Minecraft

Minecraft (better known as Chris-Chan's Extreme Autism: Underground) is an online sandbox game created entirely in Java and is the brainchild of the brilliant Swedish programmer Markus Persson, also known as “Notch.” The first incarnation of this game appeared in 2009 as a simple time waster in which you would build pixel art of video game sprites and blocky dicks with an assortment of colored blocks of all different textures. But like all great internet phenomena, it caught the attention of depraved channers and goons to cast their influence on Notch’s ambitious project, which in part made the game more popular than it’s worth. Being a game made in Java it's slow, buggy, and overall extremely terrible; in fact being made in Java is the very reason why you shouldn't play it to begin with.

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Viral advertising? Nah, of course not...

Actual photo of notch on train with bag of gamers money. Why aren't you fixing SMP?

All Notch does all day is swim in his money vault and play Civ V instead of developing your favorite new feature. Make sure to comment about it in his tumblr.

Modes

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Indev; it's a lot funner than it looks!

There are currently two modes of Minecraft.

Classic - The classic branch is reserved for the first three modes created by Notch that were essentially an earlier build of the alpha version.

Creative- This was where Minecraft got its start. It's basically virtual legos. You load a map, build little labyrinths and have fun until the game crashes. While Creative is the most accessible to users who don’t have a Minecraft account, Notch has restricted saving only to those who paid for the software and have registered accounts. While registered users have the option to play this mode, Notch announced that he will eventually build an updated alpha version.

Multiplayer- An offshoot of Creative Mode is the Multiplayer in which you build with other users as you explore someone’s own demented fantasy world, which can suck at times because some server ops are Draconian to the point of kicking you out or banning you for the most trivial of shit. Because of the fact that this game was made in java it will take 3 days for you to connect to any server anyway.

Survival - To incorporate elements of a real game, your job is to eat brown mushrooms that restore life and duel against a variety of mobs (monsters and the like) and get as much points as you can before dying. You can “mine” rocks for elements like gold and silver, and gather enough blocks to create your own dream suite. In essence, Survival is like Creative but focuses less on building and more on avoiding gang rape by blocky spiders and zombies. Like the Xbox 360 having no games, this doesn’t have an overall plot.

Alpha - The alpha mode is Notch's main focus as of now. As Indev vanished into nothingness, Infdev was renamed alpha. The object of the game is to spend hours mining for various ores and elements while eventually getting lost in your randomly generated map and wander aimlessly whilst pushing animals off cliffs for the lulz. And if you die in this mode, then you'll be respawn halfway around the map while everything you carry will disappear in a matter of minutes. There is currently beta testing for the multiplayer version. Since the change to beta mode, the game mode has gotten nothing except for a new title and a 5 dollar higher price tag.

~~Survival Multiplayer~~ Creative 2.0 - Survival Multiplayer was originally intended to be a hardcore, manly game with everyone surviving together. But since the majority of the Minecraft community are full-on asspies, every server has scripts to reduce so-called griefers as much as possible. However, they don't stop you from flooding the shit out of buildings with water. Combine this with stealth (aka, doing it with noone in sight) you'll never get caught. Even if it's only you and a couple others playing, admins still don't have any fucking logic and will wonder who was griefing even though it's only them and two others on the server. One fantastic glitch is where you build two rings of minetracks and crash the server when their speed reaches Over 9000.

Notch's Tumblr

Notch's Tumblr is essentially Notch's blog for the game. If you look into the comments for any of his posts, you will see fanboyism/autism everywhere. The users are very easy to troll and will white knight Notch in the hope of getting a free account or whatever, but failing to do so since their actions consist of nothing more than omg hi notch i made a site and it has a review its at http://www.boredtadeath.webs.com/ plz sign up!!11

	“	I’m exhausted! I’d really like to do a Seecret Friday update, both to keep you guys happy and to actually get to do some programming myself, but I need to wind down. And.. Civilization 5 just got unlocked on Steam.	„
	—Notch, pissing everyone off

The Notch Defense Force

There are two cliques that frequent Notch's Tumblr - an army of entitled basement-dwellers who believe the $10EUR they borrowed from mommy to pay for their digital crack gives them the right to dictate the developer's life, and The Notch Defense Force, a collection of underage faggots and asspained autists willing to jump to the defense of Notch's e-peen. When these groups collide, it can create bullshit so massive that it breaks Disqus's half-assed page layout system.

