Gun: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 22:11, 5 July 2011

Nothing says "no need to call Child Services" like having your kids pose like this!

	“	95% of the Internet is porn, and a lot of that porn is guns.	„
	—WKD

A Gun is a potentially very effective line-of-sight IRL banhammer, often deployed by impotent wankers who are butthurt because they won't get what they want through hard work, intelligence, love, creativity, enterprise or other human virtues, and want to act out their frustration and inadequacy through IRL trolling and pwning others. Guns are what Americunts have instead of penises, while britfags (the major proponents of gun control) are forced to suffer through their microscopic penile reality by taking party drugs and drowning themselves in tea and crumpets. The Internet has a huge guns, weapons and military related subculture, with numerous websites catering for all preferences. Some are filled to the brim with 16 year olds who don't have a fucking clue and generally just spout the latest bullshit from Future Weapons, the weapons menu on Counter-Strike, Modern Warfare 2, or the latest article from Soldier of Fortune if they are really advanced. Below is your guide to this delightful phenomenon.

Controversy

There are four types of people:

Cool people who understand that the right to own guns is awesome
Idiots who believe the above are compensating for tiny dicks and demand that only the army and police be allowed to have guns
Non-idiots who actually use guns, and know that both of the above are correct at times
People from countries other than the USA, who think that Americans are the funniest people in the world, particularly when it comes to guns.

The Brady Bill: The Brady Handgun Lulz Prevention Act, more commonly known as "The Brady Bill", was put into place in 1993 after John Hinckley Jr. tried to kill Reagen. His press secretary, Jim Brady got in the way of this very lulzy act and was left paralyzed. Common consensus is that he deserved it. Proving that they have no sense of humor, Congress then put into place this act which would require a background check on firearms purchasers and a waiting period for handguns. These provisions have prevented any subsequent tragedies of any kind whatsoever. Democracy works!. Gun Nuts have a strange sexual relationship with this act, because on the one hand it takes away their rights!!!one!!!OMG11!. But on the other they tried to kill their god Reagen, who can do no wrong in their books, and because he signed this act into law, it must be obeyed, even if stricken down by later acts of congress.

The Way of the Gun

Guns were made by Jesus Christ after realizing his favorite country, the United States, needed something to spread the gospel to savages. Jesus himself invented the first gun, and armed with the power of Christianity, and a factory of Indian sweatshop workers, to bring peace and justice to the free world, by ridding us of the lesser races and non-believers.

Choose Your Weapon

Choose Your Weapon
Rifles	Pistols	Submachine Guns	Machine Guns	Other

Rifles are a common and extremely difficult to conceal type of gun. Used to assasinate presidents by freedom fighters, to pwn animals by rednecks and to silence Arabs by Israeli and United States soldiers.

M16

The M16 is the iconic weapon of the red-blooded 'murricun. If you carry this piece you are out on a holy crusade to end the lives of all communists, Nazis, Democrats, towel-heads, evolutionary biologists, Jews, and the occasional Catholic, 'cause we all know those Mary-worshipers have it coming.

During development, the M16 was picked up by the U.S. Army which was struggling because potheads, the primary demographic for recruitment in the 1960s, couldn't handle the hammering recoil of the M14. The M16A1 model helped resolve that problem by introducing a rifle that wouldn't fire at all. The A2 and A3 incarnations solved the reliability problems but introduced one of the worst features in modern firearms which quickly started showing up on every other assault rifle and SMG, the 3-round burst. Originally intended to save ammo and increase accuracy over a fully automatic fire mode, the 3-round burst was devised for those not smart enough to figure out that you don't have to go batshit and hold the trigger till the gun don't fire no mo'. The civilian version is the semi-auto AR-15. It's one of the cheapest (can be had for less than $1000), most popular (inbred rednecks love it), most accurate (many can shoot sub 1 MOA out of the box), most common (It seems like Christ and Everybody makes AR-15s, there are A LOT of AR-15 makers out there), and most modular semi-auto rifles used by Americunts. Many people who buy AR-15s then trick them out with scopes, foregrips, flashlights, and vibrators just to shoot at empty beer cans because they're hillbillies too stupid to join the military. When an AR-15 faggot is describing his weapon, you can be sure it will result in an immediate snorefest. The M16 is so prolific there have been many offshoots of the design, some of the most notable being the .50-caliber Beowulf slug launcher, many chambered in 7.62mm NATO, target shooting conversions for .22LR, foreign modifications like the Nazi HK416.

If you mention the M16/AR-15 on most gun boards or forums you'll spark a flame war more intense than the one that killed the Branch Davidians. Bonus points if you tell them they are all wrong and the M16 should have been chambered in .30-06, have a 100-round drum, and fire full auto.

