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Overwatch: Difference between revisions
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*'''[[Incest|Hanzo]]''' - If Ashe is for people who ''wish'' they could play a sniper, Hanzo is for players that can play Sniper but only with ridiculous amounts of luck. Hanzo uses a bow that snipes but doesn't have a scope so enjoy trying to hit the three pixels that represents an enemies head across the map. To help you not be a complete waste of space, Hanzo has an arrow that reveals the enemies position to your team for a short period, as well as the ability to shoot off a bunch of arrows as if his bow has suddenly become an assault rifle. Even with these abilities, actually getting a headshot usually requires blind luck or a cheat program. His ultimate ability has him charge up an arrow that unleashes a [[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|magic dragon that flies that shoots through walls and kills anything it touches.]] Hanzo is for anti-social nerds and is usually chosen by people who improvise all the time, but pretend they know what they're doing. | *'''[[Incest|Hanzo]]''' - If Ashe is for people who ''wish'' they could play a sniper, Hanzo is for players that can play Sniper but only with ridiculous amounts of luck. Hanzo uses a bow that snipes but doesn't have a scope so enjoy trying to hit the three pixels that represents an enemies head across the map. To help you not be a complete waste of space, Hanzo has an arrow that reveals the enemies position to your team for a short period, as well as the ability to shoot off a bunch of arrows as if his bow has suddenly become an assault rifle. Even with these abilities, actually getting a headshot usually requires blind luck or a cheat program. His ultimate ability has him charge up an arrow that unleashes a [[IMMA CHARGIN MAH LAZER|magic dragon that flies that shoots through walls and kills anything it touches.]] Hanzo is for anti-social nerds and is usually chosen by people who improvise all the time, but pretend they know what they're doing. | ||
*'''[[Ausfalia|Junkrat]]''' - Slightly fitting given that he's [[United States of Australia|Australian,]] Junkrat is a brain-dead explosives character that rewards spam and punishes thinking or "aim". Stealing his gear from the [[Team Fortress 2|Demoman,]] Junkrat has a grenade launcher that shoots bouncy explosives, and two mines that stick to any surface and can be used to rocket jump as well as lay traps. His ultimate ability is a remote-control tyre with explosives strapped to it, that can be destroyed by enemies if they're paying attention. Given that all his weapons have ridiculously large area of effects, Junkrat doesn't require any skill and keeps winning the fanbases most hated character lists. | *'''[[Ausfalia|Junkrat]]''' - Slightly fitting given that he's [[United States of Australia|Australian,]] Junkrat is a brain-dead explosives character that rewards spam and punishes thinking or "aim". Stealing his gear from the [[Team Fortress 2|Demoman,]] Junkrat has a grenade launcher that shoots bouncy explosives, and two mines that stick to any surface and can be used to rocket jump as well as lay traps. His ultimate ability is a remote-control tyre with explosives strapped to it, that can be destroyed by enemies if they're paying attention. Given that all his weapons have ridiculously large area of effects, Junkrat doesn't require any skill and keeps winning the fanbases most hated character lists. Junkrat is for [[Caveman|cavemen]], and is usually chosen by people who've never played the game before. | ||
*'''<s>Mcree</s> [[Cowboy|Cassidy]]''' - Bullshit incarnate, Cassidy is a close range gunslinger with can stun any enemy he want for an easy headshot. Consistently hated by fans from day 1, this characters insane damage and hard-to-counter stun grenade has made him a must pick due to the fact that a well-trained Cassidy can headshot across the map, meaning he can swap between close combat and sniper on a whim. Couple this with his ultimate which one shots any characters in his field of view, and it's no wonder why this character has become infamous for raping unaware enemy teams; ironic since his original name came from a rapist employee. | *'''<s>Mcree</s> [[Cowboy|Cassidy]]''' - Bullshit incarnate, Cassidy is a close range gunslinger with can stun any enemy he want for an easy headshot. Consistently hated by fans from day 1, this characters insane damage and hard-to-counter stun grenade has made him a must pick due to the fact that a well-trained Cassidy can headshot across the map, meaning he can swap between close combat and sniper on a whim. Couple this with his ultimate which one shots any characters in his field of view, and it's no wonder why this character has become infamous for raping unaware enemy teams; ironic since his original name came from a rapist employee. Cassidy is for [[basement-dwellers]], and is usually chosen by people who tried to play another character, died, and went Cassidy to bully their killer. | ||
