Conservapedia

You can edit Conservapedia to teach the world the truth! Email them at [email protected] with your request for an account. No Email necessary anymore, just make an account and vandal away!!

Conservapedia's logo. Not shooped.

This was taken from the Conservapedia's first article on dinosaurs. I shit you not.

Conservapedia, affectionately referred to as "CP" by its dwellers (not to be confused with the CP you're probably looking for, you sick fuck), is an ED ripoff for true American conservative fundamentalist Christian patriots who want to know more about how to avoid evil homosexual love techniques and the reality of science. A non-commercial, non-governmental, non-educational, non-logical, non-sensical, and non-notable religious encyclopedia, it also responds to the name of Crapedia. The fact that it is a wiki is amusing because all liberals want to do is change things while conservitives want things to stay the same. Every edit made on the site goes against CP's purpose.

Every article on CP is an improvement of the same article on Wikipedia, freed from liberal bias and proofreading, and condensed into one or two concise sentences, then spammed to Hell with pertinent information about religion, creationism and what great presidents Ronald Reagan and W were. A good analogy: TOW is to Conservapedia as CNN is to Fox News.

Genesis

Andrew Schlafly: leader of CP, master of brainfarts.

He's a really sexy man

Conservapedia was created by Andrew Schlafly, an asshat from New Jersey who works as a teacher for a bunch of home-schooled students. Schlafly was moved to act when, while teaching a history class, he was confronted with the acronym BCE ("before the common era") in lieu of BC ("before Christ") in one student's assignment. "Where did that come from?" he demanded from the student, only to receive the chilling reply: "Wikipedia". Then, Schlafly slapped the girl hard in the face. He must have a spacious kitchen to be able to extend his arm fully. This creation myth seems untrue on further analysis, because you don't need to know history to work an oven, amirite?

And so, he decided to make his own wiki, since Wikipedia was "riddled with LIEberal bias". They were also angered by the fact that Wikipedia on occasion gets facts right, and since conservatives are allergic to facts, something had to be done.

In the beginning, Andy looked upon his creation and saw that it was good. Still, while it may have been absent of LIBERAL DECEIT, there was also no trace of conservative truth to be found. Meanwhile, Assfly was far too busy beating his students with the Bible to write articles for himself, so he recruited members of his family to manage the site while he was at church or at work, defending people accused of murdering abortion doctors. This worked until he realized that the rest of his family were illiterate rednecks incapable of turning on a computer, so he said, "Let there be open registration," and there was open registration.

Conservape-tan! Though she tries hard, she can't break it off with Pedobear.

Schlafly saw the open registration and saw that it was okay, we guess. But then vandals and trolls began to sodomize his blog and Schlafly threatened them with calling the FBI.... only to be ignored and laughed at.

The ignorant masses collaborated and formed primitive articles, making strange markings on the talk pages. However, this time of blissful ignorance would soon come to an end when Satan tempted the Conservapedos with fruit from the Tree of Knowledge. Loyal to their nature, the editors loled and passed up his offer. Highly offended, Satan penned an editorial in the LA Times the next day, which attracted many Sodomites. Some time later, Conservapedia was featured in a segment on The Daily Show, drawing in an even larger crowd of handsome liberals. Against their will, the pious Conservapedos tasted the fruit of Knowledge. Things could never be the same again.

A piece in the LA Times confirmed that 15-year-old girls who describe themselves as "conservatives" are the main contributors to the website. One of the girls is quoted as saying that vandalism of Conservapedia has taught her that "There are people who want to destroy us." Articles are routinely vandalized by political terrorists who will do anything to spread their socialist propaganda. These terrorists have been and will continue to be reported to the FBI's Internet Crimes Division.

The Truth

Encyclopedia Dramatica successfully discredits the Conservapedia's truthlessness, but this is ironically an accurate conviction. Conservapedia is all lies, as is stated on Conservapedia, and if a lies-based website says that its articles are factless, then either everything on the site is wrong, or everything on the site is "The Truth". In other words, whoever wrote Conservapedia is a complete douche bag. To determine which of these is true, one can proceed to any article on Conservapedia, and note its heavy relation to God and reliance on Biblical scripture, such as this article on bananas. Because Intelligent Design has already been proven as stupidity, it is obvious that any article not relating to it is heresy. Therefore, through an intense derivative of Raptor Jesus beliefs, it has been proven that Conservapedia is indeed, factless.

It's also written by lazy, juvenile people, with childish results. There is little in the way of research and almost nothing in the way of supporting documentation. See this reference by Andy himself.

File:ConsersapediaFace.png

What one would expect from a Conservapedia article.

The only articles on Conservapedia that can be edited are ones that have no direct association with God or Politics; therefore, if you wish to prove "The Lack Of Truth" on the website, you will be sad to know that no articles can be edited, because everything is related to his Dark Majesty in one way or another. In other words, Conservapedia editors are a bunch of low-IQ, gun-toting rednecks who honestly believe that the Earth is flat and that Jesus is a zombie who will come back to eat our brains unless we accept this fictional character into our hearts.