AK-47

Designed to be easily used by child soldiers and poorly trained conscripts, the AK-47 was spread throughout the world by Tony Stark in a cave. The rifle is simple in construction and fairly robust, using a gas-piston made to looser tolerances than any other gas-piston rifle out there. It has great popularity amongst, well, Communists, terrorists, and guys that want to spree-kill their neighbors. And college Sophomores. Most that you'll come across in real life are Chinese or Eastern European knock-offs, actual Russian models being rare. The AK can be found wherever there are angry Arab and gooks. It's the single best way to ruin GIs IRL. The AK-47 is the most well known firearm in the world and is a symbol of both freedom and opression by those dumb enough to live in third world countries. Actually, faggots, the AK-47 is an obscure early model, nowhere near as popular as the later AKM variant. Almost 99.8% of the AK-47s you see worldwide are in fact AKMs, distinguished by the stamped and riveted sheet metal receiver and muzzle compensator. The more you know...

AK-47 vs. M16 threads are woefully common in any weapons-related forum. The usual crap of accuracy vs. reliability is rehashed and fucked up for yet another inning. On many websites, Military Photos and AR-15.com notably, this kind of crap will get you raped by the admins. You deserve it, you little bastard, because no self-respecting Banhammer will tolerate under-deodorized 13 year old boys bitching about the M-16 being so much more accurate than the AK-47 or the AK-47 being so much more durable than the M16. Either way, both guns can still clear a middle school classroom faster than kicking down the door and shouting "Immigration and Customs Enforcement!" at a LULAC meeting.

Aks-74u

This is a miniature version of the AK-47's modern equivalent, the AK-74. It's small enough to fit in your jeans pocket and to be carried one-handed. Perfect for school shootings, because it will give you street cred, even if you're a Wigger (and you are). Also good for drive-by's due to its compact size, the AKS-74U is every Gangster's dream. and, of course, the ultimate Arab Osama Bin Frickin' Laden ~~carries~~ carried one of these babies, ensuring that rule 34 applies even in a cave in Afghanistan.

PROTIP: Just because the dumbfucks who made Call of Duty 4 call this a submachine gun does NOT make it an actual submachine gun. The AKs-74u fires the same 5.45x39mm rounds as the AK-74, making it an assault rifle.

SVD

Like the M14, but tailor made for the same poorly trained 3rd world child armies that employ the AK-47. Except the ones that get SVDs are the ones that don't have ADHD and actually paid attention and tried during target practice at Camp Durka. Also holds the title of Biggest Life Ruiner Of American Soldiers 1963-2009, largely in part due to Juba the Baghdad Sniper. However, Since Bill Clinton thought that genuine Russian-made arms like SVDs, original AKs and even the chink bootleg versions were nice things, which means we can't have them, SVDs are really rare and even chink copies go for over $3000 which means you and your COD4 buddies have a snowball's chance in hell of getting one and will have to settle for a Romanian PSL, which is basically a cheap AK with a long barrel and spiffy buttstock.

M14 Rifle

Before the sweet-sixteen there was the the M14, a beastly pure-bred American piece made of wood, iron, and cock. If you don't mind the fact it kicks like a date-rape scene gone horrible wrong then you can't go wrong with its 7.62x51mm NATO truck stopping power. If a sand Mexican is having himself a little pow-wow with roasted marshmallows and sing-alongs behind that reinforced sandbag teepee, and your 5.56x45mm NATO ain't cutting it, never fear! Your M14 will punch right through that sandwiched dirt and give Haji a splintering sensation of our constitutional right to kick ass, take names - and lunch money in some cases - even if their names are written in squiggly lines. Just don't mistake it for a machine gun.

Unfortunately, the U.S. military made this mistake by implementing a full-auto function for this gun. The powerful kick of the 7.62x51mm ammunition caused such massive muzzle climb, even when fired in bursts, that soldiers in the jungles of Vietnam couldn't hit gooks in full auto, even when they were executing villagers at point blank range. Because of this, despite the M14's major pwnage potential, it was replaced by the pussy-recoil M16 as a standard issue rifle.

Like the climax of every Disney sports movie, the M14 has made a sudden comeback, sans full-auto capability. With the rise of anabolic steroids and a need to spread democracy at ranges exceeding 400 meters, the M14 has met a revival for snipers and designated marksmen in the lulzfests of Afghanistan and Iraq. With generations of retards raised on counterstrike and a whole desert full of people in need of some democracy, the future for this once forgotten rifle looks brighter than ever!

FN FAL

The right arm of the free world. This rifle killed communists, savages and communist savages throughout the Cold War, and is still being used by dirt poor countries that we gave democracy to. Ironic, since it was made by the friendly Capitalist waffle-humpers at Fabrique Nationale who stole most of the design from the Russian SVT-40. Its XBOX HUEG 7.62x51mm round makes an example of every Russian, Arab, nigger, hippie, gook, Argie and protester that gets in its way.

