Rangerphile

Oh God, this can't end well.

Rangerphile is the term used to describe the sick mess of a person that is best described as the unique combination of a furry and a Christfag, or possibly as a web 1.0 version of a Sonic Fag or a Brony.

These people -- if they may be called that -- engage in a pathological sexual practice known as Rangerphilia, which is somewhat like pedophila, but rather than being into children, Rangerphilia consists of insatiable perversion directed at the characters from the shitty Disney cartoon series Chip n' Dale Rescue Rangers.

This show, which was not nearly as good as its contemporaries, is actually something of an embarrassment in the Disney canon (which is really fucking saying something), owing to the fact that it was just so goddamn awful. Many children who watched the show can't even remember anything about it, save for the theme song that was so soul-destroying with its annoyance it drove some adults to suicide. You could consider Rangerphiles to be bronies 1.0, in that they are grown men obsessed with a show for children, although the Rangerphiles as a movement never gained the momentum or numbers that those horsefuckers have.

Much like pedophiles, Rangerphiles currently campaign for "Rangerphilia" to be a sexual orientation -- a very strange thing to note, as Rangerphiles are virulently homophobic. This is in and of itself ironic, as Chip 'n Dale sounds more than a bit like "Chippendales" (the male strippers group). Rangerphiles are, therefore, gay by proxy.

Unbelievably, these same people are all practicing Christians -- or, rather, hypocritical morons that delight in taking the Bible and completely wrenching it out of context. This is all apparently to make up for the tremendous guilt they must doubtlessly feel for so ferociously raping a shitty children's show.

The combination of being both Christfag and furfag has proven lethal, leaving Rangerphiles as a truly degenerate society of nauseating fucktards. Representing the very worst of the Internet, they deserve every last bit of shit thrown at them.

Why Rangerphiles Are So Pathetic

Another Disney show that aired around the same time as Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, was DuckTales, which was better animated, better written, and just an altogether better experience than the half-baked jalopy piece of shit that was Rescue Rangers. It ran for two seasons (exactly 100 episodes) had an animated movie that was released in theaters, and is fondly remembered by many children for its catchy themesong and recognisable characters.

Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers, on the other hand, ran for barely 65 episodes before being (mercifully) canceled, pretty much summing up what almost everyone, except the Rangerphiles, thought of the show -- with its insipid writing, atrocious voice-acting, and of course the please-God-make-it-stop themesong.

The show itself -- the characters, that damn themesong -- remained largely forgotten by the public at large (i.e., people who weren't fucked in the head like the Rangerphiles are), and would have thankfully remained that way, had not the evil of the Rangerphile pseudo-religion been spawned from a gigantic, puss-filled, maggoty pile of fail.

Although many things have been subjected to the terror of The 34th Rule, Rangerphiles have mercilessly raped a mediocre-at-best children's show and turned it into a nightmarish pile of indescribable horror with their astoundingly bad "fan art" and "fanfiction".

What They Worship

From left to right: Dale, Gadget, Chip, Zipper and Monty. Keep in mind Rangerphiles want to bone (or be boned by) them all, more than they do real people.

• Chip: The leader of the Rescue Rangers. Likes to cosplay as Indiana Jones. A gigantic bitch. Most Rangerphiles want to be fucked by him.

• Dale: The other guy. Likes to cosplay as Quagmire from Family Guy. Some Rangerphiles want to fuck him... But not many.

• Gadget Hackwrench: Polymath mechanic, inventor, and pilot who is featured in all kinds of endlessly clever sexual situations designed, drawn, and passionately wished for by the prototypical Rangerphile, Ray Jones.

• Monterrey Jack: Australian fat-ass prone to having seizures and spontaneous orgasm when he smells cheese. Only the original character that Ray Jones hideously spawned, "Jalapena", will fuck him.

• Zipper: A tiny green fly who no one likes, sucks as a character, and serves no purpose other than comic relief from what little comedy the show had.

• Tammy: Only featured in one episode. Jailbait squirrel who prefigures prominently in a wide variety of Rangerphile masturbatory fantasies.

