugar-laden Choco-sawdust Sticks. However, they are excellent at enraging every normal person within earshot simply by bullshitting about these unimportant aspects of Japan.

OMG Hot!

Animu chicks, with their irresistible giant eyes, eardrum piercing voices, oddly colored she-mullet hair, their lipless mouths, and their tendency to act like complete fucktarded whores, have managed to find themselves entering the wet dreams of many lonely nerds, resulting some to prefer animu ladies to RL wimminz. This is probably because Animu bitches don't care if you're fat, greasy, and masturbate to lolicon. They don't slap you in the face when you compliment their tits before even properly introducing yourself, and they don't call the police when they find you in their room masturbating into their panties whilst holding their baby photos in your spare hand. The ladies of the animu world don't care about such trivial matters of which was just mentioned, all they want to do is engage in deviant sex acts with you. In this way animu girls are very similar to the Russians.

Animu girls also have the amazn ability to materialize a massive bludgeoning weapon out of thin air and yell "BAKA HENTAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!!!" at an ear-splitting volume and beating the living shit out of the male protagonists.

Moar info: Hentai.

Moe

See if you can spot some moe characteristics here.

Moe (or 萌), not to be confused with Moe Syzlak from The Simpsons, is a Japanese slang word referring to a fetish or love for characters in animu, manga and video games. The word has come to be used as a general term for a hobby, enthusiasm, or a non-sexual fetish. Moe characters have appealing traits such as glasses, clumsiness, young age, cute dress... basically all suitable characteristics for someone who is asking for it. This is why characters like these are largely included in many animus; authors like to create their show with as little effort as possible, as when a moe character is introduced all other qualities of the show can be thrown out the window, since animu fans only care about character development which tends to spread out across 30-ish episodes, if not more.

Chibi

The pinnacle of absolute faggotry and lack of imagination, Chibi is the offspring of worthless wapanese cockminds following a two-step animé tutorial in order to feel clever and artistic. Also known as "Super-Hyper-Ultra-Deformed" (or simply super-deformed, SD), it is the bastardized version of the Japanese word "chiisai", which means "small." Otaku apply this term to pictures of animu characters with compacted, stubby little bodies and gigantic, oversized heads. Fangirls have yet to realize that no Japanese person over the age of 6 ever uses this term. Everyone on 4chan commonly fap to this shit due to its similarity to loli.

Chibi is responsible for creating the many otaku emoticons that have remained alive to this very day. It is also commonly used by the yaoi community to describe the uke in a relationship.

Fangirls and Fanboys

Animu has an enormous fandom worldwide consisting mostly of 16 year old girls, 13 year old boys, and 30-something basement-dweller males, and there are literally thousands of communities on LiveJournal devoted to this art form. Another site, Pisoga, is devoted entirely to animu and consists of hundreds of fans. Hardcore animu fans call themselves otakus, and spend most of their time masturbating to and making AMVs which they then upload to JewTube.

Fanboys/Fangirls watch an unhealthy amount of animu, Causing their eyes to stretch to unholy widths until they look like full blown owl-eyed Indians.

Most fans pretend to have a high knowledge of Japanese culture and language, though they have never been to Japan or even read a book about Japan, and can't even say the most popular Japanese words like "animu" correctly. They often attempt to use Japanese words (but at incorrect times, with the wrong meaning, the wrong conjugation, and the wrong pronunciation) and also pretend to like eating Japanese cuisine, their knowledge of it limited to Pocky, sushi, and Raymond Noodles, which they also cannot pronounce.

In some rare cases, a person can take animu in low doses, and still maintain some level of normalcy. A person who has been able to watch animu and still return from the brink may even maintain a healthy interest in Japanese culture without quoting shit from it incessantly, however such a case is very rare. Fapping to anything animé is the point of no return.

No fans over the age of 12 will admit to ever having liked Dragon Ball Z, but every single animu fan in the world got hooked on Dragon Ball Z before they watched anything else. Some people grew up on Dragon Ball which we all know makes you OG and super cool and not at all as lame as DBZ fans.

A fangirl butthurt over the censorship of animu in America, so she compares it to Disney. This is a five-part series.

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Animu Genres

Girls are usually drawn in skin tight spandex.

Imitation Western anime, don't be fooled!

Note that some shows are listed under multiple genres. While one would expect that a show with multiple genres is more intricate, complex and interesting, each additional genre actually just compounds the fail already present.

