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Platform Racing
Platform Racing 1
Platform racing 1 was a multiplayer online flash game borne of an idea by some retard at least 100 years ago. Comprised of three (Derron, Grayan, Fitz) equally faggotrous servers, the concept was good. But then came the faggots, who compelled aforementioned retard to make Platform Racing 2. The game could be played here but the server support has since broken rendering the game unplayable for multiple years. This comes as sad news to platform racing players worldwide but as all legends come to a start they must also come to a close.
How To Troll Platform Racing 1
1: Hit this website.
2: Provoke the faggots and norps into racing you.
3: Win due to your expert hacking skills.
4: Don't respond to any of their comments, but insist on joining their races again and again and winning every time. When they leave, follow them to another server and milk the lolcows as much as possible before they ragequit.
Alternatively, for the lazy trolls among us, you may want to try this method.
1: Hit one of the sites above.
2: Use � as your username. This means your username doesn't appear in chat.
From here, you can cause major lulz. You can strategically place HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKSs behind mortal's posts, fooling everybody into believing they suck cocks, which they probably do IRL.
You could also find something heavy to put on your Enter key. Because the hack bypasses the chat limit, it seems as though the chat is being deleted, with all the posts being swept away off the top. As the mortals post such imperative verbs as "STOP", keep the heavy object on the Enter key and cause lulz. If you are a richfag, then it is possible to have 3 computers on Platform Racing 1, one on each of the servers, with heavy objects on the Enter keys, thereby flooding all the servers simultaneously. And as you have no username, it's impossible to ban you.
This would be all well and true if the game was even accessible.
Platform Racing 2
Platform Racing 2 is an online game full of niggers, Jews, pedos, weeaboos, girls, cancer and general shit. Started by Jiggmin at least 100 years ago, it has fermented into fully-fledged faggotry.
Playing Platform Racing 2 has been described as many things, but an assessment made by Jiggmin himself takes the cake. He's quoted saying, "Honestly, playing PR2 is complicated. It's like sitting in your computer chair scrolling through Newgrounds, when a masive dick comes out your screen, heading right for your face. at first you think, "Fuck, I'm gonna have to suck this." But as soon as you mentally prepare yourself, the dick jabs into your eyes, piercing your grey matter and knocking you onto the ground. The dick will now slide itself in your ass in the most uncomfortable fashion ever for around 3 hours. Then you get a 30 second ban for flaming."
Quotes
—The mantra of over 9000 immature 13 year old boys trying to bypass the swear filter and insult the ambiguously heterosexual majority. | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
The Servers
Derron: a hopeless case of a place drowned in its own faggotry. Guaranteed to break every 5 fucking minutes, this place is full of cybersex, whores, cancer, Jews, and many other undesirable internet subcultures. Visit it and expect around 5 PMs asking for sex. Also, it has the new Campaign so all the acheivementfags go there. AVOID AT ALL COSTS As of 2014 this is the only populated barely surviving with a 10-15+ online count unless faggy hour is occurring in one of the other servers in which simmers will swarm to show off their epic skills.
Carina: the eye of the hurricane of shit. Visited occasionally by sensible people who can actually spell, this is the server you want.
Grayan: meh server. The retards there are vaguely amiable, not good trolling material. Also, along with Fitz, are hosted by rednecks, which can never be good.
Fitz: the people there will follow any links you give them. They've never heard of any shock sites, so will happily wander to such glorious little sausages as 2girls1cup or lemonparty. The first of the unpopular servers.
Loki: used to be popular, but got gangraped by hackers, so nobody visits it.
Promie: was never popular. 'Nuff said
Morgana: Along with Andres, hosted by britfags. As such, it was never popular, as nobody likes the britfags. So much so that the people online rarely reaches double figures.
Andres: Same as Morgana, except the Rank 50s usually hang out there to compare the length of their cocks.
Fred: Same as Morgana but BALEETED by Jiggmin because it was so unpopular.
Tournament: Server was designed to give newfags and oldfags alike similar stats, this really made little difference as nobody ever played on this shitty server, Jiggmin wasted hours upon hours implementing a feature nobody ever gave a fuck about, why? you may ask, easy that's because he's got autism.