• Foxglove: Also featured in only one episode. Uhh, two episodes... A stupid and repulsively ugly bat who, despite her ugliness, is still well-beloved by the Rangerphile community. So much so that Rangerphiles everywhere cried themselves a river when the untalented dumbshit slutty cunt that voiced this character died. Well, it wasn't as bad as Avatards crying over the slant-eyed toker that voiced Iroh, or Pokemon fanboys crying over the ugly transvestite who voiced Meowth popping his/her/its clogs.

The Rangerphile Demographic

Typical Rangerphile attire.

Rangerphilia is, quite again like pedophilia, found in a sickeningly wide array of people -- from the superficially normal to (of course) the outright insane. Here's a quick rundown to better help identify these disgusting human beings, and to better educate the public as to just what these people stand for, and the inherent threat they pose.

Facts At A Glance

• Is a Furry.
• Loves to Roleplay.
• Christian.
• Wants to fuck Gadget.
• Has or wants the most prized possession of this fucktarded fanbase; A Ranger plush toy from 1992 (usually Gadget).
• Is a middle-aged male.
• Dumb as a post.
• Ugly as sin.
• As the result of above, tend to marry other AcornCafe.com members or remain basement dwellers all of their lives.
• Has an astonishing array of fetishes that nearly put Anonymous to shame: scat, urethral, piss, and so on.
• Fancies himself a master fan-artist.
• Hates gays to compensate for attraction to Chip (or Dale).
• Not just a fan, obsessed.
• Loves to put Rule 34 to ever more ingenious use by inventing new fetishes, such as melting lesbians.

Age Group

While substantial space could be provided to detail how old Rangerphiles tend to be, it's better to let a quote -- which needs to be typed out in full -- fully elucidate the average age of the typical Rangerphile, and really just what a Rangerphile truly is:

	“	As many are now aware, I'm 39 years old and going strong. We have a very diverse age range here at the Cafe, and I've never felt that age per se was the telling factor of who was a Rangerphile. I was 20 when RR came out, so it's been with me nearly half my life now. My sophomore year at college was a lonely one, and the Rangers helped make it feel less so. I was big into the Indiana Jones merchandise collecting then, and Chip was who appealed to me first with that outfit. Then I noticed Gadget and had the requisite crush on her for a while. Neither of those things was why I came to the fandom, though--it was a love for the show, the funny bits, the great use of character, etc. I've always loved good stories, and they start with good characters. I have a lot of my own creative spark that I owe to writing RR fanfiction, which is why I try to write at least one a year to keep that going. I'll probably be writing them forty years from now.	„
	—Dr. Indy, with emphasis added on the really revealing parts.

Nothing more needs to be said.

The "Toys 'R Us Kids" (as of 2009)

• Ray Jones - 58.5
• davew - 56
• NeoBat - 54
• lamarpook - 52
• The Enduring Man-Child - 51
• bock's car - 49
• Jeff Pierce - 44
• Tom Cloudkicker - 43
• PensacolaRanger - 40

These infamous perverts are joined by shitloads of others in their mid-to-late 30's who never had the excuse of having watched the show as young-uns.

The Acorn Cafe

Hot damn, look at them mouse tits!

Rangerphiles huddle together in a filthy warren called the Acorn Cafe, perhaps the singlemost loathsome forum next to SomethingAwful.

Everyone there has no life. Before you even make your first post, they will start a thread welcoming you, because they are so repulsive that they hope that someone, anyone, will accept them.

They will tell you about their hopes and dreams and how much they want to fuck Gadget or Chip. It is disturbingly pathetic that these people lurk around this lame forum so much that they notice a new member signing in and leap at the chance to welcome them and rant about themselves, all before the n00b even makes their first post. Should a female decide to join the party, she'll promptly receive a warm welcome.

The Culprits

• Ray Jones: Mod and Almighty God-Emperor. Loves Gadget, to a shocking, almost unbelievable degree.

• Dr. Indy: Mod. Has a Ph.D., and is super duper smart. Also a writer.

• Jeff Parkes: Mod. Ginger. Nuff said.

• Racebest: Furry whose fursona is a platypus. Has selflessly dedicated himself to be the Acorn Cafe's shameless group whore and cheerleader.

• Framwinkle: Mod. Hates fags. Pompous and conceited. Classic case of having unwarranted self-importance.