[[File:Mei+fat+cosplay.jpg|right|thumb|how to cosplay Mei if you are a hambeast]] | [[File:Mei+fat+cosplay.jpg|right|thumb|how to cosplay Mei if you are a hambeast]] | ||
*'''Mei''' - She build | *'''Mei''' - Designed for trolling, Mei's chubby ass is used to weaken her enemies before her teammates come in to finish them off. Mei's ice gun slows down her target and if frozen long enough, locks them in place for a short period, allowing Mei to get some cheeky hits in before her prey escapes. She can build a Shit Wall of [[China]] with her ice gun to block off any exit for her enemies (or her teammates if you're feeling devilish), and if she wants to [[pussybitch|pussy out of an attack]] she can encase herself in solid ice which heals her injuries and turns her invulnerable until she thaws out. If this all sounds a little too unfair to fight and brimming with potential to piss off teammates and enemies alike, you're right. Her ice wall specifically is the bane of some players existences, as it not only lasts way too long, but can also be used for players to place out-of-reach teleporters to get an unfair flank. Mei is for fat fetishists, and is usually chosen by people who are [[troll|looking to do a little bit of trolling.]] | ||
*'''[[ISIS|Pharah]]''' - | *'''[[ISIS|Pharah]]''' - An Egyptian slave who uses a jet to shoot explosives at her enemies from up above. With her country of origin being an Islamic country, she's clearly a jihadist rip off, very racist of the developer not to properly respect these people with their due "Allahu Akbar". Pharah has the ability to fly along with a rocket launcher, and her ultimate ability which unleashes a rocket barrage onto her enemies. Her simplistic kit makes her a nightmare to fight as she can dodge anything you throw at her while her splash-damage rockets chip away at your health. Pharah is for [[Idiot|12 year old boys]], and is usually chosen by people who choose the most expensive item on the menu, and then refuse to pay the bill. | ||
*'''[[Black Lives Matter|Reaper]]''' - | *'''[[Black Lives Matter|Reaper]]''' - Blizzard finally replied to my emails and added my [[Original character|super cool edgy OC]], Reaper the darkflame shadow master. He's got two shotguns that he replaces instead of reloading, a teleport ability that takes way too long to use, and a phase mode where he can run to and from a fight without being hurt. His ultimate is a super cool tornado move where he shoots all the bad guys!!!1! Reaper is for [[faggots]], and is usually chosen by people who are [[trying too hard]] to be cool and different. | ||
*'''Soldier: 76''' - [[ | *'''[[Vietnam War|Soldier: 76]]''' - Similar to Cassidy, Solider 76 is widely disliked because he's designed to be close-range, but any monkey can spam his weaponry and snipe someone in the distance. Instead of a pathetic little revolver, 76 uses a giant machine gun that can shoot rockets, drop a healing grenade, and for its ultimate you gain temporary aim assist. 76 players are seen as [[newbies]] who spam their way victory. Soldier 76 is for [[Nu-male|Soyboys]], and is usually chosen by people who claim they're the best at something, only to fuck it up and blame it on someone else. | ||
*'''Sombra''' - | *'''Sombra''' - Despite being [[Poverty|Mexican,]] Sombra is not a lazy whore who sleeps all day long and drinks till her teeth rot. Instead she found the only working computer in all of [[Mexico]], and decided to put the pc parts inside her because she's absolutely mental. Her only weapon is a nerf gun, with a magazine so small that it's easier to hit them with your fist than try and shoot them to death. To make up for this, Sombra can turn invisible, setup a personal teleport, disable another players abilities for a second or two, and for her ultimate she disables everyone in a small area. While she was designed to stop meta plays by stopping key players do their job, players quickly found Sombra was merely an annoyance, not an obstacle. This means on release she was seen as pretty useless. Sombra is for [[Bitch|cowards]], and is usually chosen by people who set themselves useless tasks and then pretend they're helping, like organising your pencils in colour order. | ||