Action: Usually a bunch of half-naked men who need pro-lax beating the crap out of each other until the world ends. Most plots revolve around some smarmy douchebag trying to take over the planet. The hero spends the entire series slowly trying to increase his power level to 9,001 in order to defeat the enemy and prevent him from destroying the world.
- Examples: Bleach, Dragon Ball Z, Inuyasha, Naruto, Fist of the North Star.
Adventure: A group of kids or one kid going off on a "wild, wacky, and fun adventure!" Typically as idiotic as it sounds. You'd have more adventure if you spent the money you used on the animu DVD on a pellet gun to have an epic battle with an obese raccoon to eventually march around carrying it on a battle stander.
- Examples: Digimon, Negima, One Piece, Fruit's Basket, Slayers.
Drama: Plenty of character development, and complicated plot twists that you'd only watch if your mother lets you feel her boobs afterwards. Which she won't because she's fucking your grandfather.
- Examples: Ouran High School Host Club, Popotan, Love Hina, Galaxy Express 999, Air.
Educational: The moar you know!
Harem: An otaku's wet dream come true. The main character gets surrounded by dozens of hot bitches (and/or gay men and/or traps) who yearn for nothing but to get some booty. In each case, the main character is too much of a closeted-homosexual to take full advantage of the filthy, filthy sluts surrounding him or her. Often accompanied by excessive fanservice to compensate for the lack of original storylines. Famous for having roughly 52 episodes per season with the exact same plot.
- Examples: Love Hina, Ouran High School Host Club, Shuffle, Rosario + Vampire.
Historical: Have storylines that are based in the past. Normally based upon Homosexual, Cross dressing Victorians or Girly men inhumanly strong sword wielders or Demons that are total cocks.
- Examples: Rurouni Kenshin, InuYasha, Kuroshituji. Etc..Etc..
Horror: Uses religious and supernatural shit with plenty of guro to scare the lil' kiddies. Type of animu you'd see on Cartoon Network every weekday morning.
- Examples: Hellsing, Blood+, Trinity Blood, Vampire Hunter D, D Gray Man. (Notice a pattern here?)
Humor: Have storylines devoted entirely to endless references to some other shitty animu or sexual harassment (the Japs call it 'fanservice' and seem to think that it is funny). Of course, there is nothing in animu that can be considered funny unless you're an animu fanboy or fangirl who gets wet over anything made by Japan, or an ED sysop.
- Example: Lucky Star, Azumanga Daioh, Gintama, BoBoBo-BoBoBoBo-BoBoBoBoBoBoobs.
Miscellaneous: Basically a combination of genres mentioned that sometimes produces lulz
- Example: Panty & Stocking with Garterbelt - The guys behind Neon Genesis Evangelion said "fuck it" and decided to make the most random, violent, sex-filled animu yet. Don't believe me? Panty (yes, thats her name) uses a gun that transforms from her panties that she takes off in public.
Psychological: Animu mind fuck. Tries to come off as deep and thought-provoking by using at least one metaphor per sentence in a pitiful attempt to sound philosophical. Very popular among the intellectual animu viewer because it acts very deep, however most normal people have long realized that the entire plot is bullshit.
- Examples: Death Note (NO U), Neon Genesis Evangelion, Akira, Perfect Blue.
Robot/Mecha: If you love deep plots then you will love GIANT FUCKING ROBOTS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER! FUCK YEAH! Usually ends with the entire city being destroyed for great justice, but usually is fine by the next episode.
- Examples: Gundam Wing, Zoids, Neon Genesis Evangelion, Full Metal Panic, Gravion, GoDannar, Bubblegum Crisis Tokyo 2040, Patlabor, Dominion Tank Police, Gurren Laggan, MD Geist.
Romance: If you love a bit of romance between two characters blossoming into full-blown love, anime is not the place for you; very rarely do characters ever get together especially in shorter anime series, and it usually involves the male being emotionally comparable to a sack of potatoes, while the female pines for his man-meat because said guy is too fucking stupid to notice her. The end of the series usually results in the guy reciprocating his feelings, but the whole series was just a waste of fucking time anyway. This isn't always the case though, sometimes the guy slowly falls for her while he's oblivious to the fact that she likes him for some reason or other and hijinks ensue from that. One character may also fall under the "Tsundere" category, where they'll be an absolute cunt to the other but then chill the fuck out as the series progresses. Harem counts as romance, but the guy is normally oblivious to the girls' feelings for him, or is a raging pervert and gets nosebleeds every 5 fucking seconds.
- Examples: Angel Beats!, Bleach (the ginger bird with huge tits), Cardcaptor Sakura, Infinite Stratos and Midori Days.
Science Fiction: Usually set in the future in which the city/nation/world was destroyed and rebuilt only to be destroyed again by robots, aliens, or a big fucking explosion. A rule of thumb is that for every sci-fi animu made, the number of alien rule 34 media that will be shat out of the tubes will exceed the number of points in the Dow Jones Industrial Average circa 2007.. Fight scenes feature futuristic weapons including light sabres and laser guns.
- Examples: Cowboy Bebop, Ghost in the Shell, Akira, Gall Force.
Shōjo: Wapanese for "little girl". This genre features more SOOO CUUUTE!!! Japanese merchandise than Kirk Johnson can fit inside his gaping asshole. Nobody dies and FUCKING EVERYTHING must look cute including the bad guys. Meaning it's basically a 12-to-16-year-old girl's wet dream.
- Examples: Hamtaro, Sailor Moon, Cardcaptor Sakura, Digi Carrot.
Shōnen: Wapanese for "young boy". These shows are aimed at 13-year old boys. Usually has little plot, plenty of heavy music and softcore hentai to feed their growing minds and shlongs.
- Examples: Naruto, Digimon, Pokémon, Beyblade, Yu-Gi-Oh, Full Metal Alchemist.
Sports: Animu about sports, genius. Remains unpopular because most weeaboo are lazy and too overweight to engage in physical activity without having a heart attack.
- Examples: The Prince of Tennis, Captain Tsubasa (about soccer), Eyeshield 21. (Football? In my Japan?)
Religious: The animated equivalent of Chick tracts.
- Example: Superbook - Commissioned by Pat Robertson in the late 70s. Yes, Pat Robertson was into animu before you even existed.