• RangerReady23: Spectacularly bad fanfiction writer (see below). Believed to have a sexual obsession with Jesus Christ.

• bw1979: Otherwise known as B Walmer. Sick fuck who singlehandedly brought the melting fetish to the public.

• Soda: Harassed and banned for being a fag.

• Midnight Man: Major toolbag from Germany who doubles as an annoying attention whore.

• Sinclair: Wants to rid the Internets of Gadget erotica while secretly fapping to it in his fecal-filled closet.

• Andy a.k.a. MOnty: a.k.a. dead, lol.

• Fernando: Batshit insane furry who claimed to be "protecting" the site from trolls. Also known to log in as his daughter and ask for buttsecks.

• KurtmanJP: Aspie who gets beat by his 11-year-old sister.

• SolidusRaccoon: a.k.a. Cobra Reviewer, Freeper who instigated the gay-bashing war (see "Rangerphile Quotes" below) that produced the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

• PensacolaRanger: 41 years old and still lives with his parents.

Don't Ask, Don't Tell

If there is anything that Rangerphiles hate more than Anonymous, it's homosexuality. Claiming that they want to keep everything G-rated, the mods banned anything having to do with the subject, including Rule 34, fapfiction, and any discussions unless it had anything to do with burning in hell for being a fannybandit.

Much lulz ensued when one Rangerphile by the name of Soda came out of the closet and begged the entire forum to fuck him in the ass. The mods of the forum tore out their eyes in self-righteous horror and immediately banned him, claiming that they wanted to prevent any "flaming" both literally and figuratively.

On another occasion, one of the mods outed himself as a homophobe without even realizing it. Major butthurt ensued:

	“	"The rule against homosexual discussion also stems from past arguments on the subject, which became quite heated. It's obvious that opinions on the matter are strong on both sides. However, the Cafe still holds to a certain moral standard that believes that homosexuality is wrong, and therefore it isn't tolerated in stories, art, or general discussion. That's why the topic is banned, because it's such a sensitive and divisive issue to many people, and there are those who would try to use any excuse they could to force it upon everyone else."	„
	—Framwinkle

Further evidence was found on his blog. He starts out with the typical excuse as to why homosexuality isn't allowed at the Acorn Cafe:

	“	"Why can't these people just get it through their heads that it's not an acceptable topic there, and leave it at that? Why do they insist on trying to shove it in our faces? I don't care what they talk about elsewhere, and there are places where that sort of thing is not only acceptable, but encouraged. But if they're going to be at the Cafe, they're going to have to live by certain guidelines. It's supposed to be a family friendly place. Not that we would agree on the definition of family, either. Sigh."	„
	—Framwinkle

But then he goes into a rant that would make Fred Phelps want to become a Rangerphile:

	“	"One thing they like to point to is a story someone wrote about the issue, in which an overbearing Hitler-ite squirrel tries to banish strawberry cakes from a celebration. Basically, it tries to equate homosexuality as being no different than a different flavor of cake, which makes perfect sense if you don't believe that there's anything wrong with homosexuality. After all, that's just a different kind of sex, right? How absurd. Following that line of reasoning, murder could be just another form of sport hunting. Where do you draw the line? But the line is drawn. Not by man, who only has his reason, and could thereby justify anything. The line is drawn by God, through the scriptures, as well as through our conscience. It's this that people can't stand, because to accept that something is wrong they have to accept God, and that brings about a bunch of other things that are also wrong. No, it's much easier to believe that the world is just a big gray area. Homosexuality is a very destructive lifestyle, both physically and spiritually. It's like asking, "Should we go back and adapt to slavery?" Who in their right mind would agree to it? The things listed were improvements to society, for the most part. That's not to say that they can't have their disadvantages, but over all they're good things. What has to be understood and accepted is that homosexuality is not a good thing. I don't doubt that our society will adapt to homosexuality and homosexual marriage. But it's not going to help us become a better people."	„
	—Framwinkle

This is all very ironic since Rangerphiles themselves want Chip to ram them in the ass.

Further Irony

Exodus 22:19 states that "Whoever lies with an animal shall be put to death." Rangerphiles ignore this, since they are too full of failure and shit to study what they preach.