*'''[[Poo in the loo|Symmetra]]''' - | *'''[[Poo in the loo|Symmetra]]''' - Ugly [[shemale]] from [[India]] who quit her tech support day job for something more exciting, building. She can put down turrets, teleporters and a big fuck-off shield. She is the bane of any offense hero trying to push, because her turrets also slow their asses down. Bonus points if you place your teleporter near a ledge, and behold lulz. Despite looking better than some of the other women, Symmetra has some of the least porn about her. Symmetra is for [[nerds]], and is usually chosen by people who only talk about themselves all day long. | ||
*'''[[Sweden|Torbjörn]]''' - If you are wondering how unoriginal a game was going to get then wonder no fucking more. This is again, a guy with a fucking turret, like we haven't seen that shit [[Portal|before]], then he is also Swedish to add in that cliche shit about how Swedish people used to be blacksmiths. A midget with the typical shit Swedish beard (how unoriginal are we going to fucking get) and can build turrets. Original ideas are fucking unoriginal says Overwatch. | *'''[[Sweden|Torbjörn]]''' - If you are wondering how unoriginal a game was going to get then wonder no fucking more. This is again, a guy with a fucking turret, like we haven't seen that shit [[Portal|before]], then he is also Swedish to add in that cliche shit about how Swedish people used to be blacksmiths. A midget with the typical shit Swedish beard (how unoriginal are we going to fucking get) and can build turrets. Original ideas are fucking unoriginal says Overwatch. The turrets range is ridiculously powerful and if placed in the right spot, can wipe out an entire enemy team, even if they all focus it. Not to mention the rivet gun that Torbjörn can use to snipe at mid-range, this guy is designed to be an asshole. Torbjörn is for children who can't aim, and is usually chosen by people who rely on their "friends" to help them in any situation, because they're clueless on their own. | ||
*'''[[Dat Ass|Tracer]]''' - | *'''[[Dat Ass|Tracer]]''' - Seemingly desgined as a giant middle finger to support players, Tracer is best at flanking, getting some undeserved kills before running away and recovering behind the comparatively less-large asses of her teammates. Her guns are lethal at point-blank but useless even at close range. Her health was already small at launch, but has only got smaller, (like her ass), so she can only get away with killing the distracted healers, because anyone that fights back is usually going to win. She has the ability to teleport ahead, as well as reset her position back to where she was 10 seconds ago, restoring her health in the process; enjoy trying to kill this British [[Turkey|cockroach]], only for her to say "lol no" and escape with all her health back. Her ultimate is a sticky bomb that one-shots healers but can't do anything to tanks. Tracer is for [[Asians]], and is usually chosen by people who still think "random = funny". | ||
*'''[[France|Widowmaker]]''' - French cunt who is too busy trying to empower feminists with her killing her husband bullshit, she doesn't have any discernible character other than describing about how she was scared of fucking spiders which somehow | *'''[[France|Widowmaker]]''' - French cunt who is too busy trying to empower feminists with her killing her husband bullshit, she doesn't have any discernible character other than describing about how she was scared of fucking spiders which somehow lead to being brainwashed by Bad Overwatch? She also gives edgy speeches about how satisfying it is to kill people. She has a sniper rifle that needs to charge before it can headshot, a poison mine that almost no damage, and a grapple hook which is meant to be used for sniper positions, but is usually just used to escape when her team fails and dies. Her ultimate is probably the most useless in the game, she can reveal where the enemy is for 10 seconds, which doesn't help since most maps usually have only one doorway the enemy can go through. Widowmaker is for [[hipsters]], and is usually chosen by people who haven't played the game since release and still think she is the best sniper. | ||
</div> | </div> |
Revision as of 11:01, 11 May 2022
STEP THE FUCK OFF! Overwatch looks like shit but it is NOT a {{crapstub}}. It is a work in progress! If you require assistance beefing up this article, then hit up the experts on our IRC.
