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Aaron Howard: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 21:56, 26 April 2021
Aaron Howard was a 37-year-old father of three from Abilene, Texas, who, on September 1, 2018, made the brilliant decision to bring a baseball bat to a shirtless redneck gunfight and ended up experiencing first hand the almighty power of a true Texan's God-given Second Amendment rights as he was filled with lead and fucked up worse than JFK's head. Aaron Howard's stupidity was recorded and released by his fiance on Facebook for the whole world to witness the common, yet rarely filmed instance of An hero by redneck.
The Dispute
Following an inane dispute with his neighbors—67-year-old John Miller and his 31-year-old son, Michael Miller—over a fucking mattress, Aaron armed himself with a baseball bat, Michael armed himself with a shotgun and John armed himself with a big iron on his hip. After preparing for battle and getting his fiancée, Kara Box, to stop taking selfies and use her fucking iPhone to film the ensuing slaughter, Aaron informed the Millers that he was going to kill them, began calling them faggots and repeatedly told them to point their guns at him.
The Resolution
After threatening the Millers and screaming like a deranged gorilla for two whole minutes, Aaron eventually made the hilarious decision to attack John Miller – at which point he was promptly shot twice in self-defense. Still not willing to accept that the gun is mightier than the baseball bat, Aaron then proceeded to hurl the baseball bat at John like a little bitch, causing minimal damage before Michael stepped in and finished him off with several shotgun blasts to the face. Kara then began whining about her dead husband – ironic considering that she was too goddamn useless to even tell him to knock it the fuck off and stop threatening to murder their neighbors over a fucking mattress.
The Aftermath
Despite being a clear-cut case of self-defense despite the Miller family's provocation, the Millers were soon arrested and charged with first-degree murder. As of early 2021, the Abilene Alleyway Murder Trial has still not been scheduled for trial since being delayed due to chink AIDS.
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