- Portals
- The Current Year
- ED in the News
- Admins
- Help ED Rebuild
- Archive
- ED Bookmarklet
- Donate Bitcoin
Contact an admin on Discord or EDF if you want an account. Also fuck bots.
Dancing with Smurfs: Difference between revisions
imported>Slimbo No edit summary |
No edit summary |
||
(45 intermediate revisions by 21 users not shown) | |||
Line 1: | Line 1: | ||
{{spoiler|JAKE FUCKS THE GIRL THING, THE MEXICAN | {{DISPLAYTITLE:''Dancing with Smurfs''}} | ||
{{spoiler|JAKE FUCKS THE GIRL THING, THE MEXICAN BITCH DIES ALONG WITH RIPLEY AND THE HUMANS GET KICKED OFF THE PLANET WHILE JAKE ADOPTS HIS [[Furfag|FURSONA]] TO LIVE AS A NA'VI IN ORDER TO LIVE FOR ANOTHER SEQUEL!!!!}} | |||
<BR> | <BR> | ||
[[Image:Avatarposter.jpg|thumb|Official film poster]] | |||
[[ | [[Image:Rama_PB25_l.jpg|thumb|left|The OG. Lord Rama, the 7th incarnation (avatar) of the [[Paki|Hindu]] god Vishnu.]] | ||
[[Image:Rama_PB25_l.jpg|thumb|left|The OG. Lord Rama, the 7th incarnation (avatar) of the [[ | |||
[[Image:Smurf-on-na%27vi-action.jpg|thumb|left|''Avatar'' [[Rule 34]] Lite.]] | [[Image:Smurf-on-na%27vi-action.jpg|thumb|left|''Avatar'' [[Rule 34]] Lite.]] | ||
[[Image | [[Image:Bluefrog.png|thumb|[[GET OUT]]]] | ||
[[Image:Mcdonalds-avatar.png|thumb|The Big Mac is the official food of Pandora. RDA's ultimate goal.]] | |||
[[Image: | [[Image:Mudkipchan1.jpg|thumb|left|[[Mudkipchan]]: The first (and hottest) Na'vi.]] | ||
[[Image: | |||
'''Avatar''' ( | '''''Avatar''''' ({{colortext|red|[[Nigger|pronounced Nig-a-tar]]}}) is a remake of the documentary [http://www.crudethemovie.com/about-2/ '''''Crude: The Real Price Of Oil''''']. It is the first of four [[Tl;dw|three-hour long]] [[Acid|3-D]] [[Greenpeace]] commercials from [[James Cameron]] (the guy who made ''[[Shit nobody cares about|Titanic]]'', ''[[Terminator]]'' and ''[[Fail|Piranha: Part Two]]''), a director so talented and visionary that he needed [[TARP|€500,000,000]] ($620 million in [[Amerikkka|'murican money]]) to make a "test movie" with some [[shit]]ty "digital 3D" equipment he made, with a story that rips off Fern Gully, Dancing with Wolves and Pocahontas. It is renowned by many of its [[13-year-old boy|viewers]] for having the best visuals since [[Crysis]]. Millions of dollars and 6,103,493 metric tons of CO2 emissions later, we now have hundreds of [[furfags]] wanting to become [[Niggers|10' tall colored folk who live in jungles]] and ride around on [[FYIAD|pterodactyls]] while [[Trying too hard|trying]] to fight against [[The Man]]. And all of this just to at a later point in James' life make some live action adaptation of a [[manga]] called "[[The Best|Battle Angel Alita]]" by [[Fag|Yukito Kishiro]], and with the same shitty "digital 3D" equipment he used for this movie. Fans of "Battle Angel Alita" raged everywhere when James Cameron announced he would make three more avatar movies before he'd begin to work on BAA, making BAA fanbois wonder if their promised trilogy will end up like another [[Atlas Shrugged|famous movie trilogy]]. | ||
The budget for Avatar is disputed but a [[deep throat]] from [[Tv|/tv/]] states: | The budget for Avatar is disputed but a [[deep throat]] from [[Tv|/tv/]] states: | ||
{{tinyquote|Lets get this straight | {{tinyquote|Lets get this straight | ||
Avatar cost some 500 million euros (remember, it was filmed in Europe) thus adjusted to dollars its budget was about 978,21 million so to make it even it must earn 1.5 times more than its original budget plus its marketing costs. And marketing was humongous abroad, again remember this is the first time India is seeing foreign movie. So marketing was about 100 million in europe (euros of course) 200 million ounces of gold in asia (those countries are very corrupted thus marketing was done by gold) and of course India where production team had to build second Taj Mahal as a gift to Indian people who were victims of american invasion during ww2 and killing all those tribes. Final budget is hard to estimate because Cameron and his russian partners (Titanic was made with russian mafia, remember those boats were all russians) fleed from country with all documents so it is somewhere between 4.3 billion dollars to 5.1 billion dollars so it has to earn about 7 billion to make it even. That is imbossible because foreign countries ticket is around 0.10 cent and there isn't simply enough people to cover all these budget holes what is known as Avatar :( | Avatar cost some 500 million euros (remember, it was filmed in Europe) thus adjusted to dollars its budget was about {{sic|978,21|$97,821}} million so to make it even it must earn 1.5 times more than its original budget plus its marketing costs. And marketing was humongous abroad, again remember this is the first time India is seeing foreign movie. So marketing was about 100 million in europe (euros of course) 200 million ounces of gold in asia (those countries are very corrupted thus marketing was done by gold) and of course India where production team had to build second Taj Mahal as a gift to Indian people who were victims of american invasion during ww2 and killing all those tribes. Final budget is hard to estimate because Cameron and his russian partners (Titanic was made with russian mafia, remember those boats were all russians) {{sic|fleed|fled}} from country with all documents so it is somewhere between 4.3 billion dollars to 5.1 billion dollars so it has to earn about 7 billion to make it even. That is {{sic|imbossible|impossible}} because foreign countries ticket is around 0.10 cent and there isn't simply enough people to cover all these budget holes what is known as Avatar :( | ||
sad really. Maybe I am alone but I kind of liked it. It was semi good peace of cartoon for children.|A fine and informative fellow from /tv/.}} | sad really. Maybe I am alone but I kind of liked it. It was semi good peace of cartoon for children.|A fine and informative fellow from /tv/.}} | ||
== Plot == | == Plot == | ||
[[Image:Avatar_in_a_nutshell.jpg|thumb|right| Avatar in a Nutshell]] | |||
[[Image:OTHERKINAVI.jpg|thumb|left|Otherkins approve of this film.]] | [[Image:OTHERKINAVI.jpg|thumb|left|Otherkins approve of this film.]] | ||
[[Image:Avatar pocahontas.jpg|thumb|Avatar is just [[Disney|Pocahontas]] retooled. '''You know it's true''']] | [[Image:Avatar pocahontas.jpg|thumb|Avatar is just [[Disney|Pocahontas]] retooled. '''You know it's true''']] | ||
[[ | [[Jewnited States of Americunts|A pointlessly evil corporation]] called '''[[IRS|RDA]]''' is hellbent on [[pwn]]ing the [[Hippies|indigenous people]] of the planet Pandora for all their [[Jew Gold|Unobtainium]]. It is never explained what Unobtanium is needed for, but one can presume that—since it's the year [[Battlefield 2142|2154]]—it's high tech [[meth]]. The Jew who's there, Parker Selfridge, says that it's worth [[over 9000]] million dollars per pound, and has Jew for the amount of money that can be made, but his military contractor's leaderfag, Colonel Quaritch, is essentially [[Hal Turner|a warmongering, racist, closet homo redneck maniac]] who just wants to [[Kill it with fire|kill everything with fire]] for the [[lulz]] and assrape Jake Sully, a crippled war vet who's only signed up with the mission to get his penis back. | ||
The indigenous Na'vi prevail but only with the help of that chick Ripley from ''[[Aliens]]'', a traitorous helicopter pilot and a [[jarhead | The indigenous Na'vi prevail but only with the help of that chick Ripley from ''[[Aliens]]'', a traitorous helicopter pilot and a [[jarhead]]ed, [[cripple]]d [[Furfag|species traitor]] who switches sides after [[Bestiality|doing love]] with one of the local Na'vi chicks while he's running around [[Africa|the jungle]] dressed in a Na'vi [[fursuit]] spying on them. Ripley tries to explain that Pandora's trees are [[Internet|neurally interconnected entities]] and they shouldn't fuck with them, but RDA [[Cool story bro|doesn't care]] and starts to [[Lulz|holocaust]] the Na'vi's [[b|tree fort]], [[Happy Tree Friends|''Home Tree'']]. | ||
After [[ | After [[Hugbox|''Home Tree'']] gets nuked by the RDA, the Na'vi turn on Jake Sully as a [[Double nigger|double agent]] for the [[Star Wars|''Skywalkers'']]. However, Jake is already [[pussy whipped]] to the point of no return and determined to prove himself to the Na'vi. He [[Bestiality|mounts and pwns Pandora's most vicious predator]], a [[LOL WUT|gigantic orange]] [[FYIAD|dragon thingy]] the [[Niggers|Na'vi]] [[Om nom nom|revere]] as something [[KFC|beyond Godly]]. Appearing before his Na'vi tribe astride the great beastie, Jake finally earns their respect, and with his newfound [[USI|Messiah complex]] instructs them to gather all Pandora's disparate clans to try and [[300|fight off the far superior RDA]]. The odds are long, as the Na'vi may have the numbers, but are armed only with bows and arrows. However, they valiantly counterattack, [[Jihad|Kamikaze style]]. Things are not looking good for the Na'vi, but on the verge of defeat, [[Al Gore]] appears with the [[Animal Liberation Front]] and pwns the RDA and Quaritch, [[Gay|who had a hissy fit about not teaching Jake to be a real man]]. The RDA are then rounded up and [[permab&]] from Pandora, much like how the [[Vietnam|Viet Kong]] kicked America out of Saigon. In the end,Jake becomes a [[Democrat|dickless]], [[Liberal|ball-less]] black person. All of this takes place with [[Unrealistic expectations|an obvious advantage given to the Na'vi]], [[Epic fail|one unbelievable even for a fantasy/sci-fi movie]]. The moral of the story is that humanity is a [[fail]] for getting pawned against [[Hippy|tree huggers]] and that [[Truth|you can '''never''', '''''ever''''' trust a jew]]. | ||
[[Image:Pandora_=_Felucia.jpg|thumb|At least the planet is original...[[No|right?]]]] | [[Image:Pandora_=_Felucia.jpg|thumb|At least the planet is original... [[No|right?]]]] | ||
With a line of [[ | With a line of [[Not|eco-friendly]] [[Plastic crap|Zeta toys]] set to go, it is also about to pwn all [[you]]r money for X-Mas gifts, vidya games, [[Prostitution|theme park]] rides, and [[Fursuits|Halloween costumes]] next year. If that wasn't bad enough, since it has a [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=240828625238 made-up language] [[Trying too hard|specifically created]] for the movie [[True|by a USC professor]], you will soon be verbally assaulted by [[otherkin]] faggots who think [[LARP|they are actually Na'vi]]. You mark my words, by next summer, we will be hearing about [[Wikipedia:Na'vi language|Na'vi as a second language]] courses at colleges, [[Yiff|Na'vi weddings]], [[Cult|Na'vi communes]], a [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=207404254529 Na'vi religion], Na'vi [[convention]]s, and [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=206432579311 all manner] of [[Rule 34|creepy, pervy]] [[fanfic]], giving the previous king of all nerd languages, [[Klingon]], a run for its money. Literally. | ||
There is evidence (in terms of both the script that was used for the final film, and the initial scriptment that Cameron wrote some years earlier) that Cameron's initial idea was considerably more impressive than what we got in the final film. | There is evidence (in terms of both the script that was used for the final film, and the initial scriptment that Cameron wrote some years earlier) that Cameron's initial idea was considerably more impressive than what we got in the final film. It was also, however, much more weird and less [[Fags|mainstream]], so the suits presumably [[Pussy whipped|forced]] him to [[Lame|dumb things down]], in order to ensure that it would make money. | ||
The movie can be seen in its entirety [http://www.divx.nl/divx_video.aspx?sr=1&vid=nE4H_6R-eEOEP9tmzAWPlg here]. | The movie can be seen in its entirety [http://www.divx.nl/divx_video.aspx?sr=1&vid=nE4H_6R-eEOEP9tmzAWPlg here]. | ||
<center>{{Frame|<youtube> | <center>{{Frame|<youtube>cRdxXPV9GNQ</youtube> | ||
|border=#0033CC|background=#0033CC}}</center> | |border=#0033CC|background=#0033CC}}</center> | ||
<center>'''Avatar trailer.'''</center> | <center>'''Avatar trailer.'''</center> | ||