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Overwatch is a desperate attempt to simplify Team Fortress 2 into a game so easy to play that babies out of the womb could pick it up. Since MMORPGs no longer made the headlines or the big bucks, Blizzard Entertainment were convinced that easy-to-approach class shooters were the next big thing. Creating a cast of colourful characters that wouldn’t look out of place on a kids tv show, Overwatch on release had every sperg, autist and caveman captivated by the bright colours and loud noises, which distracted from how little content the game actually had. To really bring in as many players as possible the game was made as approachable as possible, so despite being a shooter there's no blood or graphic imagery to reach the lowest age rating. The characters themselves range from Avengers knock-offs for the kiddies, edgy Batman villains wearing trench coats for the teens, and tiny barely-legal Korean girls for the adults.
Blinded by how big of a success Overwatch became, Blizzard quickly lost sight of what the game was and what the fans wanted. What followed was years of mishandling, controversy and company politics that managed to turn the games reputation from the next big thing that everyone was playing, into a messy first-person MOBA that alienated new commers, and pissed off veterans.
In a desperate attempt to revive the game, mainly its image, Overwatch 2 was announced, putting the final nail in Overwatch’s coffin as development for the game slowed to a snail’s pace. The legacy of Overwatch is mostly porn, as well as what happens when everyone gets hypnotised by clever advertising and flashy visuals.
The Gameplay
The main game consists of either a quickplay or competitive match, which has two teams of six players fight around different objectives. You can play with your loser friends for an easy victory, or play with strangers if you want to roleplay a French general trying to coordinate his troops. There's king of the hill which is two rounds in which one team must own the centre of the map for 90 seconds. Payload has you push a cart into the enemies spawn. Finally there's assault in which one team has to defend two control points while the other team tries to take them over. More familiar game modes like capture the flag and deathmatch are restricted to a separate "arcade" section which puts different game modes in a rotation so enjoy logging in just to find your favourite game mode has been kicked off in favour of a gimmick mode that no one plays.
Every time you complete a match you're given a virtual medal and some xp, gain enough xp and you're given a free lootbox full of useless stickers and costumes. If you're lazy and only want to play virtual dress up with your favourite characters, don't worry; you can pay real world money for more lootboxes that might only give you items for a character you never play. If you think hard work and skill will reward you with the lootboxes you wanted, you'll be glad to hear that Overwatch gives free lootboxes a lower chance to unbox something good compared to a paid-box, so enjoy your common stickers and alternative voice line for the Text-to-speech robot character.
If you really hate yourself but not enough to consider suicide, you can grind the competitive mode which makes matches longer, but rewards you with a currency used to unlock a golden weapon for your favourite character. These golden weapons use to be an icon of skill and dedication, but are now ruined as Blizzard changed the system from rewarding the golden currency to players who did well at the end of a competitive season, to giving them to a player every time they finished a competitive match.
Heroes - How to play
Damage |
• | Tank |
• | Support |
Plot
LOL U EXPECTING PLOT FROM AN ONLINE MUTIPLAYER FPS? Only plot that exists in this game are the tales of bitching about what to nerf, and newbie who can't play for shit defending their nerfs. The other plot is available on rule34's Overwatch SFM section.
But if you really want a snippet you can go watch their unoriginal shorts about undeveloped shit characters with undefined storylines who are literally just racial stereotypes, (THE 'AVALERY 'S HERE!!!!) Did I mention the accent? Any sane human being will mutilate themselves from hearing these fuckers moonspeak in their Engrish, they are all representation of different nationalities by fucking 'Muricans, so you know if you are a Swiss cheese you are bound to be a neutral white flag raising pussy medic and if you are an American, you are a shotgun-tooting black manaic. There is also some gay gorilla from the moon who fucked his master to death or something but you don't need to know about that yet, you might also be wondering what the title signifies. Nothing.
