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Five Nights at Freddy's
Five Nights at Freddy's, is a click'n'play QTE game that focuses on spending Five nights at a Chuck E Cheese rip off restaurant called Freddy Fazbear's. The only interaction you ever get to do is flip a tablet up looking at the screen and closing the doors when the monsters get too close. Despite its boring and bland gameplay, along with its 2001 video graphics, Five Nights At Freddy's somehow got popular thanks to tumblrfags, Pewdiepie fanboys, Markiplier fanboys, hipsters, and meme loving faggots that spend all day in their basements trying to be funny. What makes it even more of an insult is that it costs $4.99 on Steam. FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A SHITTY GAME!!!!!!!!!!
History
This game started off nothing more as a boring piece of shit that would've been forgotten on IndieDB and Desura. Around August 2014, the game saw a boost in popularity because of Markiplier playing it and shitting his pants in fear about how super duper scary and innovative it is. The next few days saw his drones spreading the news about how scary Five Nights at Freddy's is.
Moar History
About a week after scaring the pants off of 12 year olds and SJW hipster feminazis, Five Nights at Freddy's got greenlit to be sold on steam, where the fanbase continues to show how great this game is by shoving down everybody's throats. Just like Bronies, Whovians, weeaboos, and Furries, Five Nights at Freddy's fans feel the need to shove their love for the game down everybody's throats at any given moment, most the fans think it's the GREATEST GAME EVAR MADE or the game that's gonna save the horror survival genre, funny enough, 90% of the faggots in the fandom have never played the game. Say one bad thing about the game, from the fact that it has a ton of glitches or pressing escape closes the whole game instead of bringing you to a pause menu, or the fact that it's $5 for a game that looks like your typical Free 2 play iPhone game. You'll piss the fanboy army off and get banned from the Steam Discussion forums on the game with in 2 seconds. Criticism is not allowed, only praise.
How To Play The Game
So you still wanna waste $5 on this useless game? Why don't you just pirate it, so you won't fund this faggot who made it. Either way, if you do want to buy the game or already own it, here's how to play.
Night 1: Listen to that nerd who had the job before you explain how to get through it all. He'll give you a history of Pedophile Paradise and all the tricks to survive. It's simple, close door when you feel threatened, open it if you don't, check monitor, look more for any of the animatronics trying to murder you. Oh and you also have limited power, the door and monitors drain the power quicker.
Night 2-5: The nerd dies on night 4. Repeat the same process as Night 1 nerd, oh and don't forget to pick up your paycheck, you got only $120 for risking your life guarding this place. GG.
Night 6: 1337 mode. The animatronics are now deadlier than usual and you don't have that faggot calling you before you risk your life for the 6th night in a row. Your reward is overtime pay of only $.50 and Employee of the Month. Must feel good getting little pay and praise for doing nothing but sitting in an office all night begging to be killed.
Night 7: Custom mode. Try beating the game with 20/20/20/20 if you're so hardcore.
Characters
The Nightguard: The poor fuck who took this low paying job to look after Pedophile's Paradise. You take the role of the guard. You have no weapon at all, no way of defense past closing the doors and opening them and looking at your greasy and tiny security screen. Alongside that, Freddy Fazbear's Pizza has surprisingly stayed open long enough despite all the "incidents" that took place there. OSHA will sure be pissed about your working conditions, along with that you only get paid $120 risking your life guarding a building full of killer robots for a week. Feminazis think the nightguard is a woman for the low pay.
Freddy Fazbear: The namesake of this stupid, fucking game. Freddy is an animatronic bear in a Top hat that's the lead singer of Freddy Fazbear's. He supposedly can teleport to your office without warning. Also does nothing for the first few nights, then he'll start acting dangerous. Will try to forcefully stuff you into a fursuit, which somehow kills you.
Chica the Chicken: A chicken animatronic who has a bib that says "Let's Eat!" on it. She's the backup singer of Freddy Fazbear's Rape Gang band, also the lead whore of the series, furries love making porn of Chica, especially artwork of the nightguard fucking her, quite hard to do since she's a fucking robot chicken. Has the same unknown motive to force you into a suit as Freddy does. Almost all the fanart of her depicts her having a dick, despite her name literally fucking meaning "girl" in Spanish.
Bonnie the Bunny: The bassist of the Freddy Fazbear gang. He's a purple animatronic bunny with a bowtie. Unlike the others, he's a bit more sneaky when it comes to ambushing your poor ass. Like Chica and Freddy, he just wants to stuff you into a fursuit. Furfags argue constantly if Bonnie is a male or female, not that it fucking matters since it's a fucking animatronic.
Foxy: A motherfucking pirate Fox. Unlike the others, he is not in the Freddy Fazbear Rape and Genocide Gang, he was in an attraction called Pirate's Cove, which was open until the "Bite of '87", where he bit the top of the head off of an annoying 12 year old faggot, since then the attraction has remained closed. Unlike the others, he doesn't want to stuff you into a suit, rather just bite your head off, he also will come to you if you watch him too long, watch him too little, or not watch him at all, and he can come out of nowhere, running down the hall like the furfaggot he is and bite your face off.
