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Killdozer: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 22:57, 29 December 2023
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Killdozer. Say it to yourself. KILLDOZER!
The name exudes an aura of badassery, and with good reason; pictured above is the kind of fucking awesomeness you're up against should you decide to cross the path of the Killdozer... part-man, part-machine.
On June 4, 2004, a man in Granby, Colorado exacted his revenge against the local government and a poorly-positioned concrete factory being built adjacent to his muffler shop. That man was Marvin Heemeyer, and his revenge was the Killdozer. Deep inside the Killcave, he spent several months armoring the Killdozer with chunks of concrete and steel plating. He also installed several video cameras on the outside of his creation so he could see where he was going without being shot; meaning he intended to do some serious damage. On the fateful day he decided to let loose his monstrosity, many on the Internet closely followed this man's raging protest, as his armor-plated bulldozer destroyed the homes and businesses of those who had wronged him.
Killdozer's Day
Granby is a town in the middle of the bumfuck Rocky Mountains whose whole population consists of 10 houses, 4 feral cats and a handful of sheep. During Killdozer's attack, the military considered airlifting in small tank weaponry, until they learned the city they'd be defending was Granby, so the city was conceded to Killdozer. Because of this, Heemeyer's quest to destroy the town was almost a total success. Sadly, he ran over 2 of the feral cats.
One would think someone like Heemeyer was either insane or evil, but he is hailed as a hero by many, even though his trail of destruction left no one harmed in its wake. Goons in particular loved him and his actions, and reported on the events in a huge thread and several websites devoted to the Killdozer.
An Hero is Born
After Killdozer experienced some engine trouble, its operator realized he could no longer cut a swath of chaos though Colorado, and took his own life. It took police two days to gain entrance to the steel/concrete-armored bulldozer. In the spring of 2005 Granby officials dismantled Killdozer and sold the parts to several different scrapyards, afraid fans would reassemble the pieces and go nuts on their own. Which is a shame cuz that would have looked totally kick ass on my lawn.
— Ted Wang, Mayor of Granby, Colorado | ||
Graded Score:
| Graded score | |
|---|---|
| Kill count: | 0/20 |
| Accuracy: | 4/20 Barely destroyed half of the buildings, plus managed to get stuck in a basement |
| Style: | 20/20 Decided to get revenge WITHOUT guns and used a more creative way |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 |
| Bonus: | 20/20 Bonus for An Hero |
| Total score: 64/100 (D) | |
See Also
External Links
- Killdozer (band) - Obviously influenced by the Killdozer itself, listening to Killdozer completely demolish such shitty music as
American Pie on their For Ladies Only album can result in irreparable brain ruin. Here is one example of Killdozer's music. - Baneblade
- News footage of Heemeyer trolling Granby with the Killdozer.
- Something Awful's Killdozer thread (archives access required)
- Thread after Heemeyer's death. (archives access required)
