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All Gen Gamers

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Four furries. One podcast. Zero lulz.

A collection of phony, smug, self-important, ass bandits, who review and speak about video games. After having their a-holes royally licked by hordes of YouTube fanboys, and deluded by feelings of self-importance, they decided to team up together - four douchebags for the price of one... great idea!

These guys represent the worst aspects of video game reviewers, but they each have thousands of fanboy dicks lining up to suck their cocks - "Please sir, would it be OK if I sent you some games? I hope I'm worthy..." "Maybe if I send you enough free shit you'll invite me onto your faggy podcast, and my shitty, no-mark YT channel will get more than four subs..."

All Gen Gamers Members

The members of the podcast can best be described as virgins with high egos, and full of anti-lulz. Below is a list of these fuckers.

PeteDorr

Pete "will I ever get laid?" Dorr is a New York dwelling 23 year old virgin who owns a Massive! collection of video games. He started out on YouTube in October 2008, after he made a video about 4 RPGs on the Wii. It's unclear as to how this virgin accumulated a fanboy mass of over 50,000 through making videos of "Games he bought recently" (maybe it's his Jesus haircut) and showing off unboxings of gaming consoles he bought off eBay. He also streams live footage of himself playing with a shit game system known as the "Vectrex." He repeatedly tells his fanboys that the Vectrex looks terrible unless you see it in person, but that doesn't stop him from filming it more and more.

Loves unboxings. Really, really, loves em!

On December 2008, Pete posted what was to become his most popular video: His "room tour." The drama quickly came to the lulz. Not only was he getting trolled for being a virgin, but his douchebag fanboys were constantly begging him to make another room tour. Apparently Pete will make another one once he "cleans up" his room - as in, when he manages to hide all his Sonic porn from view. Oh, did I mention? He's a Massive! Sonic fan.

Pete's ego, like every other game reviewer, grows; It grew rapidly. He recently became a YouTube partner, but ads appeared on the videos - Good job Pete! Milking the cash cow... Like every other partner whore on YouTube. He now neglects the fan messages he gets ("too many, you guys!") but always finds time to answer ones that will let him display his knowledge of obscure and rightfully forgotten video games.

Pete gets to live with no real responsibilities. He lives at a house that's paid for by others, he eats food that's paid for by others, and he's protected by insurance that's paid for by others. This means that every cent he makes off of his minimum wage job as a cashier at Best Buy can go towards some more video game-related shit. Whether it's his fourth copy of a game he's never bothered to play, a different color of a console (for "collecting purposes"), or a $1000 wine glass featuring a probably forged signature, Pete will get to live as a child for as long as he can keep his free-loading ass at his parents' home.

College? Oh, he's already graduated... with an art degree. Nice choice there, buddy. You'll be off on a real career in no time! As a Best Buy cashier for the rest of your life.

Happy Console E-Beggar

His bandanna (not shown) has been arrested for crimes against humanity

Starting out in April 2008, Happy Console Gamer is a Canadian game reviewer who makes videos including fucking a plush whale in the bed, having his girlfriend strip on scene. He loves to be a big Mr. Nice Guy and give random shoutouts to YouTube users with only 4 subscribers at the most. "RobMan" is his buttbuddy on the show that's usually with him to attempt to prove that HCG is not a typical gaming virgin with no friends.

He hosts a segment on the show known as "Love Talk" in which he gives shitty advice that usually involves either whale-fucking or ass rape. Johnny "Millenium" (totally his real name, you guys) often brags about having had "over 100" girlfriends, seeming to not understand that this implies he is terrible at maintaining relationships.

Once again, HCG became a YouTube partner for the lulz but just HAD to enable the ads.

In Sept. 2011, this lanky Canadian fag-fucker made a shameless, disgusting video which consisted of him whining about how bad life was for him, seeing as his several thousand dollar high range camera had broken at PAX, AGAIN! and basically finished this puke ingesting video off by explaining how it was the responsibility of his viewers to foot the $1000 repair bill. What a CUNT! And the most maddening thing about all this was the reaction of his cock sucking fanboys, who immediately started leaving messages along the lines of "No way man! You poor thing. $100 dollars on the way" or "I feel so bad for you johnny. My keyboard is still moist from the tears - I'm unemployed right now but will $10 help. Sorry it couldn't be more".

