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Dave Hopkins
Dave Hopkins: quasi-man, quasi-artist, full-furfag. Known around the block as 'Drip', 'that guy who can't draw', or 'the poor man's Jay Naylor', Mr. Hopkins is the creator of such literary masterpieces as Rework The Dead and Jack. Mr. Hopkins' work has the honor of perhaps being the most disgusting and disturbing furry art on the internet. Readers of his grotesquely violent, gore-filled, and schlocky (yes, even for the internet) Christian furry comic Jack typically find themselves clawing their eyes, curling into fetal positions and crying, or attempting to induce vomiting in order to cleanse themselves from the horror they have witnessed. Unlike such comics as El Goonish Shive or Megatokyo, this action typically occurs no more than 99 strips into the series, as opposed to over 9000. For those masochistic connoisseurs of furry art, though, Hopkins' work is a wet dream come true, essentially the equivalent of the works of the most autistic sick fucks on DeviantART combined and serialized, with a healthy dose of Chick tract thrown in. Surely the holy grail of webcomics.
The Early Years
Dave Hopkins grew up and lives in Washington State, which probably explains a lot of his issues, in retrospect.
Back before he had any fanboys, David would play Doom often. So often, he decided to make two whole sets of levels for it, this one and that one. The levels are very amateurish in design, though what makes them interesting is the replacement of the teeth-gritting man-and-a-half protagonist of Doom, with a MS Paint created cartoon fox, or weasel, or something. The enemies are mostly unchanged, but the powerups are replaced with naked furry women that you pick up for health, basically making the game Duke Nukem 3D for faggots.
Rework The Dead
Hopkins' first full foray into furfaggotry was Rework The Dead, which was pretty much Hopkins' way to 'artistically' masturbate to the military lifestyle (even though as far as the internet knows, Hopkins has never been a part of the military. Nice double-standard, you pussy). Even worse, he's done this by taking inspiration from every single zombie/sci-fi cliché compressed into two badly-drawn episodes, adding furries and subtracting a coherent ending. RtD quite possibly sets a new record for saturation of ideas ripped from movies, short stories/books, and short stories/books that eventually were made into movies. Any of these sound familiar?
- A virus has infected all of mankind that makes reproduction mysteriously impossible, causing worldwide chaos as a result
- A member of the 'good guys' turning out to be a crazy-ass bloodlusting bad guy because it's eventually revealed he's a rapist and he killed his whole platoon a few years ago. This character eventually gets left for dead and is killed by the zombies.
- A love triangle where one guy dies, leaving the other to swoop in like a vulture and pick up the grief-stricken girl.
- The military attempt rescuing civilians but royally screw up and end up killing a bunch of them themselves.
- A soldier unpins a few grenades when hopelessly cornered, killing himself and taking out several zombies with him
- A female soldier who, gets this, is a real hardass, EVEN AROUND MEN. Everyone else is of course surprised by this character's strength, because noone has ever heard of the old atypical-military-female-character archetype.
- Badass soldiers revealing softer sides to themselves at opportune times between zombie swarms. This is supposed to make the reader think "wow, this guy's actually pretty deep. I guess we can add half a dimension to the one he already had"
- A character driven insane by the horrors of anti-zombie warfare. He uses puppets.
- Small numbers of individuals who escape the zombie carnage and drive away in a daring attempt to find an army base
Throwing another little shit-nugget into his masterpiece, Hopkins also gave his readers an extra fuck-you by throwing ink onto paper the same way a hippo sprays crap out of its ass using its tail. Not only did he use a drawing style known in the art academies as 'teaching a gorilla to finger-paint with menstrual blood' and coloured everything with the refined and totally classy use of the 'fill' tool on MS Paint, he also displays the spelling skills of an autistic child. I mean, no one likes a grammar nazi but jesus christ, those red squiggles under the words are trying to tell you something.