Prayer Requests

One of the most common topics at the Acorn Cafe is the prayer request, of which there are countless thousands, with more coming everyday. A Rangerphile will create one of these topics purely for attention. The resulting thread is a gigantic circle jerk of fail and Gadget rape. A typical prayer request is a reliable source of much lulz:

	“	"I ask because my mother has to report in for a colonoscopy, tomorrow. It's a thoroughly unpleasant experience from what I know of it, and she's more than a little upset over having to have it done."	„
	—RangerReady23

	“	"As of this past weekend I no longer have a computer. Though it was only two years old and brought brand new it died on me. If I want to remain online at all I'll have to buy a new computer, which I absolutely did not need to deal with at this time, but that's how it's turned out. In fact, I'll probably have to do a bit of belt tightening if I pull it off at all. Until further notice please send me no e-mails or PM's as I won't be in a position to read them. Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. I know I don't hang out here very much any more, but I'll miss you just the same. The saddest thing about this whole business is that my videos, music, and documents (including fan fics) are stuck on the motherboard of the old computer where they can't be accessed. Maybe one day I'll learn the importance of backing up things."	„
	—Enduring Man-Child

	“	"don't forget... your local library's not a bad place for free 15 mins-hour of internet. Just remember to wash your handsafterwards!"	„
	—pupspals

The other Rangerphiles will then clasp hands, which they call "paws" because they are delusional furries that claim to be Christian, and pray together. Since Jesus Christ hates Rangerphiles and never answers them, they are left deeply upset and confused.

Drama Between Forums

Well I'll be a son of a bitch.

The Ranger(pedo)philes frequently claim to be the only forum full of furfags obsessed with the Rescue Rangers. When another site, Chip 'n' Dale Online, was created and claimed sole fapping rights, not to mention had an extensive section about the pre-Ranger Chip and Dale cartoons which are actually good, much drama ensued. The Rangerphiles bawwwed and immediately hid their Gadget porn. Lulz was had when they found out that a user at Chip 'n' Dale Online was a known /b/tard. The Rangerphiles completely shit themselves. They accused Chip 'n' Dale Online of being full of "channers." When Ray Jones announced that he was going to stop drawing Rule 34, there was a major eruption of butthurt. Now without Gadget pron, the Rangerphiles blamed Chip 'n' Dale Online and continued to believe that they were a part of anonymous.

When it seemed like all the drama had finally died down, a user from Chip 'n' Dale Online edited the Acorn Cafe article on a fandom wiki, stating that the Rangerphiles were a bunch of Christ-loving homophobes who wanted to both rape Gadget and have Chip fondle their assholes. As expected, massive amounts of butthurt followed. The Rangerphiles cried that it was an act of vandalism. Some went even as far as tracking the user's IP address so they could locate him and punish him accordingly. This failed miserably and the Rangerphiles went back to reading Cheer Up Gadget to make themselves feel better. While Chip 'n' Dale Online itself is no better than the Acorn Cafe as it claims to be, major lulz ensues whenever the site is proclaimed as being superior to the Acorn Cafe. Spamming the Acorn Cafe with pro Chip 'n' Dale Online banners will result in instant deletion. Some Rangerphiles will even go into a tirade about how the Acorn Cafe has been around for ten years, exposing themselves yet again as the obsessive sick fucks that they are.

• The Acorn Cafe has gots officials!

• Oh golly, vandalism on my Internets?!

• Chip 'n' Dale Online, filled with butthurt Rangerphiles and other furfags.

R.A.G.E

...and yet she's still topless in the picture.

In an attempt to cover up their sick and twisted obsession over Gadget, the Rangerphiles created a group called R.A.G.E, short for Rangerphiles Against Gadget Erotica. This group is full of failure and its page includes such retarded and lulzy statements as:

• Pornography as a whole demeans women, objectifying them.
• Gadget herself would be against her naked body being plastered all over the Internet.
• Giving Gadget the body parts of a human while her male companions are free to go pantless without scandal is an unfair double standard.
• We hate to see our caring, kind, brilliant Gadget turned into image meant solely to arouse people. She is much more than just a body.

The Rangerphiles aren't fooling anyone. They want to fap to Gadget and will willingly give Ray Jones a blumpkin for some Rule 34. Furthermore, it just goes to show just how delusional and sick these people are if they honestly try to take into consideration the opinion of a cartoon character who's not even real.