==The Avatars== | == Super Awesome Fanwank Cut == | ||
After Avatar was inflicted upon the unfortunate population, James Cameron decided that he would rerelease the movie again and again until his vision was realised. This was achieved by fucking around with the movie by changing scenes, adding new and utterly pointless scenes with blatantly obvious special effects, and most importantly, changing the line about Jake's brother being shot to Jake's brother being STABBED. Because as we all know, nobody has guns in the future except the military. The entire intro was replaced with an earlier version which is almost identical to the bar brawl intro from Star Trek. | |||
The Blu Ray release allows you to fap to the altered scenes in isolation, as well as watch [[over 9000]] hours of actors running around placeholder CGI sets. '''If you actually enjoy this, you need a life, you sick, sad [[furry]].''' | |||
== The Avatars == | |||
[[Image:Naavitickeld bymarinesinmechanizedsuits.jpg|thumb|left|Don't tickle me, Mister Marine!]] | [[Image:Naavitickeld bymarinesinmechanizedsuits.jpg|thumb|left|Don't tickle me, Mister Marine!]] | ||
[[Image:LEAVE_MANHATTAN_ALONE.jpg|thumb|SCREW YOU FAGS, | [[Image:LEAVE_MANHATTAN_ALONE.jpg|thumb|SCREW YOU FAGS, I'M THE FUCKING BLUE MEME AROUND HERE!]] | ||
The avatars are [[Mulatto Jesus| | The avatars are [[Mulatto Jesus|genetic hybrids]] human and Na'vi DNA (science weeps at this point) specifically designed to [[Wetback|infiltrate]] Pandora's native habitats to further the evil American mining corporation's pwnage of the planet's natural resources since [[Global Warming]] has pwned all of planet Earth's. Each avatar is a physical body that only comes to life when [[Mental illness|mentally]] linked to its human counterpart while napping in coffins. An avatar cannot function if its human counterpart is awake [[IRL]]. For example, an avatar will lie around [[Diabeetus|comatose]] in the Na'vi jungle about to be [[Queening|crushed]] by a bulldozer by evil RDA contractors if he or she is fucking around [[Rimjob|eating scrambled eggs in the avatar lab]]. In other words: [[Smurfs|Human-Shaped Smurfs]]!! | ||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
==The Na'vi== | == The Na'vi == | ||
[[ | |||
[[Image:Avatar_hitler.jpg|thumb|left|[http://avatar.mcdonalds.ru/morphingtool?mid=32250521.3 Hitler] was impressed with na'zis racial abilities.]] | |||
[[Image:Smurf.jpg|thumb|right|The Na'vi on Pandora.]] | [[Image:Smurf.jpg|thumb|right|The Na'vi on Pandora.]] | ||
[[Image:Bluemangroup.jpg|thumb|right|The inspiration for ''Avatar''.]] | [[Image:Bluemangroup.jpg|thumb|right|The inspiration for ''Avatar''.]] | ||
The Na'vi are | The Na'vi, also known as Smurfs, are an entire race of [[Mary Sue]]s in the form [[pro-ana]] Warcraft's night elves with bones made of carbon fiber that live in floating mountains and ride around on giant chickens. They have [[Basketball|big lips, flared nostrils, stand at over 10 feet tall, coarse black hair styled in braids and tribal markings on their skin]]. They all have [[Cock|a number of tiny penises]] in braided pubes coming out of their heads and enjoy bestiality with giant 6 legged [[Manbearpig|landseahorses]] and vegetables. They are depicted as a [[Irony|peaceful people who never fight in wars]], and they [[PETA|cry every time an animal dies]]. TheyNa'vi people apparently [[Red Indians|have a spiritual connection with every flesh-eating monstrosity]] on Pandora and [[MONGO|can talk to trees by sticking branches into their brains]]. As weapons, they use arrows tipped with a potent neurotoxin. The arrows are about six feet long with a head the size of your arm, but don't worry; it's the neurotoxin that will get you, not the six foot pole sticking out of your chest. Na'vis have USB 15.0 powered braids, which are used to [[Rape|connect]] with nature—[[seriously]], they can only ride a pterodactyl if they [[Rape|force their USB braid to connect]] [[Bestiality|with that of the animal]], and the animal will stick with them for life, like a [[Domestic abuse|beaten]] [[White people|redneck]] [[Woman|wife]]. All animals on Pandora have this plug 'n' play interface. | ||
=== Na'vi religion === | |||
[[Wicca|Na'vi religion]] is a new age cult. It has tree worship and Jew. Ceremonies include sticking USB powered braids to the Tree of Souls and [[Schizophrenia|hearing voices]] during the Na'vi ceremony known as Di'kinas. Swarms of furries have already accepted it as a replacement for [[Atheism]]. | |||
=== | === The [[Moonspeak|Na'vi Language]] === | ||
[[ | |||
Na'vi language sounds like, like, when Americans are trying to pronounce foreign names. As the movie's budget began to exceed the GDP of all of [[David Carradine|Thailand]], James Cameron decided to spend [[Jew gold|a good portion]] on [[ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER DO YOU SPEAK IT|professional language specialists]] in order for them to create a made up language of nonsensical words. His goal is to undermine the [[Star Trek|Klingon]] language, [[Esperanto]], and [[Lord of the Rings|Elvish]] as the speech of choice for nerds. All the alien words spoken in the film follow this formula: | |||
Na'vi language sounds like, like, when Americans are trying to pronounce foreign names. | |||
As the movie's budget began to exceed the GDP of all of [[David Carradine|Thailand]], James Cameron decided to spend [[ | * Take a sentence, e.g., '''"My skin is blue, so fuck yall!"''' | ||
*Take a sentence, e.g. | * Add random apostrophes and extra letters: '''"My sk'inn is b'luue, so'h fh'ook yal'lle!"''' | ||
*Add random apostrophes and extra letters: | * Rearrange the words so they make less sense, then add some [[Spanish|extra alien grammar]]: '''"Sk-my Ich bu-lle, shit'o shat'um ha’ shägn plegh ya'llek!"''' | ||
* Rearrange the words so they make less sense, then add some [[Spanish|extra alien grammar]]: | * Kksas phalanan ghyalanal Alhazzared G'yeth G'yeth! Oh fuck—you just summoned [[Cthulhu]]. | ||
* Kksas phalanan ghyalanal Alhazzared | |||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
== | == The RDA == | ||
[[Image:ScorpionGunship.jpg|thumb|Lightly armed RDA Helicopter]] | [[Image:ScorpionGunship.jpg|thumb|Lightly armed RDA Helicopter]] | ||
The [[USA|stereotypical evil corporation that wants to burn, shoot and rape everything that moves]]. They have [[ | |||
The [[USA|stereotypical evil corporation that wants to burn, shoot and rape everything that moves]]. They have [[Gundam|giant robot fighting suits]], twelve-story bulldozers, and [[Terminator|helicopters with over 9,000 missiles]], yet they go and spend billions on the most sophisticated [[fursuit]] in history just so the movie's titular characters can yiff to their hearts' content. Led by a heartless middle-level management pencil pusher, they are on Pandora to mine [[Meth|minerals that fetch a gazillion dollars a kilo]] and shoot furry blue hippies. They attempt to destroy the Na'vi with dozens of helicopter gunships and a small army, when parachuting in a [[Red Indians|crate of whiskey would have been far more effective]], that or unleashing smallpox. Not to mention that it look the exact same as a Hornet from the Halo series. Way to copy everything you can possible fucking think of James Cameron. | |||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
==Main Characters== | == Main Characters == | ||
[[Image:20070729 viagra.jpg|thumb|The elusive Unobtanium]] | [[Image:20070729 viagra.jpg|thumb|The elusive Unobtanium]] | ||
[[Image:Tobias funke.jpg|thumb|Neytiri]] | [[Image:Tobias funke.jpg|thumb|Neytiri]] | ||
*[[Red Indians|The '''Na'vi''']] | * '''[[Borderlands|Pandora]]''' – The drug-induced hallucination of a planet director James Cameron dreamed up while naked in the Vegas desert high on peyote, LSD, and mead after seeing a Blue Man Group performance when he was a [[12-year-old boy]]. On Pandora, trees are conected like internets. | ||
* [[Red Indians|The '''Na'vi''']] – The indigenous "people" of Pandora. They are 10' tall blue kitties who are profoundly [[Hippies|linked to nature]] and are especially [[Tree hugger|fond of trees]]. | |||
*[[Mary Sue|'''Jake Sully''']] | * [[Mary Sue|'''Jake Sully''']] – A [[cripple]]d [[Marines|Marine]] who takes the place of his twin [[scientist]] brother as his avatar's "driver" thanks to the DNA shared with his brother. Jake Sully is like [[Basement dweller|you]], who installs World of Warcraft, chooses the blue female night elf, and then in a couple of sleepless nights saves the universe. Jake is wheelchair-bound courtesy of [[419|Nigerians]] during another mission and has been promised a new set of legs by the [[Warhammer|SPACE MARINES]] if he succeeds in infiltrating the Na'vi and reporting his findings on the tribe's [[Dead babies|weaknesses]]. Jake is responsible for the entire plot movement of the movie, simply because without him this would be [[Entertainment|three hours of watching robots shoot giant smurfs]]. A nagging thought throughout the film when it comes to Jake is that how come human technology can be so advanced as to have accomplished interstellar flight and generate giant fighting 'Mechs, but no one seems to have given a shit about upgrading the basic design of wheelchairs? | ||
*'''Neytiri''' | * '''Neytiri''' – The obligatory love interest in the film. She is a fierce Na'vi warrior and daughter of her tribe's leaders. She is also [[pro ana]] tomboy with no titties. In fact, she looks very much like a little boy which adds a whole pro-[[NAMBLA]] slant to Cameron's already overly abundant "[[Boring|message]]"-laden film. She is prone to fits of random hissing like a [[cat]] and cries when trees get knocked over. | ||
*'''Giovanni Ribisi''' | * '''Giovanni Ribisi''' – An evil [[Scientologist]] playing an evil corporate capitalist in charge of U.S. corporation RDA's evil Unobtanium mining operation on Pandora. He likes to play golf and drink coffee and scheme and golf and coffee and scheme and coffee. | ||
*'''Ripley''' | * '''Ripley''' – The [[Environmentalist|bleeding heart liberal]] scientist in charge of the Avatar program. Of course she had [[Derp|no idea]] that the evil mining corporation (RDA) she's working with would use her avatars to rape the indigenous people who refuse to budge from their giant [[b|tree fort]] which sits atop the motherload of all Unobtanium on Pandora. She also has an avatar and prior to the arrival of the [[XTREME|gung ho]] crippled Marine, Jake, tried to set up a school for the Na'vi to promote cross-cultural understanding. The school was soon [[permab&]] since the Na'vi are no dummies - they didn't [[Manhattan|get offered $12]], copious amounts of whiskey and venereal diseases so it was [[NO U|no dice]]. | ||
*'''[[ | * '''[[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck|Colonel Quaritch]]''' – The generic [[Bad Vlad|IRL tough guy]] leader of the U.S. Marine battalion who are charged with protecting RDA's mining operation and pwning the pissed off natives. While his civilian bosses attempt to avoid bad press back on Earth by negotiating with the black person in an attempt to peaceably relocate them from their beloved tree house to get at the massive load of [[Oil|Unobtainium]] underneath it, the Colonel would like nothing more than to [[Genocide|bomb them and their tree back to the Stone Age]]; something he attempts to do near the end of the film, and comes disappointingly close to doing. His flying doom-fortress crashes when it's revealed that the same guy who decided the Death Star needed an exposed exhaust port built the flying fortress o' death...and put FOUR massively exposed weak points on it. He's the film's protagonist, when put alongside the tree-fucking Ripley and the furry race-traitor Jake, giving the movie the most tragic ending since Hamlet. | ||
*'''[[Oil|Unobtanium]]''' | * '''[[Oil|Unobtanium]]''' – The [[Gollum|precious]] mystery mineral that the RDA wants to get at to pay for the production, marketing and promotion of Avatar. Unobtanium is a combination of crack, oil and Viagra and goes for 20,000,000 Quatloos a kilo. | ||