Raptor Jesus saves.

Unintentional Lulz

Even funnier than Unfunnypedia.

Although Conservapedia attempts to present itself as serious business, it's full of unintentional lulz. If graded by a fourth-grade special education teacher, most articles on Conservapedia would fail incredibly hard. This includes putting modern-day politics into everything, being offended by words that don't reference Jesus, and being offended by words that aren't spelled in proper American English.

Conservapedia claims to be free from gossip and hearsay, and also claims that TOW is full of it. Wikipedia editors replied to this, saying, "In actuality what has been posted may be more correctly attributed to the poster, rather than myself." And most of all, Conservapedia seems to forget that people on the internets are dumb and anyone can edit Wikipedia.

Administrators and other thugs

Every CP sysop has to wear a chastity belt like this, designed by Andy Schlafly himself.

Conservapedia's violent and paranoid sysops refresh the Recent Changes page every two seconds to detect any trace of liberalism and lulz. Mostly a bunch of impotent, bigoted, closeted homosexuals or some combination thereof. Due to Schlafly's deep hatred for women and because the Bible regards women as misbegotten creatures, all CP sysops are men.

Unsurprisingly, these twits follow Schlafly's lead like cattle. They are doing what comes naturally —following—, because they lack the fortitude to question someone who they perceive as powerful. They are simple, uncritical individuals who are incapable of leading themselves. No hedging here: they are barely coherent at best and almost completely removed from reality at worst. Their only potential for serious entertainment is that they won't see how corrupting an influence Schlafly is until it's too late... or perhaps, they have seen it.

'Nuff said. Here's an incomplete list:

• Andy Schlafly a.k.a. Aschlafly: über-dipshit who believes he's finally doing something worthwhile in his sorry life.... just because he has the money to pay the server costs. See main article here.

• Ken DeMyer a.k.a. Conservative: cum-hungry cretin who was dishonorably expelled from TOW for bullying and lack of talent, so he was immediately made a CP sysop. A rampant homophobe with a borderline personality disorder, he has also authored such fantastic shitfests as Evolution, Atheism, and 98% of CP's roughly 9,426 articles on homosexuality, including "Gay Bowel Syndrome", about which he is the world's foremost expert. In case you missed the innuendo, HUGE FAGGOT. Ken never mastered the use of the preview feature in the Mediawik software on which Conservapedia is run. This combined with his piss-poor grasp of English results in comical edit histories as Ken takes five edits to write a single sentence. Sometimes Ken becomes conscious of how idiotic this makes him, so he'll delete and recreate a page in order to remove its edit history. This also has the side-effect of allowing Ken to appear as the sole author of an article. Ken is quite willing to delete fucking everything when his bravado gets the better of him, and he feels the need to hide some of his more dishonest statements from the world. The master of disguise, Ken stalks the Internet under many different names - such as the user Peter Moore who was banned from Wikipedia and the Pharyngula blog with the comment "...Forty nine insipid comments in three days is enough". If a forum or website should acquire a new user who appears ignorant, paranoid, obsessed with creationism, and fascinated by cock, then it's probably Ken. His style of writing is quite distinctive, but the biggest give-away is that socks of Ken are the only users who would ever make an argument backed-up by a link to one of Ken's articles over at Conservapedia. Ken is Conservapedia's resident search engine optimisation "expert", which goes some way towards explaining his more esotetic behaviours.

• Brian Macdonald a.k.a. Karajou: a 45+ sack of shit from Murfreesboro, Tennessee, who edited TOW as "Carajou". Karajew spent 20 years behind a small desk in the U. S. Navy, where he was repeatedly penetrated by other Navy faggots. Also most likely a furry, as illustrated here.

• Robert Smith a.k.a. RobSmith: Director of Internal Counterintelligence and history revisionist, he considers himself a scholar (Ha!). Rude to every user and ferociously homophobic, he's one of the most violent wielder of the banhammer. Ironically booted from Wikipedia for the same behavior he now bans for. What a hypocrite!

File:Blue Lagoon.jpg

Perhaps not the best casting decision.