Obviously this creates ample trolling possibilities, but members of the community have over-compensated to the point where anyone who simply disagrees with someone's comment is labelled a "troll." Ironically, this hyper-sensitivity makes trolling even easier. Sometimes it seems that even Notch trolls the community, such as when he delayed a "Secret Friday Update" to play Civ 5 instead.

You can easily guess the age of a poster by looking at their avatar which is usually occupied by an awesome face.

Notch fanboy acting all legiun on some guy for sharing the client

Notch fanboy acting all legiun on some guy for sharing the client
MC Autists are easy as hell to troll

MC Autists are easy as hell to troll
_I_ am FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. _YOU_ are TWELVE. I KNOW MORE PROGRAMMING THAN YOU DO!!

_I_ am FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. _YOU_ are TWELVE. I KNOW MORE PROGRAMMING THAN YOU DO!!

Notch and Judaism

Notch has revealed himself to be of the Jewish persuasion with a blog post in which he states players who buy the game after Dec 20, 2010 will have to pay extra for updates to his shitty bug-filled Java applet. Denying these beta-ordering faggots free updates also means they can't login to regularly updated servers either, which will result in massive amounts of whiny tard rage on the Minecraft forums. Even more so, this will increase the size of egos in autists who bought the game beforehand. At this point, it's obvious that Notch included this feature to help alpha-fags get better hung than others.

How to troll Minefags

Not shopped, but Notch himself edited in (AMAZING BIGOTRY REMOVED) afterwards. Even with the obvious fact he changed it, the Notch Defense Force claims otherwise.

Tell them that Minecraft could have been good if it had better graphics.
Pirate the game, then go to the official forum and brag about it
Tell them that you tried the game but didn't like it because doing nothing but killing sheep is boring
Flame Notch for not releasing an update every 3 days
Enter the official forums, create a few sockpuppets and spam the entire board with bad grammar and fail. Watch as the "oldminers" (as the faggots who bought the game a year ago call themselves) will try to "save the community from CS-like gayness!" Doesn't work anymore, too many furries.
Tell them things like "Minecraft is cool, but MW2 is better!"
Go to a random server and build giant cocks. Don't worry, the other players wouldn't mind at all.
If you want some extra lulz and willing to work for it, as well as you have a non-static IP, ~~buy~~ pirate the game and use the guides on the forums to create a texture pack full of porn (PROTIP: Turn Creepers into penises), then spread it around the interwebs for a while. After a few days spam the entire official forums with this pack. Lulz guaranteed.
Create a server mod for security. Add backdoors. Distribute, grief, repeat.
Beg for someone to upgrade their account. They fucking hate it.
Say that Notch lied because he didn't add cake last thursday.
Link them here or here
Post something related to basic fucking English.
... and remember: They really don't have lives.

The Great Multiplayer Code Leak of 2010

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Quatroking, in belief that people listen to him

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Notch, on not being a douche

Late at night on July the 26th 2010, somebody joined the World of Minecraft Livestream and leaked the invite code "!!Thomas!!" to the Survival Multiplayer testing whilst the faggot who was streaming was giving out clues about the code. 5 minutes later this code found it's way onto /v/.

Quatroking, trying to keep Multiplayer to himself like a Jew and continuing to want to feel important, demanded Notch to shut down the server. Notch responded with a simple "lol no" and kept the server up, even releasing the invite code on his Twitter. Quatroking then tried to cause drama by blaming the code leak on World of Minecraft and Brocraft, then eventually the blame spread to /v/.

The next morning, whilst the server was being raped by autologin scripts, Notch decided to take down the server so he could get some work done. This caused more butthurt as retards blamed it on the fact that everyone had access to the server regardless of Notch publicly inviting everyone.