As for the Rangerphile opinion on the matter:

	“	"If you don't like it, don't look at it, and don't judge others who happen to do like it."	„
	—Syaoran_2001

	“	"Same goes for Nazis, Syaoran?"	„
	—Sinclair, bringing Godwin's into a debate about sweet anthropomorphic toon mouse bootie

Note: It is very lulzy when a group of people form an organization to troll themselves.

• R.A.G.E

The Golden Acorn Awards

Every year, the Rangerphiles have an awards ceremony, an extravaganza of self-indulgent fail that was purposely started to make themselves feel better about their collectively pathetic existence. This "awards show" is made up of roleplaying where all the Rangerphiles present take turns fucking Gadget, give out awards that nobody gives a shit about, and fuck Gadget some more. When that's done, they repeat it all, only this time letting Chip fuck them.

The categories for this "awards show" business consist of crappy fanfiction and shitty artwork. Every award always go to Ray Jones since he's the Rangerphile God. The ceremony always ends with a lulzy rendition of the show's theme song and a communal bath in the blood of the children whose childhood they destroyed.

Some of the "awards" include:

• Shittiest Story
• Worst Author
• Best use of Rule 34 involving Gadget
• Lifetime faggotry Award
• Best use of Rule 34 involving Chip
• Best Nutcase (Who's the biggest sick fuck)

When a Rangerphile wins one of these prestigious awards, they will unfailingly shit their pants with ecstasy and actually write out an acceptance speech...for a fake award that no one else on the planet has ever heard of. The actual content of the aforementioned acceptance speeches generally go something like this:

	“	Crikey. And I don't use that word often! Thanks so much, gang. These awards mean a lot to me. An awful lot. And I know this one means a lot to somebody else, too. Give a big hand for the one who really won it...Reguba, son of Reguba, squirrel warrior supreme! Take a bow, big guy! In addition to that...even though he'll probably never read about these awards, I'd like to thank the indomitable Mr. Brian Jacques, for creating the sparkling, lively world that we call Redwall. It's an ongoing story like no other, and it's done worlds of contributing to my own. Thank you, sir! Hurr, et be a gurt h'onor, burr aye!	„
	—RangerReady23

The Kind of Bullshit That Wins These Awards

The story being referenced (featuring RangerReady23's favourite yiffy sex toy "Reguba"), can be found here. In the story, Chip has married and (very promptly) knocked up Gadget...and then some yiff-fuck named Reguba shows up. Or something. Anyway it's total crap but it won wild praise, which gives some idea of how Rangerphiles reward each other's "efforts", despite the fact that everytime one of them writes a "fanfic" it inevitably finishes as something excruciatingly terrible.

This is from what won that Golden Acorn Award that RangerReady23 was emptying his balls all over the room for:

	“	“Come, fell beasts! Come, and meet your doom at the hands of Reguba, son of Reguba, warrior of the squirrelclan of Essex!” The cats, seemingly impressed by this display, moved in. Reguba tore into them like a whirling dervish, his staff flashing in an arc of silver light, ripping circuitry and hull-metal wherever it struck, driven by his incredible strength. Looking on from his own escape, Monty’s ingrained punchiness took over. “Strike me starkers, oi’ve got ta get inta that!”	„
	—Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers: Generations, Chapter VI, by RangerReady23

You just can't make this crap up.

The Lamest Threads From the Lamest Forum

• What to do in the event of a troll invasion

• You know your obsession for Gadget gets abnormal when...

• 10th Year anniversary. Ten years. Ten FUCKING years.

• What Have You Done to Grow The Fandom?

Rangerfags React to ED

Mousefuckers mean serious fucking business.

When they found out about this article, the Rangerphiles became extremely butthurt. Some threatened to sue for defamation and slander while one Rangerphile by the name of Racebest went as far as creating an account on ED just so that he could blank the article. Epic failure ensued and he went crying back to Grandpa Ray for some Gadget pron. The Rangerphiles continued to bawww before going back to fapping to Rule 34 when they realized that they're sick pedophiles regardless.