• Edmund W. Poor or Ed Poor: slow of understanding and incapable of creating decent articles, Poor's an old bully and a former TOW administrator. His "talents" are being used by Andy to keep CP "clean and concise". Moonie-cultist, antisemitic and racist to the core, the bastard also loves the pedophilic nickname "Uncle Ed". In fact, he LOVES the loli, and has manifested his dirty fetishism several times on CP; a good example are his reviews of movies starring young actresses like Dakota Fanning. His latest article is about teen female star AnnaSophia Robb. Ed's habit of liveblogging his movie-watching activities led to Conservapedia being unique among encyclopedias in having a category named "Movies about football coaches with 11-year-old daughters". Ed is either masterfully useless or catering to a very specific demographic of movie fans. Did we mention that he also wrote an article about Sailor Moon and the Child sex trade child sex trade? In addition to loli themed articles, Ed believes that an encyclopedia is well served by having computer-related stubs consisting of little more than Ed complaining about whatever software happened to be giving him grief at the time. With such inane and poor quality writing, and his inability to understand Wikipedia's neutral point of view (NPOV) policy, it was only a matter of time before Ed was unceremoniously stripped of his adminship at Wikipedia. In July 2008, he unsuccessfully attempted to regain his adminship powers at TOW. If Ed should arrive at a wiki or forum, asking if he should apply for adminship (as was the case at wikiversity), just hide behind the couch until he wanders off elsewhere to lay his literary turds

File:Conservapedians.JPG

Some Conservapedia sysops. Top: Dan Holmes, Ed Poor, Richard Jensen; bottom: John "Loser" Patti, Terry Hurlbut, Ken DeMyer

• Joaquin Martinez: an import from Campeche, Mexico, and the only Mexican who doesn’t like tequila. He wrote the article about his own country, and the first sentence is worthy of the Pulitzer: "Mexico is a country in North America, directly south of the United States; bordering the North Pacific Ocean is between Guatemala and the US and bordering the Caribbean Sea and the Gulf of Mexico, between Belize and the US." [3] Joaquin is Conservapedia's resident supplier of pretty pictures for articles, and his job is made much easier by his unique interpretation of the fair use provisions of copyright law. Essentially, Joaquin considers fair use to mean that he can use any pictures he finds on the Internets to make Conservapedia's articles pretty. This is particularly ironic given that the Andrew Schlafly, the site owner, is allegedly a lawyer.

• JacobB: a disguised troll, like TK. Managed to come back after outing himself, thanks to Andy's delusional mind.

Lazy members

Andy's crunked brother Roger Schlafly [1]

• CollegeRepublican: widely believed to be Andrew Schlafly Jr. Was promoted with no prior edit history, made two edits to the front page news and promptly disappeared.
• Roger Schlafly: Andy’s crack addicted brother, and a constant embarrassment to the family. He lives alone, and maintains little contact with the Schlaflys, to the point that he learned about Andy’s pet project from the internets. Once blocked Andy by mistake.
• SharonS: a 16-year-old bag of organs. This is the infamous girl who claimed that "There are people who want to destroy us."
• Justine Allen a.k.a. Jallen a.k.a. Niandra: a lady from Australia who, ironically, became a trustworthy Conservapedian after being an untrustworthy seller of trinkets on eBay.
• William Bagot a.k.a. Learn Together: the ultimate ass kisser. His favorite ass was, of course, Andy's.
• Taj: twenty something female from New Mexico. Goes by the name of Tasha Jones, and only has blocking powers. Unimportant.
• Dean Slade a.k.a DeanS (formerly Crocoite): before Conservapedia, Slade worked as Business Analyst and Programmer. a mormon from Provo, Utah, he is severely disturbed since he comes from a polygamous family.
• Richard J. Jensen a.k.a. RJJensen: member of the Lemon Party, Jensen is a former professor of history, and was the only Conservapedian with the skills to build an actual encyclopedia. He's been babbling about conservatism at Wikipedia since 2005 and at the online rectum known as Conservativenet since 2000. Like Philip Rayment, Jensen demonstrated a certain rejection of Schlafly's nuttiness.
• Terry Hurlbut a.k.a. TerryH a.k.a. Temlakos: a widower, and evidently, lonely. Like most Conservapedians, Terry is old and some argue, a child molester.
• AddisonDM: belongs to Schlafly's homeschool class. A Miley Cyrus fagboy.
• John Patti a.k.a. Jpatt: a salesman from Ohio.

File:Geoff Plourde.jpg

Geoffrey Plourde. Doesn't like black people, either.

• Chip Peterson: another Mitt Romney supporter (what's wrong with these people?), seems like he was raised by Ed Poor since his work at CP is thoroughly idiotic.
• DuncanB: one of the youngest ruminant mammals in Schlafly's flock. Inoffensive, but it's always good to kill them young.
• PhyllisS: not the old one, but Schlafly's own daughter. Sexually unresponsive, like her father.
• Geoff Plourde or Geo.plrd: also a Wikipedian; nerdy, white, God-fearing and Jew-hater.