The Server Mod MCAdmin Drama

	“	i prefer computers to people, they don't let you down, they don't lie to you, they don't fuck with you	„
	—Doridian, fully expressing how pathetic he is

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Doridian, trying to justify having complete power over anyone running his mod. Also on why people hate him.

Sometime later, on October the 26th, 2010, a user named Bradster was running his server with this mod when Doridian (the mod's creator) bypassed the whitelist and fagged up the server with his shitty English until the dude banned him. Doridian was butthurt and banned the server owner from his own server and proceeded to chastise him until he got unbanned.

Later the mod was decompiled and it was discovered that the devs Doridian and Intoxicated had added backdoors to give them power to troll the servers of everyone using the mod, and even to globally ban people they don't like from using these servers. The dev began to BAWWW that no one liked him irl and everyone else began to whine that his actions were illegal. Eventually they wrote a dubious disclaimer excusing them of everything and removed the offending code.

tl;dr Doridian is a furry who owns a gay furry group on Steam and a troll who pissed off the masses with his shit mod. Because the Minecraft forums is overrun with furfag moderators, simply saying yiff in hell will result in a ban, so how about you call him to tell him how much you appreciate his work?

File:DoridianDox.png

Autism Influence

	“	<Rooster> I had a dream Notch PM'd me on this IRC with a SMP Beta code invite. <Rooster> Then I woke up. <Rooster> FUUUUUU	„
	—Notch fanboy, having a wet dream

VG Cats failtastic Minecraft parody.

As said before, channers of the vidya and their estranged goon brethern use Minecraft by hosting servers and occasionally griefing the hell out of other servers. Some of the more popular methods towards succeeding in trolling would be through causing deliberate destruction of other people’s hard work, or flooding or unleashing a deadly torrent of lava. It was thanks to Notch's constant viral advertising on /v/ that 4chan got involved in the first place.

Minecraft has even caught the attention of VG Cats, in which they did an Uncyclopedia level satire along with their own mix of weeaboo furfaggotry.

Minecraft may lead to people developing symptoms of Autism.

Griefing

Griefing is discouraged in Minecraft. In fact it's not really griefing, it's raiding. However, the autistic manchildren who play Minecraft believe that someone going around setting fire to everything is griefing, and that only good people exist in the universe. Protip: doing this IRL isn't griefing, it's called arson and will get you v&.

Roleplaying

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Oh, even Notch faps to Rita.

Or better known as furries ruining everything.

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	“	This works as well. Just trying to explain that not all furries are "YIFF YIFF YIFF WATCH ME YIFF CANT STOP ME YIFF YIFF YIFF" type.	„
	—Minecraft furry, defending from a "troll." In actuality, the "troll" simply said he didn't like furries, and wanted them to fuck off.

A Challenger Appears!

(notice the Pepsi shirt on the character)

As soon as Notch's personal army found out about Cubelands, they instantly flamed the game with their buyer's remorse. Even though Cubelands actually has decent graphics compared to Minecraft's shitty 16-bit design, Notch's Defense Force herped and derped about the game via IRC, /v/ and YouTube.

Minepedia

File:MinepediaHypocrisy.png

Typical Minepedia hypocrisy.

	“	<@Quatroking> Being mildly autistic myself, I do not tolerate any of this shit at all.	„
	—Quatroking, banning anyone on IRC for making remarks about autism

The Minepedia is Minecraft's community-run Wiki. It is run by Quatroking, a known aspergic and sufferer of USI, also a known newfag. There are a bunch of Wikipedos monitoring the site too, assuming they are "a vandal fighter, and sock hunter on wikipedia". The Minepedia normally gets trolled by /v/ every friday during an update, tricking the autistics into thinking cars/dragons/whatever was added to the game.

There are actually two Minepedias. This one supports the lulz.

Quatroking himself

	“	So i was just hanging out with my cousin, and we were in my room and somehow we ended up blowing eachother... hes coming over tomorrow ;D	„
	—Quatroking before he got popular

Quatroking in the flesh.

He collects dolls too?

