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Kelly Kalogerakos
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Kelly Kalogerakos = infected with GOTIS You can help by not giving her any attention.
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Kelly Kalogerakos (A.K.A "Derpina IRL", and "WTF ARE YOU WEARING BITCH?!") is a 27 year old tumblr poser with GOTIS who likes to cosplay as various loli and/or fetish characters. Obviously this means she attracts a lot of sick fucks, despite having the smallest tits in history - but whilst asking for it she tries to avoid white knights and the cosplaying community - who are secret sick fucks - from realizing that she's merely some whore.
Maximum lulz were garnered in April 2013, when she herself revealed on her Tumblr that she posed nude for cosplay deviants and did quite a lot of pr0n as well. In response to realizing her social blunder, she then denied that she was a whore - and trying (poorly) a little trolling of her own to have this very article taken down - because she didn't want to advertize to sicks fucks that she was open for business, which was very confusing because that was pretty much what she had been trying to do all along...
After realizing this was pointless in the face of the all of the screen-caps evidence added to this article, she turned all righteous and virtuous and started acting as though being a whore was somehow an aspiration. That made it pretty funny because most of the time she can be found cleaning out toilets in bookstores before throwing hissy fits/failing to put out for her manager - pretty much any bullshit reason to go back on that unemployment cheque.
Of course, that was the mere tip of her PMS - because after being discovered by ED, trolls and sick fucks, and trolling sick fucks as well - left her messages on her tumblr, which she decided to respond to promptly, eventually rage quitting some of her cosplay/RP accounts.
The Streisand Effect begins!
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Warning! Hypocrite level: MELTDOWN! |
The drama started in early 2013 when Kelly posted her answer to a question somebody had asked her on her main Tumblr account. They ask if she was going to one day regret posting more pornographic images of herself. This was both Kelly's first and last act of honesty and her inevitable undoing.
As everybody knows, white knights love the ladies, but they stone the whores. This is where Kelly fucked up big time. In February 2013, a random lurker on her tumblr asked her a question. Most people probably would have answered it in private, denied it, or just bawleted it. But Kelly being not just an attention whore, but super-model asinine too, promptly answered to the post:
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The blatant whore was out of the bag, if it's only for her white-knight followers. It was just a matter of time before the real drama commence when some of the more determined white knights attempts to persuade her that there were much better things she could be doing with her life than posting a bunch of her nudes online. This is most likely because she's been telling them that for years through her 'nerdy girl' image. Thus proving the street saying, "girls gonna to do what girls do", right.
As with all Tumblr users, their downfall is that they re-post or blog about EVERYTHING that happens. Most of which often including photographs of everything they’re doing. When they eat, they make a post. They crash the car, guess what? They make a post about it. They take a shit...they make a post about that too! It's like Tumblr users are infected by the aforementioned symptoms. They could potentially classify this as TOTIS (Tumblr-user On The Internet Syndrome). This is what makes them all entertaining troll bait. Kelly whom is no exception to this rule, has since forever responded in the classic Tumblr way with such flames that would make Nazi's look like bunny rabbits:
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This new whorelucaust period more or less confirms what the world already knew. No matter how much times Kelly denies it to her white knight fanservice, she just can't settle down for one guy. Not even for the sake of providing mommy and daddy figures for her children until they get past the 5 year old mark.
Indeed Kelly would not only rather deny that anything is wrong and screw them up just so that she can still have buttsecks with strangers, but also post all of this drama on the internet only to get epically butthurt the moment anybody pointed out any flaws in this brilliant plan.
What was funny was that Kelly doesn't seem to think that people see her as anything but a loli given that she over the years she has engineered herself as such:
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However, despite the 'whore' tag Kelly does have a point. Being a whore means that she can pay to keep her family together. All because it's only a matter of time before the guy she's living with gives her the boot when he found out she's either lying about him to gain attention from other white knights or when he finds the blog she's posting her attention-seeker boobs.
Let's just hope that our beloved Kelly isn't a total Derpina and knows that she has to password protect the hardcore stuff she's peddling so that viewers have to pay before seeing the pictures. Otherwise, right-clicking on the images will take all her $$$ away and she will get pissed.
Main Drama
Maximum lulz were reach when Kelly realized ED had noted she was a whore. Thus shocking the weeaboo community with the fact that most of their kin are in fact made up of sick fucks. This self-proclaimed kawaaaaaaii suddenly turned into a mass-murdering Nazi. She been flaming back at any comment when anybody pointed out her pr0n blogs, causing her to delete parts of her Tumblr, and dial whine-one-one. Of course, the internet responded to this and nobody dared to say anything bad about the great and sexy Kelly!