Excommunicated members

File:Banhammeraward.jpg

To fight the liberal bias, they ban users arguing with scientific sources, e.g. arguing that dinosaurs weren't vegetarians [2]

• Hojimachong: a true mystery, he was like a black person commanding a branch of the KKK. Hojimachong is pro-evolution, pro-choice, pro-homosexuality, and favors premarital sex and the scientific method. Raped by the aforementioned TK.
• Trent Toulouse a.k.a. Tmtoulouse: as a sysop, his reign of terror was shorter than Benazir Bhutto's lifespan in Pakistan. Monetary exchange specialist of RationalWiki, also edits TOW under the same name.
• Ames Grawer or AmesG: one of Conservapedia's mortal foes, Mr Grawer is feared and reviled with equal passion by Andy Schlafly and Brian Macdonald. It can be argued that, individually, Mr Grawer has caused more damage to CP than any other liberal troll. (Note: TK has caused more damage than anyobody else, but he's more like a homosexual troll.)
• Fox: kike, and possibly a Nazi fur. Self-destructed by posting articles parodying Schlalfy's obsession with liberal topics.
• Philip J. Rayment: ex-Wikipedo, he was the most tactful of all CP sysops and the one who deeply believes that Jesus rode dinosaurs. A fundie from Victoria, he quit on March 2009, after declining an indecent proposal by Schlafly.
• Daniel Holmes a.k.a. DanH: Baptist student from Kansas and a Mitt Romney supporter. Enough said.
• Timothy Svendsen a.k.a. CPWebmaster: just another thug, left CP for good in 2009.
• HelpJazz: probably likes negro music. Must be confused - he actually tried simultaneously to follow Andy's orders and to improve articles. As a result, never, ever, ever got night-editing rights. Left for good in 2008.
• Bugler: Schlafly gave him 24/7 edit privileges, uploading privileges, blocking power and two non-consecutive blowjobs. Seemingly the avatar of Poe's Law here on Earth, he has now admitted to being a troll all along.
• RodWeathers:another troll that followed in the path of Bugler, but was much less successful.
• JessicaT: some Azn chick. Her race and age enticed Ed Poor's flaccid penis. Forced to resign due to possible scandal.
• Terry Koeckritz (Yiddish for "cock ring") a.k.a. TK : incredibly nosy and stupid, this 60 something closet homo from the outskirts of Reno, Nevada is what CP treasures the most. He was a trusted henchman, yet asked for his own removal after a flame war with Schlafly himself. Unsurprisingly he was accepted back promoted again after Conservapedia rid itself of its Jew problem. It's a fact that every time Koeckritz blocked a user, he celebrated the event shaking hands with the one-eyed milkman. Arguably the most powerful CP sysop right now; he has driven away a number of good editors, including Philip Rayment. Allegedly, he was an infiltrator from RationalWiki, like other CP editors (he's E.Wig at RW), but then betrayed everybody for the lulz and to fulfill alone his own agenda: undermining Conservapedia. Died on Dec. 17, 2010.

Actual quotes from CP sysops

Userbox with typical CP grammar.

• Much thanks to Kotomi for blocking the obscene vandal "PaulKr", who posted a crude version of the vulgar Goatsie image. If someone can track down PaulKr's whereabouts, then I'd be happy to file a complaint with local law enforcement. --Andy Schlafly

• Obviously if it is Andy saying to add someone, or start doing ______ whatever on CP, that's another story, and is effective immediately, as we are here to serve him. --TK

• Though my mother has no connection with Conservapedia, I'm going on her show tomorrow from noon to 1pm to discuss this project. --Andy Schlafly

• Kotomi-san, I am glad to welcome you... I hope I was not too abrupt with you, when I cautioned you about "personal remarks". It is an Asian custom for an elder to give an admonition to the one who merits it LESS, when he sees two people having a conflict. Daijobu? --Ed Poor to JessicaT

• Trent Toulouse is giving advice and tacit approval to these people to go and commit vandalism. And he's doing it from his dorm room on the campus at McMaster University. Like it or not, we're going to have to take that university to court now, because Trent has made that place legally liable for the damage he telling others to do against us... He has very little money for anything else after paying his university costs, which is why he had to do a "Pi drive" to get money to operate Ratwiki and pay his server costs... --Seaman Brian Macdonald

• In a previous block regarding AmesG, (and this applies to any similar troll) I inserted a tag in his block line reason which said "not to return except under Ashlafly's pleasure..." --Seaman Brian Macdonald

• I am leaning towards giving Mr. Dawkins at least a month to at least try to develop some machismo. --Ken DeMyer aka Conservative

• I like cock. --Terry Koeckritz aka TK

Censorship and Attack tactics

Confirmation bias in full effect.

Besides the Big Brother's Hammer, Perversapedia sysops employ a series of dirty tactics and flawed arguments when they are hopelessly trapped, when blocking a user or when their infallible liberal detector points to somebody who's probably a liberal. Note that nobody has won a war against a CP sysop, and no CP sysop has ever apologized to a user. Evar.

Loaded questions

A loaded question embodies an assumption that, if answered, indicates an implied agreement.