Quatroking feels himself to be 1337 in every way, starting with having his own article on Minepedia whilst saying no vanity articles are allowed. This article is under a constant edit war due to the fanbase denying Quatroking being of any significance at all. He finally caved in after realizing he is unimportant and actually contributed nothing at all to the game.

After finally getting OPs for sucking a lot of furry cock, Quatroking bans people from #minecraft for dissing autism due to himself being autistic. However, Quatroking doesn't actually know how IRC works, it seems:

File:Quatrokingunbanningsomeone.png

Quatroking trying to unban one person from IRC.

Also, he's so hated by the community itself, his title was once changed from "Wiki Admin" to "Dick" on the official Minecraft forum.

The Aspergite drama

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The original Aspergite article.

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The article's talk page.

In July 2010, /v/ decided to fuck with the asspie admins of Minepedia. Because one of the items Notch added to the game originally had no name, players had to come up with their own name. /v/ called this new item Aspergite. Fitting for the game, amirite?

/v/ soon created the article for Aspergite. It was honestly very lulzy and for the time in which it existed made the Wiki worth going to. However, as this article came into view of the admins, Quatroking got severely butthurt as his disability was mocked. He banned users for arguing on Aspergite's talk page, then had to ban a wide range of users (plus innocent ones as well) then bawwwleted the article.

After the article's deletion, Anons from /v/ asked Quatroking via his talk page about why the article was removed. He replied saying it was due to trolls.

A page on Aspergium is also archived here. You can use it to effectively troll the autists.

Minecraft Forums

Moar info: Minecraft Forums.

Minecraft forums in a nutshell.

A neko crying over above image, sent by other complete aspie Quatroking.

Minecraft's Forums contains the biggest shitpile of drama ever seen for at least 100 years. Drama ranging from oldfags been chased off by illiterate newfag Muslims to Alchohol fueled genital photography. Filled with asspies and moderator cock-sucking, the dramafest never ends whilst mouth-foaming aspies try to defend themselves from hundreds of other mouth-foaming aspies.

Some veterans may argue that things were much better before Minecrap became popular, and before the furfag attack began. This argument is supported by the fact that most, if not all the original players left the forum months ago. Today it's essentially walking into hell - furry faggots with over 5,000 posts bragging about their ED edits and getting banned for calling out other furfags. Because of how buttmad the administration is there now (as with any community that is Minecraft related), saying anything negative about furries, pedophiles, necrophiles, black people or white people will result in a ban. This may be due to the fact that the administration team is normally extremely diverse.

General Gallery

Typical Minecraft Creation
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File:Minecraftsimon.png
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File:Minecraftredmage.png
OSG goes to Minecraft

OSG goes to Minecraft
Minecraft can be used to make Sonichu.
To win the game, replace as many floors with swastikas as possible.

To win the game, replace as many floors with swastikas as possible.
The latest update includes some less-than-subtle political advertising.

The latest update includes some less-than-subtle political advertising.
North Korea is best Korea
God hates fags

God hates fags

Receive More Updates

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This mspaint pic they did is pretty lol. Even more, if they killed off the developer, who would update? Derp.

RMU is some sort of Internet Tough faction that DDoSed minecraft.net because there weren't any updates to Minecraft in a certain timeframe, and wanted updates NAO. This ended up in minecraft.net being taken down for a few days whilst a 15-year-old script kiddie was busy LOICing the site to death.

After the Halloween update to Minecraft, RMU continued crying about it saying it wasn't good enough, boasting about how they had 3,000 or whatever members who would help launch a DDoS against Notch. As anything performed by aspies, it failed pretty quickly.

Secret Beta Update Drama

On December 21, 2010, Notch moved the game into beta. Along with this, he added capes for his fellow Mojang Employees, and an update he dubbed more rare than this. On the forums, the Minefags tried as hard as they could to find the secret. Many trolls took the opportunity to create hoaxes about what the update was. Many created fake screenshots, saves, or simply lied about what it was. In the end, the Notch told them that he had given a user named Deadmau5 a custom model that gave his character mouse ears. Notch had already posted a screenshot of it prior to the beta release. Deadmau5 had gained this custom model because he had used Minecraft graphics at a rave party.