	“	I think I know what is, it's probably some punk kids in college, high school or middle school, or the kind that's on drugs or smokes and drinks that put this site together just so they can have people and things to proke fun of.	„
	—B Walmer

Note: He mentioned that they're probably some punk kids in college while he uses "proke" twice in the same post.

	“	True, we could ignore them, but I don't think we should. I would almost say we should take a cue from the Church of Scientology, create bogus accounts and blank that page. Maybe this is a bit of an extreme measure to some people, but I DO NOT appreciate someone comparing us to child molesters simply because we love the Rescue Rangers!	„
	—Gay Bennett

	“	This whole site must be taken down, no matter what. They're not only flaming and utterly lying, they're also posting erotica!	„
	—Sinclair

	“	You can't fight a website like that without big money and powerful lawyers. Someday they'll provoke the wrong person, and perhaps get taken down.	„
	—Framwinkle

	“	If anything, this is something to pray about.	„
	—Gay Bennett

	“	I would love to smack them around for being so rude.	„
	—justin82

	“	Ignore it...these are just "children" that never got attention when they were young. They'll probably die off in a few years from all the drugs they're ingesting.	„
	—Racebest

	“	What other explanation could there be other than...THEY'RE CLOSET RANGERPHILES!	„
	—Racebest

	“	The only ones who both would want to shut it down and are powerful enough to do so are the Church of Scientology, and I don't want to join forces with that bunch.	„
	—Midnight Man

	“	Some of these people even performed acts of physical violence against their victims and/or their family in at least one case. For the lulz.	„
	—Midnight Man

In what is becoming a daily lulzfest, the Rangerphiles have "discovered" this article yet again. As usual, massive butthurt ensued:

	“	According to the disclaimer, it's a parody site, designed to poke fun at the Internet communities and memes. The one about Rangerphiles goes way beyond any kind of satire or humor. It basically accuses us of any number of truly disgusting things. Anything we can do about it?	„
	—Stainless Steel Rat

	“	Not much we can do. Their whole 'thing' is to (in their minds, comically) reduce a group to a stereotype complete with attributes ascribed purely on the basis of personal or pop-cultural biases instead of facts, and as such, they're intensely bigoted and of completely immutable mind. We cannot reach them by reason, and they're legally protected by the First Amendment, so there are no real routes by legal force, either. However... They've also never been able to harm or disrupt this community significantly, so I'm not so sure anything they do should really mean anything to us in the larger picture.	„
	—Winston, who tries to be smart...

	“	So this is all I have to say to those of them who might be watching: Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!	„
	—...but ends up tarding out.

	“	Wish I'd never even seen that. Gonna puke.	„
	—lane83ky

	“	I know how you feel, Lane. The first time I read that page, I felt like I'd been slimed and needed to go take a shower. Uggh! I wish there was some way to file libel or slander complaints against them. I notice that they've added my (human) picture to to the article, make fun of my name and accuse me of abusing my pet rat to death. Shows what they know (which is not much). P.S. If whoever wrote that entry about me happens to read this (and I'm sure they will), if all I've done by a being a prolific poster here is draw the ire of morons like you, then I'm proud that I've made you waste your time with a pathetic attempt to insult me. Good day, and maybe you should do yourself a favor and stick to playing with your Barbie dolls, little boy.	„
	—Gay Bennet

	“	Ah, yes. Every once in a while, a Rangerphile discovers the infamous ED article. Well, as already said, we know about it, we've known about it for quite a long time, and not few of us (at least I hope they're more than just me) knows the entire back story behind the creation of this article which I won't post publicly. Just so much: The ED article and last year's attacks (I hope they haven't gone past you unnoticed, too, Stainless) have to do with each other.	„
	—Midnight Man

	“	This is the typical ED-scenario: 1. anonymous ED-member writes/updates article about victim 2. anon ED-member notifies victim via via. 3. ???? 4. PROFIT!	„
	—Robert A. Iger

	“	Look at it like this: when you're featured on ED, you know you're a hardcore Rangerphile.	„
	—Robert A. Iger

	“	I certainly don't like what they post there, but knowing that I, God and Gadget know the truth is enough.	„
	—Sinclair, equating Gadget with the divine.