Example:

• (About Larry Craig) What a deceitful person. -Wwwknow 21:40, 29 August 2007 (EDT)
  

     (Loaded question) What are you suggesting, that he be impeached? Rob Smith 21:50, 29 August 2007 (EDT)

Confirmation bias

Confirmation bias is a type of selective thinking whereby one tends to notice and to look for what confirms one's beliefs, and to ignore, not look for, or undervalue the relevance of what contradicts one's beliefs, e.g., virtually anything on CP. Or, to quote CP: "Confirmation bias: a type of selective thinking whereby liberals tend to report what confirms their beliefs, and to ignore, or undervalue what contradicts their beliefs."[4]

Red herring

A red herring is when the arguer diverts the attention by changing the subject. Andy himself will commonly derail a discussion in order to ask his opponent's views on school prayer or abortion, and frequently questions their level of commitment to reading the Bible.

Example:

• "You still won't admit that the vast majority of inventions have been American? Look, you have free will to deny basic facts, but your denial is astounding. Re: homeschooling, people and homeschooling were not that different 150 years ago. Moreover, you seem to confuse cause with effect. The point is about the positive effect of homeschooling, regardless of the motivation. I realize that Germany bans homeschooling and England is over-regulating it, but it remains productive at a far greater level than its percentages. And this has always been true, as numerous examples here illustrate.

If you were genuinely interested in logic, then you'd spend some time reading or translating the Bible, the most logical book of all. But I suspect you're more interested in trying to reject the Bible than giving it equal time in your activities. Am I right?--Andy Schlafly 22:11, 16 December 2009 (EST))

Reification fallacy

The reification fallacy is when an abstract belief or hypothetical construct is treated as if it represented a concrete event or physical entity. [5]

IMMA CHARGIN MA LAZER GODSPEED!!!

Ad baculum

The ad baculum is a favorite, it's the fallacy committed when the sysop makes use of force or threats to bring about the acceptance of a conclusion.

Example:

• This is not Wikipedia. We do not "communicate" the way they do, with intimidation, bullying, humiliation, threats, teasing, and relentless POV-pushing. You don't have "rights" here, and thus you have no right to "speak your mind" or "demand answers"... It's time to drop the pretense: you're not fooling anyone. If you want to help, you can. Your complaints to the contrary ring hollow, and frankly I'm losing patience. --Ed Poor ^Talk 20:33, 22 June 2007 (EDT)

Petitio Principii or Vicious Circle

The petitio pricipii, also known as "begging the question", is any form of argument which fails to prove anything because it takes for granted what it is supposed to prove.

Examples:

• Any chance we can work together on Deceit? This is getting a little harsh. --Ursus 17:26, 5 September 2007 (EDT)
  
• You're pushing a liberal point of view. Deceit is factual and undisputed. Your changes are to dilute it or remove what is plainly true. Suggest improvements, but it is not going to diluted or modified to make it liberal. Godspeed.--Aschlafly 18:07, 5 September 2007 (EDT)
  

Disagreement with Andy makes you wrong

Andy's brain farts are rarely supported by evidence, so instead he must rely on the assertion that he is automatically right, so by definition anyone disagreeing with him must be wrong, and probably deceitful, close-minded, ignorant, etc. This tactic is normally initiated by Andy challenging someone to deny the validity of Andy's assertions, with such posts ending with a phrase along the lines of "deny this and lose all credibility". This may be a non sequitur, but in Andy's case the statements can be so convoluted and fractally wrong that there is no single fallacy that can be used to describe the nonsense that bubbles up from his bowels in to his mouth.

Examples:

• "American Indians are different from Asians in almost every significant way. Blood type. Interests. Every other measure you can think of. Deny it and join the liberal denial about history.--Aschlafly 20:06, 5 September 2008 (EDT)"

Ad Hominem

Ad hominem attacks seek to attack the person, not the argument, so obviously this approach is incredible popular at Conservapedia. Anyone in disagreement with the hive mind is quickly labelled a liberal. In some environments this would be of little consequence, since the term is not typically deemed offensive except in very specific contexts, yet on Conservapedia liberals are considered deceitful monsters responsible for everything that is wrong in the world. To compare this to Wikipedia, it'd be like Jimbo wandering about Wikipedia talk pages, accusing editors of being syphilitic skull fuckers of stillborn babies.

Example:

• Pachyderm, your tone and attitude discredit any merit in your arguments. Be polite and show me your very best example, or please play the role of an angry young man somewhere else. Thanks. In Christ,--Aschlafly 19:36, 7 September 2007 (EDT) (After a discussion about genocide in Yugoslavia)
• 13:43, 12 September 2007 RobS (Talk | contribs) blocked "Dlong (contribs)" with an expiry time of infinite (liberal supremacist; email me if you got a problem with that, punk.)

Misrepresentation of sources

A misrepresentation of sources is claiming, for instance, that one person's personal viewpoint is in actual fact an accurate representation of a large body of people.[6] Andy commonly uses this approach when grasping for evidence in support of his more outlandish claims, and as a statistician believes that the only evidence he requires is a sentence beginning with the phrase"everyone knows that..."