Isabel: Literally has no use just like your mother. The only server with a feminine name and the only completely pointless one, how indicative of real life!
Private Servers: Congratulations, now at the deficit of your wallet you can spend virtual monies on a private server where you and your guild mates can reside to circle jerk each other knowing that you are protected from the PR2 Staff Team.
Notable Members
- Jiggmin (also known as Jacob Grahn to forumfags), the creator of Platform Racing 2. An all round nice guy, he gets his name in purple because he's fucking gay.
- Fred The G. Cactus not to be confused with Derf The G. Cactus, Fred is a cactus with only one real purpose which is to set the artifact, all the newfags watch in awe with mouths open ready for some cactus cock in its presence, typically, newfags will beg Fred for artifact clues in order to win the bubble set.
- Travissimo, the mod who started the Hunt hunt. Banning Hunter Phantom for saying "beans n' cornbread, fucking proof. Has had many complaints, but gives good head to Jiggmin, so he can get away with anything.
- Hunter Phantom, the mod's bitch, until they discovered his hacking and b& him. The mods had a great party over it, and everybody joined in because he's a fag. His ass, as of last thursday, is banned for 3 years.. Always online dating is known for dating the following member: 2233o, Chanler Marie, BABYGIRL ORIGINAL, Aly223, Joel14, etc. Hunter doesn't have a phone so here.
enjoy
- PrinceCharming (Not to be confused with Prince__Charming), a mod who adopts the policy of BAN FUCKING EVERYONE. Never taken off the coveted mod list due to him giving good head too. EDIT: Prince has been given adminship after swallowing all Jiggmin's load last thursday. Regularly goes on rampages and bans people in private chatrooms, which admins aren't supposed to do. Probably doing this because he has severe penis envy of Travis. Possibly shares genetic traits with H64.
- Bobheadtomato, the mod who successfully headshotted Hunt[1]. Can be seen lurking in Derron, no doubt fapping his micropen0r inside out to gay porn in celebration of the permab&. Doesn't ban anybody or talk, just a waste of modship.
- UnknownAX, a major Platform racing 2 hacker, known for tricking a admin and a few mods into going on a site with a keylogger, then modding everyone with the admins account and demodded/banned every real moderator/admin on Platform racing 2. He also hacked his rank to 60.
- deathbygabe1, cured AIDS while folding for Team Jiggmin on Fags@Home, his inbox was probably blown up with messages from newfags begging for crown and cowboy hats.
- Quesin, managed to reach rank 60 after macroing for 2 whole years, this was achieved by retaining his V-card into his 20's and still enjoying flash games. Known to be an egocentric twat just because he was the highest rank in-game, decided to kill himself sometime in 2015 for being a pathetic loner.
- AlphaZ, the current highest in-game rank although achieved illegitimately through deathmatch simming and macroing before captcha was introduced, recently engaged with his gay boyfriend "Colind" after years of fucking each other up the ass.
- yogi321, possibly scammed and gained control of more accounts than anyone else, regardless of this achievement he is still an obvious unfuckable who will never be graced with the presence of a female. Turns out this kid got scammed by another scammer so he's retarded as well.
- adak, the biggest faggot to ever set surface on PR2, threatens to DDoS, keylog and use any other skid term he can get his filthy chulo hands on in a pathetic attempt to scare his target. Reports state that since Trumps' presidential election it was found that both of his parents had forged illegal papers and therefore his family has been forced to return to mexico where they belong.
- katkei, catfish e-whore who tricked the cuckold himself cod4fan into giving "her" a bubble set, little does cod4fan know katkei is a fat basement-dwelling slob who likes to watch my little ponies while touching "her" micropenis.
- ~Rebecca~/loosy2009/rebeccarebecca, an e-girl who felt entitled to whatever she wanted whenever she wanted just because she was a female on a game predominantly played by males, was awarded various in-game sets such as the bubble set and reindeer set for no fucking reason at all.
- Little Tiger, yet again another e-girl who sent "revealing" pictures to the user ":LP:" for in-game items, they later claimed to be in an irl relationship, later debunked to be a bullshit cover-up.