*'''SHODAN''' | * '''SHODAN''' – the insane [[Cool|meglomaniac]] computer program who crash landed to the planet Pandora after her defeat in System Shock 2. Pretending she had anything to do with the plot whatsoever will make the movie [[Cool|awesome]]. | ||
*'''Mr.Drummond''' | * '''Mr.Drummond''' – wealthy white widower, who runs the Trans Aillen Co. Housing Development, and was born December 3, 1931 in Manhattan, New York. | ||
Philip has a daughter named Kimberly and two adopted African American brothers: 12-year-old Willis and 8-year-old Arnold Jackson. Arnold and Willis's mother worked for Philip Drummond many years ago, but her death-bed wish was that Mr. Drummond would take care of her two sons. In the first episode of the series, Philip welcomes Arnold and Willis into his home. Arnold quickly becomes attached to his new environment, but Willis nearly ruins it for him by hastily deciding that he and Arnold will move back to Harlem. | Philip has a daughter named Kimberly and two adopted African American brothers: 12-year-old Willis and 8-year-old Arnold Jackson. Arnold and Willis's mother worked for Philip Drummond many years ago, but her death-bed wish was that Mr. Drummond would take care of her two sons. In the first episode of the series, Philip welcomes Arnold and Willis into his home. Arnold quickly becomes attached to his new environment, but Willis nearly ruins it for him by hastily deciding that he and Arnold will move back to Harlem. | ||
Line 108: | Line 116: | ||
Philip starts planning some "quality time" with the family by telling both Arnold and Willis that the whole family will be going on fun trips together. Arnold wants to agree, but Willis destroys his fun, and bosses him around. | Philip starts planning some "quality time" with the family by telling both Arnold and Willis that the whole family will be going on fun trips together. Arnold wants to agree, but Willis destroys his fun, and bosses him around. | ||
==3-D Technology: The Last Few Drops of Blood== | == 3-D Technology: The Last Few Drops of Blood == | ||
[[Image:James-cameron.jpg|thumb|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GaplgqYL_s#t=5m36s "You should fucking go see Avatar or I'll find you."]]] | [[Image:James-cameron.jpg|thumb|[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9GaplgqYL_s#t=5m36s "You should fucking go see Avatar or I'll find you."]]] | ||
[[ | [[Image:3dSucks.jpg|thumb|Are you sure they're not just blue Jews?]] | ||
Less than a year after the release of ''Avatar'' James Cameron finally realizes what it's like to be a tortured genius whose inventions are used for evil. Akin to Albert Einstein jump-starting the Manhattan Project and consequently flooding the world with nuclear weapons, now James Cameron is watching his 3D Fusion Camera System revolution flood the planet in a holocaust of shitty three dimensional movies such as Piranha 3D. | |||
Less than a year after the release of ''Avatar'' James Cameron finally realizes what it's like to be a tortured genius whose inventions are used for evil. Akin to Albert Einstein jump-starting the Manhattan Project and consequently flooding the world with nuclear weapons, now James Cameron is watching his 3D Fusion Camera System revolution flood the planet in a holocaust of shitty three dimensional movies such as Piranha 3D. James "Bleeding-Heart" Cameron claims that movies like ''Piranha 3-D'' are "cheapening" 3-D technology, and making it look bad. | |||
{{quote|In fact, I would go even farther and say | {{quote|In fact, I would go even farther and say that... I tend almost never to throw other films under the bus, but [Piranha 3-D] is exactly an example of what we should not be doing in 3-D. Because it just '''cheapens the medium''' and reminds you of the bad 3-D horror films from the 70s and 80s, like Friday the 13th 3-D. '''[[Irony|When movies got to the bottom of the barrel of their creativity and at the last gasp of their financial lifespan, they did a 3-D version to get the last few drops of blood out of the turnip.]]''' And that's not what's happening now with 3-D. It is a renaissance—right now the biggest and the best films are being made in 3-D. Martin Scorsese is making a film in 3-D. Disney's biggest film of the year—Tron: Legacy—is coming out in 3-D. So it's a whole new ballgame.|James Cameron, [http://www.slashfilm.com/2010/08/30/james-cameron-disses-piranha-3d/ on Piranha 3-D]}} | ||
Unlike ''Piranha 3-D'' which has [[Cliché|been done before]], James Cameron's 3-D technology should be used exclusively for movies which are never-ending torrents of | Unlike ''Piranha 3-D'' which has [[Cliché|been done before]], James Cameron's 3-D technology should be used exclusively for movies which are never-ending torrents of creativity—movies that are new and innovative and groundbreaking, like a movie about a soldier taken in by an indigenous race of people who face being run out of their homes by an imperialistic country that has lost its touch with humanity. Films that try to get the "last few drops of blood from the turnip" by using cheap marketing tactics such as [http://www.comicbookmovie.com/fansites/LetsCutTheBS/news/?a=21329 re-releasing a film in less than a year with nine minutes of extra footage] give 3-D technology a bad reputation, and should be shunned by real film makers. | ||
== Canadian Propaganda Movie == | == Canadian Propaganda Movie == | ||
[[Image:Avatar-fanart.png|thumb|right|BLUE PEOPLE WITH TAILS]] | [[Image:Avatar-fanart.png|thumb|right|BLUE PEOPLE WITH TAILS]] | ||
{{quote|{{sic|OMG Its so close yet so far. The movie ''Avatar'' just came out today around here, but I dont get to go see it until Weds. but Yay! I'm going to see it! Can't wait! It has blue ppl with tails, and anyone who knows me knows I love them tails. ^^ When im all excited like this, I draw Chibis. I make things I love cute, or I try to. I may edit it after I actually see the movie, because i can only get so much from toys and a few screenshots.|...}}|{{deviantart|fuzzybum}}}}<br/> | |||
[[Image:Southparkavatar.jpg|thumb|left|[[Faggot|Jake Sully]] in his [[Cartman|Na'vi fursona]].]] | [[Image:Southparkavatar.jpg|thumb|left|[[Faggot|Jake Sully]] in his [[Cartman|Na'vi fursona]].]] | ||
The movie portrays in a negative light all that the USA stands for: war for resources, weapons of mass destruction and fighting terror with terror. However, Canadian issues, like native rights, hunting moose and having sex with different species, are shown as much more positive. | The movie portrays in a negative light all that the USA stands for: war for resources, weapons of mass destruction and fighting terror with terror. However, Canadian issues, like native rights, hunting moose and having sex with different species, are shown as much more positive. | ||
This movie is about how good [[ | This movie is about how good [[Environmentalism|tree hugging]] is, how bad [[capitalism]] and [[Iraq|nation building]] is, and promoting inter-race marriage and/or bestiality. Just like ''[[Star Trek]]'' did thirty years ago. Also, [[Manifest Destiny]] is bad, m'kay? Yet this film is okay with having a Big Mac meal and Happy Meal Toys at [[McDonalds]]. [[Truth|Which is the poster child of evil earth destroying, rain forest depleting, C02 producing corporations worldwide]]. So basically this anti-war, anti-capitalism film is McDonald's way of buying carbon credits. | ||
* It should be noted that although Cameron spent the equivalent of the annual GDP of the whole of Africa making this movie, while that continent starves to death and contracts [[AIDS|cholera]] by drinking feces-contaminated water, he ''did'' recycle most of the military hardware from his ''[[Terminator]]'' movies and those from ''[[The Matrix]]'' and ''[[District 9]]''. He even recycled the theme song from ''Titanic'' by having someone cover the Celine Dion song with a few minor changes and also recycled some of the names like what the movie is called what planet it takes place on. It's like the creators were watching a shitty [[Nickelodeon]] made [[Anime]] while playing [[Borderlands]] or choosing which online radio station that had the best [[shit]] while they were figuring out the names. | * It should be noted that although Cameron spent the equivalent of the annual GDP of the whole of Africa making this movie, while that continent starves to death and contracts [[AIDS|cholera]] by drinking feces-contaminated water, he ''did'' recycle most of the military hardware from his ''[[Terminator]]'' movies and those from ''[[The Matrix]]'' and ''[[District 9]]''. He even recycled the theme song from ''Titanic'' by having someone cover the Celine Dion song with a few minor changes and also recycled some of the names like what the movie is called what planet it takes place on. It's like the creators were watching a shitty [[Nickelodeon]] made [[Anime]] while playing [[Borderlands]] or choosing which online radio station that had the best [[shit]] while they were figuring out the names. | ||
Line 132: | Line 143: | ||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
==Fandom Stuff== | == Fandom Stuff == | ||
[[Image:Abatap's fleshlight.jpg|thumb|{{colortext|SeaGreen|'''Аватар''' !NeyneyrRgw}}, of [[Tv/|/tv/]] fame, puts his [[dick]] in this.]] | |||
===Avatar Blues | === Avatar Blues AKA The Avatar Effect === | ||
Apparently, the movie has psychotherapists and health professionals scrambling to deal with a new neurosis called '''The Avatar Effect'''. This is a phenomenon where people—having "been to" Pandora—get all emo and utterly [[depressed]] upon leaving the theatre and going back to their shitty, mundane lives [[IRL]]. As of writing, there have been no [[An hero]]es directly linked to the Avatar Effect, but people are [[Baw|BAAAWWWWING]] about the Avatard blues all over the Internets. | |||
{{quote|I can totally relate [to people feeling depressed about having to leave the world of Pandora]. I think most us can here. For me, getting to talk to [[Avatards|you guys]] online allows me to feel closer to the movie, or maybe closer to you guys because we can share our feeling and thoughts and friendships. So many things from the movie, like for example the idea of brotherhood we can bring to this very real world of ours.|[http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1242409/The-Avatar-effect-Movie-goers-feel-depressed-suicidal-able-visit-utopian-alien-planet.html Avatard]}} | |||
(CNN) -- James Cameron's completely immersive spectacle "Avatar" may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have <u>experienced depression and suicidal thoughts</u> after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora. | |||
{{story|(CNN) -- James Cameron's completely immersive spectacle "Avatar" may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have <u>experienced depression and suicidal thoughts</u> after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora. | |||
On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled <u>"Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope.</u> The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie. | On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled <u>"Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope.</u> The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie. | ||
Line 153: | Line 165: | ||
A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site "<u>Naviblue</u>" that he <u>contemplated suicide</u> after seeing the movie. | A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site "<u>Naviblue</u>" that he <u>contemplated suicide</u> after seeing the movie. | ||
"Ever since I went to see 'Avatar' I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na'vi made me want to be one of them. I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it," Mike posted. "I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it [[Otherkin|I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in 'Avatar.']] " | "Ever since I went to see 'Avatar' I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na'vi made me want to be one of them. I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it," Mike posted. "I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it [[Otherkin|I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in 'Avatar.']]" | ||