H&K G3

Conceived by the God-like Aryan engineers during the closing months of World War 2, then stolen by the Spanish, then stolen back again by the Teutons, the Gewehr 3 was designed from the ground up to kill anyone politically left-of-center. Chambered in the massively WIN 7.62x51mm NATO round, this gun combines advanced mechanical concepts and the crude ability to open up a bush nigger's head like a ripe watermelon at an impressive 600 meters. Used by most nations of the civilized world who wanted a 1.) rifle that wasn't designed by those dirty Belgians and 2.) had it's roots in the Third Reich. HEIL HITLER! 14/88!

Mauser K98k

This bolt-action rifle was mass-produced by the Nazis to waste jews and it did so rather effectively. It fires PWNAGE 7.92x57mm Mauser bullets. While it doesn't have the profile of its famous Russian contemporary - the Mosin Nagant - in Amerikkka, it is well famous elsewhere because everyone has them. It is fairly accurate (which is great for picking off jews from a balcony) but only carries 5 bullets in the mag. Almost useless for school shootings because they are too slow and will see you riddled with FBI lead while you reload.

Mosin Nagant

Hated by women, children and anyone within 6 metres of it, the "Moist Nugget's" skull-fucking BOOM is a great way to clear out n00bs and IRL troll everyone at the range. The Soviets made millions and millions of them during WWII, and as a result you can get them at sporting goods stores in the U.S. for sixty bucks. Everyone has one, however few can fire them due to the fact that their bolt-action is intended for Popeye-armed Russian potato farmers. The problem is, the Mosin uses a slightly longer than usual .30-caliber round, so Americunts often charge their lazers with 7.62x51mm NATO instead of 7.62x54R. Boom! Natural selection continues.

Protip: The most successful military sniper of all time, "White Death", used this gun to rack up over 500 commie kills in the WintAr War. He also did this using iron sights... He is an hero to us all.

SKS

File:AmericanSKS.jpg

God bless 'muricuh.

The official mantle-piece of mobile home owners everywhere, the SKS is another Soviet gun developed between a tree stump and the AK-47. While not used much by the Soviets themselves, it was mass produced in China and was widely used by communist /b/tards around the world. Uses a 7.62x39mm cartridge and the Chinese ones are über-cheap. This gun was also the favorite of the gooks before they laid their dirty mitts on 'Ks. However, because it doesn't pwn quite liek the AK it has fallen out of service with most squaddies, except the Russian display teams - who use them for ceremonial purposes and ass sex. And the shitty Russian SKS only has a 10 round internal magazine, you won't find those that common and instead you'll see the common Chinese Type 56 with detachable magazines.

Lancer Assault Rifle

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IT HAS A CHAINSAW ON THE END.

Sturmgewehr 44

The worlds first true assault rifle was designed and deployed by the nazis in WW2 and was first issued as the MP-43 in 1943. Hitler hated it at first, believing it to be ugly, Jewish and impractical, and because he had no idea what a useful gun was supposed to do since his days in the first world war. After his troops convinced him it was a good rifle, he used it as propaganda, renaming it the Sturmgewehr (German for "Assault Rifle"). Odd additions to this weapon were created for special purposes, such as a curved barrel that could shoot around corners and an infrared night vision sight. If more were produced at an earlier time, the Germans may have won the war. Mikhail Kalashnikov conceived the AK while recovering from getting pwnt by this rifle in WWII.

H&K G11

The most useless assault rifle ever. This gun fired caseless ammunition, which is extremely combat ineffective. These rounds can actually fire by themselfs if the gun overheats, which it constantly does. America built a better version of this, which fixed everything shitty about it, and wanted to use it for a while. However, America still uses the damn M4, even though the new and improved G11 is superior in every way. If you can find one of either version, though, it is probably just a cleverly disguised airsoft gun, as these guns are fucking impossible to find.

Smaller guns used for the same reason as the rifle, pwning just on a smaller scale.

Colt Model 1911A1

In 1911, John Moses Browning was deep in prayer when Jesus came forth from heaven bearing the Colt Automatic Pistol Model of 1911. And he did giveth the pistol to John, so that America, his chosen people, could kill colored people all over the globe easier than ever before. This emblem of America brought the USA into the 20th Century as the greatest nation on the planet, by killing Germans, Mexicans, Phillipinos, Nicaraguans, and Haetians with.45 of an inch in righteous hot-lead to the motherfucking sternum. 9mm? America doesn't speak metric, faggot!!!! USA! USA! USA!.

Well, that's what most gun-nuts (as in testicles) will say about it. The pistol is a legend in the USA due to its long service with the military (about 70 years). And given that no one else in the world is allowed to own weapons, this leads it being the most talked about pistol on the webz0rz. Its reputation for accuracy stems mainly for it being bought and riced up for use as IPSC race guns rather than any inherent virtue in the design itself. Truth be known, the original service pistol was just a big, heavy, single-action motherfucker that was no more accurate than any other pistol of the time, and was only notable for being the first pistol chambered in the gigantic .45 Automatic Colt Pistol round (ACP). But when you spend $2,000 on aftermarket parts, you can do anything.