Methodology
1: Become member
2: Race until Rank 20 or so
3: Don't race, just chat
4: Sim until Rank 40
5: Boast about your mad n00b skillz
6: Defeat everyone in races
7: Prove your worth at Andres
8: Become Rank 50
9: Use Folding At Home to win Crown hat and Cowboy hat
10: ???
11: PROFIT!
12: Become a hacker
Catalogue of Member Categories
Spammer: a user who comments randomly, usually a failed ASCII or a tl;dr about their shitty level.
Flooder: a user who copypastas the same message over and over and over again.
Lurker: somebody who goes into a private chat, doesn't say anything, and stalks the creeped-out users when they vacate. They take lurk moar too seriously.
Modbitch: whenever somebody's being a Flame Warrior, there's always one fag who tells the aforementioned Flame Warrior the rule/s they have circumvented. Infamous for sucking all the mod's dicks HAHAHAH DISREGARD THAT MODS HAVE NO DICKS, the modbitch is also the first user to threaten to call a mod if things get out of hand.
Fail Troll: that one member that tries to be a troll, but ends up not making anyone butthurt (AJ), and probably just ends up getting trolled themselves in the process.
HOTnSEXYGRLZZ: Those who put words such as "hot", "sexy" , and "horny" in their names. Most used by cyberers, attention whores, and 53 year old fat guys living in a single wide trailer.
Hacker: An individual who got bored of playing that stupid kid's game and decided to exploit all of the hidden Platform Racing 2 "secret files" and making these so called "Array of Bytes", so basically they're finding strings of the game and activating them or changing them at an odd time (hacking); mod's bitches love to stalk them and get this unnecessary excited feeling while attempting to rat on them, then they celebrate by sucking the mod's dildo when the hacker is found and banned.
Guest: This is a feature that moderators fear so much of; those assholes can get away of anything, especially hacking; they would fuck up any game that has this feature and would purposely fuck up all of the mod's bitches and rape the moderators as well because moderators cannot ban guests; so if a hacker uses this feature, all hell would break loose in a match; sadly, they cannot chat so this makes no fun for the hacker (usually hackers and some foreigners all around the world use this feature).
Nuker: somebody who exploits a loophole in the character limit, nuking does not work anymore because of all the BAWWWWing people did.
Pr2 Staff Powers
1: Temp Moderator: an individual who sucked an admin off to be granted this power; he will invariably try too hard to please his mod master, and will warn you at the slightest infraction, but he can't ban for any significant length of time, and will probably crack if harassed by multiple trolls.
2. Moderator: a user that has been used as a sex slave by Jiggmin's pedophile ring, and has been granted modship as a reward. Mods come in two brands: the type that is ultra paranoid and continues to ban people for the smallest infringements, or the type that don't give a fuck and just sims all day.
3. Administrator: a moderator that has proven himself worthy of being part of Jiggmin's personal fat jewish midget harem, he gets a purple name and gets hero-worshipped by the normalfags, despite doing shit all, and paid for it in some shitty internet money or other.
Hats of PR2
1: Kong Hat. Gets you a 1.25x increase in the amount of experience points you earn. Used by newfags who either have only been on for a day or don't have the skill to get any other hats.
2: Santa Hat. Pinching this furry bastard from the obese, lazy shit will enable you to cross any block be it hazardous or not.
3: Party Hat. Makes you immune to the most newfaggy weapon ever, the lightning. Using this will make the lightning-spamming noobs accuse you of hacking.
4: Exp Hat. Same as the Kong Hat but takes skill to earn and gives a 2x increase in penis size in experience points
5: Propeller Hat. Used to glide after a jump. Can only be earned on one two tracks, which is badass and hard. Newfags will show it off with pride to show they've beaten it.
6: Crown Hat. Gives immunity to everything except Lightning, which is complete bullshit. Also one of the hats only obtainable by downloading some gay shit which contributes to curing cancer.
7: Cowboy Hat. Enables flying. Used by fags who can't win any other way, or people who love to brag about every-fucking-thing.
8: Top Hat. Enables ghosting through Vanish Blocks. Only obtainable by sucking the cock of Jiggmin once Travis and Prince are finished. Only affects one kind of block and renders some levels impossible if used.
