Earth

MOSTLY HARMLESS.

Earth is a flat and hollow water and vegetation place. Its inhabitants consists of autistic furries knows as animals; retarded midgets known as children; scene kids referred to as teenagers; stroppy twentysomethings; and sugar daddies and mommies. Half of its population want to fool you, and the other half value you as high as a cameltoe. Since the Jews invented Global Warming and niggers started to litter their condoms and KFC buckets everywhere, it is often said that the Earth is doomed. However, this is a stupid point, as the Sun will proceed to asplode in over 9,000 years, thus rendering all human achievements pointless.

Common Misconceptions About Earth

MYTH: The Earth is a sphere with a circumference of 24,900 miles and orbits the sun alongside 7 other planets.
FACT: The latest scientific research indicates that the Earth is the center of the universe and is actually a flat disk held up by four elephants standing on the back of a massive turtle. Most importantly, it is stationary.

MYTH: The Earth is harmless.
FACT: The Earth is mostly harmless.

MYTH: Humans are the only intelligent species in the solar system.
FACT: There is no intelligent life on Earth. The last bastion of educated thought were the dinosaurs, who were killed off by Jesus. On that day, intelligent life as we know it disappeared. One look at any emo or liberal community on LiveJournal proves this.

MYTH: The planet's political state is controlled by a select group of humans.
FACT: The planet is run by a race of reptilian aliens taking the form of World Leaders.

MYTH: The election of the new Pope will usher in a time of darkness for all to come.
FACT: The Pope has already ushered in a time of darkness.

The Creation Of Earth

There are two theories circulating the interbutts regarding how the Earth was created, causing much controversy on which one of them is true.

The first of these theories is that the Earth was created by nothing which magically exploded for no reason and createdeverything. This idea is an obvious lie and was first hypothesized by evil scientists such as Ted Bundy and Albert Einstein. These people are the Devil and simply want to lead Christians astray from God, just for the lulz, the sinful sinful lulz.

For other theory—the true one—we need only look into our Bible. Chapter 1 of Genesis:

In the beginning God created the Heavens and the Earth.

'Nuff fucking said, God did it. Science is the Devil, and the Bible you must take it literally in every single way—or you are going to Hell.

Inhabitants

As the science of "science fiction" tells us, every planet is inhabited by one dominating humanoid race; in the case of Earth, those are "humans". The humans are divided into three very loosely connected factions to ensure lulz:

The first world
- The rich countries of the world. These countries are inhabited by obnoxious decadent assholes, which is why most parts of the first world seems to be in a constant crisis.
The second world
- The semi-rich countries in the northern part of the world. People who live in the second world are pure pwnage, or would have been if they hadn't been dominated by the hellish Russian supranationalistic superstate. Some nations managed to escape from this nightmare, but decided to join the hellish supranationalistic superstate of the European Union instead, for fear of being annexed by Russia.
The third world
- The rest of so-called human civilization. People in these countries blame imperialism from the surrounding world for their poverty; but the truth is that the people here kill each other all the time, so they can never do any productive work. However, in Latin America (a segment of the third world), they decided to stop killing each other—except people in the drug and politics trade. Since politics affects all other parts of society, Latin America is doomed to fail.

Globalization

Last Thursday, the world became more globose. This means you have to conform to the majority—or else you are doing it wrong.

End of the Story

It is often thought that the world will end in 2012, mainly because some old calendar finally finishes on that year... or something. By 2014, this theory began to lose some of its credibility. (Note: a calendar running out will erase the world only to the extent that your pen running out erases the English language. Wait... OH SH-)

In actuality, the world will end when the U.S. and Russia decide to stop arguing over who has the bigger dick and nuke us all.