Chair: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 08:09, 7 April 2013

Did You Know: This page proves you can write an article on any shitty subject?

One of the most interesting and exciting objects in the world, a chair is being crushed by your fat ass right now. This marvel of modern engineering is a shining example of how retarded the internet is. A normal person may wonder who the fuck would write a blog about a chair, but as we all know on these fine tubes, normal people don't exist. Unsurprisingly there's a website called chairblog.eu and over 56 million pages come up when you Google chair blog. Oh, and look, here's a blog about buying a chair off Craigslist.

While scientists have worked for centuries optimizing the chair's functionality in supporting your fat ass as you eat nachos and play WoW, they have many other uses. Chairs are one of the world's most easily accessible weapons. Commonly used in jails by The Man to execute innocent people, they are also used to break windows and even as makeshift splintery dildos.

Types Of Chairs

LOLCHAIRs, they laugh at you.
Electric chairs, they kill you in jail.
Chairs with slats, they trap your balls.
Silverchairs, they are used by male anorexics to become emo.
Your chair, used by your cat to vomit on.
Wheelchairs, used by retards to run over your head, creating a new retard.
Rocking chairs, used by your alcoholic grandfather to beat you.
Rape chairs, used by your alcoholic grandfather to rape you.
Why don't you take a seat over there?
THEN WHO WAS CHAIR?
I love lamp! And I love chair! WHOA HO! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!

The Sex Chair

Look what else there is! Sex furniture. God knows what the fuck a sex chair is but it's sure to be covered in semen and misery.

	“	I frequently evaluate sex chairs, other sex furniture and adult toys which promise better stimulation of the g-spot, deeper penetration and better sex. Great sex is all about angles, and nothing rivals the LuvSeat for helping couples achieve the most and best angles for lovemaking	„
	—luvseat.com(lol broken)

Fetishes

Do you have a sexy, sexy chair fetish? Why yes! There are others like you! You can find sites like this if you're a nerd and this if you're a sick fuck. The internet, it truly has something for everyone.

	“	Can't find a place to tie your partner up? No worries, we've designed the perfect inflatable chair that not only has restraints but it breaks down for easy storage in your drawer, closet or under the bed. Inflate it and have your lover at your mercy with restraints for the wrists, arms and ankles.	„
	—risqueboutique.com(lol broken)

Sexual Position

	“	An uncommon sexual position, where the willing or usually unwilling participant is strapped into a lawn chair (the conventional method is duct tape but varied uses have included rope, electrical cords and Christmas lights.) The person is then flipped upside down and a hole is cut out of the seat, exposing the person's anus and/or genitalia, creating a make-shift glory hole for instant gratification. Common practice is to "chair" outside but the more bashful often commence the activity in the garage or pool house.	„
	—Urban Dictionary

Chair Sniffing

Australia's favorite pastime, chair sniffing was made popular by Liberal Party of Australia Western Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell. This of course caused lulz and fapping all around the cunt-tree.

A very delicate and intensely personal process, chair sniffing is best done directly after that hot young thing in your office vacates said chair, but not before she leaves. You then make orgasmic noises and touch yourself while she looks on in horror. Always remember to disable any security cameras. Use the tears as lube.

	“	"Buswell opened the door really wide, grabbed a chair and started sniffing it, lifted it above his head sniffing it and breathing in, going 'aaww yeah'," the woman said.	„
	—Female Staff Member, news.com.au

Gallery

About missing Pics

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

There's an entire ED article about a chair that looks like it's smiling...
Chairs are pretty awesome.
I'm intrigued, count me in.
Sit on me dude, oooh yeah.
This stupid article is getting out of hand.
Captain awesome says hello.
LOLWUT?
Fags like it up the chair.
A cat is fine too.
Behold Technology in all its glory.