The title is literally the name of their organization which begs the fucking question, who the fuck is on whose team? Apparently some shit source that claims to be canon other than rule34 Overwatch, says that all the heroes are fighting each other because some shit about the black guy and French cunt starting some kind of war because ???? and despite that your so-called good characters is still being alighed on the same team as them because ?????
Fags also claimed that the game isn't canon to the game (lolwut even this magnitude of stupidity is not expected from a game this retarded), so this means that the real official canon is literally rule34 and the game cannot even be trusted to tell it's own generic and done story.
Tracer Controversies
Tracer and her 3D rendered arse are the main reasons the clickbait hacks wrote their "articles" about identity politics as Blizzard (who apparently is not knowing a thing about videogames anymore) took decisions about her and her character that polarized the gamer community, demonstrating once more that Gaben was a fucking genius by not including female playable characters on the superior version of Overwatch, (and also free to play) Team Fortress 2.
Tracer Controversy #1: The Stupid Pose
Derp.
Look at that sexist pile of shit. She has an ass for fuck's sake. Anyone who doesn't notice how sexist it is for a woman to have an ass should be shot, I mean, unless she has a fat feminist unfuckable ass or a flat and nonexistent one, it shouldn't be there. One more thing about this pose that is just degrading for woman is probably that she isn't holding a sandwich maker nor is she in the kitchen.
And another reasonable request. petition to remove all guns from the game (archive).
This was a well placed campaign, although it would have been much more better if they removed the whole game.
So Blizzard somehow grew balls and glands and got a new pose that is literally based on a pin up.
Cuny McCunts were obviously pissed that everything in the world somehow weren't going their way but reality is sometimes just reality.
For example, here is Brianna Wu complaining about the butt on twitter (archive):
Meanwhile at the SJW hivemind aka NeoGAF, the NeoFaggots are still bitching and complaining over Tracer's ass because of her new pose.
Anyways, with this controversy solved, it's only a matter of time before SJWs and feminists manufacture another outrage in order to manipulate a company to do their biddings, despite never actually spending a single dollar on anything they've produced.
File:Tracer Cosplay.jpg
Please nerf the ass
Tracer Gallery
Tracer Controversy #2: Tracer is a rug muncher
Herp.
—Blizzard, Shooting their own leg |
Just when the idiots of Gamergate were celebrating that Blizzard trolled the SJW with the ridiculous pose, Last Thursday they released a Christmas comic in which they show that British hot tight pants is fond of chowing boxes, as if her bulldyke haircut wasn't enough of a giveaway.
Apparently Tracer is the first (there will be more) LGBTBBQWTF+ character of the franchise, as she has a relationship with a ginger called Emily, eerily looking too similar to another soulless lesbian ginger.
The reactions to this addition to the Overwatch in-game canon can vary from the likes of "Meh, I'm not going to pay 40 bucks for this tumblr ripoff shit", to "You bastards, Tracer is my waifu, Why did you this to me?". Still and, again, the ones with the most embarrassing reactions were the lab monkeys writing for SJW clickbait pages who reached orgasm with screams of "muh Diversity", "muh Inclusiveness" and "muh Representation" because of a fictional character enjoying and drinking vaginal fluids.
This Blizzard attempt to cater to more mature audiences with this cheap marketing stunt will backfire as in the first place, more 3D porn of Tracer fucking the rest of the female characters with a strap-on will be made, second, the hardcore gamers will not be playing it as they don't want queer representation while they are killing the shit of their fellow gamers and finally, the game only will be played by the obsessed tumblristas with queer pronouns, creating around the game a fandom more retarded than the fandom of Steven Universe. As if the Fembusters debacle wasn't enough, Blizzard apparently must learn from experience that you never cater to the qualms of SJW as they are bad and disloyal customers who are more interested on virtue signaling than buying your overpriced shit.
Other Less Important Rule 34 Characters
Videos
Overwatch - RIP Butt Previous Video | Next Video |
See Also
Overwatch is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
Overwatch is part of a series on Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage. |