She then tried to call out to ED admins, asking them formally to close down this very article. One ED admin told her it wouldn't happen because ED was just stating the true facts about her and that if she hadn't been such an attention whore to begin with, any drama probably would have gone unnoticed a long time ago.
Business as usual
Despite this, she continued posting sexually suggestive photos of herself on instagram to lure young boys, horny men, and trans-gender weeaboo freaks alike. Those who will back their special snowflake all the way to the hill!
It is just like what most of the attention starving girls would have done to get noticed by sick fucks. Whenever she gets attention, she acts like she doesn't want it in order to get more attention she is insatiably craving for. Confusing, isn't it?
Kelly's next move was to post MORE photos of her at work whilst waiting for some of her clients. Take note of the blatant over-use of makeup to the level that only whores take it to, aiming to act as some form of disguise:
There's a lot more of these images presence online. But Kelly doesn't want you to look at them at all because as she's always reminding us, she ISN'T an attention whore. That's 217 pages of memes and iPhone photos AND GROWING - unlike her boobs, which gives her the nickname 'The ironing board' amongst friends.
Oh noes! Ze Truth!
Upon realizing that ED were making her face and personality known to the weeaboo-tea-set also know as loli-lovers who are all clean and not at all perverts, she decided that swift action must be taken! In a lulzy move, she run around defending her lifestyle choices like a chicken with its head cut off. And during this process using her own eloquent manner, she posted a variety of shots of somebody else's big butt. Even with all that done, Kelly still thought that she had not at this point acquired enough attention to her own slender J-lo behind:
Step 2: After regaining consciousness from whichever date-rape drug given to her by some retard who didn't realize how easy she was, she then proceeded to give some political reasons behind this move:
Step 3: Kelly needed the time to fluff up her baawwwwwlot entry on tumblr which subsequently followed:
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It is at this point she stopped writing. Not before leaving a warning that we haven't seen the last of her ass and more random acts of porn on tumblr to a scale which out-classed Jessi Slaughter and Amanda Todd combined will follow.
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"Help please."
Normally if you have nothing to hide, just ignore your haters. But since seeing this article up, Kelly instigated the full Streisand effect when she wanted to cover up the fact that she was Cancerish. She then turned up to the ED admins to futilely complain about it:
Calling out the writer of this article, who then asked her on her tumblr if she was the face behind Cancerish, Kelly then went on and posted this message:
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Going against the first rule of the internet, which is never troll somebody you know. Unless Cancerish has been sending her some creepy messages, then her e-lawyer might just have a restraining order case. Although based on the contact we at ED had with Cancerish, all Kelly can take him to court for would be for paying to use her website. The perfect legal grounds for suing somebody - any good lawyer would jump at a case like this!
But you know what they say, the hallmarks of a good whore is somebody who enjoys blackmailing her friends, or making legal threats. Of course Kelly seems to think she still has some sort of legal case, even though she is STILL asking for it. Hence showing that not even Anons can teach her not to be a decent whore.
That's way before we even get onto the fact that Kelly can't afford a lawyer to begin with, since she had to take down her pr0nfile/pr0nsite, Cosplay Deviants.
You can probably picture the following scene at the Kalogerakos's household:
— One of her kids | ||
— Kelly's boyfriend | ||
— Another one of her kids | ||
— Kelly's boyfriend gave a shrug of his shoulders | ||
Moar drama occurred when Kelly revealed that she was Cancerish, by merely posting to us this following message:
Obviously, she thought "OMG I can use the pay statement details as proof that I wasn't trying to start up additional drama, I'd better prove my innocence now!". Had she not gone on and on about the watermarked images and the TOS of a pornsite, most EDiots would just embed them or post them. Then we might have just believed her. This is a textbook example of why whores shouldn't try to edit an ED article about themselves because they don't actually have a clue about it. Of course, all of this isn't doing much for Kelly's nerd image.
What was also funny is that for the past few weeks, Cancerish divulged to the writers of this article that the pr0n site in question was more of a series of profile pages. It's unlikely that Kelly had removed this website. However, one of the sites, cosplay deviants has since been taken offline. Most likely because they don't want to be associated with Kelly and all the drama she brings, noting when CD was online the number of people who were on there. But then, perhaps the cosplay fetish was just a front for a more serious pr0n business via Kelly as the pimp?