Budd Dwyer, noted gun enthusiast, shows off his favorite for the cameras

Beretta 92 a.k.a. M9

The 9mm eye-tie gun that finally replaced the ancient and frail 1911. 1911fags hate it because it replaced their antiquated relic, Navy SEALS hate it because it tends to blow up in the face of the shooter and glockfags hate it because it beat out their grenade for the coveted position of the gun used to arm soldiers and Biggie Smalls so he can pull it out and put holes in your sweater and so the soldiers can rape delicious brown girls. This gun was only adopted because the USA wanted military bases in Italy and Beretta made them accept their handgun in return. No other gun in the history of mankind has caused so much drama among gunfags. The Beretta is also a great way to behead yourself! Just make sure the slide is at neck level and pull the trigger!

Glock

R' da bloods movin' in awn 'yo crip territry and ya'll need a piece to pop 'dem niggaz wif? Reach for 'yo GLOCK nigga! Created by Austrian grenade and curtains manufacturer Gaston Glock, the Glock was widely adopted by niggers the world over for its ease of use while aiming sideways. Glocks are now used as much by wannabe badboy cops as they are niggers. Glocks, being standard issue to cops, niggers and mafiosi, are therefore owned by everyone. The Blazn Azn used one at his time at VTech!

Springfield XD

The anti-Glock, fixing everything the glock fails at; like exploding when shot. Actually a Croatian pistol called the "HS2000", the American company Springfield Armory just stole the design and called it the "XD". A lot of Counter-strike and Call of Duty 4 players love this gun, right after the Desert Eagle, because the "XD" looks like an emoticon. This gun is designed to function even with the muzzle pressed against a flat surface, such as someone's back.

.357 Magnum - BOOM! Headshot

Once you have returned home from killing the entire Viet Kong army, you have become the Pennsylvania state treasurer. You receive bribes and give your friends exclusive million dollar contracts as well as receiving $300,000 kickbacks. When you fuck it up and get convicted; facing 55 years imprisonment, you end it all by blowing your brains out with this baby in front of a live televised press conference. If you want to dramatically kill some one, make sure to shoot him in the lungs closer to the arm to let him live at least a few seconds more (according to Wikipedia you feel like "struck by lightning" when shot at), then let him crawl a little, then shoot him in the heart.

.44 Magnum

You’ve got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well do ya, punk?

You're going to need much, much more than luck when you stand up to this cannon. The .44 Magnum revolver is the closest you can get to an overkill and still be practical. This gun kicks like a mule, but has the power to dismember limbs, and is almost guaranteed to be a one-shot-kill anywhere in the torso. You have a better chance of escaping Chris Hansen at a bait-house than surviving this son-of-a-bitch. Unlike the Desert Eagle, it is still reasonable in terms of size, unless you choose to buy a fucking 12" barrel because you are too big of a pussy to handle the kick.

10mm Auto

PROTIP: if your movie sucks, then just add a bunch of guns so fanboi's will like you.

Ownage in the palm of your hand. Packing the power of a .357 into a frame the size of a .45 with the ammo capacity of a 9mm, the 10mm Auto was released to much fanfare of it's awesomeness. Well, no it wasn't. Actually, nobody cared.

The FBI adopted it briefly before crying that the recoil hurt their wrists, which were sore after they got done 'researching' all those CP websites. Smith & Wesson obliged by creating the .40S&W, which is believed to stand for either "Smith & Wesson", "Shitty & Weak" or the widely accepted "Shoop & Woop".

FN Five-seveN

Admired by Libertarians and spics for its ability to pierce body armor and kill cops. The FN Five-seveN (LOL SO CLEVER THEY MADE THE F AND THE N IN CAPS) is used in a lot of animes and video gaymes, so of course all school shooters pick this up for the job, because, as we know, most school shooters are actually 13 year old boys who have been fapping to too much violent hentai. However, anyone who is on the path to enlightenment will need to save up his allowance for a long time or use mommy and daddy's credit card, as the Five-seveN and its silly 5.7x28mm proprietary cartridge are quite expensive.

Hi-Point C9

A 9mm pistol that runs about $120 brand new. It does the exact same thing as $700 pistols. Post a picture of one in any weapons related area on the internet and watch the sparks fly. A favorite of black person and Mexicans. They have a lifetime warranty (Which is in practice a Week At most before the Owner gets killed by a Nigger), but it's hard to make a claim with the slide sticking out of your fucking forehead.

Walther P22

Originally designed as a target pistol in weak .22LR, the P22 found a new home in the hands of The Blazn Azn. He dual-wielded it with a Glock in order to achieve the highest score in American history! Walther was of course very pleased by this, and instantly issued a statement commemorating the occasion.