If Mr. Hopkins is talented at anything, though, it's his ability to take something that has for all intents and purposes hit rock-bottom and drag it down just that little bit further. With 'Rework The Dead', he accomplishes this right on the motherfuckin' first page by dedicating his heaping pile of cow patties to his father. Daddy Hopkins is reported to still get misty-eyed at the knowledge that he's forcibly been associated with the unoriginal drivel his son actually believed was a wise use of his time, full of sad regret that he didn't force the hermaphrodite Vietnamese hooker he smuggled back home for a wife to abort David's FAS-infected fetus when he had the chance. Such is the karma one gets for being too busy killing and raping civilians to win a war against some rag-tag commies who don't have running water or electricity, I guess.
The Horror, The Horror!
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God dammit, son... -
Jesus, it's only the first page and I think my eyes have been raped at least five different ways. -
KOMPY! -
All this snuff has a point, Dave swears to god. Also, HOLLY CRAP! -
It's official, electricity makes your brain leap out of your skull. The Dave Hopkins Institute of Medicine says so!
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JUST THE YOUNG LADY I YIFFED BUT NOT MUCH ELSE. THANK YOU FOR ASKING! *gay limpwrist pose* -
Oh hi, I'm the obligatory insane character! -
Gee Ludey, I think your CO would have something to say if he knew you were hitting the joint a little too hard while on active duty. -
A Redwall reference? Oh fuck you, Hopkins. Fuck you. -
AFK! Also, 'pointy and jagged' is Hopkinsese for 'evil' -
uh, 'dadit'? -
a drama-filled subplot with grade-school dialogue? Hell yeah! -
grenade explosions totally look like that. Grenades totally look like yo-yos too. -
Crazy-ass bad guy rapist who likes blood just a little too much? Readers, meet Drip. Drip, readers. -
Gee Davey, are you expressing your personal opinions on top of a soapbox in this page? I think you made it a little too subtle. -
The dialogue in 'Rework The Dead' is simply riveting. -
This scene totally doesn't rip off the 'Species' movies. At all. -
Drip establishes himself as the platoon /b/tard -
fuck you, Winston Churchill. Furries are the new masters of motivational speeches.
Jack
Much like how Edmund Spencer moved from pastoral poetry to larger pieces, so did Dave Hopkins move from 'Rework The Dead' to new projects. Of course, whereas Spencer went on to write 'The Faerie Queene', a masterpiece of renaissance literature and of epic poetry, Hopkins went from 'Rework The Dead' to Jack. This is basically like trading poorly-drawn, poorly-written shit for larger, longer, poorly-drawn, poorly-written shit. And then being proud of it. 'Jack' is a collection of stories, all of which relate to Dave's twisted visions of how the Christian afterlife works. Oh, and don't expect any of it to reflect the idea that Hopkins has ever cracked open a New Testament in his life. That's the last thing you'd want to do when you're making what is essentially a Christian story. The spelling is also improved - although it's been told he needed outside help for it. English class still hasn't been very friendly to Dave. There are also interspersed references to Nine Inch Nails lyrics, to ensure its appeal with the average angsty goth furfaggot.
Hopkins' fundamentalism blossoms in 'Jack', sketching out his own little personal doctrine on what is and isn't right (PROTIP: If it involves liberal gun use, it's almost always right). Of course, I'm not sure I've ever found a religious text that involves rape, murder, and mass carnage without any real point/purpose to put any of it into perspective. Then again, maybe I missed the part in the Bible where the Twelve Tribes of Israel engage in a rape version of musical chairs for no real reason whatsoever.
As mentioned earlier, 'Jack' is a collection of stories all connected by a series of characters who inhabit the afterlife. There's the typical christian-realm spheres of existence:
- Heaven: Basically like having a genie that will grant you as many wishes as you want. The mortal characters who eventually get involved with Heaven are almost always involved in some tragic love story. Oh no, my lover died, boo-fuckity-hoo, guess I better be a good boy from now on so I can see her again. That kind of cliched garbage. It must be said, at least Dave is consistent in his unoriginality. There's also an angel who occasionally fucks her boyfriend, Plato. Plato, however, lived well before the coming of Jesus so he shouldn't be setting foot in Heaven. Nice research, asshole.