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Typical fans, giving out art tips

Fail War With /sp/

On February 15, 2010 a small minority of 4chan /sp/ trolls launched one of their fail raids against /a/. The attack garnered little attention and could have been thwarted completely with simple mod intervention. After the 12 year-olds had lost interest and gone to bed, /a/'s tripfags felt it appropriate to spam /sp/ with faggy diplomacy threads. The /sp/artan rednecks didn't take kindly to this nicey-nice gesture and a counterstrike ensued. The conflict eventually devolved into /a/ being spammed with "my face" and "You're all gonna die alone" threads, and /sp/ being exposed to the ungodly horrors of gay animu pornography . More 12 year-old faggots (particularly from /mu/) eventually joined in, mostly in support of /a/, and contributed to the clusterfuck until the faggot mod finally finished masturbating to child porn and went on a banning spree. In the end, nothing was gained except a realization by most chantards that 4chan had a sports board.

Gallery of Typical Animu Cliché's

Animé Faggotry About missing Pics

Japanese childhood customs

Japanese childhood customs
Typical ~~random~~ moment in animu.
Typical animu fan behavior.
The wolfaboo manga (not photoshopped)

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This card is Doing it wrong. All animu junkies are white.
AHHHHH! PISS! MY ONLY WEAKNESS!
Engrish text is a must in any anime!
Animu gets real
The only time animu has been right.

The only time animu has been right.
An example of a crucial plot point in manga.
The fact that almost every animu has 12 year old girls as sexual objects isn't pedophilia at all; it's just "Japanese culture"
I don't know what's worse; The lowlife who would use this bed sheet, or the tissues in the corner.
A typical Japanese girl as depicted in animu; note the blonde hair and blue eyes.
Animu's true origin is The Hot Place
Shows realistic situations.
It is often difficult to differentiate animu boys from animu girls.
Typical animu girl and her... whatever the fuck that is.
IRL anime cat
Note the extreme attention to detail.
Again, note the extreme attention to detail in this typical Pokémon episode.
Animé has cat girls.
Two words: LOLICON GOLD!
An example of Tsundere edging on Guro
And you thought kicking in the balls was the only femcunt cliche.
You are bound to find this on an animé fan's desktop.
The complex animu dubbing process.
We rost war, but who raughing now, gaijin?
Everyday animu XXX shit
Typical yaoi crossover manga
The only way to tell the difference is to count the number of spikes in their hair.
Even fast food chains make animu.
What happens normally in animu.
So not gay, by animu standards.
Anime Girls have big dicks

Anime Girls have big dicks
lol.
Standard episode plot to most animu.
It's- it's... some sort of loli airplane machine...
Some cat memes in animu.
Rape is a typical animu cliché.
Ghost manga are popular
Delicious KnJ
Typical Pedo scene in animu
Animé frequently contains lolis.
What Weeaboos should look into
Typical chibi mating habits.

Typical chibi mating habits.
The Japanese are successful at making orgasm addicts, thus depriving Vitamin B from the world to make it slightly stupider.
Animufags love looking at little boys dicks.

Animufags love looking at little boys dicks.
As evidenced here.
This makes it worth buying the uncut version of DBZ for the animefags.

This makes it worth buying the uncut version of DBZ for the animefags.
Typical animu-fans
Surprisingly erotic