Great iPhone 4S disappointment of 2011

The 'S' is for Sucker because they know you'll buy regardless, you worm.

The World had just finished drying it's collective eyes after revolutionary cofounder, Steve Jorbs, kicked the proverbial bucket. Now, everyone's attention was on Apple as it was due to announce it's next breakthrough in overpriced shiny-object technology. Thus, the stage was set for the Great iPhone 4S Disappointment of 2011. The lights were dimmed and the usual media lapdogs had crowded into Apple's Reality Distortion Field located on their campus. Tim Cook, successor to the throne, took the stage. All attendees grew hush as they eagerly awaited the hot load of techno-toy jizzem they had been craving for the past several months. Give it to us Tim! Give us your steamy new iPhone 5! Oh shit guys, this is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! Its the new iPhone! The iPhone... 4? But, don't I already own this? Oh fuck it, I'll buy one anyway.

Now we all know why they chose rainbow colors. Get it? Because Apple is GAYYYYYYYYYYYYY

What You Get

The iPhone 4S has a veritable plethora of new features making it well worth your precious hard earned monies! Just listen to this!

• Dual Core A5 Chip: Now there's two cores! Count 'em.
• Improved Phone Camera: We added an extra lens! Why? Just because!
• Siri: Now your phone can read shit to you! This is revolutionary! (fun fact, you can get the same shit on Android under the name Iris, and Iris had a total development time of only 8 hours, way to put in too much effort Apple)
• Extended: Speaking time is now 8 hours, before it was 7 hours! OMFG AMAZING!
• NOTHING NEW
• Tim Cook's hand going right thru your wallet and into your ass.
• Sprint has also been financially goatsed by having a fuckton of outdated phones in its inventory. LOL

Located Disadvantage

The weight is now 140 grams, before it was 137 grams, HOLY FUCK. With this massive increase in additional weight, your pencil-like hipster arms will need to really struggle to lift the phone up high enough so you can take that sepia instagram picture of your dead plant, you pretentious fuck.

Their Ingenious Business Model

1. Change absofuckinglutely nothing
2. Tack a S after the iPhone 4
3. ???
4. Profit

Upgrade kit

Now you too can have the latest piece of technology without paying hundreds of dollars!

Now you can get your iPhone 4 Upgrade kit for only $1.00. All you have to do is
1. Buy a sticker
2. Peel sticker off
3. Stick it on the back of your iPhone 4
4. Enjoy your iPhone 4S because it's the same shit

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