	“	Bashin furfagz: Ur doin it rong!	„
	—Midnight Man

	“	Even all bad publicity is publicity. One of the first marketing principles.	„
	— Robert A. Iger, who believes that the "marketing" a bunch of furfags, a shitty cartoon, and the lamest forum on the Internets will attract more people.

	“	I want to take a shower. Not just that, but burn my fedora, shred my bomber jacket, rinse out my mouth, and sit in a sweat lodge to remove that poison from my soul. I will dress in sackcloth and ashes, praying for the souls of these poor deviant Rangerphiles, piteous as they are.	„
	—AQD_Robert, basically trolling himself and the rest of the Rangerphiles.

	“	Be careful where you follow channers. Eventually, you gotta call a halt, or you'll end up somewhere yo don't wanna go.	„
	—Anorca, giving a miraculous display of common sense.

Note: Jgoober is a Rangerphile who wants all of you to know:

	“	Before you continue to read this piece of shit article, I should like to inform that it is pure bullshit made up by some sissy prick faggot fucker who loves to shove their own cock up their ass. Its not worth one bit of your time. Now please, continue if you wish.	„

You can leave him a message or some AIDS on his user talk page here. Realizing that he had failed miserably, Jgoober made another ED account under the subtle name of Jgoober2 cause he is just so smartz. Also banned. Lulz.

Enemies of the Lulz

Most Rangerphiles are just sick fucks who want to have sex with mice and underage squirrels. Surprisingly, there are some Rangerfags who are much worse than the rest. These particular Rangerphiles are well known for their faggotry, noted for being absolute sick fucks like Ray Jones or complete douchebags.

Gay Bennet

An absolute fuckstain who fails miserably at life. Like all Rangerfags, Gay Bennett discovered this article and shit bricks. But not content with bawwwing and going back to jacking off to Gadget scat like the rest of the rangerphiles, Gay Bennett tried to take matters into his own sticky, cum-filled hands. Creating over 9000 sockpuppet accounts, Gay Bennett constantly spammed the page with failed results. And every time a couple EDiots reverted the page, which Gay Bennett was too retarded to realize, they proceeded to remind him of his faggotry. Butthurt, Gay Bennett spammed their userpages and claimed victory. Yet again, a fucktard like Gay Bennett failed to realize that anything that's vandalized can be reverted instantly. And every time he vandalized the rangerphile page or an EDiot's userpage, he was immediately raped by the banhammer. Unsatisfied with his repeated failures, the EDiots plastered his userpages with Gadget porn, which were usually from the sickening works of Ray Jones. Gay Bennett also claims that his real name is Gabe Bennett and that anonymous is just making fun of him. But his name is, in fact, Gay Bennett. He also raped his pet rat to death. This is also a fact.

Gallery of Shame

Like any obsessed fan of a bunch of rabid mice would do, Rangerphiles enjoy showing off their amazing art skills through fanart. However, because Rangerphiles are sick, twisted individuals, they feel the need to undress these small rodents and portray them acting out their sick fetishes. Truly disgusting.

Rangerphile artwork of fail About missing Pics

• 
  RIDE ME BITCH! by Alex, AGE:25
• 
  OMG I LUV U! by Alex, AGE:25
• 
  SWEET ANTHROPOMORPHIC TOON MOUSE BOOTIE! by Ray, Age:54
• 
  Gadget Cobain by Morgan, AGE:25
• 
  PUTURFOOTINMAHVAG!!! Morgan, AGE:25
• 
  Poop is Kawaii ^_^ by Morgan, AGE:25
• 
  Rain? by Morgan, AGE:25
• 
  OH GOLLY! OH GOLLY! OH GOLLY!

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Golly, fucking human style is so much fun!
• 
  Bang bang, childhood memories are raped by a finger.
• 
  Little does Gadget know that it's Ray Jones disguised as a giant nigger cock.
• 
  Maybe Ray will bite her urethra.
• 
  Alex tries to outdo Ray's urethra fetish with some vore, but fails miserably.
• 
  The Acorn Cafe is generally noted for being one of the friendliest communities on the Internet.
• 
  Surprise buttsecks!
• 
  Rangerphiles want to fuck underage squirrels.
• 
  Alex again, only this time he's brought dongs.
• 
  Happy Mother's Day!
• 
  The only way he can get any attention.
• 
  So cold sweat is pouring from his face...
• 
• 
  Gadget sexing up a bus.
• 
  Fucking emo.
• 
  Doesn't look like a ghost to me.
• 
  Raep time for a Rangerphile.
• 
  Raep time for Ray Jones.
• 
  Part two.
• 
  Hide your eyes!
• 
  No you're not.
• 
  Conjuring up some form of fail.
• 
  A typical rangerphile comic: no one can tell what the fuck is going on.
• 
  Lolwut?
• 
  Bondage.
• 
  Scandalous!

