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Jilly Juice

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The creator of Jilly Juice, under the influence

Jilly Juice is a basically a cocktail of cabbage wine and sea water created by Jillian Epperly that idiots drink in the hopes that it'll cure their AIDS, cancer, and retardness... which is ironic given that you'd have to be a fucking retard to drink sea water in the hopes that it cures anything. Actually if it cures anything, it'll definitely cure your life. It also apparently regrows missing body parts and organs, but obviously it hasn't regrown anyone's missing brains.

Part of the intended side effects of drinking Jilly Juice is a thing called "waterfalls", which is a fancy way of saying "explosive diarrhea", where part of one's stomach lining is shat out in the process. This in turn used as evidence that the "Jilly Juice protocol" is working... y'know, because those obviously are deadly worms which were inside your body all along and not actually part of your actual bowels.

Of course it wouldn't be SO bad if the cooks who've been brainwashed by Jillian weren't forcing this crap upon their own children as well:

File:JillyJuice-littleKid.png

C'mon, "Waterfalls" don't sound THAT bad!

I guess you're right. But hey, don't take my word for it, check out what some of Jillian's satisfied customers have shared about their "waterfalls" after being on the Jilly Juice program for a while:


   
 
File:JillyJuice-waterfall1.png

 

 
 

—Jilly Juicer

   
 
File:JillyJuice-waterfall2.png

 

 
 

—Jilly Juicer

   
 
File:JillyJuice-waterfall3.png

 

 
 

—Jilly Juicer

   
 
File:JillyJuice-waterfall4.png

 

 
 

—Jilly Juicer


You shit on it, but fuck you, I want to start using it. What does it cure?

Well the MAIN thing it's trying to cure it this fungus called "candida"; it's a common fungus which is basically harmless, but when it grows out of control it causes stuff like yeast infections and oral thrush... which really isn't all that bad in the grand scheme of things. Jilly Juice, however, aims to cure candida. That's right; to prevent yeast infections and oral thrush, you gotta basically deal with heart attacks, strokes, and everything else that comes from drinking salt water. This is basically like being OK with preventable diseases is measles and mumps to prevent autism.

Ah but it not only deals with candida, but Jilly Juice also cures:

File:JillyJuice-listOfClaims.jpg

...so basically everything.

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