Sig Mosquito

Another target pistol chambered for .22LR that found a new notoriety in the hands of The Finnisher. It should be noted that while Cho used both a 9mm Glock and a .22 pistol, PEA only used a single .22 pistol. This is a good explanation for why he achieved such a low score. Sig Sauer refused to issue a statement, since they were afraid crazy Finns would riot outside of their stores after the ensuing sales boom caused stocks of the Mosquito to run dry.

The Desert Eagle (Deagle)

File:1265906570823.jpg

Niggers love the deagle brand deagle.

The Desert Eagle is classified as a handgun, despite being bigger than most SMGs. You can create lulz by going to a DE forum and saying the .357 and .44 are fired from more practical-sized guns like revolvers, ~~but fanboys will say the Desert Eagle will fire .50AE and revolvers won't~~ DISREGARD THAT, MAGNUM RESEARCH MAKES A REVOLVER FOR .50 AE. The Desert Eagle got notoriety in the U.S. when niggers got their hands on it. Unfortunately, they thought they were holding their Glocks sideways and when they pulled the trigger, they killed themselves from the impact on their head. If you fire the Deagle with only one hand, you'll break your wrist, and then, just like with the Uzi, you'll never fap again. A fun fact about the Deagle is that while it is in just about every video game ever, no real military or police force has ever adopted it. Ever. ~~Sorry fanboys!~~ Not really. Glock 18 is the most under-rated gun OF ALL TIME!

Smith & Wesson Model 500

Somehow, for the aforementioned men who felt they needed compensate for their impossibly small penises, buying a Deagle just wasn't effective enough. (If that can be believed.) So Smith & Wesson came down as a saving grace, offering a wheelgun of such extraordinary, such legendarily XBOX HUEG proportions, that the cartridges which it fires are literally larger than the collective dick of all the men who purchased the damned thing. While it may be able to take down a grizzly bear (in a laughably improbably situation which would give a concealed-carry nut a wet dream), the necesary twelve inch long compensated (snicker) barrel means that it takes so long to draw that you'll already have been mauled by the bear ten times over before you can get a single shot out. Plus, the .44 magnum can take out a bear anyway, but with a 4-5" barrel, so that makes it pointless to use the .500 anyway. It is required by law that you sleep with this gun under your pillow and give it a feminine name, lest you get the passing urge to perhaps go out and try finding a real girl.

HK MP5 - spray 'n pray

So you decided to use one of these guns on this page to create a lulz fest at your local school, mall, and/or place of employment, and now you're wondering what's the fuzz is going to be thrown at you when you get to the final level of the game. Five out of five times, when you've got yourself a good score going and you live in an urban area, the swat bunnies will be plugging your socially mis-adjusted body with the HK MP5. Don't despair, the HK MP5 is the perfect firearm to get mowed down by on national TV. It was also the first closed bolt submachine gun with fine Nazi precision pedigree, so you can be assured that you are going out in style. The 9mm ammunition means that you won't die too quickly so you can have that dramatic last stand, just like in Scarface! Bonus points if you get killed by a beaner wearing shades, from behind, with a shotgun while you're firing your weapon of choice dramatically in the air, as the cops riddle your body with US government lead.

The Tommy Gun

For those who like to kick it really old school nothin' beats the classic Thompson submachine gun. The gun comes with either a 30 round box magazine , a 50 round drum or even a 100 round one which looks way more bad ass. Very popular with gangsters. Extremely inaccurate but it makes up for it by how much lead it sprays allover the place. Uses the .45 ACP cartridge, developed by His Holiness John Moses Browning Himself! Even Stevie Wonder could waste mofos with this.

Uzi (Moar like JEWzi, amirite?)

The Uzi (Jewspeak: עוזי‎) was invented solely to rape sand nigger babies. It's based on the Czechoslovakian series 23 to 26 submachine guns, and is further proof that Jews steal everything, amirite?. Every American should have two. You have two hands, after all, right? Ironically, it's the preferred weapon of neo-Nazis, skinheads and Tommy Vershitty (too bad Carl Johnson couldn't buy some in his country. Shooting this thing one-handed, though it may look cool, will either break your wrist (no more fapping) or turn you into an hero unless you're Bruce Willis...or Carl Johnson, who can hold two fuckin' Sawn-offs and can still walk away and fap afterwords. Lucky Bastard. Uzis, thus, look cool, but aren't as cool as a frickin' AK-47. Chambered in 9mm but having less power than MP5's, that explains why the fuck their magazines are loaded with 32 rounds and not 30. Jews just can't count right.

MP40

Known as the Macheinen Pistole .40 to NeoNazis, this gun is favored by them because they just happened to be used by the original Nazis (though they automatically failed hard against Russian weaponry). This is as close as you can get to being Michael J. Fox with a pistol because it is semi-automatic.