Gallery of ULTIMATE Shame

• 
  Oh, a Gadget cult. Cool.
• 
  This is Framwinkle. He wants to fuck them both.
• 
  Mormon Rangerphile wedding. (Left to right: celebrated homophobe Framwinkle, Stacey, age 14, and Dr. Indy, a generic furfag). Stacey and Framwinkle met on The Acorn Cafe and were engaged right after their first meeting.
• 
  This is Jeff Parkes. He's a fucking ginger.
• 
  RangerReady23, A fat fuck with a fedora.
• 
  Campisi, whose audition for Brokeback Mountain was an epic fail.
• 
  Tamira and Squeak, two epically pathetic Rangerphiles who fell in "love" on the Acorn Cafe.
• 
  Like many wanted criminals, Midnight Man has no picture to go by -- but at least we have totally super cool avatar!
• 
  Also like Midnight Man, no pictures of Racebest seem to exist. But since his fursona is a fucking platypus, it's probably for the best.
• 
  CrashBurn, the definitive example of a typical Rangerphile. Notice how dirty and grimy the Gadget doll is compared to the others. Hmm...
• 
  Gay Bennett and his pet rodent, who later died in mysterious circumstances.
• 
  bock's car, who competes with Ray Jones for the title of senile old fuck with a Gadget obsession.
• 
  The actions of Severe Weather Eddie after this photo caused the theme park to add a new policy about groping costumed employees.
• 
  ksharbaugh, writes terrible fanfic about Gadget getting brutally raped.
• 
  Yep. This evidence seems to support that claim.
• 
  Chairman Kaga, a fat fuck who maintains the website. Constantly begs for money and loves Gadget pron almost as much as fast food.
• 
  Enduring Man Child. Extremely aptly named senile Ultra-Orthodox Jew with a Foxglove obsession.
• 
  Neal_Wolf. "Letting my Rangerphile flag fly full force."
• 
  Sinclair with Crashburn's semen-encrusted Gadget doll. The original filename for this was 'Best_day_of_my_life.jpg', I shit you not.

Videos

Did you know that Rangerphiles make music videos too?

Previous Video | Next Video

The Moar You Know: Rangerphile Edition

DID YOU KNOW...

• That Talk like Gadget Day is August 7th?

• That June 12th is Gadget's Day?

• That WildIrishRose is a self-proclaimed Dr. Indy Fan?

• That the Rangerphiles are FULLY PREPARED to defend themselves in the event of a possible troll invasion because of these flawless instructions?

• That Sweet Foxy Pie is a Rangerphile euphemism for sweet anthropomorphic toon bat pussy?

• That no one has donated money to the Co$ Acorn Cafe since MAY 2008??????!?!?

Choice Rangerphile Quotes

• Rejoice! For today it's Gadget's Day! Praise Our Lady of the Workshop! [1]

• Speaking of starships, let me quote something from DS9.

• It is difficult to grasp the concept of being "too much of a Gadgetphile."

• Golly!

• We are generally noted for being one of the friendliest communities on the internet. [2]

• For president I'm writing in "Gadget Hackwrench" in November.

• If I were in the show, I'm pretty sure she [Gadget] would find me creepy because a lot of people find me creepy because I look at them when they are speaking.

THE GOD-EMPEROR OF ALL RANGERPHILES

The one and only Ray Jones himself. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...it does.

See Also

• Bronies, the inevitable succesors of Rangerphiles.

Join the Party!

• The Acorn Cafe
• Rangerphile Listing, where it can be clearly seen there's too damn many of them.

Rangerphile is part of a series on Furfaggotry Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage.

Rangerphile is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article June 25, 2008
Preceded by Billy Mays	Rangerphile	Succeeded by The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz