Joseph Goebbels

Joey bears a disturbing resemblance to Ted Cruz.

He was especially attracted to women with heads twice the size of his own.

Paul Joseph Goebbels (29 October 1897 – 1 May 1945) was the 5-foot 5-inch prophet sent from the White Aryan God whom we all know from the greatest piece of literature of all time: The Holy Bible. He was a Nazi politician who was best known for being one of Adolf Hitler's grand disciples, Germany's Minister of Public Enlightenment and Propaganda, and surrounding himself with short women to hide his insecurities about actually being shorter than Tom Cruise. His existing ego issues were bolstered by occupying the Jewiest position in the Reich, Minister of Propaganda.

His glorious job was to rally up 17-year-old white christian boys to go die for their Führer and get all the women in Germany to join the work force to aid in the war against the world and the Zionist pig nation that we today--unfortunately--know as Israel. He is also known as being one of the main instigators of the war, shedding light on the fact that dirty Polish and Jew blood was flooding the beautiful Aryan Germany and endeavoring to stop it at their gates. He mainly went by Dr. Gobbels-- as he retained a doctorate degree from one of the most prestigious institutions in Germany, for writing about some 18th century romantic dramatist, which pretty much makes his PhD about as worthless as that of any Gender Studies or Communications major.

Unfortunately, the Jews bitched and cried about their relocation to the world, and everyone had to get involved in the fucking ass-fucking fest known as World War II. The Third Reich (Nazi Germany) ultimately lost the war, and Dr. Goebbels fled Europe with his spouse, Magda, and his beautiful six white children where he retired to Argentina, living out the rest of his life comfortably in a decent sized villa and sipping daiquiris with Hitler. Rumors that he poisoned his six children in their sleep and then an heroed with his wife are filthy Zionist propaganda.