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Darwin Awards
The Darwin Awards exalt individuals who improve humanity by removing themselves from the gene pool in spectacular and hilarious fashions.
Five requirements of the Darwin Award:
- Must be dead or rendered sterile
- Must have demonstrated astoundingly stupid judgment.
- Cause of one's own demise.
- Old enough and sane enough to know better.
- Must be a true event.
"The Origin of Species" by Charles Darwin presented evidence that species evolve over time to fit their environment better. Those who backslide are extinguished by the selectivity of nature. These are the heroes that make legends of epic fail possible. Below are some of the best uncensored Darwin award winners.
applicant-4-Darwin_Awards
All current potential award winners.
Example
Darwin Award Nominees
Heroes
Timothy "Grizzlyman" Treadwell was the ultimate furfag, sleeping with hungry grizzly bears for thirteen summers. The only reason the bears didn't eat him on day one is because the bears believed Tim was mentally retarded.
eaten by a bear
Carlos "Run Run" Sousa Jr taunted Tatiana the Tiger at the San Francisco Zoo on Christmas day 2007 by throwing rocks and pine cones at her. The tiger jumped 15ft in the air and over its containment, then mauled him to death. One family reported hearing him minutes before the attack, waving to Tatiana and saying "You can't get me lololololololol".
Phillip Quinn was killed trying to heat up a lava lamp bulb on his kitchen stove. The bulb exploded, sending shards of glass into his heart killing him. Some believe he was subject to a Galton design; others say he just looks like a Jew.
Benazir Bhutto, for sticking her head out of the sunroof of a specially imported bulletproof car whilst driving through a crowd full of Mossad, Al Qaeda, NRA, CIA, alien and Taliban assassins, only to bang her head on the sunroof handle and kill herself. Regrettably, Bhutto had already procreated and as such is ineligible for a Darwin Award.
Rachel Corrie was a confused American Jew who tried to stop an Israeli bulldozer from crushing a house by standing in front of it. As a result she joined the many other Darwin Award winners Palestine has to offer.
Eugenics
Wut? This summer!
The cousin of Charles Darwin, Sir Francis Galton is the father of eugenics. The product of child abuse by his grandfather Erasmus, he grew to become a eccentric scientist living the life of a hermit. His only reading material was his cousin's book The Origin of Species. The theory that populations evolve over the course of generations inspired Galton to create his own non- natural selection, using surveys to collect data on how to recognize mentally deficient individuals determined to participate in The Darwin Awards. The Trollz inc. was established as a consequence, concerned with developing economical solutions to this problem. Using mathematics and scientific knowledge these designs have slowly been mastered.
Examples of Original Galton Designs
1972: accessible gold 4 teh Jews After six grueling years of research Jewish inventor Robert Adler has successfully made lead into gold. An unquestionably, undeniably, revolutionary breakthrough in the past of science. This will undoubtedly change history forever. Foremost this is a quick and easy technique using ingredients that can be kept on hand around your house. All essentials specified below.
- (1) 3" Chlorine Tablet
- (1) 5mm Mechanical Pencil lead refill
- (1) DOT 4 motor vehicle brake fluid
- (1) 1-qt. mason jar
- (1) paper coffee filter
Add 10 oz brake fluid to your jar. Now– without breaking!– add the lead, Allow this to sit for around two minutes. Crush up the chlorine into a fine powder, , tighten lid and shake vigorously for one minute. Use coffee filter to strain content. There you go, instant gold!!!!! Now hurry before everyone finds out and gold is worthless.
If you didn't know, this is a terrible idea and fatal. for moar check out chemfags.
applicant-4-eugenics
Current potential award winners.
Are you being cheated on? War of the roses is prepared with ample deceit and is standing by, so call NOW!! By claiming that the suspect has just won a free dozen roses as part of a pitch to be delivered to each and every one hand-picked. This will cause the person to admit committing adultry, this is Entrapment. The potential here to make heros out of spouses is outstanding.
Trollz-4-teh-hero
"It is better for all the world, if instead of waiting to execute degenerate offspring for crime, or to let them starve for their imbecility, society can prevent those who are manifestly unfit from continuing their kind." Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.
Chris Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaansen is a god among trollz, who baits unsuspecting pedos into traps using sock puppets. These sock puppets irl are old obese Asian-American whores but oti say they are alone and horny boys and girls of an inappropriate age entice the pedo into believing the sock puppet is a freaky whorechild. Bill Conradt was supposed to be on To Catch a Predator. Yet he had a change of heart, not wanting to have sex with a 13-year-old sock puppet named Luke. Chris Hansen became extremely butthurt and ordered a SWAT team enter his house and force Bill to play with Chris' toys. Chris Hansen said Conradt had already committed a crime by having a conversation with a person who didn't really exist anyway and deserved to pay. Dateline cameramen had been following Conradt around for days calling him names like "ugly" or "stupid", even such things as "poo poo face", because he refused to have sex with kids. So Bill Conradt gave up and murdered himself as the SWAT busted into his home to fuck shit right up.
Even the Handicapped
Lori Drew A.K.A. Josh Evans Megan Meier was a typical 13-year-old obese whore who thought she was better then everyone else and constantly treated her friends like shit. So like any other mother, Lori Drew knew she must learn a lesson. Using a sock puppet named Josh Evans, Lori became one of Megan's cute new friends. "Josh" chatted with Megan every day for a few months. Once Lori had engaged in enough cyber sex with Megan she then told her she should just go fucking kill herself. Without hesitation, to win the love of Josh again she did so.