Videos

Chairs used for Violence

Jousting

Rowing

Lacrosse

Previous Video | Next Video

External Links

Chair
is part of a series on

Life

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See Also	The Comprehensive Guide To Life • Cupcake Thief • Curvy • Hero • IRL • King Of The Nerds • List of Proposed Internet-Based IRL Communities • Minimalism • Night Auditor • Pain (Physical) • Pokémon Go

Featured article August 20, 2010
Preceded by Resume	Chair	Succeeded by The Rejection Line

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{| style="background-color:F9F9F9; border: 1px solid #AAAAAA" ; align="center"
+{{fyi|This page proves you can write an article on any shitty subject?}}
-|-
+[[Image:Photo.tank.chair.jpg|200px|right]]
-|align="center"|[[Image:Moarknow.png|150px|æ The Moar You Know]]
-|align="left"|<big><big>Did you know</big></big><br/>'''that...''' This page proves you can write an article on any shitty subject?
-|}
-[[Image:LOLchair.jpg|thumb|left|There's an entire ED article about [[LOLCHAIR|a chair that looks like it's smiling]]...]]
-[[Image:Lolchairawsm.jpg|thumb|Chairs are pretty [[awesome]].]]
-[[Image:Dildo Chair.gif|thumb|Type of chair most often used by [[Crazyconan]].]]
-[[Image:Photo.tank.chair.jpg|thumb|FUCK YEAH!]]
-[[Image:Tantra chair.jpg|thumb|I'm intrigued, count me in.]]
-[[Image:Strap-On-Chair-Annika-Schmidt.jpg|thumb|Sit on me dude, oooh yeah.]]
-[[Image:Chair Fetish.jpg|thumb|This stupid article is getting out of hand.]]
-[[Image:Office-chair-bike.jpg|thumb|Captain awesome says hello.]]
-[[Image:Strange chair.jpg|thumb|LOLWUT?]]
-[[Image:Art chair.jpg|thumb|Fags like it up the chair.]]
-[[Image:Chair Cat.jpg|thumb|[[A cat is fine too]].]]
-[[Image:Surf_chair.jpg|thumb|Behold Technology in all its glory.]]
-[[Image:Ded_electric_chair.JPG|thumb|OH SHI-]]
-[[Image:Holy-chair.jpg|thumb|Proof that [[Christians]] are modern people.]]
-[[File:Mein Kamphy Chair.jpg|thumb|SEIG HEIL.]]
 One of the most [[no|interesting and exciting]] objects in the world, a '''chair''' is being crushed by [[you]]r fat ass right now. This marvel of modern [[engineer]]ing is a shining example of how retarded the internet is. A [[normal]] person may wonder who the fuck would write a blog about a chair, but as we all know on these fine [[tubes]], normal people don't exist. Unsurprisingly there's a website called [http://www.chairblog.eu/ chairblog.eu] and over 56 million pages come up when you [[Google]] chair blog. Oh, [http://katieschwartz.blogspot.com/2008/08/no-more-chair-drama.html and look], here's a blog about buying a chair off [[Craigslist]].
@@ Line 26: / Line 6: @@
 ==Types Of Chairs==
 *[[LOLCHAIR]]s, they laugh at you.
 *[[murder|Electric chairs]], they kill you in jail.
@@ Line 38: / Line 17: @@
 *THEN WHO WAS [[Phone|CHAIR]]?
 *[[Living On A Prayer|I love lamp! And I love chair! WHOA HO! LIVIN' ON A PRAYER!]]
-==Chairs used for Violence==
-This is pretty much self-explanatory.
-<center>{{frame|<youtube>JR7smaXyV-w</youtube>|border=#330000|background=#330000}}</center>
-==Comfy Chairs==
-<center>{{frame|<youtube>vBTgFkQskQc</youtube>|border=#330000|background=#330000}}</center>
-==Office Olympics==
-Probably the greatest-ever use of a chair, the Office Olympics have been getting people fired for [[at least 100 years]]. There are a shit load of viral videos full of these events.
-===Jousting===
-<center>{{frame|<youtube>mkxMbuBMw60</youtube>|border=#330000|background=#330000}}</center>
-===Rowing===
-<center>{{frame|<youtube>tp9bYVvQrMQ</youtube>|border=#330000|background=#330000}}</center>
-===Lacrosse===
-<center>{{frame|<youtube>_a9BfeQxkeE</youtube>|border=#330000|background=#330000}}</center>
 ==The Sex Chair==
+[[Image:Dildo Chair.gif|200px|right]]
 Look what else there is! Sex furniture. God knows what the fuck a sex chair is but it's sure to be covered in semen and misery.