Somehow it never occurred to this guy that perhaps he should sell some the random shit he's hoarded over the years. The Happy Console Gamer has no problem shelling out $300 for an artbook he can fap to, but when it comes to a thousand dollar repair job, there's NO FUCKING WAY he can manage to pay for it. How about saving up a few weeks' income? NOPE! That's already dedicated to a shitton of eBay purchases. In a way, Johnny "Millenium" is smart, knowing that he could take advantage of "the community." He probably was planning on paying for it himself, as he should have, but then stopped and realized, "Oh wait, I can rely on those groveling low-lifes who call themselves my fans!"

Gaming Community fags everywhere including AshenClone, CollectorGeorge, Reason2HateMe, and various others knew something was wrong, and had to attack the E-beggar. Keep up the good work soldiers!

List of Heroes:

UPDATE: The great internet sock account war agaist Johnny ended unsuspectedly. AshenClone closed his account, while CollectorGeorge closed all his other sock accounts the same day. The only remaining accounts will stay up abandoned, and Reason2HateMe's army stopped trolling Johnny.

Gamester81

Gamester81 - Once auditioned for the role of Shrek

A typical "I'm Mr Nice Guy," gut wrenching, Youtube douchebag. This guy boasts a massive! collection of retro hardware, which if it weren’t for his smugness, might be interesting to look at. Gamester81 is one of those guys that gives shout-outs but then likes to blow himself after for being so "nice." After all, it's about the "community" maaan. His douchebaggery recently reached new heights when he started giving interviews (who the fuck made him Larry King anyway?) and holding suspiciously timed prize giveaways that just happen to coincide with his partnership application...funny that. Not content with one wack channel, Gamester81 has two others which he constantly whores out. I tell you, watching this guy's huge Shrek style head fill the screen, combined with his smugness, is enough to put anyone off YouTube for life. Consider yourselves warned. This guy has a big dose of butthurt coming his way.

Update: Gamester81 had mentioned that he was applying for a Youtube partnership, solely so he could break the 10 minute time limit, he said at the time. He's now a full partner, and guess what, people? None of his vids are longer (but the ads look pretty) - funny that... and he said it wasn't about the money. So he blatantly lied to his viewers then? I urge you, stop kissing his ass (I know that may be a difficult proposition for you YouTube fan-boys), go to this guy's channel and troll the fuck out of him at your earliest convenience.

This guy is a master at self promotion and like most typical Youtube partner whores (Yes, I'm referring to his fucking ass-buddies at All Gen Gamers), only cares about lame YT-Celeb status and getting a fucking check off his Google pimp daddy. Now his obviously cynical motives for starting his channel(s) are paying off for him. Read between the lines with this guy, and you'll see behind the mask.

In the All Gen Gamers podcast, he is often asked to read things aloud for the other hosts, resulting in a blubbering mess of verbal incompetency. He also has a habit of starting every other sentence with "to be honest with you" and ending them with "for sure, for sure." The times he doesn't use his little catch-phrases, Gamester81 is stuttering or tripping over his words.

For reasons no one knows, recently Gamester81 decided to film his YouTube videos in 3D, not realizing that nobody wants to see his fugly face popping out at them. Even if you somehow manage to find red and blue 3D glasses, these videos look like utter shit. Fortunately for Gamester, his legion of cocksuckers will never tell him that he's done something shitty. Oh no, because then he won't like them, and if this ugly-ass pedo that they've never met in real life thinks negatively of them, the fanboys' pathetic self-esteem will be shattered.

Warning: If you happen to have a gaming related youtube channel, that's reasonably successful, there's a good chance this fucker will turn up on your door-step for a "lets team-up" vid, Believe me, this dude will travel the globe to ponce a few extra subs.

On a side note, this guy is one fugly bastard too, and watching his fat sausage-like fingers fumbling over beautiful retro systems makes you feel kind of bad for the consoles.