Blocking users and burning the evidence

Conservapedia's sysops are very liberal when it comes to blocking people who disagree with or question the accepted knowledge of Conservapedia. There's no real requirement for any sysop to have a good reason for blocking users, or even IP ranges of entire countries, but doing any of the following certainly help speed-up the process:

• Having an IP address vaguely similar to a banned editor
• Having a name that doesn't follow Conservapedia naming policy (First name and initial of the surname)
• Not agreeing enough with Andy and his sysops, thus being exiled as a liberal
• Agreeing too much with Andy and his sysops, leading to accusations of parody.
• Failing to respond to Ed Poor's inane requests for a writing plan
• Editing from multiple IP ranges
• Editing at or referring to RationalWiki
• Excessive talk page posts (their 90/10 rule which dictates that no more than 10% of edits can be to talk pages)
• Editing pet articles of sysops

Sysops often employ very strategic blocking so they can get the last word in a discussion, which is ironic given that Andy regularly banned people for "last wordism". This blocking leaves it appearing that the user in question was obviously so over-awed by the fascinating insights of the sysop that they simply could not bring themselves to respond. In cases where Andy has been made to appear particularly ignorant, sysops will delete the posts of users who ask awkward questions or point out Andy's errors. This has led to talk pages in which Andy appears to be arguing with an imaginary person, which isn't entirely unrealistic given his obsession with the imaginary beings.

The greatest irony is that newly arrived editors who'd post anything quite as crazy as Andy or Ken would be instantly banhammered for being liberal parodists. Such is the level of paranoia that Poe's Law is well and truly in force as Andy and Co. struggle to differentiate between the editors who are insane and those who are faking mental illness for the lulz.

File:Conservapedia trolling better.jpg

The TRUTH

Consciously Using Outdated Information

A modest investigation conducted on Conservapedia's "Liberal Biases in Wikipedia" page, which includes over 200 perceived instances of Wikipedia sucking Barack Obama's dick, reveals that many of the complaints are flat out untrue. It is entirely likely they were once true (meaning that even though they are bullshit complaints, they technically quoted Wikipedia correctly), if by "once true" you mean "true in early 2007." Since then, the perceived biases, usually a bullshit complaint about the wording of one sentence in a 10,000 word article, have been fixed, which is the purpose of fucking Wikipedia, that anyone can edit things when needed. However, this is never good enough for Conservapedia's sysops, and every single attempt by someone to remove a grievance that was fixed two years ago has been reverted.

Example:

• Conservapedia's list bitches and moans that the Wikipedia article on Judge William Rehnquist, a conservative, casually mentions that he was born on the same day as President Jimmy Carter, but Carter's mentions nothing about Rehnquist. An easy answer to this is: "That's probably because they were written by two different people, asshole," a concept Conservapedia is consistently bad at grasping. However, the words "Jimmy" and "Carter" appear nowhere in Rehnquist's article. All attempts to remove this from the list have been reverted by the sysops within minutes.

• Conservapedia's list contains a grievance that Wikipedia has no article on the North American Union. What is the North American Union? Who gives a shit. But as of 2008, Wikipedia has a 2500 word article on the damn thing. But surely, Conservapedia's article on the subject is far superior, right? It's two fucking sentences long, and one of the sentences is a quote from Mommy Schlafly. Dead fucking serious.

Forbidden words

A forbidden entry, preserved for future generations.

File:Conservapedia Divided.JPG

OH SHI-

Many articles in Conservapedia are impossible to create, as they are "deleted and protected to prevent re-creation". You should know, however, that these terms can’t get past the spam filter, so be careful:

4chan, Cunt, Orgy, Encyclopedia Dramatica disregard that, I suck cocks, RationalWiki, Furry fandom, Shit, Crap, Feces, Fag, Fellatio, Masturbation, Anal, Semen, Fuck, Fock, Clitoris, Vulva, Orgasm, Nigger, Nigga, Dick, Cum, Child (?!?), Blowjob (though not Blow Job), Goatse, Motherfucker, Assfly and RationalWiki.

However, we encourage you to use your imagination and create moar future deleted pages.

Penis, vagina, and several other terms for sex organs redirect to a supremely inane article on Human reproduction, since they need to preserve the innocence of people like BethanyS, in an Orwellian attempt to spread ignorance.

This, of course, suits their sponsor Mommy Schlafly very well. The Schlaflys are all about the basic elements of the conservative movement. Phyllis (Andy's mom) made no secret that her opposition to various groups and progressive activities were to maintain privilege. Her privilege. Part of making that happen is an effort to keep the religious faithful as dumb as possible.

Conservapedia is certainly doing that. Cruising Conservapedia can be a lot of fun for an educated, enlightened person. Watching a wingnut with a look of seriousness on his face as he cruises Conservapedia is an absolute riot.