@@ Line 69: / Line 30: @@
 ===Sexual Position===
 {{quote|An uncommon sexual position, where the willing or usually unwilling participant is strapped into a lawn chair (the conventional method is duct tape but varied uses have included rope, electrical cords and Christmas lights.) The person is then flipped upside down and a hole is cut out of the seat, exposing the person's anus and/or genitalia, creating a make-shift glory hole for instant gratification. Common practice is to "chair" outside but the more bashful often commence the activity in the garage or pool house.|Urban Dictionary}}
 ===Chair Sniffing===
-[[File:Troy Buswell Thinking About Chairs.jpg|thumb|Troy Buswell Thinking About Chairs.]]
 [[Australia]]'s favorite pastime, chair sniffing was made popular by [[Liberal Party of Australia]] Western Australian Opposition Leader Troy Buswell. This of course caused [[lulz]] and [[fap|fapping]] all around the cunt-tree.
@@ Line 80: / Line 38: @@
 {{quote|"Buswell opened the door really wide, grabbed a chair and started sniffing it, lifted it above his head sniffing it and breathing in, going 'aaww yeah'," the woman said.|Female Staff Member|[http://www.news.com.au/chair-sniffer-was-in-mock-sexual-ecstasy/story-e6frfkp9-1111116260465 news.com.au]}}
-==This Chair==
-Disappear.  [http://4chanarchive.org/brchive/dspl_thread.php5?thread_id=5521701&x=hey+shiki+fuck+you This chair is an eyesore].  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair.  This chair!
 ==Gallery==
-{{cg|Ass Pleasures|asspleasure|center|<gallery>
+{{cg||Gallery|center|<gallery perrow="5">
-File:Chair Article Reaction.jpg|The Correct response to reading this article
+File:Chair with wheels + Leaf blower.gif
-File:Chair Collector.jpg|The incorrect repsonse
+File:Gamer chair.gif
-File:Correctly Configured Woman.jpg|A correctly configured woman
+File:Fat.gif
-File:Raysis Couch.JPG|(click to enlarge) Chairs can be racist like everyone else
+File:Chair trolling.gif
-</gallery>|<gallery>
+File:Running from chair.gif
-File:Cycle Chair.JPG|Women are [[in the kitchen|known for multi-tasking]]
+</gallery>|<gallery perrow="5">
-File:Toilet Chair.JPG|Convenient
+Image:LOLchair.jpg|There's an entire ED article about [[LOLCHAIR|a chair that looks like it's smiling]]...
-File:Dick Chair.jpg|A wonderful place to put your ass
+Image:Lolchairawsm.jpg|Chairs are pretty [[awesome]].
-File:Evil Chair.jpg|MWAHAHAHA!
+Image:Tantra chair.jpg|I'm intrigued, count me in.
-File:Rocket Chair.PNG|VROOOOOOOOOOM!
+Image:Strap-On-Chair-Annika-Schmidt.jpg|Sit on me dude, oooh yeah.
-File:Anus Chair.jpg|I came buckets
+Image:Chair Fetish.jpg|This stupid article is getting out of hand.
-File:Gun Chair.jpg|The chair perferred by [[Eppigy]]
+Image:Office-chair-bike.jpg|Captain awesome says hello.
+Image:Strange chair.jpg|LOLWUT?
+Image:Art chair.jpg|Fags like it up the chair.
+Image:Chair Cat.jpg|[[A cat is fine too]].
+Image:Surf_chair.jpg|Behold Technology in all its glory.
 </gallery>}}
+==Videos==
+<center>{{fv|Videos|background-color: white;|font-weight: bold;
+|<youtube>JR7smaXyV-w</youtube><center>'''Chairs used for Violence'''</center>
+|<youtube>mkxMbuBMw60</youtube><center>'''Jousting'''</center>
+|<youtube>tp9bYVvQrMQ</youtube><center>'''Rowing'''</center>
+|<youtube>_a9BfeQxkeE</youtube><center>'''Lacrosse'''</center>
+}}</center>
 ==See Also==
@@ Line 111: / Line 78: @@
 *[http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_deckchair.shtml Deck Chair Sex Position]
-{{Why is there an article}}
+{{life}}
 {{Timeline|Featured article August 20, [[2010]]|[[Resume]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[The Rejection Line]]}}
 [[Category:Locations]]
-[[Category:Sex]]
 [[Category:IRL Shit]]
 [[Category:Galleries]]

Chair: Difference between revisions

Latest revision as of 08:09, 7 April 2013

Contents

Types Of Chairs