PPSH-41

The Russian-made PPSh-41 (Also known as a bullethose for it's ridiculously high rate of fire (900 rounds per minute)). Firing the small, but powerful 7.62x25mm Tokarev round, this thing has killed more nazis and americans than the showers at Auschwitz have killed Jews. Because the USSR loved to share with anyone who agrees with them, many gooks and Arab have gotten their filthy hands on these fine weapons and used them on foreign invaders. Even today, the PPSh-41 is used by terrorists in the middle east to fight decadent westerners. During WW2, entire platoons would be equipped with this firearm, giving them unparalleled close combat effectiveness.

Tec-9

The Tec-9 an unbelievably shite one-handed SMG made famous by Carl Johnson and the Columbine gays. It was made by Intratec 'til they went bust and so now only exists as cheap gook copies or as museum pieces. Somehow shooting it one-handed doesn't break your wrist, so this is the gun of choice for fapstars. It fires standard 9mm pistol rounds just like every other fucking gun out there. School shootings with this thang will make the media shit bricks and come out with shit like "Columbine REVISITED!" and "School Shootings - A PHENOMENON?!". That means it's perfect for the job; after all, what could be more satisfying to the average an hero than the thought of causing a media stir becasue of the gun they used, and maybe getting Michael Moore to ban the sale of its ammo?

P90/PS90

The P90 is a compact submachine gun meant for easy concealment from police while you tote it around your local mall while still retaining the ability to hit like an assault rifle and penetrate body armor. It does this by firing the same light and fast 5.7x28mm round as its relative, the FiveseveN (also made by FN). The P90 is notable due to its standard large capacity magazine which doesn't protrude from the weapon at all yet provides 50 rounds of cop killing ecstasy. Its extremely light recoil, even in full auto, means even pussies can shoot it. It's odd futuristic shape causes a lot of interest in the weapon from 13 year old boys. Sadly the P90 isn't available to every day homicidal maniacs, so we must make due with the civilian PS90. The PS90 is a semi-auto long barrel version of the P90 that usually comes in green and is sold with 30 round magazines. The PS90 can be converted to a P90 by simply hack sawing off the barrel, threading , and capping with a flash suppressor. Modding the seer for auto fire. Buy real 50 round P90 magazines. And spray painting it black. But this will get you V& unless you are licensed to own an automatic "SBR" (short barrel rifle) and modify weapons for full auto use, which you aren't, so don't even try.

MP7

The MP7 was created for the same reason as the P90, but more compact and even more sexy. It fires the 4.6x30mm round which is slightly more effective at penetrating body armor. It uses a more traditional protruding magazine in either 20 or 30 round configurations. Good luck getting your hands on one, and even if you do, good luck finding any ammo. ~~Also, since it uses a 20-round mag and it fires at a very high rate, you'll drain the clip in under two seconds if you set it in auto mode. Way to go, loser.~~ The MP7 can hold a 20, 30, or 40-round magazine, FTR.

The uber cool guns for pwning on the biggest scale.

LMGs (Light machine guns)

These are autos you can carry around, like the M240, M249 SAW, MG3, M60, BAR, RPD, RPK, MG34, M1919 and Bren. They can clear a room of students faster than yelling "YOU ARE THE FATHER!" at an black person meeting - plus they look teh awesome. They usually fire rifle-sized bullets. Modern ones, sadly, only fire shitty 5.56mm rounds, which fail.

Heavy Stuff

Think Maxim, Vickers, M2, MG42 and DshK. These will gleefully slice 'n' dice your foes to over 9000 pieces, with big bullets. These are teh awesome, more so than LMGs, just because they pwn so well. Only Over 9000 rounds from a .50-cal can even scratch a long cat. However, against ordinary fools, you will win. Niggers can't get their chicken grease mitts on these 'coz they're even more expensive than Nike kicks!. If they do, prepare for ~~equality~~ ~~TEH END OF DE WORLD.~~ Don't be silly, Niggers aren't smart enough to use guns. That's why Obama wants to ban guns, because he's jealous of the white man's superiority.

Don't even bother tooling one of these up for a school shooting, though; it weighs too damn much. Just leave it on a Hummer (for drive-bys) or on a tripod (for long ranged spraying) and let rip. Hurrah!

Gatling Guns

So you want a school shooting with a difference? A 6-barrel XM214 Gatling gun can fire 10,000 rounds a minute, at 3750 fps. Bye bye school, jocks, nerds, whores, and emos.

The Gatling gun comes in a variety of different flavors, not unlike slurpees, or condoms. Starting with the biggest, baddest motherfucker of all, the GAU-8 Avenger, a 30mm precision engineered lead-breathing dragon that has an A-10 Warthog mounted to it. This monster fires Depleted Uranium rounds the size of wine bottles meant for decimating rusted ruskie armor and sand nigger caves. It puts out over 4 tons of recoil force and the gun itself weighs 620lbs, but once you add n the magazine and the hydraulics system required to fire it, you're looking at over 4000lbs, then you'll need almost 2000lbs of ammo for about 15 seconds of blissful carnage. For best results, mount it on your bicycle.

