Puerto Rico

Map of Puerto Rico

Typical reggaeton "artist". More like regGAYton, amirite?

Warning! Puerto Ricans are known terrorists, commies and fans of Ricky Martin

When the Spanish brought slaves over to Hispaniola, they made a city on what is now the coast of Puerto Rico. The slaves had to use pick axes all day until they had went all the way down the side of the now coast. They had hit the ground so much that an earthquake occurred and broke what is now "Puerto Rico" off of the Dominican Republic, thus confirming the theory that Puerto Ricans are niggers indeed with shittier taste in music and pretty much everything else. Unlike the taco-eating wetbacks, most of the natives of this island don't live in complete poverty. Basically, they are just smelly high yellow rednecks with lots of body hair.

Today, Puerto Rico is officially known as THE narco-state. Puerto Rico, or in English "Rich Port," is basically a port, or an intermediary between Latin America and the Caribbean, and the United States. Over 105% of the drugs consumed in the United States pass through Puerto Rico. As a result of this, Puerto Rico is today one of the wealthiest nations, where a family living in a public residential has four 60' plasmas, fifteen BMWs for their fifteen kids, and other products you don't expect from someone who doesn't work. The Puertoricans that are educated and professionals (a few, since education here is just as bad as in the U.S.) use their skill on... drug trafficking, or cheating the system. Doctors are frequently arrested for stealing millions of dollars from Medicare, and using their money to finance drug businesses. Accountants are frequently arrested for aiding tax evasion, taking bribes, and financing drug businesses. Politicians are frequently arrested for stealing money from the federal government and financing drug businesses. Policemen are frequently arrested for protecting drug traffickers, and for stealing drugs from a cartel to sell them to another cartel. Federal agents are frequently arrested for aiding the passage of drugs to the United States and giving advice to drug cartels. Even musicians, artists, architects, engineers, and so on work on cheating the system and making money off drugs.

If the United States were to stop consuming drugs tomorrow, the economy of Puerto Rico would fall apart and become the second Haiti.

Music

Puerto Rico gave birth to a gay genre of music called Reggaeton, listened to by the poorest of cacos with no jobs and no lives, who are generally racially confused and believe themselves to be negro. It consists of every song having the SAME FUCKING BEAT and/or ear bleeding vocals similar to the soothing sound of a dentist's drill boring away at your rotten cavity except twice as painful. PROTIP 9/10 people become an hero the second this horrible music is played within 20 feet of the listener, so watch yourself. This dissonance of noise is directly related to Reggae and rap, all of which are equally as gay as Country. ReGAYton, like Rap, is incredibly stupid and is used mostly as a last resort for those with low self esteem and don't think much of themselves to not think about killing each other and also, for the uneducated, unemployed, broke bastard that thinks talking about that kind of nonsense will get him/her paid, which in some cases happens, proving that Americans with rap and Puerto Ricans with Reaggeton love to see their youth acting completely retarded, violent, and without any education... which is awesome.

Puertoricans on the internetz

It is a not very well known fact that half of the Spanish-speaking dwellers on /b/ are puertorican. Srsly, besides Spain and Puerto Rico, what other Spanish-speaking countries have people who can actually afford a computer? Because puertoricans and Spanish people feel under-represented on the internetz they basically pretend to be from other Latin American countries in order to show a much bigger presence. They also somehow have their own chan site filled with their own local sewage called PuertoChan.

Economy

Puerto Rico is a one of a kind nation when it comes to redefining economic standards. While the GDP per capita is around half that of the poorest U.S. state, money seems to grow out of trees. In Puerto Rico, it's normal to see a Walmart/McDonald's employee driving a BMW or a Porsche and living in a 500k dollar mansion. How is this possible? In Puerto Rico there are two types of currencies, one is the everyday-devaluing U.S. dollar, and the other is the imaginary dollars ($i$). Puertoricans lack real money due to the ever-decreasing production of the nation. In response, they've tricked the World Bank to accept their imaginary dollars. Basically, when a Puertorican is gonna buy something, and he does not have the required US dollars, he goes to a bank. The bank serves as an intermediary in the process. The Puertorican makes up these imaginary dollars... through their imagination... and basically trades them to the bank (interest expense charged in more imaginary dollars) for real US dollars. Then the banks go to the World Bank, and the U.S. monetary funds, and trade those imaginary dollars for US dollars.

It is believed the U.S. holds over $i$90,000,000,000,000 (90 trillion imaginary dollars) on treasury stock, and U.S. economists are evaluating if they could possibly pay off their debts to China with those imaginary dollars. Lately, the global economic crisis has had a toll on Puerto Rico's economy, the need to pay of domestic debts have left Puertoricans in an economic crisis, where their imagination is reaching their limits on how much money they can imagine before their brains collapse.