Other fans have expressed feelings of <u>disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality</u>. | Other fans have expressed feelings of <u>disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality</u>. | ||
Line 186: | Line 198: | ||
Within the fan community, suggestions for battling feelings of depression after seeing the movie include things like [[Basement-dweller|playing "Avatar" video games or downloading the movie soundtrack]], in addition to encouraging members to relate to other people outside the virtual realm and to seek out positive and constructive activities. | Within the fan community, suggestions for battling feelings of depression after seeing the movie include things like [[Basement-dweller|playing "Avatar" video games or downloading the movie soundtrack]], in addition to encouraging members to relate to other people outside the virtual realm and to seek out positive and constructive activities. | ||
|#0033CC|#CCFFFF}} | |||
{{clear}} | {{clear}} | ||
{{tinyquote|When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed grey. It just seems so meaningless. I still don't really see any reason to keep doing things at all. I live in a dying world. I even [[DO IT FAGGOT|contemplate suicide]] thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora. | {{tinyquote|When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed grey. It just seems so meaningless. I still don't really see any reason to keep doing things at all. I live in a dying world. I even [[DO IT FAGGOT|contemplate suicide]] thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora.|Avatard}} | ||
To deal with the Avatar Blues, fan forums such as Avatar-Forums.com have created [http://www.avatar-forums.com/general-avatar-forum/43-ways-cope-depression-dream-pandora-being-intangible.html therapy threads] and [http://www.naviblue.com/hometree/forums/3-General-Discussion/2282-Coping-with-AvatarPandora-Withdrawals other assorted coping methods.] | To deal with the Avatar Blues, fan forums such as Avatar-Forums.com have created [http://www.avatar-forums.com/general-avatar-forum/43-ways-cope-depression-dream-pandora-being-intangible.html therapy threads] and [http://www.naviblue.com/hometree/forums/3-General-Discussion/2282-Coping-with-AvatarPandora-Withdrawals other assorted coping methods.] | ||
===Lulz-filled quotes=== | === Lulz-filled quotes === | ||
<center> | <center> | ||
{{morphquote|avatarfandom|background-color:#ffffff; width: 700px; height: 210px;|font-weight: bold; | {{morphquote|avatarfandom|background-color:#ffffff; width: 700px; height: 210px;|font-weight: bold; | ||
Line 202: | Line 214: | ||
(7:36 AM Jan 12th, 2010) The more I read about Avatar, the more it seems to play to the most delusional psychoses found in the worst corners of the [[furry]] fandom.|Even the Furfaggot [[Ayn Rand|Objectivist]] God [[Jay Naylor]] hates Avatar. | (7:36 AM Jan 12th, 2010) The more I read about Avatar, the more it seems to play to the most delusional psychoses found in the worst corners of the [[furry]] fandom.|Even the Furfaggot [[Ayn Rand|Objectivist]] God [[Jay Naylor]] hates Avatar. | ||
|It was the greatest movie I've ever seen in my entire life... It seemed so real wish it was to... Can't express in words how this movie has made me feel!!! I look at the world differently now. Thank You, James Cameron and all who helped make such an amazing movie!!!|A faggot. | |It was the greatest movie I've ever seen in my entire life... {{sic|It seemed so real wish it was to}}... {{sic|Can't express in words how this movie has made me feel}}!!! I look at the world differently now. {{sic|Thank You}}, James Cameron and all who helped make such an amazing movie!!!|A faggot. | ||
|My pleasure. Had to be done. If we can have a religion based on [[ | |My pleasure. Had to be done. If we can have a religion based on [[Jedi|men in dressing gowns that play with swords made of light]] {{sic|i}} don't see why a religion based on blue aliens that are still in touch with the world around them should not be created. So here it is. Vote Na'vi as a religion on the next census it's the right choice for the planet. : )|David "Noa" Travis on creating his Na'vi Religion Facebook group. | ||
|This is a group for [[ | |This is a group for [[Faggots|those who are interested in the Na'vi language]] and/or want to learn it. The movie Avatar just came out yesterday and information is still scarce, so let's try to share as much information as we can.|From the Learn Na'vi Facebook group. | ||
|[[Moonspeak|Tsun oe nga-hu | |[[Moonspeak|Tsun oe nga-hu nì-Na'vi pivängkxo a fì-'u oe-ru prrte' lu.]]|A faggot on Facebook. | ||
|I might get trolled for this to the point of no return. I don't give a fuck. | |I might get trolled for this to the point of no return. I don't give a fuck. | ||
Line 217: | Line 229: | ||
Avatar was the best movie I have ever seen. Not because of the 3D, not because of the world it is set in, and not because of the giant blue cats. The message it portrayed is what I found so attractive. I never thought a movie would affect me so deeply, but it has. I've changed my outlook on the world, and from what I've seen... the world is fucking disgusting. Everyone is fucking selfish and power hungry. No one gives a shit about anything else. Just me, me, fucking me. | Avatar was the best movie I have ever seen. Not because of the 3D, not because of the world it is set in, and not because of the giant blue cats. The message it portrayed is what I found so attractive. I never thought a movie would affect me so deeply, but it has. I've changed my outlook on the world, and from what I've seen... the world is fucking disgusting. Everyone is fucking selfish and power hungry. No one gives a shit about anything else. Just me, me, fucking me. | ||
Let's take a step back for a minute. Way back. Back to the pilgrimage. Europe's arrival into North America. It is estimated that a total of 18 million Native Americans lived in North America before the 18th century. Less than 250,000 remained at the end of the 19th century. That's 17,750,000 people DEAD, yet no one acknowledges it. It was in fact the largest genocide in American history. I couldn't even begin to put that in perspective for you. For what? Gold? Land? The saddest part is, those were the exact reasons. How many natives have remained untouched by Europe since their culture's beginning? None. Not one single person. Well... I guess when someone is sitting on shit you want, you make them your enemy, so your justified in taking it. | Let's take a step back for a minute. Way back. Back to the pilgrimage. Europe's arrival into North America. It is estimated that a total of 18 million Native Americans lived in North America before the 18th century. Less than 250,000 remained at the end of the 19th century. That's 17,750,000 people DEAD, yet no one acknowledges it. It was in fact the largest genocide in American history. I couldn't even begin to put that in perspective for you. For what? Gold? Land? The saddest part is, those were the exact reasons. How many natives have remained untouched by Europe since their culture's beginning? None. Not one single person. Well... I guess when someone is sitting on shit you want, you make them your enemy, so {{sic|your}} justified in taking it. | ||
Now to answer the overwhelming question. My reason for being so butthurt. Neytiri and the Na'vi people are tall, blue, and look like cats. Yet, they are perfect. No hate, discrimination, or injustice. I'd like to equate them to the Native Americans. In tune with nature, their gods, and themselves. Of course they weren't perfect. They warred with neighbors over land, commodities, and their beliefs. But would they ever go as far as to destroy entire cities and destroy hundreds of thousands of lives to prove a point? No. Somehow they got their points off just fine. I guess I'm just so pissed at people's ignorance that I need to vent it somewhere. The best place for that is the internet. You can always just walk away if things aren't going your way. In real life, you can't. You preach your ideas and the world will chew you up and shit you out. That's the harsh reality of it all. | Now to answer the overwhelming question. My reason for being so butthurt. Neytiri and the Na'vi people are tall, blue, and look like cats. Yet, they are perfect. No hate, discrimination, or injustice. I'd like to [[Wikipedia:Slavery among Native Americans in the United States|<s>equate</s>]] them to the Native Americans. In tune with nature, their gods, and themselves. Of course they weren't perfect. They warred with neighbors over land, commodities, and their beliefs. But would they ever go as far as to destroy entire cities and destroy hundreds of thousands of lives to prove a point? No. Somehow they got their points off just fine. I guess I'm just so pissed at people's ignorance that I need to vent it somewhere. The best place for that is the internet. You can always just walk away if things aren't going your way. In real life, you can't. You preach your ideas and the world will chew you up and shit you out. That's the harsh reality of it all. | ||
The Native Americans had respect. Respect for everything and everyone. Today, you shoot a cow in the fucking head and chop it up for dinner with zero thought put into it. Let me just embed this into your head. That cow had a soul. It had everything you and I have except the voice and the mind to express it. The Native Americans realized that. They realized nothing should be destroyed without recognition. That cow might as well have been a person. The day you walk up to a person, shoot him in the head, toss him in the grinder and serve him up for dinner without a care in the world, is the day all life on this planet loses complete meaning. | The Native Americans had respect. Respect for everything and everyone. Today, you shoot a cow in the fucking head and chop it up for dinner with zero thought put into it. Let me just embed this into your head. That cow had a soul. It had everything you and I have except the voice and the mind to express it. The Native Americans realized that. They realized nothing should be destroyed without recognition. That cow might as well have been a person. The day you walk up to a person, shoot him in the head, toss him in the grinder and serve him up for dinner without a care in the world, is the day all life on this planet loses complete meaning. | ||
Line 227: | Line 239: | ||
So why am I so attracted to this fictional woman? Because she is the only person, real or not, who I have ever seen my entire life who appreciates just that. Life. The desire to do good for someone else. For everyone else. For the planet. She has the magic three factors which define my perfect woman: beauty, intelligence, and charisma. For that, I would fuck her sideways. If I could be with her, then for the rest of my life I would be happy. Sadly, that will never happen. So, I guess I'll just have to find that woman. To me it seems that this woman doesn't exist. She will never exist. Never again at least. She might have existed. If she did, she was most likely a Native American. Hell, she might have been fucking Pocahontas. Maybe I was fucking John Smith in a past life. I'll never know. Just saying that maybe that's why this shit is effecting me so much. | So why am I so attracted to this fictional woman? Because she is the only person, real or not, who I have ever seen my entire life who appreciates just that. Life. The desire to do good for someone else. For everyone else. For the planet. She has the magic three factors which define my perfect woman: beauty, intelligence, and charisma. For that, I would fuck her sideways. If I could be with her, then for the rest of my life I would be happy. Sadly, that will never happen. So, I guess I'll just have to find that woman. To me it seems that this woman doesn't exist. She will never exist. Never again at least. She might have existed. If she did, she was most likely a Native American. Hell, she might have been fucking Pocahontas. Maybe I was fucking John Smith in a past life. I'll never know. Just saying that maybe that's why this shit is effecting me so much. | ||