A somewhat smaller version is the 6-barrel M61 Vulcan, capable of firing 20mm rounds at over 6000 rounds per minute that will blast Ruskie jets out of the sky when all the missiles are used up. Also used for blowing missiles out of the sky when mounted to ships and controlled by robots as the CIWS weapon system. The M196 is a 3-barrel version mounted on AH-1 Cobra's used for buttplugging terrorists at close range.

A 'smaller' Gatling gun gaining popularity as a mobile vehicle mounted system is the 3 barrel, .50 caliber GAU-19 GECAL ('jekyll'). It hits as hard as an M2 .50 cal heavy machine gun but has a rate of fire 4 times faster. This allows you to rack up points nearly as fast as a panty-waste M134 but with the added benefit of doing it even when their hiding behind three concrete walls and the nuke proof desks at your local school house.

Smaller still, is the General Electric M134, known commonly as the "Minigun." This 7.62mm beast was first used in the skies over Vietnam to spread freedom and democracy to the gooks, either as a door gun on the ~~UH-60 Blackhawk~~ UH-1 Huey (no blackhawks in Vietnam dumbass), or as a offensive weapon on the versatile ~~MH-6~~, AH-6 "Little Bird". Made most famous in Terminator 2 when the governator laid the smack down on some Californian police when they tried to take away his god given right to carry around large caliber assault weaponery. The ownage was so great, they appointed him their supreme ruler. ~~The M134 also comes in 5.56mm, if you're too pussy to handle the recoil.~~ No it doesn't.

The smallest yet conceived was the 6-barrel XM214 5.56 Gatling gun. It fired literally over 9000 rounds per minute. But it offered no practicality over the M134 and little/no advantage in weight. Even this model put out more than 200lbs of recoil force, weighed over 30lbs, and required at least 100lbs in backup equipment, such as batteries and large cases of ammo, which is needless to say, more than your limp wristed faggoty ass can handle. So forget your dreams of recreating the scene in Predator unless you want to an hero yourself in possibly the most ridiculous fashion possible. On second thought DO IT FAGGOT.

But if you want to kick it old school, look no further than the original Gatling gun, invented by Dr. Richard Jordan Gatling at least 100 years ago, when Amerrcuh was waging war within its own borders. This old warhorse didn't have your fancy electric drive motors. No, you put elbow grease into this antique, as you had to hand-crank the thing to shoot it. If you can find enough of the obsolete .58 caliber rimfire cartridges to fill the hopper of this old-timer, you can waste your school just like your great-great-great-granddaddy did to the black person who refused to work the fields.

A list of more guns on a scale of pwning it makes the other guns look shit

Big Game Rifles

Not classed as ordinary rifles, coz they're so fucking huge. Best used to put holes in elephant's skulls, but if you want to terrorize the local niggers just load a .60 or .577 up at point it at 'em. Just don't fire it lying down (broken collar bone) or standing up (broken shoulder). Breaking your bones while pwning niggers will fail you, minussing your score by over 9000 points. Alternately, use them against other snipers, who will be using .50 BMG, 7.62mm, or, if they're real wankers, 5.56mm.

Shotgun

Use this bad boy to really fuck up someone's day. Sprays a lot of buckshot everywhere which means you can pwn a whole bunch of people or destroy one person at extremely close range. Very popular with hunters and cops and comes in many flavors like the pussy fuck .410 , the 12 gauge and the PWNAGE 4 Gauge Magnum that will fucking pwn the fuck out of any sandnigger you meet.

Alternatively: 1. Saw stock off
2. Shorten the barrel(s) to about 11 inches.
3. Fire one handed.
4. ????
5. PROFIT!!

Fat cops fear the shotgun especially, since a 12 gauge slug reliably penetrates the Level IIIa body armor that they wear. They never expect getting owned in the face. Shotguns are also more effective if you're host or Bruce Campbell and are fighting demons in the past for some fucked up demon book.

Flamethrower

The memorial for Jamal and his friends is now on MySpace

The closest you can actually come to playing Satan. Strap on 2 scuba tanks full of napalm and rain fiery death on gooks. Just be careful not to use it on a really windy day or you'll involuntarily become an hero. Much to the ire of leftards, you can legally own or build one. Srsly. The best part of this weapon is that you can take out a whole platoon in one shot, however if someone shoots the tank, prepare to suffer one of the most worst and painful deaths imaginable.