Reggaeton Artists

Dios los BENDIGAAAA! This faggot thinks he is the queen of the world.

• Cosculluela

Rich Cuban white kid who got helped by his family to become an artist. Even though he has no skills whatsoever and names himself stupid acronyms ("Dracula Boy", "El Principe") he has garnered many fans, most of them retarded 15 year old kids and 13 year old whores.

• Tempo

TEH BEST REGGAETONERO EVAH!!!... Until he was arrested for illegal drug possession. LOL what a fag! Enjoy being someone else's "perra."

• Don Omar

An emo nigger who totally sucks at singing and sounds like a retard in every one of his songs. He is a professional "twitter" who averages 9001 tweets per day, most of them pertaining to relevant info such as "eating cereal" and "haven't seen my wife for 5 minutes." He suffers from skin cancer after having been in a tanning bed for too long.

• Hector "El Father"

One of Puerto Rico's most HARDCORE rappers, until he became a Christfag. Fans BAWWWWED. Totally destroyed Don Omar before becoming a child-molesting priest.

• Jamsha

Brilliant songwriter! In his very professional song "Las nenas de colegio son mas putas que las de publica" he exposes how private school girls are very slutty, and that if you drive a BMW around a private school you can get many underage girls into your car.

• Tego Calderon

His lisp will put any queer in his place. Retired due to old age, but in reality this snaggletooth ape went bankrupt after being sued by his dentist for not paying the bills.

• Wisin y Yandel

Sellout duo and gay lovers. They haven't made good music since 2006. They decided it was better to make soft music for the American retarded girls (and the VMAs audience which consist of American retarded girls) so they could reap lots of moneys.

• Daddy Yankee

The gayest "Rapper" Evar, he got his name from a Puerto Rican prison rape gang and earned his title through rampant buttsecks and rape. He is responsible for this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HA9mmDg76j8 WHOOPS BALEETED. If you find this entertaining, please take immediate steps to become an hero. This fag gained some popularity in Murka, through unknown methods of brainwashing. He also speaks no Engrish, but he likes to pretend to because he has a low self-esteem and makes him feel better.

Things Puerto Ricans are famous for:

• Blaming their lack of manners on being black person.
• Disregarding traffic laws
• Drinking Medalla
• Cacos
• Regurgitating that pile of walking asshole hair that is Jennifer Lopez.
• Farting in your mouth when you are sleeping.
• Ripping off the Cuban flag and flip-flopping the colors around like the unimaginative asshats they are.
• Making a protest for every little thing they dislike like whites and Jews.
• Niggers from Spanish Harlem.
• Living off welfare
• Flooding New York and making the place smell more like a wetback's tampon.
• Drugs
• You
• Believing they are actually white
• William Hung
• Black Metal
• Ricky Martin
• Breaking into trucks

Politics

The United States had everything going for it until some people started bitching that it lacked diversity. White Liberals whined it had an unfavorable white person : Jew and black person ratio. So Puerto Rico was brought in as its token "not-white" character. Japan and Africa were visibly upset by the casting.

Other Spanish countries now claim Puerto Rico has sold out and not kept it real. It's normal to hear puertorricans say words in English even if they don't speak English or don't have anyone that speaks English next to them. They usually do this because they think it will make them look more American and therefore, cooler. Puerto Rico shares a star on the U.S. flag with New Jersey.

As of last Thursday, the first Republican governor was elected in Puerto Rico. Also, it is to note that the self-prescribed conservative Republican promotes welfare. SRSLY. His very Republican ideology brought him to dismantle an organization that promoted those living on welfare to get jobs, and promoted a measure that states that people living on welfare can opt for a 30 dollar bill a month on electricity no matter how much they use. One must wonder how U.S. Republicans think of this…

The Political Structure is no more sophisticated than that in the U.S. It consists of two big parties who constantly blame each other, and other parties that get less than 1% of the votes every election. The Constitution of Puerto Rico is a cheap photocopy of the U.S. Constitution, with a few changes scribbled with crayon on it.

Loli? In my Puerto Rico?

It is of note that according to its constitution, the age of consent in Puerto Rico is fourteen. This is topped only by japan with an age of consent being 13.