Wake up now, faggots. Either open your fucking eyes or kill yourself. Do something with your life or make room for someone who will. This movie has changed my outlook on life. From now on I'm going to start picking up my grades, continue searching for that perfect woman, and get a grip on my life before it's too late. Those of you who can't respect that, I feel kind of sorry for you. You could be making a difference, but you won't. You never will. I don't give a shit whether it took a movie to show me this. It's opened my eyes nonetheless and I plan to make something of myself.|Some Avatar obsessed 15 year old | Wake up now, faggots. Either open your fucking eyes or kill yourself. Do something with your life or make room for someone who will. This movie has changed my outlook on life. From now on I'm going to start picking up my grades, continue searching for that perfect woman, and get a grip on my life before it's too late. Those of you who can't respect that, I feel kind of sorry for you. You could be making a difference, but you won't. You never will. I don't give a shit whether it took a movie to show me this. It's opened my eyes nonetheless and I plan to make something of myself.|Some Avatar obsessed 15 year old that wants to be a {{youtube|fpQSLLiTThw|noble savage}}}} | ||
| | |||
</center> | </center> | ||
===Message of a Film=== | === Message of a Film === | ||
===Avatards are invading [[ | <small>''After seeing this movie and staying up WAY too late a few nights, I realized the truth about this movie. Everything in this movie is a metaphor for real life and World of Warcraft... We have Jak. His brother died, he's crippled, he has no friends, and he's just moved to a new job, so he's pretty depressed. He doesn't like his new co-workers. They're massive nerds and well...he isn't. But they introduce him to their favorite game, World of Warcraft, and they all get trial accounts, knowing that the trial period is only 3 months. After that, if they don't pay, everything crumbles. So he joins, creating a Night Elf character alongside his co-workers. thrilled to find that he can do everything in the game that he couldn't do in real life. He has friends, he can walk again, and as he learns to play the game, he meets guildmates, earns a mount, and when leveled up enough, gets a flying mount. Yay! He even gets an online girlfriend! But you can see his decline in the real world. He starts out balancing the game and work, as you can see him submitting reports to his boss, doing presentations, ect. But soon, he stops excercising, getting in bad physical shape. He eventually stops showing up to meetings at work, so his bosses investigate. When their bosses find that they've been playing WoW at work instead of doing their job, they're all fired. While they're all leaving after being fired, their former supervisor, Quaritch, launches a lecture at them for wasting their lives in a video game (Represented as him firing off "wild gunshots" at them). The only one who takes it to heart is Ripley, and it slowly starts eating away at her. Since they can no longer play WoW at work, they all end up getting an apartment together in the middle of nowhere. His co-workers take pity on him since he's crippled, but even they notice his decline and even take pity on him, ignoring his lack of hygiene, forcing him to eat, and such. Eventually, their free subscriptions run out. This causes his real-world life to crumble around him, starting with one of his co-workers (Ripley) finally taking the advice the Supervisor gave in his lecture, quitting WoW, and getting a new job, realizing that it's time to move on and stop wasting her life. The guild tries to convince her to stay, but she's done with the game and deletes her character. This causes a schism between her and the two WoW players, so she ends up moving out and they both declare her "Dead" to them and to the entire guild. So Jak and his roomate pool together the last of their money to buy accounts and pay for internet service. The final part of the movie is Jak finally being able to unite several night-elf clans to start going on Raids together. However, the money is running out. Eventually, even his best friend tires of the raids and realizes that it's time to move on in life, so he quits WoW and leaves in the middle of a massive raid... In the end, he drives out the real world, fully escaping into his fantasy world of night elves...as he's shattered his real life to the point that he has nothing to go back to. Even when his former boss, fearing for his safety, finally tracks down his apartment, which he's now alone in, and tries to pull him away from his fantasy world, Jak lashes out at him And when Jak's online girlfriend lashes out at the boss to Jak, the boss realizes how far gone he is and finally leaves forever, becoming "Dead" to Jak just like his former friends... So the movie ends with Jak's real life being non-existant as he spends the last of his days with his guild as his physical self starves and wastes away in the cold lonelyness of his apartment in the wreckage of his former life. With all this in mind, the movie makes a hell of a lot more sense, including why the Na'vi and their world seems a helluva lot better than the "real" human world. And all the antagonistic attempts by his bosses, the "Marine Commander" and "Corporate executive", were actually attempts to get him to do his job and to stop wasting his life on a video game, which he sees as horrible, genocidal acts in his warped mind. Anyone who's not in the game is "Dead" to him. It's truly a sad tale and has a way better message, a warning about taking a game too seriously. The bizarre part is that the more you look at it this way, the better it works. Better than most of the hippy BS messages the movie is intending to throw at you, to say the least...''</small> | ||
=== How the movie should have ended === | |||
<center><youtube>hYPSg-Ab7Dc</youtube></center> | |||
=== AVATAR 2 3 4 5? === | |||
*There will be 4 more Avatar movies? | |||
*Is James Cameron trolling us? | |||
*Avatar 2 release has been delayed how many times now???? | |||
Facts about Avatar 2 | |||
*This could all just be a publicity stunt. | |||
*Rumors about Avatar 2 have been going around since 2010. | |||
*It will make over a billion dollars if it is ever released. | |||
*Avatar 2 will be CGI overload. If you thought the original movie was CGI overload | |||
just you wait till Avatar 2 keep in mind graphics cards have advanced since 2009. | |||
=== Avatards are invading [[YouTube|JewTube]] === | |||
<center>{{Frame|{{fv|avaTARDS222|background-color: #CCFFFF;|font-weight: bold;| | <center>{{Frame|{{fv|avaTARDS222|background-color: #CCFFFF;|font-weight: bold;| | ||
Line 248: | Line 274: | ||
}}|border=#0033CC|background=#CCFFFF}}</center> | }}|border=#0033CC|background=#CCFFFF}}</center> | ||
==Village People== | == Village People == | ||
[[Image:Neytiry naked.jpg|thumb|Fuck [[Krystal]], to hell with [[Renamon]] and who cares about [[Gardevoir]]; this will be the new [[Furry]] Goddess.]] | |||
The Na'vi can be really friendly creatures, as anyone can notice. We have taken the time to gather some samples of songs that show their hospitality toward complete strangers. | |||
{{squote|In the Na'vi<br> | {{squote|In the Na'vi<br> | ||
Line 287: | Line 295: | ||
We want you in a blue fursuit<br><br>|}} | We want you in a blue fursuit<br><br>|}} | ||
==Na'vi | == Na'vi Gallery == | ||
{{cg|Gly' uoemela' rleie|avatargallery1|center|<gallery> | {{cg|Gly' uoemela' rleie|avatargallery1|center|<gallery> | ||
File:Avatar plug.jpg | |||
File:Avatar_larper.png|[http://alveblod.deviantart.com/ Retarded DA] [[LARP]]er | |||
File:Avatard34.jpg|[[Rule 34|FTFY]] | |||
File:Alien34 - 3.png|After being [[Rape|rejected]] by the Aliens, Ellen Ripley went on Pandora under the alias of Dr. Grace Augustine to [[Fap|study]] more extraterrestrial species. | |||
</gallery>|<gallery> | </gallery>|<gallery> | ||
File:Avatar by patrickbrown.jpg|[http://patrickbrown.deviantart.com/art/Avatar-146917871 I'm in ur Avatarz. Killing yur Humens!] | |||
File:Avataremofail.png|Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of [[fail]], I will fear no [[troll]], for [[anon]] are with me; your [[Goatse|rod and your staff]], they comfort me. | |||
File:Avatardownsyndrome.jpg|After adding the Avatar's genes into the Na'vi's Gene Pool, ugly Down Syndrome's Na'vilets were born. | |||
File:Avatarfangirlfail.png|Another example of what's been said in the previous image. [[PROTIP]]: If you look deeply into her eyes, your brain will melt due to the mediocre image making. | |||
File:Avatar by NeoSlashott.jpg|[http://neoslashott.deviantart.com/art/Avatar-147528537 Pro-ana Animefag?] | |||
File:Avatar34.jpg|Rule 34 [[MC Hammer|proper]] | |||
File:01_SmurfDance.jpg|On the set of ''Avatar''. | |||
File:Avatar in yo avatar.jpg|Unsurprisingly, [[Second Life]] is all over this shit. | |||
File:Dat-ass-avatared.jpg| She's looking at [[DAT ASS|the image on the right]]. | |||
File:Avatarianhello.jpg | |||
File:Do-not-want-avatared.jpg|He's looking at the image on the left. | |||
File:Tommy-Lee-Jones-avatared.jpg | |||
File:Col-Quaritch-Avatared.jpg|Col Quaritch wants to [[Yiff]] too. | |||
File:Gary-busey-avatared.jpg|He's looking at the image above. | |||
File:XXXXX.jpg|[[Snapesnogger]] | |||
File:Vargatar.jpg|[[Black_Metal#Varg|This is, huh... wow!]] | |||
File:AVATARD-Comic.gif|The impact of the movie on /b/tards. | |||
File:Avatar Rambo edition by torture device.jpg|Avatar: Rambo edition. | |||
File:Abatap.jpg | |||
File:Navilets_just_wanting_it.jpg|Internets is invaded by na'vilets | |||
File:Avatar DO IT FAGGOT.JPG|[[DO IT FAGGOT|Do it.]] | |||
File:Colloidal_silver_blue_man.jpg|[[IRL]] Na'vi]] | |||
File:Avatar PWNd.JPG|Some macro shit. | |||
File:Avatar_FAIL.JPG|Some more macro shit. | |||
File:avatarsneer.jpg|[[Trollface#Problem.2C_YouTube.3F|Problem officer?]] | |||
File: | |||
File: | |||
</gallery>}} | </gallery>}} | ||
==[[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck | Colonel Quaritch does not give a single fuck]]== | === [[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck|Colonel Quaritch does not give a single fuck]] === | ||
{{cg|What does Col. Quaritch not give a fuck about?|avatargallery2celquaritch|center|<gallery> | {{cg|What does Col. Quaritch not give a fuck about?|avatargallery2celquaritch|center|<gallery> | ||
File:Quaritch-oh-expoitable.png|Not about [[Oh exploitable|OH EXPLOITABLE]]!!! | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Na'vi Love.jpg|Not about true love... | |||
File:Quaritch 911.jpg|Not about [[Jews did WTC|Jews]]... | |||
File:Quarritch Oceanic 815.jpg|Not about [[Lost|plane crashes in general]]... | |||
</gallery>|<gallery> | </gallery>|<gallery> | ||
File:Quaritch-wolf.png|Not about [[ | File:Quaritch-wolf.png|Not about [[Wolfaboo|wolf hunting]]... | ||
File:Quaritch Titanic.jpg|Not about boat sinking... | |||
File:Quaritch Hoth.jpg|Not about your [[Jedi|rebel friends]]... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Empire.jpg|Not about your [[Star Wars|Empire]]... | |||
File:Quaritch Starbucks.jpg|Not about your local non-corporate coffee shop.. | |||
File:Quaritch black people.jpg|[[George Bush doesn't care about black people|Not about black people]]... | |||
File:Cel Quaritch Jews.PNG|Not about your [[Nazi|supremacy]]... | |||
File:Cel. Quaritch Forrest Gump.JPG|Not about your retarded incestuous all-day American... | |||
File:Not about dead jews.png|Not about your Jew... | |||
File:Cel. Quaritch Na'vi.PNG|Not about the Na'vi... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Krystal.JPG|Not about furfags in general... | |||
File:Starving africans.jpg|Not about [[The child in Africa|African children]]... | |||
File:Col. Goatse.jpg|Not about [[Goatse]]... | |||