- Purgatory: Kinda like your life right now, except you're more dead. Also, angels will constantly harass you without a moment's peace in an attempt to get you to leave the afterlife and become reborn in a fresh attempt to get into Heaven. Either Purgatory has some serious real estate problems, or angels are total nosy assholes. Probably both.
- Hell: This is the only realm anyone who reads Jack is interested in, for good reason. Damn pussies up there in Heaven and Purgatory. Hell is a morass of poorly-depicted rape, temporary murder (people just come back to life a few minutes later), and other various kinds of random mayhem. None of it occurs with anything resembling a 'point' or a 'moral', indicating it's just there so that Dave can put 'edgy' into his resume when he's between McJobs.
The Sins
Hell is ruled between embodiments of the Seven Deadly Sins. All of them are very jagged and pointy, meaning they're evil. Satan doesn't really seem all that involved in any of the Helling business. I guess he doesn't run a very tight ship.
- Jack: Wrath. Apparently he was a furry Hitler or something. Also had a girlfriend called Jill (there's that trademark Hopkins originality again!) but he was born without a dick so he took his sexual fustrations out on killing people. Now he's the Grim Reaper, and lord knows he still hasn't bitched about it enough yet.
- Drip: Lust. He raped, tortured and killed people in life. Yeah, that's it. If committing a few rape-murders is all it takes to become one of the head-honchos in Hell, perhaps there's a little more to the saturday-morning-cartoon look to Dave's characters than first thought. Drip is Dave's fursona, choosing the biggest asshole in the comic series because, again, it supposedly makes him 'edgy'
- Bob & Lisa: Gluttony. They were cannibals in life. Yeah. Jesus, what kind of low standards do they uphold in this place?
- Vince: Greed. He did greedy shit or something, I don't know. His eyes and mouth are sewn shut, which is probably some kind of /b/tard fetish
- Emily: Vanity/Pride. We don't know what she did, but apparently she has no skin, and has a habit of wearing the skin of other furfags in "Jack" Hell .
- the Envy guy. I'm really starting to stop giving a shit by this point.
- Sloth. Hopkins explains Sloth as being the very ground on which Hell is built. This is Hopkins' way of saying "I took way too long to reveal Sloth's identity, so it was impossible for me to come up with something that my brown-noser fans wouldn't find anticlimactic"
Critical Acclaim
For reasons that boggle most forms of science, Hopkins still has a large number of fans despite his complete lack of talent, originality, or spelling skills. Dave, of course, wastes no time in displaying such praise proudly on his 'Jack' site:
—Dragonfly of Latex Blue, a pornographic comic about living inflatable latex furry cats and shit | ||
Hopkins, however, made a terrible oversight; namely, he believes that someone whose idea of 'in your face' is to say (brace yourself for this) BOTH sides of the abortion debate are stupid has anything worth saying that shouldn't be immediately dismissed as childish nonsense. However, that hasn't stopped him from releasing t-shirts, playing cards, and comic books in an attempt to sell himself out like the cheap Asian hooker he calls 'mom'.
The Forum
He also has a forum packed to the brim with people collectively sucking David's shriveled little penis (David mysteriously has a wife despite this deformity. I guess she must be legally blind; I don't know how else you could look at that pic of him at the top of the entry and not want to slap the shit out of it with a shoe), sadly molding Davy's impressionable baby mind into thinking he's benefiting society by continuing his projects (PROTIP: he isn't). This results in a large collection of terrible/hilariously bad roleplaying threads, fan fiction based on Bon Jovi (I swear to Christ), song lyrics, and creepy fan art (including shitty crossovers. Explore at your peril for the groan-worthy lulz.