This is also a textbook case of how serious tumblr users take the internet. Most people elsewhere would just use the block function and not one further fuck would be given. This is why it's harder to troll the likes of facebook. But it would seem that tumblr is in fact live journal reincarnate. It seems so many lulz are yet to be had on tumblr.
Okay, screw you guys. Now back to whoring again
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Kelly and her girlfriends are VERY easy. If you're looking for sluts, you're in the right place. |
It so happens that Kelly went on hiatus for a week or so. But as is the hallmark for all GOTIS sufferers, the internet was not to be devoid of her honkers for too long. If that is not enough, she start enlisting the help of one of her friends who has bigger bewbs than her. Although, that's pretty much down to fat angle shots. Within moments, the very same tumblr where not two weeks ago had been the scene of so much lullz and drama was re-opened for more GOTIS action! To get them to reopen fully, Kelly called up one of her friends from the local strip bar where she works overnight. Kelly brought her home, coked her up, and after explaining what the internet was, got her to jiggle her tities in front of her webcam. These GIFs are the results of their action:
Of course, the other girl in the pics still looks confused as to why Kelly thinks it's so funny/important to dick around infront of a webcam all day, instead of doing something more practical such as stopping her children from setting fire to the curtains.
No matter what happens, Kelly will forever be posting on tumblr. If she can't get any of her boobies on there, she'll whore out her friends and get them to post their tits instead. Of course her new business won't take off, Kelly can only offer the cheaper fatty sluts that she dosed up on coke until she acquires more professional prostitutes. Sooner or later, she'll have to go back to cleaning toilets at bookstores again courtesy of her victim complex.
Caught in the act - complete with gallery!
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Did You Know: Kelly doesn't like foreskins. |
Of course now, Kelly is likely using the above photographs to blackmail some of her past clients. This probably won't exactly be as effective noting the repetitive angles which are more or less the same shot of Kelly sucking the same cock. Some of them were exactly the same as her cosplay pictures, except without clothes on and including the token iPhone-in-a-mirror snap. The foreplay pictures were a nice addition however. But just a cautious advice for you Kelly, it's better to have pictures of the people you're blackmailing rather than the other way around. That is if you do not want to suffered the same fate like Amanda Todd when these pictures go viral.
Oh and also if you're reading this Kelly, you might want to get that rash checked out on your shoulder by a doctor. It looks pretty nasty!
As is the way with the law of internet dox shock, the conversation suddenly changed in the Kalogerakos household:
—Kelly's boyfriend | ||
Her guy pimp
She started seeing a new guy, and had a new baby which she uses as an excuse to post adventure time moving gifs onto her Tumblr page. Classy.
The quietness was about to be shattered however, when she lost yet another job as a result of cosplaying too much, and her usual temper tantrums for no particular reason. As usual, she again relies upon whomever is her current boyfriend, who has clearly never read the bitch manual and doesn't know when to say "I wonder when you'll shut up and cook my dinner!"
When Kelly setup her first ED account aiming to unmask the writers of this article, she told ED through her Cancerish account that said boyfriend was aware of her online whoring. The reason behind this became clear with this image:
As everybody knows, boyfriends by definition are over-protective whether they are guidos or goths. The fact this guy stood by and watched Kelly's GOTIS develop suggests by great powers of deduction from many years of internet drama. This goes to show he is in fact Kelly's pimp. Only pimps have facial expressions as serious as that in the face of boobs and the interbuttz.
We also wonder why Kelly is showing them to the world, as they're really tiny anyway...
The butthurt returns!
No, not that sort of butthurt you sick fuck! After realizing ED had obtained a few gallery's worth of her exploits, Kelly did what she always does in a crisis. Like always, she hit up the blog on tumblr! She posted not about ED, not about all the little friends of hers she thought were behind this article, but this time about the butthurt she was experiencing for admitting she posted pr0n and was a prostitute. Only later to subsequently deny it and have the rest of the world call her bluff, to point which makes Chris-chan seem intelligent.
Clearly she's still answering all of those Anons questions from either clients, or from white knights who haven't yet seen the updated version of her article. If they did happens to come across it, the clients would get their pr0n fix from the above gallery and the white knights would walk away in disgust after discovering the truth.
More Cam-Whoring!