File:Quaritch-Swine flu.png|Not about [[Swine Flu]]... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Experiments.png|Not about [[Raptor Jesus|experiments with dinosaurs]]... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Movie Crossovers.jpg|Not about movie [[crossovers]]... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Oscar.jpg|Not about your awards... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Paradox.png|Not about [[Dividing by zero]]... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Rules.jpg|Not about stupid driving rules... | |||
File:Col. Quaritch Fesazukichan.JPG|Not about [[Fesazukichan|lack of drawing skills]]... | |||
File:Quaritch_District_9.jpg|Not about prawns... | |||
File:Quaritchhaiti.JPG|Not about [[Haiti]]... | |||
File:Colonel quaritch does not bawwwww a fuck.png|Not about [[BAW|bawling]]... | |||
File:Quaritch-wikipedia.png|Not about [[Wikipedia]]... | |||
File:Col. cares slightly.jpg|...[[Boxxy|actually, he DOES give a fuck!]] | |||
</gallery>}} | </gallery>}} | ||
==See Also== | == See Also == | ||
[[Image:Crysta.jpg|thumb | |||
[[Image:Crysta.jpg|thumb|Tree-Huggers are all the same, in general...]] | |||
* [[Avatar Gay Drama]]: OMG NO HOMOS IN THE FUTURE | * [[Avatar Gay Drama]]: OMG NO HOMOS IN THE FUTURE | ||
* [[Mudkip-chan]] | * [[Mudkip-chan]] | ||
* [[Furries]] | |||
* [[Environmentalism]] | * [[Environmentalism]] | ||
* [[Smurf]] | * [[Smurf]] | ||
Line 367: | Line 377: | ||
* [[Klingon]] | * [[Klingon]] | ||
* [[Jedi]] | * [[Jedi]] | ||
* [[Feminist]] | |||
* [[White guilt]] | * [[White guilt]] | ||
* ''[[Warcraft]]'' | * ''[[Warcraft]]'' | ||
* [[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck]] | * [[Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck]] | ||
* ''[[Unreal]]'', where the Skaarj steal Tarydium from the Nali... Na'vi... Nali... OH SHI- | * ''[[Unreal]]'', where the Skaarj steal Tarydium from the Nali... Na'vi... Nali... OH SHI- | ||
*[[Esperanto]] | * [[Esperanto]] | ||
*[[Terminator]] | * [[Terminator]] | ||
*[[Macrophile]] | * [[Macrophile]] | ||
== External Links == | |||
[[Image:Avatartrwhrth.jpg|thumb|Tigerlillys, football hooligans and AIDS are better than avatar.]] | |||
* [http://www.crudethemovie.com/about-2/ Official site] | |||
* [http://www.pandorapedia.com/doku.php Official fandom wiki you can't edit] | |||
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZmpw2AFU2I Avatar trailer in YouTube 3D, (yes youtube has 3D video support now, get with the times) and you need 3D glasses] | |||
* [http://www.newgrounds.com/portal/view/524391 Newgrounds Hot Na'vi Sex] | |||
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3dGFvFryIs/ A typical avatard remake of the trailer. Notice the quality] | |||
* [http://thenaviavatars.deviantart.com/ Crappy fanart on dA] | |||
* [http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5596649/1/Spirits_Dance ''Avatar'' meets ''Law & Order'' fanfic] | |||
* [http://www.naviblue.com/hometree/ Naviblue: Avatard fansite] | |||
* [http://www.avatar-forums.com/ Avatar Forums] | |||
* [http://www.avataritag.com BUY BUY BUY!!!] | |||
* [http://www2.mcdonalds.com/bigmac/#/pandora EAT EAT EAT] | |||
* [http://www.facebook.com/officialavatarmovie Facebook page] | |||
* [http://twitter.com/officialavatar twitter] | |||
* [http://www.youtube.com/officialavatar JewTube channel] | |||
* [http://www.myspace.com/officialavatarmovie MySpazz page] | |||
* [http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121350582 Do you speak Na'vi? on NPR] | |||
* [http://www.learnnavi.org/ Learn To Speak Na'vi] | |||
* [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=207404254529 The Na'vi religion Facebook page] | |||
* [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=240828625238 The Na'vi language Facebook group] | |||
* [http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=238725675588 I Want To Be A Na'vi Facebook group] | |||
* [http://www.oddee.com/item_96586.aspx You, too, can turn blue with Colloidal Siver] | |||
* [http://www.straightdope.com/columns/read/1272/is-there-really-a-race-of-blue-people Is there really a race of blue people?] | |||
* [http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/2297471.stm Na'vi runs for US Senate] | |||
* [http://www.wired.com/underwire/2009/12/navi-sex-scene/ Turns out they had Na'vi pr0ns all along]. | |||
* {{lj|tothehometree|An LJ community for Na'vi Otherkin.}} Yes, [[Srs bsns|seriously]]. | |||
* [http://www.otherkin.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=10&t=1802&sid=139f3e0876221dbe8e1d466c76c16b38 We hate Furries, Furries hate Otherkin, and even ''otherkin hate this guy''.] | |||
* [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0-cSYqJOtA Leaked Trailer from Avatar 2] | |||
* [http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/97606-China-Bans-Avatar China bans the Avatar movie...] | |||
* [http://insidemovies.moviefone.com/2010/01/27/china-renames-mountain-after-avatar/ ...but it doesn't stop them from trying to cash in on it.] | |||
* [http://www.hustlerworld.com/hustler-video/hustler-produce-avatar-xxx-parody-latest-3d-technology/ Avatar pr0n parody on the way] | |||
* [[Wikipedia:Na'vi language|It is serious business establishing a fandom, you know...]] | |||
{{ | {{Furfaggotry}} | ||
{{ | {{Movies}} | ||
[[Category:Fandom Stuff]] | [[Category:Fandom Stuff]] | ||
[[Category:Furries]] | [[Category:Furries]] | ||
[[Category:2010]] | [[Category:2010]] |
Latest revision as of 06:34, 13 July 2024
Avatar (pronounced Nig-a-tar) is a remake of the documentary Crude: The Real Price Of Oil. It is the first of four three-hour long 3-D Greenpeace commercials from James Cameron (the guy who made Titanic, Terminator and Piranha: Part Two), a director so talented and visionary that he needed €500,000,000 ($620 million in 'murican money) to make a "test movie" with some shitty "digital 3D" equipment he made, with a story that rips off Fern Gully, Dancing with Wolves and Pocahontas. It is renowned by many of its viewers for having the best visuals since Crysis. Millions of dollars and 6,103,493 metric tons of CO2 emissions later, we now have hundreds of furfags wanting to become 10' tall colored folk who live in jungles and ride around on pterodactyls while trying to fight against The Man. And all of this just to at a later point in James' life make some live action adaptation of a manga called "Battle Angel Alita" by Yukito Kishiro, and with the same shitty "digital 3D" equipment he used for this movie. Fans of "Battle Angel Alita" raged everywhere when James Cameron announced he would make three more avatar movies before he'd begin to work on BAA, making BAA fanbois wonder if their promised trilogy will end up like another famous movie trilogy.
The budget for Avatar is disputed but a deep throat from /tv/ states:
—A fine and informative fellow from /tv/. |
Plot
A pointlessly evil corporation called RDA is hellbent on pwning the indigenous people of the planet Pandora for all their Unobtainium. It is never explained what Unobtanium is needed for, but one can presume that—since it's the year 2154—it's high tech meth. The Jew who's there, Parker Selfridge, says that it's worth over 9000 million dollars per pound, and has Jew for the amount of money that can be made, but his military contractor's leaderfag, Colonel Quaritch, is essentially a warmongering, racist, closet homo redneck maniac who just wants to kill everything with fire for the lulz and assrape Jake Sully, a crippled war vet who's only signed up with the mission to get his penis back.
The indigenous Na'vi prevail but only with the help of that chick Ripley from Aliens, a traitorous helicopter pilot and a jarheaded, crippled species traitor who switches sides after doing love with one of the local Na'vi chicks while he's running around the jungle dressed in a Na'vi fursuit spying on them. Ripley tries to explain that Pandora's trees are neurally interconnected entities and they shouldn't fuck with them, but RDA doesn't care and starts to holocaust the Na'vi's tree fort, Home Tree.
After Home Tree gets nuked by the RDA, the Na'vi turn on Jake Sully as a double agent for the Skywalkers. However, Jake is already pussy whipped to the point of no return and determined to prove himself to the Na'vi. He mounts and pwns Pandora's most vicious predator, a gigantic orange dragon thingy the Na'vi revere as something beyond Godly. Appearing before his Na'vi tribe astride the great beastie, Jake finally earns their respect, and with his newfound Messiah complex instructs them to gather all Pandora's disparate clans to try and fight off the far superior RDA. The odds are long, as the Na'vi may have the numbers, but are armed only with bows and arrows. However, they valiantly counterattack, Kamikaze style. Things are not looking good for the Na'vi, but on the verge of defeat, Al Gore appears with the Animal Liberation Front and pwns the RDA and Quaritch, who had a hissy fit about not teaching Jake to be a real man. The RDA are then rounded up and permab& from Pandora, much like how the Viet Kong kicked America out of Saigon. In the end,Jake becomes a dickless, ball-less black person. All of this takes place with an obvious advantage given to the Na'vi, one unbelievable even for a fantasy/sci-fi movie. The moral of the story is that humanity is a fail for getting pawned against tree huggers and that you can never, ever trust a jew.
With a line of eco-friendly Zeta toys set to go, it is also about to pwn all your money for X-Mas gifts, vidya games, theme park rides, and Halloween costumes next year. If that wasn't bad enough, since it has a made-up language specifically created for the movie by a USC professor, you will soon be verbally assaulted by otherkin faggots who think they are actually Na'vi. You mark my words, by next summer, we will be hearing about Na'vi as a second language courses at colleges, Na'vi weddings, Na'vi communes, a Na'vi religion, Na'vi conventions, and all manner of creepy, pervy fanfic, giving the previous king of all nerd languages, Klingon, a run for its money. Literally.
There is evidence (in terms of both the script that was used for the final film, and the initial scriptment that Cameron wrote some years earlier) that Cameron's initial idea was considerably more impressive than what we got in the final film. It was also, however, much more weird and less mainstream, so the suits presumably forced him to dumb things down, in order to ensure that it would make money.
The movie can be seen in its entirety here.
Super Awesome Fanwank Cut
After Avatar was inflicted upon the unfortunate population, James Cameron decided that he would rerelease the movie again and again until his vision was realised. This was achieved by fucking around with the movie by changing scenes, adding new and utterly pointless scenes with blatantly obvious special effects, and most importantly, changing the line about Jake's brother being shot to Jake's brother being STABBED. Because as we all know, nobody has guns in the future except the military. The entire intro was replaced with an earlier version which is almost identical to the bar brawl intro from Star Trek.
The Blu Ray release allows you to fap to the altered scenes in isolation, as well as watch over 9000 hours of actors running around placeholder CGI sets. If you actually enjoy this, you need a life, you sick, sad furry.
The Avatars
The avatars are genetic hybrids human and Na'vi DNA (science weeps at this point) specifically designed to infiltrate Pandora's native habitats to further the evil American mining corporation's pwnage of the planet's natural resources since Global Warming has pwned all of planet Earth's. Each avatar is a physical body that only comes to life when mentally linked to its human counterpart while napping in coffins. An avatar cannot function if its human counterpart is awake IRL. For example, an avatar will lie around comatose in the Na'vi jungle about to be crushed by a bulldozer by evil RDA contractors if he or she is fucking around eating scrambled eggs in the avatar lab. In other words: Human-Shaped Smurfs!!
The Na'vi
The Na'vi, also known as Smurfs, are an entire race of Mary Sues in the form pro-ana Warcraft's night elves with bones made of carbon fiber that live in floating mountains and ride around on giant chickens. They have big lips, flared nostrils, stand at over 10 feet tall, coarse black hair styled in braids and tribal markings on their skin. They all have a number of tiny penises in braided pubes coming out of their heads and enjoy bestiality with giant 6 legged landseahorses and vegetables. They are depicted as a peaceful people who never fight in wars, and they cry every time an animal dies. TheyNa'vi people apparently have a spiritual connection with every flesh-eating monstrosity on Pandora and can talk to trees by sticking branches into their brains. As weapons, they use arrows tipped with a potent neurotoxin. The arrows are about six feet long with a head the size of your arm, but don't worry; it's the neurotoxin that will get you, not the six foot pole sticking out of your chest. Na'vis have USB 15.0 powered braids, which are used to connect with nature—seriously, they can only ride a pterodactyl if they force their USB braid to connect with that of the animal, and the animal will stick with them for life, like a beaten redneck wife. All animals on Pandora have this plug 'n' play interface.
Na'vi religion
Na'vi religion is a new age cult. It has tree worship and Jew. Ceremonies include sticking USB powered braids to the Tree of Souls and hearing voices during the Na'vi ceremony known as Di'kinas. Swarms of furries have already accepted it as a replacement for Atheism.
The Na'vi Language
Na'vi language sounds like, like, when Americans are trying to pronounce foreign names. As the movie's budget began to exceed the GDP of all of Thailand, James Cameron decided to spend a good portion on professional language specialists in order for them to create a made up language of nonsensical words. His goal is to undermine the Klingon language, Esperanto, and Elvish as the speech of choice for nerds. All the alien words spoken in the film follow this formula:
- Take a sentence, e.g., "My skin is blue, so fuck yall!"
- Add random apostrophes and extra letters: "My sk'inn is b'luue, so'h fh'ook yal'lle!"
- Rearrange the words so they make less sense, then add some extra alien grammar: "Sk-my Ich bu-lle, shit'o shat'um ha’ shägn plegh ya'llek!"
- Kksas phalanan ghyalanal Alhazzared G'yeth G'yeth! Oh fuck—you just summoned Cthulhu.
The RDA
The stereotypical evil corporation that wants to burn, shoot and rape everything that moves. They have giant robot fighting suits, twelve-story bulldozers, and helicopters with over 9,000 missiles, yet they go and spend billions on the most sophisticated fursuit in history just so the movie's titular characters can yiff to their hearts' content. Led by a heartless middle-level management pencil pusher, they are on Pandora to mine minerals that fetch a gazillion dollars a kilo and shoot furry blue hippies. They attempt to destroy the Na'vi with dozens of helicopter gunships and a small army, when parachuting in a crate of whiskey would have been far more effective, that or unleashing smallpox. Not to mention that it look the exact same as a Hornet from the Halo series. Way to copy everything you can possible fucking think of James Cameron.
Main Characters
- Pandora – The drug-induced hallucination of a planet director James Cameron dreamed up while naked in the Vegas desert high on peyote, LSD, and mead after seeing a Blue Man Group performance when he was a 12-year-old boy. On Pandora, trees are conected like internets.
- The Na'vi – The indigenous "people" of Pandora. They are 10' tall blue kitties who are profoundly linked to nature and are especially fond of trees.
- Jake Sully – A crippled Marine who takes the place of his twin scientist brother as his avatar's "driver" thanks to the DNA shared with his brother. Jake Sully is like you, who installs World of Warcraft, chooses the blue female night elf, and then in a couple of sleepless nights saves the universe. Jake is wheelchair-bound courtesy of Nigerians during another mission and has been promised a new set of legs by the SPACE MARINES if he succeeds in infiltrating the Na'vi and reporting his findings on the tribe's weaknesses. Jake is responsible for the entire plot movement of the movie, simply because without him this would be three hours of watching robots shoot giant smurfs. A nagging thought throughout the film when it comes to Jake is that how come human technology can be so advanced as to have accomplished interstellar flight and generate giant fighting 'Mechs, but no one seems to have given a shit about upgrading the basic design of wheelchairs?
- Neytiri – The obligatory love interest in the film. She is a fierce Na'vi warrior and daughter of her tribe's leaders. She is also pro ana tomboy with no titties. In fact, she looks very much like a little boy which adds a whole pro-NAMBLA slant to Cameron's already overly abundant "message"-laden film. She is prone to fits of random hissing like a cat and cries when trees get knocked over.
- Giovanni Ribisi – An evil Scientologist playing an evil corporate capitalist in charge of U.S. corporation RDA's evil Unobtanium mining operation on Pandora. He likes to play golf and drink coffee and scheme and golf and coffee and scheme and coffee.
- Ripley – The bleeding heart liberal scientist in charge of the Avatar program. Of course she had no idea that the evil mining corporation (RDA) she's working with would use her avatars to rape the indigenous people who refuse to budge from their giant tree fort which sits atop the motherload of all Unobtanium on Pandora. She also has an avatar and prior to the arrival of the gung ho crippled Marine, Jake, tried to set up a school for the Na'vi to promote cross-cultural understanding. The school was soon permab& since the Na'vi are no dummies - they didn't get offered $12, copious amounts of whiskey and venereal diseases so it was no dice.
- Colonel Quaritch – The generic IRL tough guy leader of the U.S. Marine battalion who are charged with protecting RDA's mining operation and pwning the pissed off natives. While his civilian bosses attempt to avoid bad press back on Earth by negotiating with the black person in an attempt to peaceably relocate them from their beloved tree house to get at the massive load of Unobtainium underneath it, the Colonel would like nothing more than to bomb them and their tree back to the Stone Age; something he attempts to do near the end of the film, and comes disappointingly close to doing. His flying doom-fortress crashes when it's revealed that the same guy who decided the Death Star needed an exposed exhaust port built the flying fortress o' death...and put FOUR massively exposed weak points on it. He's the film's protagonist, when put alongside the tree-fucking Ripley and the furry race-traitor Jake, giving the movie the most tragic ending since Hamlet.
- Unobtanium – The precious mystery mineral that the RDA wants to get at to pay for the production, marketing and promotion of Avatar. Unobtanium is a combination of crack, oil and Viagra and goes for 20,000,000 Quatloos a kilo.
- SHODAN – the insane meglomaniac computer program who crash landed to the planet Pandora after her defeat in System Shock 2. Pretending she had anything to do with the plot whatsoever will make the movie awesome.
- Mr.Drummond – wealthy white widower, who runs the Trans Aillen Co. Housing Development, and was born December 3, 1931 in Manhattan, New York.
Philip has a daughter named Kimberly and two adopted African American brothers: 12-year-old Willis and 8-year-old Arnold Jackson. Arnold and Willis's mother worked for Philip Drummond many years ago, but her death-bed wish was that Mr. Drummond would take care of her two sons. In the first episode of the series, Philip welcomes Arnold and Willis into his home. Arnold quickly becomes attached to his new environment, but Willis nearly ruins it for him by hastily deciding that he and Arnold will move back to Harlem.
Philip starts planning some "quality time" with the family by telling both Arnold and Willis that the whole family will be going on fun trips together. Arnold wants to agree, but Willis destroys his fun, and bosses him around.
3-D Technology: The Last Few Drops of Blood
Less than a year after the release of Avatar James Cameron finally realizes what it's like to be a tortured genius whose inventions are used for evil. Akin to Albert Einstein jump-starting the Manhattan Project and consequently flooding the world with nuclear weapons, now James Cameron is watching his 3D Fusion Camera System revolution flood the planet in a holocaust of shitty three dimensional movies such as Piranha 3D. James "Bleeding-Heart" Cameron claims that movies like Piranha 3-D are "cheapening" 3-D technology, and making it look bad.
—James Cameron, on Piranha 3-D |
Unlike Piranha 3-D which has been done before, James Cameron's 3-D technology should be used exclusively for movies which are never-ending torrents of creativity—movies that are new and innovative and groundbreaking, like a movie about a soldier taken in by an indigenous race of people who face being run out of their homes by an imperialistic country that has lost its touch with humanity. Films that try to get the "last few drops of blood from the turnip" by using cheap marketing tactics such as re-releasing a film in less than a year with nine minutes of extra footage give 3-D technology a bad reputation, and should be shunned by real film makers.
Canadian Propaganda Movie
— fuzzybum |
The movie portrays in a negative light all that the USA stands for: war for resources, weapons of mass destruction and fighting terror with terror. However, Canadian issues, like native rights, hunting moose and having sex with different species, are shown as much more positive.
This movie is about how good tree hugging is, how bad capitalism and nation building is, and promoting inter-race marriage and/or bestiality. Just like Star Trek did thirty years ago. Also, Manifest Destiny is bad, m'kay? Yet this film is okay with having a Big Mac meal and Happy Meal Toys at McDonalds. Which is the poster child of evil earth destroying, rain forest depleting, C02 producing corporations worldwide. So basically this anti-war, anti-capitalism film is McDonald's way of buying carbon credits.
- It should be noted that although Cameron spent the equivalent of the annual GDP of the whole of Africa making this movie, while that continent starves to death and contracts cholera by drinking feces-contaminated water, he did recycle most of the military hardware from his Terminator movies and those from The Matrix and District 9. He even recycled the theme song from Titanic by having someone cover the Celine Dion song with a few minor changes and also recycled some of the names like what the movie is called what planet it takes place on. It's like the creators were watching a shitty Nickelodeon made Anime while playing Borderlands or choosing which online radio station that had the best shit while they were figuring out the names.
Fandom Stuff
Avatar Blues AKA The Avatar Effect
Apparently, the movie has psychotherapists and health professionals scrambling to deal with a new neurosis called The Avatar Effect. This is a phenomenon where people—having "been to" Pandora—get all emo and utterly depressed upon leaving the theatre and going back to their shitty, mundane lives IRL. As of writing, there have been no An heroes directly linked to the Avatar Effect, but people are BAAAWWWWING about the Avatard blues all over the Internets.
(CNN) -- James Cameron's completely immersive spectacle "Avatar" may have been a little too real for some fans who say they have experienced depression and suicidal thoughts after seeing the film because they long to enjoy the beauty of the alien world Pandora.
On the fan forum site "Avatar Forums," a topic thread entitled "Ways to cope with the depression of the dream of Pandora being intangible," has received more than 1,000 posts from people experiencing depression and fans trying to help them cope. The topic became so popular last month that forum administrator Philippe Baghdassarian had to create a second thread so people could continue to post their confused feelings about the movie.
"I wasn't depressed myself. In fact the movie made me happy ," Baghdassarian said. "But I can understand why it made people depressed. The movie was so beautiful and it showed something we don't have here on Earth. I think people saw we could be living in a completely different world and that caused them to be depressed."
A post by a user called Elequin expresses an almost obsessive relationship with the film.
"That's all I have been doing as of late, searching the Internet for more info about 'Avatar'. I guess that helps. It's so hard I can't force myself to think that it's just a movie, and to get over it, that living like the Na'vi will never happen. I think I need a rebound movie," Elequin posted.
A user named Mike wrote on the fan Web site "Naviblue" that he contemplated suicide after seeing the movie.
"Ever since I went to see 'Avatar' I have been depressed. Watching the wonderful world of Pandora and all the Na'vi made me want to be one of them. I can't stop thinking about all the things that happened in the film and all of the tears and shivers I got from it," Mike posted. "I even contemplate suicide thinking that if I do it I will be rebirthed in a world similar to Pandora and the everything is the same as in 'Avatar.'"
Other fans have expressed feelings of disgust with the human race and disengagement with reality.
Cameron's movie, which has pulled in more than $1.4 billion in worldwide box office sales and could be on track to be the highest grossing film of all time, is set in the future when the Earth's resources have been pillaged by the human race. A greedy corporation is trying to mine the rare mineral unobtainium from the planet Pandora, which is inhabited by a peace-loving race of 10-foot tall, blue-skinned natives called the Na'vi.
In their race to mine for Pandora's resources, the humans clash with the Na'vi, leading to casualties on both sides. The world of Pandora is reminiscent of a prehistoric fantasyland, filled with dinosaur-like creatures mixed with the kinds of fauna you may find in the deep reaches of the ocean. Compared with life on Earth, Pandora is a beautiful, glowing utopia.
Ivar Hill posts to the "Avatar" forum page under the name Eltu. He wrote about his post-"Avatar" depression after he first saw the film earlier this month.
"When I woke up this morning after watching Avatar for the first time yesterday, the world seemed ... gray. It was like my whole life, everything I've done and worked for, lost its meaning," Hill wrote on the forum. "It just seems so ... meaningless. I still don't really see any reason to keep ... doing things at all. I live in a dying world."
Reached via e-mail in Sweden where he is studying game design, Hill, 17, explained that his feelings of despair made him desperately want to escape reality.
"One can say my depression was twofold: I was depressed because I really wanted to live in Pandora, which seemed like such a perfect place, but I was also depressed and disgusted with the sight of our world, what we have done to Earth. I so much wanted to escape reality," Hill said.
Cameron's special effects masterpiece is very lifelike, and the 3-D performance capture and CGI effects essentially allow the viewer to enter the alien world of Pandora for the movie's 2½-hour running time, which only lends to the separation anxiety some individuals experience when they depart the movie theater.
"Virtual life is not real life and it never will be, but this is the pinnacle of what we can build in a virtual presentation so far," said Dr. Stephan Quentzel, psychiatrist and Medical Director for the Louis Armstrong Center for Music and Medicine at Beth Jew Medical Center in New York. "It has taken the best of our technology to create this virtual world and real life will never be as utopian as it seems onscreen. It makes real life seem more imperfect."
Fans of the movie may find actor Stephen Lang, who plays the villainous Col. Miles Quaritch in the film, an enemy of the Na'vi people and their sacred ground, an unlikely sympathizer. But Lang says he can understand the connection people are feeling with the movie.
"Pandora is a pristine world and there is the synergy between all of the creatures of the planet and I think that strikes a deep chord within people that has a wishfulness and a wistfulness to it," Lang said. "James Cameron had the technical resources to go along with this incredibly fertile imagination of his and his dream is built out of the same things that other peoples' dreams are made of."
The bright side is that for Hill and others like him -- who became dissatisfied with their own lives and with our imperfect world after enjoying the fictional creation of James Cameron -- becoming a part of a community of like-minded people on an online forum has helped them emerge from the darkness.
"After discussing on the forums for a while now, my depression is beginning to fade away. Having taken a part in many discussions concerning all this has really, really helped me," Hill said. "Before, I had lost the reason to keep on living -- but now it feels like these feelings are gradually being replaced with others."
Quentzel said creating relationships with others is one of the keys to human happiness, and that even if those connections are occurring online they are better than nothing.
"Obviously there is community building in these forums," Quentzel said. "It may be technologically different from other community building, but it serves the same purpose."
Within the fan community, suggestions for battling feelings of depression after seeing the movie include things like playing "Avatar" video games or downloading the movie soundtrack, in addition to encouraging members to relate to other people outside the virtual realm and to seek out positive and constructive activities.
—Avatard |
To deal with the Avatar Blues, fan forums such as Avatar-Forums.com have created therapy threads and other assorted coping methods.
Lulz-filled quotes
—Even the Furfaggot Objectivist God Jay Naylor hates Avatar. |
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Message of a Film
After seeing this movie and staying up WAY too late a few nights, I realized the truth about this movie. Everything in this movie is a metaphor for real life and World of Warcraft... We have Jak. His brother died, he's crippled, he has no friends, and he's just moved to a new job, so he's pretty depressed. He doesn't like his new co-workers. They're massive nerds and well...he isn't. But they introduce him to their favorite game, World of Warcraft, and they all get trial accounts, knowing that the trial period is only 3 months. After that, if they don't pay, everything crumbles. So he joins, creating a Night Elf character alongside his co-workers. thrilled to find that he can do everything in the game that he couldn't do in real life. He has friends, he can walk again, and as he learns to play the game, he meets guildmates, earns a mount, and when leveled up enough, gets a flying mount. Yay! He even gets an online girlfriend! But you can see his decline in the real world. He starts out balancing the game and work, as you can see him submitting reports to his boss, doing presentations, ect. But soon, he stops excercising, getting in bad physical shape. He eventually stops showing up to meetings at work, so his bosses investigate. When their bosses find that they've been playing WoW at work instead of doing their job, they're all fired. While they're all leaving after being fired, their former supervisor, Quaritch, launches a lecture at them for wasting their lives in a video game (Represented as him firing off "wild gunshots" at them). The only one who takes it to heart is Ripley, and it slowly starts eating away at her. Since they can no longer play WoW at work, they all end up getting an apartment together in the middle of nowhere. His co-workers take pity on him since he's crippled, but even they notice his decline and even take pity on him, ignoring his lack of hygiene, forcing him to eat, and such. Eventually, their free subscriptions run out. This causes his real-world life to crumble around him, starting with one of his co-workers (Ripley) finally taking the advice the Supervisor gave in his lecture, quitting WoW, and getting a new job, realizing that it's time to move on and stop wasting her life. The guild tries to convince her to stay, but she's done with the game and deletes her character. This causes a schism between her and the two WoW players, so she ends up moving out and they both declare her "Dead" to them and to the entire guild. So Jak and his roomate pool together the last of their money to buy accounts and pay for internet service. The final part of the movie is Jak finally being able to unite several night-elf clans to start going on Raids together. However, the money is running out. Eventually, even his best friend tires of the raids and realizes that it's time to move on in life, so he quits WoW and leaves in the middle of a massive raid... In the end, he drives out the real world, fully escaping into his fantasy world of night elves...as he's shattered his real life to the point that he has nothing to go back to. Even when his former boss, fearing for his safety, finally tracks down his apartment, which he's now alone in, and tries to pull him away from his fantasy world, Jak lashes out at him And when Jak's online girlfriend lashes out at the boss to Jak, the boss realizes how far gone he is and finally leaves forever, becoming "Dead" to Jak just like his former friends... So the movie ends with Jak's real life being non-existant as he spends the last of his days with his guild as his physical self starves and wastes away in the cold lonelyness of his apartment in the wreckage of his former life. With all this in mind, the movie makes a hell of a lot more sense, including why the Na'vi and their world seems a helluva lot better than the "real" human world. And all the antagonistic attempts by his bosses, the "Marine Commander" and "Corporate executive", were actually attempts to get him to do his job and to stop wasting his life on a video game, which he sees as horrible, genocidal acts in his warped mind. Anyone who's not in the game is "Dead" to him. It's truly a sad tale and has a way better message, a warning about taking a game too seriously. The bizarre part is that the more you look at it this way, the better it works. Better than most of the hippy BS messages the movie is intending to throw at you, to say the least...
How the movie should have ended
AVATAR 2 3 4 5?
- There will be 4 more Avatar movies?
- Is James Cameron trolling us?
- Avatar 2 release has been delayed how many times now????
Facts about Avatar 2
- This could all just be a publicity stunt.
- Rumors about Avatar 2 have been going around since 2010.
- It will make over a billion dollars if it is ever released.
- Avatar 2 will be CGI overload. If you thought the original movie was CGI overload
just you wait till Avatar 2 keep in mind graphics cards have advanced since 2009.
Avatards are invading JewTube
Previous Video | Next Video |
Village People
The Na'vi can be really friendly creatures, as anyone can notice. We have taken the time to gather some samples of songs that show their hospitality toward complete strangers.
Na'vi Gallery
-
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of fail, I will fear no troll, for anon are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
-
After adding the Avatar's genes into the Na'vi's Gene Pool, ugly Down Syndrome's Na'vilets were born.
-
Another example of what's been said in the previous image. PROTIP: If you look deeply into her eyes, your brain will melt due to the mediocre image making.
-
Rule 34 proper
-
On the set of Avatar.
-
Unsurprisingly, Second Life is all over this shit.
-
She's looking at the image on the right.
-
He's looking at the image on the left.
-
Col Quaritch wants to Yiff too.
-
He's looking at the image above.
-
The impact of the movie on /b/tards.
-
Avatar: Rambo edition.
-
Internets is invaded by na'vilets
-
IRL Na'vi]]
-
Some macro shit.
-
Some more macro shit.
Colonel Quaritch does not give a single fuck
-
Not about OH EXPLOITABLE!!!
-
Not about true love...
-
Not about Jews...
-
Not about plane crashes in general...
-
Not about wolf hunting...
-
Not about boat sinking...
-
Not about your rebel friends...
-
Not about your Empire...
-
Not about your local non-corporate coffee shop..
-
Not about your supremacy...
-
Not about your retarded incestuous all-day American...
-
Not about your Jew...
-
Not about the Na'vi...
-
Not about furfags in general...
-
Not about African children...
-
Not about Goatse...
-
Not about Swine Flu...
-
Not about experiments with dinosaurs...
-
Not about movie crossovers...
-
Not about your awards...
-
Not about Dividing by zero...
-
Not about stupid driving rules...
-
Not about lack of drawing skills...
-
Not about prawns...
-
Not about Haiti...
-
Not about bawling...
-
Not about Wikipedia...
See Also
- Avatar Gay Drama: OMG NO HOMOS IN THE FUTURE
- Mudkip-chan
- Furries
- Environmentalism
- Smurf
- Star Trek
- Klingon
- Jedi
- Feminist
- White guilt
- Warcraft
- Colonel Quaritch does not give a fuck
- Unreal, where the Skaarj steal Tarydium from the Nali... Na'vi... Nali... OH SHI-
- Esperanto
- Terminator
- Macrophile
External Links
- Official site
- Official fandom wiki you can't edit
- Avatar trailer in YouTube 3D, (yes youtube has 3D video support now, get with the times) and you need 3D glasses
- Newgrounds Hot Na'vi Sex
- A typical avatard remake of the trailer. Notice the quality
- Crappy fanart on dA
- Avatar meets Law & Order fanfic
- Naviblue: Avatard fansite
- Avatar Forums
- BUY BUY BUY!!!
- EAT EAT EAT
- Facebook page
- JewTube channel
- MySpazz page
- Do you speak Na'vi? on NPR
- Learn To Speak Na'vi
- The Na'vi religion Facebook page
- The Na'vi language Facebook group
- I Want To Be A Na'vi Facebook group
- You, too, can turn blue with Colloidal Siver
- Is there really a race of blue people?
- Na'vi runs for US Senate
- Turns out they had Na'vi pr0ns all along.
- An LJ community for Na'vi Otherkin. Yes, seriously.
- We hate Furries, Furries hate Otherkin, and even otherkin hate this guy.
- Leaked Trailer from Avatar 2
- China bans the Avatar movie...
- ...but it doesn't stop them from trying to cash in on it.
- Avatar pr0n parody on the way
- It is serious business establishing a fandom, you know...
Dancing with Smurfs is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
Dancing with Smurfs is part of a series on Visit the Media Portal for complete coverage. |