Trolling and B&baiting

Typical day for Andrew Schlafly

• Ask how the FBI investigation against vandals is going. This never wears out, e.g.: Hello Mr Schlafly. As a long term reader of your excellent encyclopaedia, but only recently signed up, I was wondering what the current state of affairs is regarding the FBI investigation into the vandalism of this site? I certainly hope that their efforts bear fruit, and that the culprits are severely chastised as a warning to others. With best wishes, User:CliffBrumby 11:00, 15 January 2008 (EST)
• Second-guess a sysop.
• Have a liberal username.
• Ask Andy if his mom is a black person-hater.
• Ask any CP psysop a really difficult question. They will ignore you, of course, so you'll inquire for an answer.
• Register under the username "AmazingAtheist" and insert the phrase "believed by Christians to be" into the phrase "Jesus Christ is the only son of God."
• Ask Andy if old Phyllis is sponsoring Conservapedia.
• Try to politely question any edit that Andy makes with such underhanded liberal deceptions as facts and citations.
• Having the IP range of a former vandal.
• Imply that Obama has actual faults that could be addressed in his article, and that it's somehow less than 100% certain that he's a radical crypto-Mawzlam.
• And lastly, having any variation of the word lulz in your username.

After many months of most (all?) new accounts being vandals, parodists and people laughing out loud, on 1 November 2010 Conservapedia switched from open account creation to registration via e-mail requests for accounts.

see what lulz does for you?!?!?!

Quickly! Before the banhammer strikes!

Colbert Trolls Conservapedia Into Oblivion

<insert Colbert here>

On 10/7/2009 at about 11:45 PM, Stephen Colbert announced that the Conservative Bible Project, a project to remove liberal bias from the bible, is lacking something very important.

Here's a timeline of the events that followed:

• 11:46: Everyone races online to create an account before the B&hammer falls. Conservapedia crashes instantly.
• 11:52: Conservapedia stops crashing occasionally.
• 11:57: People start making helpful clarifying changes to the Bible.
• 12:00: Editing is automatically disallowed after 12:00 AM every night because Evil Liberal Trolls don't know how to use a computer during the day.
• 12:02: Conservapedia admins flip the fuck out: "OMG ITS A LIBERAL ATTACK ON OUR SITE BAN EVERYONE!!!11"
• 12:15 Conservapedia admins lock the Conservative Bible Project page. They agree to keep it locked for a few days until the whole thing blows over. This makes everyone fan out to every part of the site vandalize the fuck out of it.

A week passes; the Bible Retranslation Project main page looks like this:

Stephen Colbert is God, He is the original creator who created the world in six days. He is the God of all beings in this universe. He has other names such as Yahweh and Jesus. He has again arrives at earth and brings salvation to people. Lord Stephen has three parts, The Balls, The Finger, and the Eyebrow, which is called Trinity. The Balls, each of the two are bigger and weights more than the universe combine, symbolizes the infinity power of Him. The Finger, with each wag, symbolizes the punishment and condemnation of sinfulness. The Eyebrow is his message to Earth, with each rise and fall, the will of Lord and God Stephen is being heard by his followers. Lord Stephen is a vengeful God, with his purgatory-On Notice Board, and his hell-Dead To Me Board, he chastises the sinful. But he is also a merciful God, pray to him, and he will answer your prayers. Honor him, and you will go to His Heaven.

The place where Lord and God Stephen, and His angles and faithful follower lives, which is commonly known as Heaven. It is a place where His glory is being honored and His messages being heard. It is the show which is crucial to Salvation, it is a Holy Show. Watch it, and the road toward the Pearl Gate will be cleared for you, and you shall be greeted by Saint Jon Stewart to the Heaven and world of Lord Stephen.

The Holy Show, Colbert Report, has given convenience to the unfortunates who cannot access a TV or computer, by producing its own Holy Book, millions of times holier than The Bible, called I AM AMERICAN AND SO CAN YOU! To the children of impoverished who could not hear the message of Lord Stephen, they now shall have the equal chance to enter the Heaven as rest of us do. There is no need to wonder about life anymore, because, Lord Stephen has answered all your questions in that book; read it, and you will be blessed by His Eternal Light.

Being the Holy Show, it is the only show worth watching, its book and its website are also the only book and website one should see. Anything else is heresy, and are condemned as sinful, whose viewers are considered as traitors and will be send to Hell with Satan Andrew Schlafly

Such words are of the faituful followers of Lord Stephen Colbert, and any change to it, by anyone whose master and commands are not from Lord Stephen or Saint Jon Stewart, will face Eternal Fire of Hell in The Judgment Day

Interview

On the night December 8, 2009, Colbert had an interview with Andy Schlafly. Schlafly then responded by creating a welcome message, which directed Colbert fans to the newly-created Colbert Report Viewers page. On December 12, the Colbert Report Viewers page was archived after reaching a size of 99 kilobytes, and the new page continues to grow.

Fascinating Facts

A message from Conservapedia.

• DId you know that soccer is a socialist sport?
• Did you know that Conservapedians celebrate the deceitful merit of having more than 40,000 questionable, limited and alarmingly biased entries?
• Did you know that faith is a uniquely Christian concept?
• Did you know that saying otherwise is "unsupported"?
• Did you know that humor did not exist before Christianity ?
• Did you know that the Jew is compelled by his Satanic ancestry to carry on a conspiracy against Europeans?
• Did you know that Barack Obama has to be a Muslim because of the way he pronounces "Pakistan"?
• Did you know that all kangaroos descend from a single pair that were taken aboard Noah's Ark?
• Did you know that Barack Obama used mind control to win the election? Last line of the intro.
• Did you know that anal fistula is a significant issue in regards HIV infection?
• Did you know that Fred Phelps is a Liberal activist?
• Did you know Conservapedia has a high score list?
• Did you know that you MUST troll Conservapedia at least once before you die?
• Did you know that if you wear all black and are educated at a public school then you'll definitely become a mass murderer?
• Did you know that the top ten most looked at pages (aside from the front page) all have to do with gayness, the mechanics of gay sex, common health problems that arise from gay sex, and the best way to stay in the closet for the rest of your sad little life?
• Did you know that according to their buttbuddies they back-trace trolls?
• Did you know that the theory of relativity was invented by communist fellow travelers to "relativize" morality and destroy the fabric of god-fearing 'Murikan society?
• Did you know that the even Conservapedia agrees that ED is funnier than Uncyclopedia?

Bel Air

[HideShow]

Now this is a story all about how
The tubes got flipped turned upside down
And I'd like to take a minute just sit right there
I'll tell you how I become the admin of a site called Conservapedia.

In west Illinois, born and raised
At my homeschool was where I spent most of my days
Indoctrinatin', proselytisin', evangelisin' all cool
And all shootin' some heroin outside of the school
When a couple of liberals they were up to no good
Started opposin' classroom prayer in my neighborhood
I got in one little argument and my mom got scared
And said, "You're movin' with RobS and TK to Conservapedia!"

I whistled for some help and when it came near
It was a damn huge cruiser with Karajou in 'er
If anything I could say that this ship was rare
But I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo home to Conservapedia!"

I'd picked all my admins by about 7 or 8
And I yelled to the swabby 'yo holmes smell ya later'
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To sit in my castle as the admin of Conservapedia.

Gallery

Gallery About missing Pics

• 
  Wonkette shows the truth. Note: Homosexuality has now climbed to a mighty first place.
• 
  CP spy Rob Smith and his wife, Marisol
• 
  What every parent should know
• That dirty pedo Ed Poor sent this picture to JessicaT.
  That dirty pedo Ed Poor sent this picture to JessicaT.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

• 
  Conservapedia editor.
• 
  Conservapedia hates Jews.
• 
  Create an account for Christian minge.
• 
  According to Conservapedia, Greek is not only a style of wrestling, but also of love.
• Don't troll or you'll suffer the consequences!
  Don't troll or you'll suffer the consequences!
• 
  I hope for the best this idiotic site will go away. And I'm not a faggot. Godspeed.
• 
  Typical CP article
• 
  Here's over 9,000 reasons to hate Conservapedia
• 
  How to get banned
• 
  How to get banned, be a faggot and get shot down without delivering your payload (pt 2)
• 
  Typical user
• 
  a new protected word
• 
  Proof that over 9000 is an old meme
• 
  Molestering their molestation page
• 
  Motherfuckers love to ban
• 
• 
  Proof that not all aspies are smart.
• 
  Google's take on CP. Notice how all three results pwns CP's gayness.
• 
  Conservapedia praises Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's homophobic stance against homosexuality.
• 
  Not gay
• Conservapedia admin bans
  Conservapedia admin bans
• 
  Conservapedia likes the Girny Minge
• DO IT FAGGOT
  DO IT FAGGOT
• We love democracy, honest
  We love democracy, honest

See also

• A Storehouse of Knowledge - Conservapedia 2:Electric Boogaloo
• Metapedia - For those who think Conservapedia is run by hippies.
• RationalWiki - with a vengeance
• Asinine American
• Nobel Prize for Racism ‎

Related links

• They have a youtube channel now!
• Conservapedia: a plumbing fixture for defecation
• The Onion
• Rational Wiki - the greatest thorn in Conservapedia's side
• As accurate as a catatonic drunkard’s line of urine
• Conservapedia's best article evar
• A conservative wiki
• The first superhuman being, who lived over 900 years!
• Why no, we have no fascinations at all...
• A video of this horror. Comment and rape rate, plz
• OH NOES!! Obama did WTC
• "I was a Conservapedia Administrator", by former sysop Philip J. Rayment. Andy must be angry.
• Conservapedia gets owned
• The most ironic article on Conservapedia.
• A recommendation from CP
• The definition of bias.

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Featured article September 12, 2010
Preceded by Burn a Koran Day	Conservapedia	Succeeded by Lizziey