It has recently been revealed to the author that some lulz have indeed already been had at the forum, mainly due to Dave's status quo of 'acting like a spoiled child':
—Nyarlathotep |
In his forum, some furfags instead of kissing his ass dared to criticize a few points in his latest comic, as seen in this thread. While doing so, some infidels voiced unholy doubts about God's benevolence and Heaven's existence.
To which Dave responded as classy as always, in a tl;dr kindergartener tantrum:
—Dave |
Nowadays, the once lively forum has died due to a civil war, and it and the comic's constant downtimes. At most, there are only about a dozen users left, and rarely any active discussion.
Kate Comics
Kate Comics is a hate tumblr for Dave and his work. It mostly hosts unfunny riffs on his shitty self-insert rape comics and "novel," that still manage to be leaps and bounds better than the originals. Occasionally, though, contributors dig up internet gold.
The Loveline Incident
When Dave and his now-wife were still dating, she called the radio show Loveline to get the hosts' reassurance that Dave's rape fetish wasn't really a problem. Listen or read the transcript.
—Dave's then-girlfriend, now wife | ||
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When Dave found out about the call, he included a reference to it in a Jack plotline in which the boyfriend of a Loveline caller holds her hostage at gunpoint until the Loveline hosts tell her to resume sucking him off. Clearly this man is a model husband.
Pedophilia Confirmed
On May 11 2015, someone named Falling Celestial/Falling Angel/Fallen Celestial sent a message to Kate Comics to take responsibility for Hopkins deleting his webcomic and FurAffinity profile.
—Falling Clichestial | ||
Later that day, she updated her FurAffinity status to indicate that she has become an hero. This has yet to be confirmed.
The next day, her friend Razor Rabbit posted a long account of what had transpired. tl;dr Falling Celes Chere told Hopkins that she was molested as a child, and he claimed to have been molested as well, and asked if she wanted to talk about it. She did, but when they got on Skype, he started blatantly fapping to her childhood molestation story. Then he kept calling her house until she threatened him with the party van, at which point he begged for mercy and deleted fucking everything.
—Falling Celestial, demonstrating the normal human reaction to Hopkins | ||
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Gallery of Horrors
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More badly drawn pin-ups from the master himself. (He actually expects people to buy this shit. And you know what's worse? They DO buy it) -
in b4 Shut Up, Judge. Also, the headless dude is named 'Klvis'. I couldn't make this shit up if I tried. How the hell do you even pronounce that? -
pwned, poorly-drawn ferret bitch -
THIS IS HOW AIRPLANE ACCIDENTS WORK! -
Hard Mode: No goth jokes
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Dave Hopkins hitting third base the only way he can get: his fursona getting fellatio from a rabbit in a comic he drew himself. Way to be, kiddo. -
Icky hyoomans!! -
Angels annoying the living shit out of someone in Purgatory. Way to respect free will, you dicks. -
9-11 NEVAR FORGET -
cheetah vs. the only rational person in the comic. -
referencing Rework The Dead. God knows why. -
smooth move, no-dick -
Isn't this just the goddamn classiest graphic novel you've ever read? -
they're so evil, even the speech bubbles are jagged and pointy. That's, like, uber-evil in the Jack universe. -
Dave looks forward to fulfilling his rape fantasies in heaven. -
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I came!!
Videos
He once made his Yoshi wife or whatever the fuck she is a beautiful Valentine's Day comic to 'Lady In Red,' set here to appropriate vocals provided by mrpregnant.
Previous Video | Next Video
See Also
External Links
- Rework The Dead
- Jack
- The Jack Forum
- Hopkins needs cash - Hopkins begs furfags for money to fix his horrifying dental problems.
- Portal of Evil discusses Jack
- Crush Yiff Destroy critique
- Hopkin's fans get butthurt
- A review on The Bad Webcomic Wiki
- And one more by The Webcomic Overlook
- Jack arc remix - Long read, but truly enjoyable from start to finish.
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Dave Hopkins is part of a series on Visit the Furfaggotry Portal for complete coverage. |
