The Human Centipede

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Perhaps the lulziest documentary ever, and 100% medically accurate, The Human Centipede redefines the phrases ass to mouth and intelligent design. This is perhaps the most blogged about B-Movie since Snakes on a Plane. The movie is so fucked-up, the name and poster alone don't prepare you for the shite in this movie. It's like the movie equivalent of the offended page, and if you STILL think you should watch it, it makes Saw look like a child's comedy in comparison. People have gone in to watch it and its sequel hoping to fap to the potential guro and torture porn as they are acquainted to from films in the same genre like Saw and Hostel, and come out disturbed and asking themselves "what in the holy mother of fuck did I just watch?". And if even encyclopedia dramatica, home of pain series and other unspeakable horrors is disgusted by it, you should know that this is one to leave well alone.

Making money by generating controversy, the movie industry outdo themselves once again. It is unknown if the critics claiming to hate this movie are actually that stupid when telling their audience to completely avoid the movie, or if they're part of a larger scheme, turning controversy generation into an exact science. Still, it's not as bad as say, Guinea Pig: Flower of flesh and blood or August Underground's Mordum. But still, avoid like the plague.

This sure-to-be Oscar winning documentary comes to us via the husband and wife team of sick fucks Tom and Ilona Six who had been doing so much anal and coprophagia with each other that they one day said "Hey, don't we know a dude who likes to stitch people ass to mouth so that they'd be forced to do coprophagia whether they liked it or not? " They did. Tom Six stated that the inspiration for the film came from a joke about punishing people who were nasty or annoying, or a child molester by stitching their mouths to the anus of an overweight truck driver. From here came what he saw as the concept for a great horror movie.

The artist's reason for creating

Many people mistakenly believe that The Human Centipede was just some erotic horror film. Nothing could be further from the truth. The film was in fact, an enlightened postmodern social commentary on the folly of capitalism. The head of the centipede was the upper class and the ones below them the lower classes. It depicts the distribution of wealth among the classes using the metaphor of food and why capitalism fails society. Most people do not understand this because they are shallow, classless, superficial phonies that do not appreciate the arts and refined thinking.

Plot

Dr. Josef Heiter is a world-renowned humanitarian and difference maker with dreams of decreasing the world's population by making singular new creatures out of three people that share a single digestive system by joining separate individuals via their mouths and anuses and thus end world hunger. He recruits two hot American sluts and one Azn dude. The Jap was added to the film presumably to make the film appeal to weeaboo sick fucks and SJWs (because diversity). The good doctor then gives the three general anesthesia, and stitches the three together ass to mouth.

Once the surgery is complete, the doctor begins training his 'centipede' to perform various tasks. Things begin to look promising when he sees the front end of his 'superorganism' defecate and the chick behind him is forced to swallow his excrement and the doctor watches with great delight. World hunger? Problem solved! Not so fast: eventually, the butt-end chick of the centipede starts dying from blood poisoning and the good doctor is forced to put things on hold to replace the deadbeat participant with two new parts.

Sadly, some people continue to be part of the problem rather than be team players sharing the burden to help mankind and Heiter eventually becomes severely irritated after being kept awake all night by the constant screaming of his patients. Then an Azn, as the front part of the centipede, refuses to do as he is told, and the doctor is forced to beat him.

Dr. Heiter has stated that the inspiration for his experiments came from a true crime story in Australia where a Josef Fritzl was convicted of being a pedo and punished by having his mouth stitched to the ass of a fat truck driver.

He was also heavily influenced by the World Trade Organisation's scientists, who have proven that starvation in the Third World can be solved by recycling human excrement into McDonald's hamburgers. tl;dw? See 3:30.

The film ends with Dr. Heiter feeding a caterpillar to his human centipede, then marveling as it emerges from the caboose of his creation as a beautiful butterfly that flutters off into the horizon. A single tear trails down his face as he marks its course and muses that "Perhaps all of man is like the butterfly." As the scene fades to black, he begins to masturbate furiously.

To sum up: Watch this film! It's the shit! Guaranteed fun for the whole family!

How to Create a Human Centipede

	“	i always pictured the food chain differently.	„
	—Anonymous

Obtain 3 humans that "match"
Determine who will be A (the lead), B (the middle), and C (the end)
Give them general anesthesia
Cut the ligaments of the kneecaps (ligamentum patelae) so that standing is no longer possible
From B and C remove the central and canine teeth
The lips from from B and C and the anus of A and B are cut circular along the border between skin and mucosa
Grafts are prepared as flaps from the buttocks of A and B
V-shaped incision below the chins of B and C up to their cheeks
Connect the circular mucosa and skin parts of anus and mouth thus creating a Siamese triplet. Ingestion by A passes through B and is excreted by C
Give pain killers and antibiotics and train the new centipede as desired
???
Profit

What is this...
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...I don't even

100 % Medically Accurate

Reaction

Sickening, disgusting and there will be a sequel.

“	There are terrible movies and there are loathsome movies. And then there's that rare breed so idiotic, exploitative and sickening one wishes they could be scrubbed from memory. "The Human Centipede (First Sequence)" is such a specimen. Would that I had 100 legs to kick it. The details of the process, central to the film, are unprintable in a family newspaper — and so nauseating that the filmmaker should personally apologize to everyone who sees it.	„
—LA Times

I refuse to rate this film

“	I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don't shine.	„
—Roger Ebert

Crosses the line from horror to just plain sick.

“	It's hard to say whether Tom Six's horror film "The Human Centipede" is more appropriately reviewed by a critic or therapist. Credit or blame -- depending on how one looks at it -- certainly must go to this aptly named Dutch filmmaker for producing an effort so horrifically twisted that it makes the "Saw" and "Hostel" movies look like lighthearted romps. And that's without an excess of blood and gore.	„
—Hollywood Reporter

A must see

“	...for coprophiliacs and spanking enthusiasts, “The Human Centipede (First Sequence)” may be the year’s first mainstream fetish movie. Concluding with a scene that prepares us more for a commercial break than end titles, “Centipede” promises to return with a sequel that, according to Mr. Six, will make this movie “look like ‘My Little Pony.’ ” I believe him.	„
—New York Times

I'm going to kill myself

“	I’m not sure I want to live in a world that would embrace this particular monstrosity, a clinical, detached portrait of a German sadist who performs experiments on two women and a man, removing parts of jaws and knees, sewing mouths onto anuses, and running a digestive tube … never mind. The director forces into our mouths what he forces into the mouths of his female characters.	„
—New York Magazine

For other such reviews, see Rotten Tomatoes.

I'm totally getting inked bro!

Trailer

100% medically accurate!

Dialogue excerpts

	“	I know you girls. I've got a horny video of you at home.	„

	“	You're always wet between your legs, right?	„

	“	I'll fuck you good and hard. Would you like that?	„

	“	The rape drug! Rohypnol. Causes drowsiness, dizziness, disorientation and memory loss.	„

	“	The Japanese possess unbelievable strength when backed into a corner.	„

	“	I am a sick man! HAHAHAHA! If you don't open up immediately I will cut your knees and pull your teeth out one by one without any anesthesia!	„

	“	One of my rottweilers also tried to escape before the operation, ... he had to take the middle piece...Now I know definitely you are the middle piece!	„

	“	Shit. I have to shit! I'm so sorry. Forgive me.	„

	“	Yeah, hahaha! Feed her! Feed her! Swallow it, bitch! Swallow up! Feed her! FEED HER! OH!	„

	“	Mmmmrph...mmmrph...wmmmrph...mmmrph	„

Previous Quote | Next Quote

The Human Centipede II: Electric Boogaloo

The Human Centipede being trained for Part Deux.

Yes folks, this film has a lulzier sequel called The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence). According to Tom Six, the first film that came out was a tame version that will just prep the audiences to get them prepared for what he really wanted to show.

“	It's going to be 12 people and I've been telling people all over the world that The Human Centipede (First Sequence) will be My Little Pony in comparison to this film. In part one, I really wanted people to get used to this idea, this sick idea and in the second part, I can really use all my imagination and everything I couldn't do in Part I, I can now do in Part II.	„
—Tom Six

The Human Centipede III: Asses and Mouths Together Forever

A third Human Centipede film was eventually announced, making it an A2M trilogy. It is ~~rumored~~ confirmed that this film will have ~~all of humanity connected ass to mouth and this Centipede will extend into space all the way to the planet Mars as a means to "save" the human race.~~ more than 500 people connected ass-to-mouth. We only wish we were kidding.

Filming began May 2013.