Final Fantasy XIII: Difference between revisions

==Main Characters==

[[Image:lolpunch.gif|thumb|left|[[Domestic violence|Lightning keeps her bitches in line.]]]]

The [[technical virgin|technical leader]] and head bitch in charge, an [[Ex-Gay|ex-commando]] who wants revenge because her sister [[Heath Ledger|died]]. She is a strong independent woman who is afraid to show off her [[dat ass|softer side]]. Light is loose cannon who doesn't play by [[rules of the internet|the rules]], she does what she wants, how she wants, and who she wants. She uses the [[anon|alias]] Lightning to sound edgy and mysterious but the bad guys have a secret weapon, [[Powerword]]: Claire (And in japan Eclair... cuz that's a legitimate name) She wields a fancy new weapon that is a [[Final Fantasy VIII|blade that fires bullets]] as well as [[iPad|elite advanced technology]] that allows her to [[divide by zero|defy gravity]]. When Hope tells her he plans to kill Snow she [[do it faggot|gives him a knife]]. Lightning doesn't need any friends cause they will only slow her down.

[[Image:sazh.png|thumb|left|[[X? in my Y?|Chocobo? In my afro?]]]]

The first [[nigra]] to appear in the series (uh Barett) due to [[Obama|affirmative blacktion]]. Seeing as how there are no black people in Japan, he is a compilation of what Azns [[Dave Chapelle|assume black people are like]], the creator admitted to basing him off [[Isaac Hayes|Lionel Ritchie]]. Sazh is the [[Tosh.0|comic relief]] party member as he has a chocobo that lives in his fro and is supa [[kawaii]]. Sazh is the only person to understand that [[BRILLIANT!|guns>swords]]. He goes to an amusement park with Vanille while everyone else is trying to save the world. After leaving the petting zoo, Sazh learns that Vanille is the reason the [[KKK|government]] confiscated and ate his son. He considers shooting her but pussies out saying, "lot of things [[holocaust|can be excused]],  [[VTech|shooting kids]] ain't one." He is also one of the ugliest fuckers to grace your TV screen.

[[Image:snowbrand.png|thumb|left|[[holocaust|l'Cie are branded so they can be easily identified.]]]]

A [[fag|Seifer]] wannabe, he started his own militia but that doesn't matter as they aren't seen after the tutorial. He is nicknamed [[cock|Mr. 12cm]] (that's 4in for the [[murka|murkans]]) by the [[script kiddies|crew]]. Snow is engaged to Lightning's [[bioshock|little sister]] and frequently calls Lightening his [[bro|sis]]. Lightning is not amused with Snow's faggotry and proceeds to assault him in the face. Snow frequently [[tool|raises his fist in the air and punches his palm]] which means it's go time. Snow serves no purpose other than to [[fanservice|take off his shirt]].

[[Image:vanille.png|thumb|left|[[Cock goes where?]]]]

The typical anime [[orihime|airhead]] that always [[aspergers|overreacts with weird gestures]], her weapon is a [[lol wut|fishing rod]] and she believes all of life's problems can be solved with friendship and the [[the secret|power of positive thinking]]. She and Fang have spent hundreds of years in [[star wars|frozen carbonite]] after completing their [[scissoring|primary objective]], and they somehow ended up on Cocoon for no apparent reason. She is also the narrator which is very unfortunate as you have to [[pain series|hear her speak lots and lots]], she has a very hard time maintaining an Australian accent and somehow mixes it up with a touch of southern gentlemen. Vanille decides it would be a good idea to [[asking for it|follow a black man alone into the woods]]. Somehow she ends up not getting raped and goes to an amusement park with her new black friend while everyone else is off trying to [[fundies|save the world]].

[[Image:Ffxiiiles.png|thumb|left|Fang protecting her bitch.]]

Fang is one hardcore lesbian and will fuck your shit up. She apologizes to Lightning for ruining her sister, then says that she doesn't feel any better. Lightning raeges that Fang only apologized to relieve guilt and doesn't actually care, [[psychology|which is the only reason anyone apologizes ever]], so she punches Fang and says that didn't make her feel any better, for the lulz. Fang was originally [[Kim Petras|developed to be a man]] but the developers decided that [[The OC|hot lesbians would sell better]]. She works with the military because Cid Raines is a [[White guilt|l'Cie sympathizer]]. She doesn't really care about anyone except, she'd "[[faggotry|tear down the sky to save Vanille]]". The final boss repeatedly kills fang and revives her to [[IDIFTL|piss off Vanille]]

[[File:Hope-and-crystal.jpg|thumb|left|Hope with a glowing lotus flower, because he wasn't [[gay]] enough already.]]

A [[shota|13-15 year old boy]] whose clothes and personality suggest he is an avid [[crunkcore]] fan. His mom volunteers to be in [[nazi|Snow's militia]] but Snow tells her to gb2 [[kitchen]]. She saves his ass with a rocket launcher only to die seconds later ([[Bitches don't know|Bitches don't know bout phoenix down]]). Since Hope's mom volunteered and since Snow is the leader of Team NORA (a japanizu reference to a [[cat|stray]]: the English version just gets the acronym No Obligations, Rules, or Authority), it's his fault the bitch didn't duck and cover. Also Hope's mom is named Nora (OMG Irony). Hope descends into the darkness that is [[emo|Cloudsyndrome]] and decides to murder Snow [[for great justice]]. He of course fails and decides that Snow is an [[pretty cool guy]].

[[Image:Barthandelus.jpg|thumb|left|Of course he's the [[pedophile|Pope]]! He's got the funny hat and magic [[penis|staff]]!]]

[[Image:Orphan.png|thumb|right|He transforms into [[original character|Orphan]] some fused composite enemy, that's refreshing]]

Barthandelus has also been known to declare [[No Niggers|code white]].

==Game Mechanics==