Jason Heine aka the Emo Review

Desperately trying to not look like a fat ginger cunt... which he obviously is

Jason Heine is without a doubt the most smug, self-important bastard out of the lot. Which is ironic as he's the least popular of the gang with a measely 7,000 subs.

He's constantly talking about his degree in music engineering and how he's an "audio expert," even though he has nothing to back up that claim. (Case in point: his first intro bit for the podcast was immediately rejected by the other hosts as well as the listeners, and his entry into an audio contest for some Need for Speed game didn't even place among the first round of finalists.) He also lists himself as a "comedian," again ironic as comedians usually involve being funny.

Jason released some god-awful (and I mean God-fucking-AWFUL) rap albums filled with songs concerning either A. women leaving him or B. how awesome he is despite all the women leaving him (listen to "J-Heine" if you want to see exactly how pathetic he is). This was before he had an army of fanboy ass-kissers, but since his rise to Z-list YouTube fame he has received nothing but extremely positive feedback for his "music." Just to cash in on the podcast, he recorded a retarded song called "Get Your Whale On" which only adds on to the podcast's overall furfaggotry. This could be attributed to him being white AND ginger, but mostly because he is a cunt.

I will let his attempt at music speak for itself. Below is "More Than You," living proof that releasing your own music without first getting any outside feedback can result in awful, awful monstrosities. Some people seem to think that ED is purely satire, so let me be perfectly clear: I genuinely think this is some of the worst shit I've ever had the misfortune of listening to.

Recurring "Jokes"

There are more than a few unfunny memes created by this podcast. Luckily none of them have spilled into the rest of the internet, because they're already more overused than over 9000, just from the podcast alone.

The Whale

OMG I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

It's no secret that each member of the podcast as well as 80% of the listeners are furries (especially of the Sonic type). This fact can be confirmed through the overuse of a sound clip that consists of a whale call. The first time the hosts heard it, they broke down laughing. Fifty episodes later, they still act like toddlers when they hear it, giggling and clapping their hands while begging to hear it again.

Eventually the meme got out of hand and spiraled into some contrived sex scandal featuring each host. The whale was "spotted" in some BDSM outfit under Pete Dorr's bed, it "made a song" with Jason Heine (available for $0.99 at an online retailer near you!), and flat-out fucked Johnny Millennium. The whale has not yet "visited" Gamester81, for reasons unknown. Was there no room to fit amongst all the video game and Star Wars shit he's hoarding? Or maybe the hosts have simply forgotten about the whale.... Hopefully that's the case, because the tired joke (which was never funny to begin with) is about as welcome as a double nigger at a KKK rally.

They even gave this thing a Facebook page, with faggy status updates like "New AGG tomorrow, and I'll be listening to it with my boy Jason. MMMMAAAHHWWWW!!!!" and "I had a wonderful Christmas with Pete. Instead of turkey or ham, I ate fish which was delicious!"

The Goat

The hosts' cocks were hungry for more than one animal's asshole to plug, so they introduced the "All Gen Gamers Goat." The joke functions similarly to the whale: Jason plays a sound clip then giggling ensues. 80% of the listeners get a boner, and the other 20% continue to listen without a changed expression on their faces.

This thing got its own Facebook page too somehow. The status updates are even more retarded than the whale's: "nahahahahaha, look at my bunny friend!!!" and other times, simply "NAHGAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH."

The Dog

If you still don't believe the All Gen Gamers audience is made up of a bunch of raging fanboys without a speck of realization that what they're listening to is completely idiotic, here's some more proof. It seems whenever Jason Heine plays a new sound clip on the podcast, some fanboy runs off to create a Facebook page out of it. "Hey guys, look what I did!" you can almost hear him say. "Haha, funny right? Right? You guys like me now, right? Please acknowledge my existence!!"

The Jason Heine Sheep

One day Pete was playing some shitty version of Harvest Moon when he decided to name a virtual sheep after the love of his life: "J to the A to the S to the O to the N to the H to the E to the I to the N to the E" (actual song lyrics to "J-Heine"). As a result, listeners have to deal with Jason Heine asking questions about his fluffy wool and and other suppressed sexual euphemisms.