9: Jump Start Hat. A new hat Jiggmin is going to put in the game after cancer is cured HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT IT'S OUT, currently makes the count down timer fucking useless, letting you skip it and make the newfags wondering how you did it, Jiggmin uses this hat to troll people that were too late to get it. Disregard that, you can now get it randomly at certain times during certain days, so to get it you pretty much have to go on pr2 everyday. (most players do that anyways).
10: Moon Hat. A new shitty hat that no one knows what it does because Jiggmin is a troll, so they say it gives you "lux" to shut newfags up. To get it you must suck Jiggmin's dick 69 times under a full moon.
11: Thief Hat. Another shitty hat among the many existing ones because Jiggmin doesn't give a fuck, allows niggers to steal hats from unsuspecting players. To get it one must confess their black inheritance and color their avatar black as a symbol of pride.
12: Jiggmin Hat. The egocentric wanker whom is Jiggmin decided to add a hat to the game named after himself, allows you to crush the bodies of the opposing faggots primarily for the lulz. To get it you must cut the word "Jiggmin" into your arm as a symbol of idolization.
13: Artifact Hat. As of recently various cuckolds have managed to acquire the ever-faggotrous 13th hat otherwise known as the permanent artifact via giving a blowjob to each and every staff member (inc. inuyasharox; she has an artificial penis so it counts), the hat is shit and has no use and is only worn as a heraldry of being a cuckold.
How to Troll Platform Racing 2
Trolling has been used on the game since its existence, if you're looking to start, here are some ways to piss off the PR2 community. But remember, get fucking creative, faggot. Make up and do your own stuff. Remember, have the confidence of an 8 foot tall black guy who benches 1000 with a 9 inch dick, or else you'll end up a butthurt cunt.
1: Say something along the lines of "Devious Shadows sucks". Huge amounts of butthurt will emanate from the whores of Shadows.
2: Talk about Pokemon or some other game. Have your /b/ro ready to discuss the matter with ALL CAPS, of course. Everybody else will respond by saying "STOP TALKING ABOUT FUCKING POKEMON I BET UR 5 YEARS OLD" and other fruity epithets.
3: Say that Platform Racing 1 is better than Platform Racing 2. Lulz will ensue.
4. Use Alt + 0160, put it between a filtered word, you can say it freely, gets newfags bitching on how you did it, and the mods bitch to report most likely. If you have laptop use Shift + ctrl once, then alt + . between the filtered word. To make it go back to normal use ctrl shift 2 more times (NOTE: might note work anymore, needs confirmation)
5. Pretend to be a girl, use a cliche name like "Sexy nigger666" and cyber a guy. When done, reveal to him you're a man. Rage will ensue. If you wish to take this further, you can gain his trust before doing this and add him on Facebook, where you can screencap him cybering and send the screenie to all his friends. Someone's sitting alone at the lunch table tomorrow.
6. Make levels with crude things drawn in (dicks, goatse, more dicks, etc..) and name the course "4P traps" or something along the lines of that. There's a high chance the user will either have his/her mom or dad behind them or be at school with the teacher or classmates standing close by, gay intervention ensues (not like it matters, 99% of PR2 users are gay).
7. Act racist, but without using racial slurs, be open but not too open. Since it's an opinion and you're not breaking the rules, you cannot be banned, however the users who say "FUK U BICH IM BLACK" can. Always works because aside from having gay pride, they have pride that their great-great-grandmother was 1/2 black and will take the ban knowing they "stood up" for what they believe in.
8. Hack as a guest, the mods already know that they can't ban guests so this is the best opportunity to cause mayhem in the pr2 community. If you know how to hack, just randomly go to people's levels and release the mayhem. Once in awhile, a mod's bitch will record you (even though it's pointless to record guests you noob). Rage quitting will ensue in the pr2 community; this is an alternative way of trolling pr2 and results in win. *An example of trolling the pr2 community [2]
Be warned, faggots will unleash their lack of creativity in your direction in an attempt to win the nonexistent argument. They will jumble together cliche adjectives thus creating a super-comeback. An example of a super-comeback is "FUK U UGLY ASS NOOB MOTHER FUKER GAY FAT LOSER PEICE OF SH!T!!!!11", a technique used mostly by middle school students and gays. There is no way to evade this, and the person will feel much better than you because their insults require two chat comments.