Grenade Launcher

This is a gun that shoots 25mm or 40mm grenades. Boom! The M-79 is a favorite from 'Nam, perfect for ruining Gooks. Like a smaller Bazooka, basically. Watch out, though, it's illegal in California. Oh wait, so is everything else. Except weed. The M203 and M320 improve on the M79 by replacing the stock with a functional assault rifle. Now you can have the best of both worlds for just a few pounds more! The Heckler & Koch GMG combines the raw power of a 40mm grenade launcher with the fully-automatic convenience of a belt-fed machine gun. While it has a greater maximum range and rate of fire than the M79, its recoil and weight make it less than ideal for on-the-go use unless mounted to a vehicle.

Bazooka

Will ruin everything from goths to teenagers to the entire local mall in a glorious explosion of win. A favorite of Counter-Strike O.G.s. They don't like dat shit one-two bit. Only refers to the bazooka itself, the rest are called recoiless rifles, asshole.

Railgun

This does happen to exist IRL as it is being experimented with by the Navy as the new anti-warshit gun. It uses two electrostatic field creating rails and shoves a huge-ass block of metal at over 9000 times the speed of sound with a range limit of over 9000 miles away. Naturally this can be the next ultimate in pwning power, but the fields are so strong that when the bullet goes through, it breaks itself apart and requires a month of charging the electricity needed.

Duct Tape

With duct tape, you can strap two guns together, like a shotgun and a machine gun. However, with duct tape you can also make A FUCKING MINIGUN WITH A FLAMETHROWER AND FIVE MACHINE GUNS AND SHOTGUNS on it (though you will have to operate each weapon manually, something your effete wrists are probably not meant to handle). Duct Tape is something not to be fucked with but if you happened to have purchased a cheaper mesh, don't expect anyone to be afraid of your death contraption when it's in pieces all over the ground.

The Golden Gun

Kills with one bullet. This is partly due to the little known toxicity of gold. When using the golden gun IRL, be sure to memorize all the respawn points, and use it on your enemies before they can fight back. Also be sure to be rich, as, being made of gold, the Golden Gun is, unsurprisingly, fucking expensive. Once you have it, though, you will be able to kill every black person from here to Swaziland.

Minigun

In every video game ever. EVAR. While this exists in a mounted variant IRL, you cannot carry one around with you. America decided it would be a pretty good idea to make one that you could carry around, but it was determined that carrying around a 70 pound death machine with no way of aiming the damn thing would almost certianly lead to an heroism and team kills, resulting in epic rage and a few lulz. Was never used in any war ever.

The NRA

Formed in 1871 along with the KKK, the NRA was established to give White racists, gun-loving soccer moms and hungover rednecks the ability to focus their God-given talents on something much more important: shooting homosexuals, Muslims, Blacks and Scientists. The most noted savior of the NRA was Charlton Heston, who proved that the best reason for us to have guns is to defend ourselves from ~~damn dirty apes~~ ~~terrorists~~ OUR GUBMENT!!!11. This group holds that guns are good, and totally ignores studies done by bleeding-heart pseudosciences like "psychology," "sociology," and "political science". The NRA is always doing its duty saving us from the tyrannical grip of people who support gun control - like that godawful boring Noam Chomsky. Oddly enough, many liberals have begun to join the ranks of the NRA, for fear that gun control may render them defenseless against their crazy-ass redneck neighbors.

Gun vs. Sword

Guns have replaced the archaic simpleton sword as the killing device of choice for a good many reasons, not least of which is the gun's superiority over hand-to-hand weapons. Some fanboys are in a state of denial about this.

Myth: Swords are more honorable. Case in point: ninjas and samurai, Jedi and other knights used swords.
- FACT: Anyone claiming the above is obviously a cultureless, fucking Wapanese and needs to commit Hara kiri, die of AIDS or become an hero. Ninjas were fags anyway, and the samurai EXTENSIVELY used guns. Jedi are fucking imaginary anyway.
Myth: You can block bullets with a sword if you are skilled enough.
- FACT: You can possibly (unlikely) block bullets with your sword but the bullet will shatter and then spread out into little pieces hitting eveything behind the sword, like say, the person using the sword. Or, if the gun is a shotgun, break the sword in half an send the large sharp upper half into the user's body. Plus, the pellets will probably spread around the sword.
Myth: You don't have to reload a sword, therefore you can use it forever.
- FACT: You must constantly wipe your sword clean of blood and sharpen it, otherwise it will chip and rust away, and then you will have to beg your mom for money so you can buy another shitty weaboo sword off of the internet.
Myth: Guns are cowardly because you can kill people from a distance; swords take real skill to use.
- FACT: You will not be complaining about a gun's skill level when you have a bullet in your chest or head. Guns can kill at long range, but hitting the thing takes skill.
Myth: You can run up to a guy with a gun real fast and slice him with your sword before he even gets his gun out.
- FACT: An attempt to do this will result in death on your part, unless you are invisible.

Dr. Jones demonstrates.

Famous Gun Enthusiasts

Pekka-Eric Auvinen proved you don't even need a good gun to go for the high score.

Why guns are cool

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