Continuing to do her cam-whoring business, she has decided to wear the most horrifying outfit in the whole fucking universe to show off to her white knights, who don't have a fucking clue that she is just after their virginity. I can assure you that a worm has more intelligence to stay away from her at all costs.
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Looking at the picture itself, it's hard to believe that she is actually a woman, due to her having small boobs, that seems to be implants, and looking like a fucking bloke. She might be wearing that slutty outfit to make her boobs bigger. Guess what? IT'S NOT FUCKING WORKING YOU TOTAL FUCKING BIPOLAR PSYCHO!
Also, note that she is starting to form wrinkles around her eyes, which shows that her ugliness will soon completely decay her before she even reaches 30. It's either that or she is going for the "Gawth" look.
Change of Tumblr address
Aiming to slow down on the number of slut-shamers brought on by her victim complex and pervs following her around, Kelly decided to drop the 'its' from her Tumblr name, so now her blog address is: http://koalateatime.tumblr.com
Obviously she didn't want her fans or her friends to not know where Kelly's Tumblr is at, so she used all of ten seconds up to shorten her URL in the hopes she'd shake off ED.
This doesn't affect her other blog where she pretends to be somebody she isn't is still at it's usual place: http://whatapatoot.tumblr.com
POOL'S CLOSED - due to Kelly having AIDS
Over 100 years ago, there was an old 4Chan meme created after a mass trolling of Habbo Hotel. Here it is for those of you who have forgotten, or were pedo-bait at the time:
As it's very unlikely Kelly has ever come across this meme, it's apparent that sex with Kelly = AIDS or some other sexually transmitted disease. Of course, you'd have to be pretty stupid to have not seen this coming, because she chose the tumblr name 'Koala Tea Time'. And as everybody knows, most Koalas have AIDS, and by the look of some of the feedback from Kelly, she's obviously been responsible for shutting down a few pools with her own aids over the years.
If this discovery of Kelly's sexual background doesn't act as an effective penis blocker what will? Clearly many males in the Tampa Bay area have already fallen prey to Kelly's nymphomania and pseudo-intelligence.
"STOP SLUT-SHAMING!" Rant
More lullz have surfaced recently, when Kelly started to post...or re-post other people's rants as Kelly doesn't know how to string along a sentence which differs from "The full night? That'll be $300" - about her new e-campaign to stop mean internet bullies from using dictionary terms such as 'slut' and 'whore' which sum up who Kelly is.
Clearly Kelly has forgotten that calling her a slut is really just describing how she sleeps with men whom pay for this pleasure - so the word has infact accomplished something - it's just that Kelly doesn't want to be called a slut anymore, probably because she doesn't want her kids to run around her in circles, chanting 'SLUT! SLUT! SLUT!'.
Kelly's memory is getting baaaaad - that or it's getting selective - she's a slut for being a hooker/prostitute, but she's a camwhore for taking those well-documented photos of herself naked and posting them to porno sites - this makes you a camwhore - although it also technically means you could define her based on these actions as a slut as well - because she used said camwhoring to attract more clients.
This rant serves to remind us that Kelly isn't just a slut (and of course, how much she loves being reminded of that fact) but also just how much of a fucking liar she is as well. Pity the poor caretaker who has just spent $300 for the full night with Kelly. He falls asleep, and when he wakes up, he asks Kelly if they reached orgasm. The truth would be that as soon as he fell asleep, she went onto her computer to use tumblr some more. You can guess the rest.
Other words which define Kelly's vocation include: Harlot, Stripper, Hooker, Prostitute, Scenewhore, Crackwhore, Skank, Cocktease, Hotard, Porn star, Size queen and of course the leader of the Port Richie FL bukkake group.
Kelly's assrabbit
As of of January 2014, Kelly is still posting every fucking thing she does, including this picktwure of a cwute fluffeh she acquired - obviously various animal rights groups won't allow her to purchase small rodents herself, as they'll end up cunted to death by a desperate weaboo GOTIS with no tits.
Whore-service history
File:Kellykay?.jpg Kelly started where most mid-twenty year old whores first started posing, Myspace. Before bawwwleting her ten year old spaceinmybrain account from when she was 16, it contained pictures of her and her friends hanging around in parks and creating mini lolicon-ventions. These pictures were taken on webcams and phone cameras, cosplay pictures, and not forgetting those white knight baiting journals.