Robo Cat

Poutine - not to be confused with wet, runny shit.

Dear God, another animal!? Yup. At least this one's half machine... or something. Who knows what the "meep" sound is really supposed to be, but in Pete Dorr's mind, it's a robotic cat that can probably be programmed into some bizarre sex toy.

Poutine

This Canadian dish looks like utter shit (seriously, just look at that thing!), but for some reason Jason Heine wants nothing more than to try a bite of it. From this, we can logically conclude that Jason is into shit.

"Bend You Over My Knee, Shee?"

Occasionally Jason's faggot meter goes off the charts and he begins to talk like he's some sort of old-time gangster. This is almost lulzy when you consider the irony (Jason is not a gangster thug, no matter what "J-Dawg" tells you in his rap songs), but the hilarity comes to a sudden end when you realize how epically unfunny this voice is. The other hosts force a polite laugh whenever they hear it, but inside they're sick of it too.

"I'm R-r-r-really Happy to Be Here"

Another recurring saying that is full of anti-lulz (created by none other than Jason of course) is when the hosts (or even sometimes the fanboy guests) pretend to stutter. Little do they realize that by pretending to act nervous before the Skype presence of their heroes they are essentially giving each one of them a virtual blowjob... and I'm pretty sure you don't want to suck a cock that's been in and out of a whale's blowhole.

Reactions to This Page

The Drama Begins

It was inevitable that the four hosts of All Gen Gamers would eventually lay eyes on this page. It was also inevitable that the fanboys would come to their defense.

 
“ 		 
and even if it is making fun of them they are just mad because the guy's have fans and they don't
  		„
 

—MrTechnoSqueek, making assumptions with an incomplete sentence.


 
“ 		 
It's funny and well-written. I got a feeling the AGG crew is able to laugh at themselves, so I don't think any of them are going to be angry about this.
  		„
 

—SteveNeville, not anticipating Jason Heine's response.

 
“ 		 
If they're taking THAT much time to deconstruct other people's lives, aren't they themselves the very "No Life Virgins" that they're speaking about? it just seems like madness to me. If that was to happen to me I don't know what I'd do. The All Gen Gamers are better people than me if they can just 'shrug off' that BRUTAL, HORRIBLE, VICIOUS attack......man oh man. I know people are saying that "it's gotta be just a laugh" but I find that hard to believe just because they are layin' on the insults REALLY heavy, I feel bad for the guys y'know?
  		„
 

—DansGameCorner, who needs a page written about him ASAP.

The Hosts See It

 
“ 		 
haha I saw it and laughed! I dunno I agree stuff like that doesn't even phase me as its just so lame. I wanted my feelings to be hurt but they weren't....
  		„
 

—HappyConsoleGamer, whose feelings were obviously hurt.

 
“ 		 
Yeah I saw this a couple of weeks ago and showed it to the guys. We all took it in fun. I've had an article about me for awhile on ED, but I take it with a grain of salt and laugh because it's not meant to be personal.
  		„
 

—Gamester81, failing to understand that it is, in fact, meant to be personal.

 
“ 		 
Jason is a ginger? I knew it! You hair dying mother fucker!
  		„
 

—PeteDorr, avoiding the subject.

 
“ 		 
When you put yourself out there on the internet (and essentially the world) you have to realize stuff like this will eventually come up. I dont have time to even read stuff like this anymore, I hope everyone gets a good laugh :) Its all about having fun isnt it?? and @ Drath asking if I am a red head, I am not actually, so these guys dont know anything about me anyway. Tootles!
  		„
 

—Jason Heine, who definitely had time to read this.

Jason's reaction is the funniest for multiple reasons. First, it highlights his inability to spell things correctly (it's "don't" not "dont" you dumbass) as well as his poorly hidden rage. You don't even have time to read this? Please! I'll bet he read through this page three or four times just because he couldn't believe his eyes. He couldn't believe that someone would call him out for his incessant boasting and increasingly unfunny attempts at humor. But hey, somebody has to.

External Links

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