Cigarskunk: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 07:14, 31 October 2011

Sean Foltz (Cigarskunk) in his typical non-skunk homosexual appearance. Added by NirvanaNChains22

Cigarskunk (real name Sean A. Foltz, age 35) is not your typical conservative furry, content to yiff away in anonymity whilst secretly dry-humping a copy of Mein Kampf in his mother's bedroom closet whilst sniffing her panties, cutting himself, and to put the icing on the cake, dressed in a skunk suit - he is unafraid to actively participate on conservative blogs under his furhandle, and to email the owner of a veteran's website in order to further an attempt at Swift-Boating Barack Hussein Osama in time for the general election.

After being approvingly quoted on the ironically-named "Sweetness & Light" wingnut blog, an enterprising commenter on Sadly, No! recognized his furhandle and brought his insanity to the light of the political blogosphere, who promptly lolled.

Like fellow confurrrrvatives Jay Naylor and RHJunior, Cigarskunk loves to spout off fallacy about how doctors kill more people than guns, how atheists kill more people than religious nuts (See, if you add up all the people killed by that liberal Hitler with all the people killed by that liberal [[>Stalin]] and all the aborted fetuses in the world = PROFIT) and how blathering about cigars makes him some sort of cowboy. Cigarskunk totally knows what he’s talking about, because he has a totally fast-paced and rewarding job at a government welfare office, where he gets to complain about all the lazy niggers and spics. Being a furry, Cigarskunk’s rants are lapped up by the usual sycophants but he’s also got a special following among batshit insane Christian furs.

Internet tough guy loves skunks, hates niggers

See how totally not gay he is? See? See?

Cigarskunk wrote his own WikiFur entry, where he took credit for single-handedly popularizing skunks in the furry community, as if convincing a gaggle of mouth-breathing social retards to spank it to a new kind of stinkrat is some sort of accomplishment. He did this by begging artists to draw skunk porn until they caved. Ironically, skunk-fucking is nothing new in the furry fandom, being recognized since the 1980s.[1] He got pwned on fchan after saying that niggers are genetically inferior due to inbreeding. Channers retaliated by pointing out that Cigarskunk’s fetishistic love for Tiny Toons character Fifi La Fume indicated a love of kiddie diddling. Cigarskunk erupted into major fagsplosion, cried the tears of ultimate sadness, then proclaimed himself the winner and left the board forever. FOREVAR! (That was of course due to the lack of skunk buttsecks that day)

“	Let's put aside political correctness and be realistic for a second here - if Obama loses the general election then there will be race riots - cities will burn and God only knows how many innocents will be hurt and killed. ... So the reality is that Obama HAS to lose the primary because if he doesn't, then thousandss of gallons of innocent blood that will be spilled and the hundreds of billions in property damage will be the responsibility of everyone who supported Obama	„
—Cigarskunk, in this comment

Cigarskunk loves cock

“	I don't think we can have an intellegent or serious discussion on gay issues until people make up their minds whether or not its a birth defect or a lifestyle choice.	„
— Cigarskunk, in this comment

Because of his neo-con beliefs, Cigarskunk is unable to come to terms with his repressed, dick craving homosexuality, instead restricting himself to gooey fantasies about having a long, hard, brown cigar shaft in his mouth. Haha, we kid: Cigarskunk is, of course, completely secure in his heterosexuality as evidenced by the fact that he can’t type more than a sentence without pointing out how tough he is, how totally straight he is, how much he loves vagina, and how he gets massive amounts of poontang 24/7. You can tell that Cigarskunk is totally NOT trying to compensate for anything because he commissions reams and reams of personalized pornography showing his skunk character fucking anything that has a pussy and then demanding that they bake him a pie. Like every real man, Cigarskunk knows that the measure of man’s heterosexuality is his hatred for women, so every picture is chock full of deliciously jovial misogyny.