Puerto Rico and the UK: A comparative essay tl;dr

Being the rape and murder capital of Spicistan, the only dyslexic from Puerto Rico here decided to write a comparative list with England to prove that Puerto Rico is the Mexican equivalent of the UK:

1. Puertorrican/UK children learn how to swear from an early age.
2. Puertorrican/UK people obsess over their sports, using it as a source of drama.
3. Puertorrican/UK people obsess over their faggoty music, claiming their music is teh best.
4. Puertorrican/UK people kill each other for drugs.
5. Puertorrican/UK people kill anyone who says their country sucks.
6. Puertorrican/UK people speak the same language as their neighbors, but have nothing in common except for using rape and mantrains as a national pastime.
7. Puertorrican/UK people think you all suck, and their food is teh shit
8. They share a similar form of human vermin: UK has chavs. Puerto Rico has "cacos". Both share the same characteristics: Drive cheap tiny jalopies with fake modifications, listen to shitty music, females get pregnant when they're at least 10 years old, wear fake "bling" jewelry, hate rock music and their fans for some inconceivable reason, are responsible for more than half (if not all) the petty crimes in the area and think they're hardcore "gangstas".
9. ????
10. PROFIT!

Puerto Ricans

The human cross-pollinated result of Spanish people and former slaves ræping Indians, Puerto Ricans live in two places, Puerto Rico, and the Bronx, which is also known as "other Puerto Rico." Proud of their raep heritage, they are especially fond of sexually molesting tourists at the parade through New York City, which they are allowed to have for some reason (known as politics, actually). As if being the bastard offspring of niggers and six-armed god worshipers was somehow a reason to have a parade, rather than becoming an hero.

Also Puerto Rico is full OF WANNABE RAPERS KNOWN AS CACOS who think they are the shit, these are nutless spics who think that they are original because they use big ass hats,Huge Sunglasses even at night, shirts that are Over 9000 they're size and using converse.

Puerto Ricans, celebrating the ancient spic/nigger/squaw raep that gave them life. After this picture was taken, all of these people were deported . . . I wish

Due to an unfortunate typographical error in a U.S. Supreme Court decision, Puerto Ricans are considered Americans. Efforts to correct this woeful situation through legislation or constitutional amendment have been consistently blocked by fgts in congress who troll for gay sex in men's rooms and are therefore too occupied getting literal butthurt to focus on important things like keeping human waste out of our country.

The Puerto Rican homeland, K-Mart . . . no seriously, Puerto Rico (direct translation: raped by paco), is pwned by the US government on a daily basis and bombed by the U.S. Navy for fun and lulz on occasion. This causes huge political problems in the Bronx since so many of these halfbreed filth invaded that location, and resulted in Bronx politicians going to Puerto Rico to protest the lulz bombings, itself a massive source of lulz, drama and profit.

Since their heritage is based on raep between worthless races, Puerto Ricans think nothing of invading America with their filthy presence instead of staying where they belong in raped by Pacolandia. This is why their skanky, trashy women marry illegal immigrants for pesos to assist their invasion of Murka with their worthless mongrel genome. Not content to bring their own kind into our midst, they also smuggle illegal immigrants from the Dominican Republic, Haiti & other worthless countries into the USA. Puerto Rico is just another open door to the USA in the Caribbean.

Puerto Ricans also provide illegal immigrants with FAKE Puerto Rican birth certificates, driver’s licenses, & other forms of fake identification.

The popular musical "West Side Story" dealt with the Puerto Rican problem. It involved a guy named Tony who fell in love with one of these children of ancient nigger/squaw/Spaniard raep, and got killed because he was stupid enough to kill her brother for no apparent reason. The moral of this play, a comedy, is that if you're a worthless piece of ethnic filth, don't form a street gang or you will die at the hands of similarly worthless human genetic waste.

Sadly, thanks to Mexico (biggest producer of spics, beaners, wetbacks, drugs, and tacos) and general spic invasion, the USA will be majority spic by 2050. You may want to reserve a ticket to Canada (best alternative), England (NOT), Australia or some other still acceptable whitey country. Not the best alternative, but as bad as things are now, just think of what will happen when these people are the majority . . .

Breaking News!

There are now 35 confirmed cases of Swine Flu on the island and the numbers of suspected cases are even higher. So we can now safely assume the island is fucked, unlike say, Madagascar.

On October 15, 2009 there's going to be a national protest since the Governor decided to fire Over 9000 employees for the lulz. There's an 80% chance that Epic Lulz will ensue and will rip Puerto Rico a new asshole. There's a 20% chance that the protest will be mistaken for a group of typical jobless Cacos and fat girls with belly shirts.

October 22, 2009: an oil refinery in Puerto Rico got bombed, and epic win ensued, over 9000 people evacuated the surrounding areas and epic lulz ensued.

External Links

• [1] Puerto Rico's shitty chan site.

Chilechan won't like this! They PWNd our flag (added blue on top right).

• Someone get AngieChan in here.