The Actual Website
Click me, I'm getting old here
The site is where "Jiggmin" keeps all of his games and a shitty forum that has no more than 99 members on everyday, every thread is typically asking questions about getting a girlfriend/boyfriend or how to get this and that in his games. Then there are the blogs, most of them are about themselves becoming an hero or bragging about their E-penis, and the chat usually contains links to porn and shitty yolasites, just like his games.
As of 14 August 2011 Jiggmin has been too busy sucking the cock of Sparkworkz to update the servers on PR2, so they broke, so nobody can get online, making trolling impossible. HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT HE WAS PUTTING A NEW LEVEL IN HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT HE WASN'T
Jiggmin's Village
Not content with two three games with chat capabilities, Jiggmin decided to create a FUCKING FORUM of which there is no way to troll, as the mods b& you. Has crashed in the past and needs moar DoS.
Platform Racing 3
As a result of Jiggmin doin it for teh profitz he decided to suck the cock of this sellout bitch and he decided to take the Platform Racing series one moar step over the fail line. From this vagina of faggotry was born the ugly bastard child that was is Platform Racing 3. Marcellus is the popular server that everybody goes on but Ali is the Paki server which nobody goes on. Aside from the fugly graphics and the unnecessary new features, you need to register at sparkworkz.com. So because all the fat, lazy and greedy people registered, they unintentionally DDoS'd the host website, which caused lulz for all. It's beta too.
Reasons Platform Racing 3 is worse than Platform Racing 2
- Horrible graphics
- Lag
- Server disconnections every time a baby is born in china
- Lag
- Only a maximum of
505 people play PR3 on a daily basis
- Even Jiggmin thinks this game is shit and has officially abandoned working with it, and is actually making PR4 to counter this. Proof: http://jiggmin.com/threads/82410-Platform-Racing-4
- Oceans of trollbait that can report you and get you banned/silenced by typing /report
- Essentially pr2 for autistic toddlers
- You must now actually work for shitty hats and useless body parts that have such minuscule effects, you wonder why you haven't learned how to hack and taken down the platform racing series.
- Exploiting the game is even easier, which is only worse for people who actually like the game.
- Everyone asks for blocks, so the chat gets filled with this fucking message, so you can't troll.
The result
After a few days of pr3 being released, people began to notice how PR3 compared to PR2, and even began to compare it to PR1. Finally, one person said, "PR3 sucks" which ensued a shitstorm of epic proportions on the Sparkworkz site, the platform racing series, Hunter's loose anus, and Jiggmin's village. After much evidence being presented, more and more people began to agree and stop playing PR3, realizing that PR2 was the best that Jiggmin forked out. Months later, Jiggmin still tried to fix PR3 with meaningless updates, hats, and other stupid shit that nobody cares about. Users began to believe in PR3, saying "It'll be out of beta soon! Everything will get fixed and pr3 will be better than PR2!" but nothing changed. More than a year later, Jiggmin gave up on PR3 and decided to make PR4 which he promises will be much better.
Stages of accepting PR3 is gay
1. User discovers PR3 after longing and waiting for it to be released.
2. User plays PR3, finds it difficult to get used to the games mechanics, tries to get used to the lag and constant D/Cs.
3. User attempts to ignore the negative comments about PR3, defending the game until the person leaves or stops.
4. User gets tired of the disconnections and bad graphics, posts questions on how to fix thing on the game to JV and SW, gets no legitimate solutions.
5. User comes to the realization he (no girls on Platform racing) has wasted hours playing an unpopular sinking ship that people say "what the fuck are you playing?" to.
6. User finds and writes and article about Platform racing 3 on ED about the Platform racing experience.
Platform Racing Nowadays?
Platform Racing 1 is dead. Platform Racing 3 is also dead. All that's left now is Platform Racing 2, which thinks it's not dead but is getting there rapidly. When at one time, there used to be 400+ players online at any one time, now you're lucky to get above 100. The mods have gotten increasingly paranoid and rampant, abusing their powers to permaban any poor soul who offends their delicate sensibilities. Despite NORPs and faggots' insistence that PR2 is still alive and kicking, it died of Mod Induced Necrosis and nobody cares about it now.
tl;dr platform racing is dead, goodnight sweet prince
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Platform Racing is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