Golden Freddy: It's just an empty golden version of Freddy Fazbear. No one knows how to get it in your office, but if it does, it crashes your game unless you get rid of it by looking at your tablet.
BB / Balloon Boy: Andrew Dobson at a young age. If he gets into your office, he disables your flashlight. Every fantard and YouTube whore hates him for whatever reason.
Toy Freddy: A toy version of Freddy Fazbear. Like the faggot he was based off of, he tries to stuff you into a fursuit as well.
Toy Chica: A toy version of Chica The Chicken who has "Let's Party!" on her bib instead. Everybody faps to it due to her new looks. She also has no beak.
Toy Bonnie: A toy version of Bonnie The Bunny. And he looks gay in blue. He also kills you by jumping at your face.
Mangle (Foxy): A new Foxy model that was taken apart by the children. Apparently the management was too retarded to fix it.
The Puppet / Marionette: A white puppet that kills you if you don't keep the music box winded, because watching out for cheap jump scares isn't enough, there's now busy work to do.
Sequel
Thanks to the furfaggot echo chamber demanding it, Five Night's at Freddy's is already getting a sequel (actually, it's a prequel). Supposedly supposed to be Far more scarier than the first game, the trailer alone already says it all. With the doors being removed and a clever disguise when the animatronics get in your office. Yet you still don't have a weapon to defend yourself. It won't be long before Five Nights at Freddy's suffers the same fate as Call of Duty. Available now at Steam.
- Already this game looks as dumb as the first one
Whatever you thought bad about FNAF 1 you are going to be begging to have back in the sequel.
No doors? No matter! Now the game has a handy alarm siren for whenever the furries get within a one mile radius. On the first nights the game has you sitting and doing fuck all until you hear the sirens and then its off to checking the lights again. On the later nights the game throws every furry on the planet at you so that the alarms never stop, due to the shitty pirated sound effect from night 4 onwards it sounds as if you are in a submarine, Scott couldn't give away enough Jew gold for a half decent sound effect.
Remember how FNAF 1 had shitty pre-rendered graphics? FNAF 2 has it too, but its worse. Scott couldn't be bothered to even render the game in a 16:9 ratio this time, meaning every room will become warped and bent like a retarded MC Escher painting if you turn in the slightest. 4:3 FTW amirite?
Compare the animatronics from the first game to the ones in the second. Notice how in the second they all look much less animatronic and much more furry, even the old animatronics. Scott is either a closet furfag himself or is trying to cater to the queers that play his game. It is most likely a mixture of both though.
Scott assfucked the jumpscares so hard that they make you facepalm rather than shit bricks. The general formula for the jumpscare is as follows.
1. Poorly designed face appears
2. Face moves closer
3. Loud scream
4. Death
5. ???
6. PROFIT!!
Something to note is that in the first game Scott actually bothered to render the animatronics as part of the room when they attacked you, so that they stayed in place when you were shitting bricks. In the sequel Scott thought to himself 'Fuck it, make it an overlay that follows your screen as you turn around and do other unnecessary shit.' Because apparently nothing is scarier than an animatronic skating around the room lightning fast or diving straight out of a wall at you.
Should you continue playing until the later nights your average gameplay experience will look something like this...
Despite this, all of the cocksucking nerds, furries and "professional" critics alike have given this game a 10/10 praising it for innovative gameplay, amazing graphics and a well crafted storyline, but let us keep that last point in mind because these so called "professional critics" are also the ones who believe that 300, Wreck-It Ralph, Guardians of Ga'Hoole, Independence Day and Dragon Wars are on par with fucking Lawrence of Arabia, they clearly have a child's understanding of narrative complexity.
Fandom Activity
As with all fandoms, Five Nights at Freddy's has it's share of basement dwelling furfaggots that have to make Rule 34 of everything, in fact there is so much Rule 34 of Five Nights at Freddy's, it almost outmatches brony R34. All of the art consists of Foxy, closely followed by Chica the Chicken and Freddy Fazbear.
Gallery of Faggotry
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Typical Tartlet's take on this game. -
Furfaggot making cosplay of this game a thing. -
Evidence all Five Nights at Freddy's fans are furries. -
Ehh, no -
Typical FNAF's OC, notice how it is more furry than robotic. -
MSPaint fanart by a weeaboo faggot on dA. -
How stupid the FNaF fangirls can get
See Also
- Someone sees Five Nights at Freddy's for what it really is
- Slender - Five Nights at Freddy's is a ripoff of Slender.
- Furries - Made by furries, for furries.
- Tumblr - One of the reasons this game is popular
- Markiplier - Main contributor to this cancer spreading. Beaten the first one in 20/20/20/20.
- Pewdiepie - Another contributor and more annoying. At least he rage quit.
- You - Probably helped them.
- Steam - Where you can waste a good $5 that can be sent to charity or blowing it on useless TF2 items.
- Don't Hug Me I'm Scared - Moar 2spooky shit.
External links
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Five Nights at Freddy's is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
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Five Nights at Freddy's is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