Unlike Dave Hopkins' strategy of "covering up sexual insecurities by marrying a creature so hideous even he looks good in comparison", Cigarskunk brings paid escorts to furrycons to convince fellow furfags that he’s a total pimp. Since his highest aspiration in life is showing up the bottom-of-the-barrel nerds that wear collars and neko cat-ears, it should come as no surprise that Cigarskunk’s real love-life is restricted to fumbled attempted e-rapes on furry forums. Scroll down here for this particularly spectacular abortion, where his horrific efforts to seduce shemale Lilifox via oh-so-sexy action asterisks amount to epic fail.

Cigarskunk at one time dated the equally broken furry camwhore Plush-She, who’s mainly known for jamming stuffed animals up her cooter and for not bathing.

My opinion is da truth 'cause I has sick fuck logic and anti-lulz attitude

	“	But how can we say that God hasn't been disproven when we've got all the work of Darwin and friends proving that liberals evolved from monkeys and pond scum?	„
	—That's right. Only liberals. Cigarskunk evolved from Chris-chan and Rootbrian.

Here is a list of FurAffinity journals showing that Cigarskunk is a brilliant intellectual who's opinion is always supported by solid arguments from serious studies and trustworthy stats so he can mesmerize his fellow brainless furfags (geez, all thoze numbrz are blinkin win), cuz he did mathz at the speshul shkool yeah :

Walking cause more pollution then driving (Notice the poor grammar.)
More guns equals less murders (Oh yeah it's SO obvious!)
Doctors kill more people than guns (We are hoping that he gets lung cancer so he'll have to meet a doctor to save his worthless existence.)
Obama's birth certificate His point made short : Yaeh dudz, Obama's BC is just sum falsified bullshit, cuz we all know he was born in Africa liek every nigga, and becuz his true BC would be dirty and yellowish due to the fact that it must have been traveling Amazonia in Obama's poophole for at least 40 years, so that minty fresh paper has necessarily been forged a few days ago so we may have a Muslim terrorist for president. Fukken brown peoples takken our wimmens. Naturally this lacks the countless links and copypasta of the original.
Community Service is Slavery oh lordy da black man has won us whiteys is goin into the salt mines

Also, if you post a long (admittedly, tl;dr) argument showing him how his "God" is a figment of his imagination, or a much more twisted person than he would like to believe, he will retort with a two-word response and then block you so you can't spout more of your lies. The main reason for such short responses (according to our scientist) is because he often has a massive cock up his ass that reaches up into his spine paralyzing his hands.

CS cannot be bothered with facts that he doesn't invent. Also note his belief that Hitler, a far-right Catholic, was a "godless lefty", and his confusing a trillion with a billion.

He has recently taken to posting various right-wing racist/sexist BAWWWWWing and then, when even his fellow furfags call him on it, dismissing it as satire. See also politically incorrect, section 2.

How to cigarskunk

Yes, now you too can shamelessly imitate everyone's favourite internet confurvative. Here's whatcha gotta do:

Look. Radically alter your appearance so you not only look like a sex offender, but sound and smell like one too (I suggest using a hammer).
Smoke. No, not ganja, despite what his name suggests. Smoke so much that the nicotine clogs up your brain and you start to actually believe furry + Nazism + idiocy = win.
Advertise. Go around with a picture of a skunk doing an underage skunk on your back.
Internet. Act like you can actually get girls and do not smell. Post about your hatred of the brown persons, the homo-queer-uals, and the LIEberals at every point possible, pausing only to <a href="http://web.archive.org/web/20090215175346/http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Masturbate" class="mw-redirect" title="Masturbate">wank off</a>.
Bawwwww. As you realize that, having followed these instructions, you will die alone with a cigar butt smoldering up your arsehole.

The real thing

]]

He takes that as a compliment.

The reason behind Cigarskunk's huge gallery of commissioned art is that

Just like every other furfag, he can't draw shit.
He is actually so ugly no one wants him, not even fags, but since Cigarskunk's straight, he won't let another fag fuck/suck him.
He spends all his free time on FA writing over 9000 words a day about how stupid democrats are or why smoking cigars makes him so very Americanly manly.
And again because he often has a massive cock up his ass (you're such a great ass-digger Herbie!) that reaches up into his spine paralyzing his hands.