It was through various sites such as Myspace, Flickr and Deviantart that Kelly built up her massive fan base of weeaboo creeps. The sensible ones merely creaming their shorts. But the more serious of them made the mistake of progressing to the white knight phase. The tl;dr version is pretty much any guy stupid enough to not see that not one cyber will be given.
Whilst ensuring she baits as many guys as possible with shots angled to make it looks like she took that one angle looking down her cleavage, it's all lies because she ALWAYS uses that angle. And even though she's already got a boyfriend to begin with, she STILL cheated on him by dating with other guys behind his back. She also made her own pr0n site, where she invented two girls one cup.
Whilst she exudes softcore/attention whore porn on her tumblr, she tries to keep this activity separate from her lucrative pr0n business. She knows that she can attract nice guys if she isn't branded as a slut. Lulz ALWAYS ensue when people mention her pr0n business on her Tumblr because she ALWAYS flames right back, instead of doing what most smart people would do and ignore it. This is otherwise known to many in the know as the Streisand Effect.
For example, she has in the past both a gaiafaggotry, and a Vampire Freaks account at the same time.
For a good measure, here's another ALWAYS in caps. She's still doing this same shit after all these years, proving that it serves all her nymphomaniac needs.
Life isn't fair
Kelly is forever posting bawww-logs about how she hates her job. What's funny is that using the powers of reading between the lines, one can clearly see that she screws up at any work which doesn't involve her being butt naked. Just like in the classic Robot Chicken 'Game of Life' sketch, when she either doesn't put out for her boss, or her boss simply doesn't have enough money for her to jew away. She turns around and puts them to rights, telling them why they are in the in wrong, and then before they have the chance to sack her, she resigns.
Kelly is forever blogging about how she hates her various jobs, especially the customers who visited the Books-a-Million store in Tampa when she used to work there. That's what we mean by 'reading between the lines'. Other low-paid jobs are listed in Kelly's CV. But instead of spending some time to work out how to get promoted, she's busy working on her cosplays, and posting crappy iPhone photos to Cosplay Deviants.
What's funny is that when she blogs about how fucking right she was to all of the people who can't read between the lines start getting all righteous about it in the blog. When this occurs, it's always good for a few lulz to provide comments such as:
- "It seems to me you got fired because you suck at customer service?"
- "There's a job going at the local strip club if you're interested?"
- "How many jobs have you lost this year?"
- "I know a few senators. They could find you work?"
- "When are you going to stop watching cartoons and get a real job?"
- "What happens when your kids grow up and find your photos?"
- "Do you have a link to your other blog? Just to see what people are talking about?"
- "Aren't you too old for Princess Bubblegum?"
- "Have you ever had a real job?"
- "Does your former boyfriend know yet that you cheated on him and why?"
Kelly's Song
What happens EVERY time she attracts attention
Kelly getting too much attention is a bad thing all around due to when too many Anons start asking for her tariff on her tumblr, she closed down the ask section. Of course, she'll just use this now to gain more sympathy from pathetic losers, basement dwellers, and pretty much any strong male between 15 year old children and Chris Pirillo-lookalike 30 year olds. Those who can't identify a total attention whore when they see one, instead going "KAWAIIIIIII!!!!!!" in their vain attempt make Kelly their own girl.
Even with the tell-tale lines such she commonly uses, such as:
- "OMG a load of a anons are giving me criticism about my cosplay! HELP!"
- "These people r dumb!"
- "Oh no! Questions from people I never expected to contact me because of my slutty iphone poses!"
- "GRRRR Going to work on my princess bubblegum cosplay for next weekend DO NOT LEAVE ME MESSAGES"
Anybody who knows attention whores well enough will know that it's always opposites day. Kelly is no exception.
For all of the pictures Kelly takes of herself which she floods the internet with, she STILL hasn't come to terms with the fact that her images are the fetish of sick fucks everywhere. They're sick because what they're fapping to is a girl with a mental disorder. She still tells anybody who asks for pr0n, even though she posts pictures of sucking man-cocks on the internet, that those pictures don't mean that she wants to be fapped at.
See Also
Main tumblr- Princess Bubblegum tumblr
- Made for Onision
YouTube account
'Geek' Selfies and child porn
Your favorite hoe on twitter. Or not, as people keep hacking her password.- Pixyteri
- Camwhore
- Internet disease
- DGTrixie
- Whore
- Reply Girls
- Attention Whore
- Victim complex
- GOTIS
External Links
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Kelly Kalogerakos is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |