Snitch (person)

This article is about the troll named Snitch. For a list of snitches, see narc

Conceived as a bastard offspring from the copulation of a New Jersey Jewess and a Sam's Club 40 gallon vat of crisco, many followers of Kaballah consider snitch to be a Fat Golem. Due to his unfortunate genetics and high trans-fat content he has been banned from being served in restaurants in New York City.

A portrait of failed lulz

please feed me I'm fucking starving

snitch is an internet troll who fails to understand that lulz require that you actually be funny. To compound his affliction of faggotry he also carries the title of Worlds Most Sensitive Troll. All one has to do to get him lividly angry is say something about his mom, his rampant drug use, or mention that he's been convicted of a violent crime. It is clear to see that when one cannot handle the lulz of others it is a poor choice to engage in counter lullification.

snitch has gone by the handles cpio and stamina on the internet before, the googling of which reveals his rich history of packetting people on the internets. snitch is one of the few people who actually understands how serious the internet is. This is a man who is highly clever and fearsome in the same way that Armenians don't stink like shit. To prove his unflinching immunity to criticism he will probably claim that this article is defamation.

The great snitch self-ruin of '07

snitch draws his power from a mesh hat given to him by Malaclypse the Younger

In March of '07 snitch became enraged in an irc chatroom because militant pointed out that he's a drug addict criminal. He then proceeded to stalk one of the main ops in that channel, Dead-Bum, because apparently other people criticizing him is serious fucking business. Shortly thereafter snitch went around to multiple irc networks and channels and dropped Dead-Bum's docs. This is surely a terrible fate for Dead-Bum except that he's not a 16 year old girl. Perhaps because snitch still lives with his mom he thinks that this is maxruin.

snitch would probably have gotten away with his doc dropping non troll without counter lullification by Dead-Bum, however he made a critical mistake, likely brought about by his severe mental retardation. You see, after all this drama snitch continued to use a link on Dead-Bum's webserver that linked to last measure. This move is the prototypical snitch troll;

• Go into channel

• wait for people to ask for picture

• post URL to snitch.png

• link actually redirects to last measure

• lulz, rinse, repeat

Dead-Bum noticed that snitch.png was continuing to show up in his webserver logs, meaning snitch was continuing to post it for mediocre irc lulz, even though he had no control over where the link would point. Dead-Bum decided to have some fun with all this. Since snitch has the internet popularity of a heterosexual at a Linux User Group it was not difficult to dig up pictures, and personal details about him from the plethora of his past enemies. All of this delightful information was photochopped into a humorous picture of him featuring his man breasts, and then snitch.png was changed from last measure to redirect to the new picture, featured here. (Actual picture was not blurred out in critical areas)

What makes this self-ruin so insidious, is that he continued to post this link over and over again for weeks, never clicking it himself because he assumed it was still last measure and he did not want to be owned. We can imagine the conversations went something like this:

<fagglerock> snitch: you talk so much shit about how $person looks, let's see your pic.
<snitch> ok, hold pls.
<snitch> http://Dead-BumsServer.com/snitch.png
<fagglerock> wtf
<fagglerock> why would you post that?
<snitch> LOL U CLICKED
<snitch> pwned
<fagglerock> you're a dumbass.
<snitch> haha no u

And thus it went for weeks with snitch totally oblivious to his self-ruin and Dead-Bum achieving maxlols without having to lift a finger. The best trolls are the ones that others do for you. The moral of this story is: Man who live in glass house should stop eating so much fucking gravy.

See also

• Food
• Fail Whale

Snitch (person) is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

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